Tarot books you'll never see on the shelves

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 05 Mar 2005, and now archived in the Forum Library.

ncefafn	05 Mar 2005
There are a plethora of Tarot books, covering all kinds of situations -- Taking the Tarot to Work, Taking the Tarot to Heart, Tarot Magic, Tarot Dreamwork, Tarot Mirrors. I was wondering what fields haven't been explored yet. My first suggestions: Tarot Readers, and the Psychic Vampires Who Love Them Tarot in the City How Miss Cleo Got Her Groove Back The Seven Habits of Highly Successful Tarot Readers Tarot Club (First rule of Tarot Club: Don't talk about Tarot Club!) Kim

Simone	05 Mar 2005
:laugh: Tarot for your potted plants parasites :laugh:

Jeannette	05 Mar 2005
ROFL! Those are all great titles, ncefafn! Checking to see what's on the lighter side of my tarot bookshelf... Rachel Pollack's Muscial Guide to the Hello, Dali! Tarot Omigawd, We're All Doomed: A Tarot Primer by Prof. Sybill Trelawny What They've Really Got Under Their Kilts: A Treatise on the Scottish Origin Theory of Tarot by McDummett, O'Decker, and McDupre -- Jeannette The Tarot Garden

Rosanne	05 Mar 2005
Supertarot, Atom Ant and Spiderman Unveiled -Sasha Fenton Common Sense Tarot for The British Royal Family- Camden Benares Tarot Constellations for Glaucoma- Mary Greer

ncefafn	05 Mar 2005
Jeannette wrote: Rachel Pollack's [i] Muscial Guide to the Hello, Dali! Tarot :joke: They were all great, but that one was absolutely fabulous, sweetie-darling! Kim

Jeannette	06 Mar 2005
Actually, I figured there'd be enough HP fans on the boards to really appreciate the Trelawny one. But of course, who can resist a really gratuitous pun? :joke: Do I dare throw out a couple more with an (outdated) political bent? Tarot for Commies Flip-Flop: John Kerry's Big Book of Reversals (Hey... don't throw those vegetables... I voted for the guy...!) -- Jeannette The Tarot Garden P.S. -- Rosanne: I never would have guessed that y'all would know Atom Ant down there in N.Z. My kids don't even know who that is. Guess we're dating ourselves, eh? :D

Tsuzuki	06 Mar 2005
The Threat of Global Tarotism.

Jeannette	06 Mar 2005
LOL, Tsuzuki! Y'know... I've actually had to bite my tongue a couple o' times, because I have a tendency on occasion to refer to our little community as "tarotists." But if you say that to someone who isn't listening all that carefully, you could find that your friends have been reported to the Department of Homeland Security! :joke: -- Jeannette The Tarot Garden

Simone	06 Mar 2005
Give us our daily card - A Worshipping Guide by Hy Prest-Estes

bassetized	08 Mar 2005
How about Tarot for Ex-Lovers, part of the Advanced Topics in Dysfunctional Tarot series? BTW, I loved the Sybill Trelawney volume, Jeannette, and am trying to imagine what sort of Tarot books the rest of the Hogwarts faculty might pen.

Jeannette	08 Mar 2005
bassetized wrote: ...am trying to imagine what sort of Tarot books the rest of the Hogwarts faculty might pen. Actually, I figure that tarot is probably strictly the baliwick of Trelawny. I'm only 100 pages into the 5th book (and trying to read them in Spanish, at that), but it seems to me that even the other Hogwarts professors don't seem to have a lot of respect for the divinatory arts. However, your "Advanced Topics in Dysfunctional Tarot" idea intrigues me. The possibilities are probably endless, e.g... Joan Bunning's Burning the Tarot: A Divinatory Guide for Pyromaniacs For kleptomaniacs, a new guide by Mark McElroy simply titled Taking the Tarot For hypochondriacs, there's Rachel Pollack's Tarot Fever: 102.5 Degrees of Wisdom And for those with anal personalities, there'd be a 5,000+ page tome entitled The Really Complete Tarot... Almost... -- Jeannette The Tarot Garden P.S. -- I should probably be congratulated for resisting the urge to mention that Teresa Michelsen's Designing Your Own Tarot Spreads could be adapted for Nymphomaniacs without a title change... }) :joke:

rachelcat	08 Mar 2005
These are all absolutely hilarious! I am just not as clever as all of you, obviously. I am going to have to really work hard to think of something up to your level! I'll let you know! (Professor Trelawny is priceless!)

Eco74	08 Mar 2005
Well, here's what I've got.. 'Tarot and How to Fake it - A Complete Guide for the Spiritually Unconnected' 'Tarot Cheat codes I - the answers to the major arcanes' 'Tarot Cheat codes II - the minor arcanes revealed' 'Tarot Illustrated' - a 78 page picturebook with keywords

ncefafn	08 Mar 2005
For the ancient Egyptian who longs to know what the future holds, Tarot for Mummies.

bassetized	08 Mar 2005
I like the idea of expanding the Advanced Topics in Dysfunctional Tarot series for specific diagnoses. How about: Tarot for Yourselves for Multiple Personality Disorder sufferers, and Tarot in Ten Seconds for severe ADHD. Tarot Mirrors can stay as is for marketing to narcissists. ;)

FantasyWorld	08 Mar 2005
Jeannette wrote: Actually, I figure that tarot is probably strictly the baliwick of Trelawny. I'm only 100 pages into the 5th book (and trying to read them in Spanish, at that), but it seems to me that even the other Hogwarts professors don't seem to have a lot of respect for the divinatory arts. However, your "Advanced Topics in Dysfunctional Tarot" idea intrigues me. The possibilities are probably endless, e.g... Joan Bunning's Burning the Tarot: A Divinatory Guide for Pyromaniacs For kleptomaniacs, a new guide by Mark McElroy simply titled Taking the Tarot For hypochondriacs, there's Rachel Pollack's Tarot Fever: 102.5 Degrees of Wisdom And for those with anal personalities, there'd be a 5,000+ page tome entitled The Really Complete Tarot... Almost... -- Jeannette The Tarot Garden P.S. -- I should probably be congratulated for resisting the urge to mention that Teresa Michelsen's Designing Your Own Tarot Spreads could be adapted for Nymphomaniacs without a title change... }) :joke: ROFL:D:D:D

FantasyWorld	08 Mar 2005
Tarot Dumpty-Book and puzzle cards for putting yourself back together again Lego my Tarot-Illustrated guide to using all your body parts Janina Renee's Casts of the Tarot-Directions for applying body casts when the spells backfired

FantasyWorld	08 Mar 2005
Simone wrote: Give us our daily card - A Worshipping Guide by Hy Prest-Estes Very creative})

FantasyWorld	08 Mar 2005
Okay, bare with me;) I'm giddy today and haven't had this many laughs in a long time! Vargo's Gothic Tarot of Umpires Kipling West & Regen Dennis' Tarot for Bats and last but not least... Chris Rock's Tarot for IBS Sufferers-Inspirational Book and illustrated cards to get your bowels back in shape})

mercenary30	08 Mar 2005
Tarotica - A pictures only book featuring the best nude cards. A good book about Tarot of Marseilles written in english.

SexiSadi	08 Mar 2005
[quote=bassetized] Tarot in Ten Seconds for severe ADHD. QUOTE] I'll probably be giggling all day over this... Actually, this made me think of that Movie 'Something About Mary', where Ben Stiller is in the car with the weirdo hitchhiker and he's trying to pitch 6 minute abs... Sorry if I lost some of you, but i'm still giggling about this!

arcanalefait	08 Mar 2005
You guys are hilarious! I wish I could think of some, but I'm nowhere near as funny as you are. But thanks for the thread--this made my day! Arcana

Milamber	08 Mar 2005
Tarot Thyme -- Get a green thumb with the tarot! Intarotgation -- Tarot techniques for military and law enforcement. Cart o' Nancy -- Nancy teaches us techniques to use when shopping for tarot cards!

Dark Inquisitor	08 Mar 2005
*Satanic Tarot (coming soon, no doubt) *Islamic Tarot (due out in 250 years) *Tarot Curses, the Secret Tradition *3rd Party Tarot: Everything You've Always Wanted to Know About Everybody Else and Were Afraid to Admit You Already Asked * Tarot Excuses : 101 Perfectly Good Reasons For Why Your Readings Are Inaccurate *Ultimate Tarot Philosophy: Why Nothing is Wrong, Nothing is Right. Ever. * Tarot for Yesterday , a Nostalgic Guide for Learning from Your Mistakes * Tarot Made Nasty *Astrological Jungian Tarot of the Kabbalistic Christian Gay Ceremonial Magicians , Volumes 0- 22 (Vol. 0 is invisible and costs twice as much, with extra shipping.) *Small Town Tarot : A Depressing Guide to Undercover Living * Tarot Bankruptcy :The Coming Collapse of Your Collection and Purchasing Power * FundieBunny Tarot / FluffyBunny Tarot : Contrasts in Perspective- Can't We All Just Get Along? *Tarot Clues: Your Guide to Leaving Meaningful Messages for Law Enforcement

ros	08 Mar 2005
Why Do Only Swords Show Up In Your Readings? by Higotyou Now

Flavio	08 Mar 2005
"The Secret Code hidden in Tarot by Da Vinci"

ros	08 Mar 2005
Our Life We LIVED When Learning Tarot The same author wrote Devil Spelt Backwords is Lived by~ The Queen of Scorpio ~

ros	08 Mar 2005
RiderSmith Tarot Meanings by Waite Justa Minute

Jeannette	08 Mar 2005
Eco74 wrote: ...'Tarot and How to Fake it - A Complete Guide for the Spiritually Unconnected' 'Tarot Cheat codes I - the answers to the major arcanes' 'Tarot Cheat codes II - the minor arcanes revealed'... Oh, Eco74 -- I need book #1 on your list! Too bad it won't ever see print. And books #2 and #3 should help to make tarot more interesting to my GameBoy-addicted son. :D -- Jeannette The Tarot Garden

bassetized	08 Mar 2005
Tarot for Rummies (comes with Alcohol Tarot deck).

Jeannette	08 Mar 2005
bassetized wrote: I like the idea of expanding the Advanced Topics in Dysfunctional Tarot series for specific diagnoses. How about: Tarot for Yourselves for Multiple Personality Disorder sufferers, and Tarot in Ten Seconds for severe ADHD. Tarot Mirrors can stay as is for marketing to narcissists. ;) Hey, Bassetized! We should definitely start our own book series. Sounds like we'd make a great team! I couldn't stop laughing when I read these. A couple more for the list: For those in the middle of a bitter divorce: Screw the Kids: How to Get Custody of the Decks Eden Gray's Plastering the Tarot: An Alcoholic Reader's Guide to Lowered States of Consciousness Maybe the folks at Quirk Books -- who were astute enough to publish the Housewives Tarot -- would pick it up -- LOL! -- Jeannette The Tarot Garden

Jeannette	08 Mar 2005
mercenary30 wrote: Tarotica - A pictures only book featuring the best nude cards. A good book about Tarot of Marseilles written in english. I agree -- that second title certainly fits the theme of the thread title! :joke:... No, wait... :( Hmmm... Tarotica. Could be part of another series, on sexual tarot themes... Nancy Garen's Tarot Made Sleazy For S&M Fetishists: Anthony Louis' Tarot, Pain and Wimple True fact: According to a conversation Dan and I had with a Llewellyn staffer at the '04 Denver INATS, Mark McElroy had originally titled his Taking the Tarot to Heart book as Putting the Tarot to Bed (I suppose in an effort to stay parallel with his previous Llewellyn outing, Putting the Tarot to Work). But the marketing folks at Llewellyn nixed the idea. -- Jeannette The Tarot Garden

Jeannette	08 Mar 2005
Great list, Dark Inquisitor! My favorites... Dark Inquisitor wrote: * Tarot Excuses : 101 Perfectly Good Reasons For Why Your Readings Are Inaccurate Oh, yeah -- another one right up there on my "really need it list," along with Eco74's Tarot and How to Fake It. Quote: * Tarot Made Nasty Hee hee -- needs no additional comment. }) Quote: *Astrological Jungian Tarot of the Kabbalistic Christian Gay Ceremonial Magicians , Volumes 0- 22 (Vol. 0 is invisible and costs twice as much, with extra shipping.) That pretty much covers all the bases. Quote: * Tarot Bankruptcy: The Coming Collapse of Your Collection and Purchasing Power For some reason, I'm feeling an especial empathy with this title. :D Quote: *Tarot Clues: Your Guide to Leaving Meaningful Messages for Law Enforcement LOL -- yowch! Evil -- but hysterical! Lest we forget, eh? -- Jeannette The Tarot Garden

ncefafn	08 Mar 2005
Tarot for Your Shelf: For When You Just Want to Impress Your Clients Tarot Constipations: For When Enlightenment Won't Come No Matter How Hard You Push Kim

Jeannette	08 Mar 2005
ncefafn: :joke: :joke: :joke: ROFLMAO! :joke: :joke: :joke:

Rusty Neon	08 Mar 2005
By Pixie: "I Did It My Way." By Arthur: "I Did It My Way."

Jeannette	08 Mar 2005
Rusty Neon wrote: By Pixie: "I Did It My Way." By Arthur: "I Did It My Way." LOL! Followed, no doubt, by a collaborative effort of Crowley, Case, van Leeuwens, and others: They Did it the Wrong Way. I think the whole group could use a copy of Dark Inquisitor's ...Contrasts in Perspective... book. -- Jeannette The Tarot Garden

ncefafn	09 Mar 2005
No, You Are Not A Sissy: Tarot Reading for Men, by Robert Bly Have You Had All Your Shots? Reading with the Tarot of the Animal Lords, by Steve Irwin

Umbrae	09 Mar 2005
How to read the Phlegm Oracle.

Chronata	09 Mar 2005
This thread is absolutely hilarious! :D On my imaginary shelf are: The Pictoral Key To The Pictoral Key To The Tarot Back Where You Started-360 Degrees of Wisdom Your Sisters Tarot Secrets-What You Are Not Cool Enough To Know Hitting the Fool'sEye-Tarot For SharpShooters and of course... Burning In Hell-The Fundamentalist's Guide To The Devil's Picture Book

psychic sue	09 Mar 2005
Tarot for the Illiterate.

WalesWoman	09 Mar 2005
The Companion book to go with Tarot for the Illiterate Tarrow Mayd EZ by Fonix Wurkzfoormee

baba-prague	09 Mar 2005
"How to make predictions with the Tarot. 100% guaranteed or your money back"

ncefafn	09 Mar 2005
Chronata wrote: and of course... Burning In Hell-The Fundamentalist's Guide To The Devil's Picture Book ROFLOL!!! :joke: Kim

mercenary30	09 Mar 2005
Complete and Accurate Tarot History - Kaplin Complete Guide to Tarot Rituals - Abra K. Dabra Using Tarot to Pass your SATs - Hugh Cheeter

ncefafn	09 Mar 2005
Yes, He Is Cheating on You -- How to Stop Dumb Questions in Their Tracks

Fulgour	09 Mar 2005
Dark Inquisitor wrote: *3rd Party Tarot: Everything You've Always Wanted to Know About Everybody Else and Were Afraid to Admit You Already Asked Is this the one with the chapter titled, "Clarification Cards: Try & Try Again"

Rhiannon	09 Mar 2005
Tarot and Ancient Divination: How to keep the sheep entrails from ruining your cards Tarot Myths De-bunked: Will de-bunk timeless myths such as: *Can I buy my own cards? *Must I wrap my cards in silk? *Must I sleep with my cards under my pillow? *Is it true NO ONE else can ever touch my cards? *Does the Death card REALLY mean Death? *and many, many more!

Eco74	09 Mar 2005
'Manipulative Tarot - Bending the cards your way' A book on how to read your desired message no matter what cards come up in the reading. 'Time and Time again - How to keep your querents coming back for more' 'The Winning Majors' A step by step guide for how to use the Major Arcana to crack the lottery codes and strike it rich.

bassetized	09 Mar 2005
Maybe some books that cash in on the latest fads? Perhaps Tarot Poker: Hanged Man High and Fool's Wild or Tarot for the Teen Witch's Chicken-Soup-Soaked Soul.

SphinYote	09 Mar 2005
Tarot TOWELS for the Teen Witch's Chicken-Soup-Soaked Soul. Couldn't resist altering it slightly... ;) SphinYote

bassetized	09 Mar 2005
SphinYote wrote: Tarot TOWELS for the Teen Witch's Chicken-Soup-Soaked Soul. Couldn't resist altering it slightly... Oh, I like your alteration a lot. I have the visual of sopping up bits of broth and noodles with a giant terry-cloth Queen of Pentacles. Maybe a free towel could come with the book? ;)

SphinYote	09 Mar 2005
Hmm. Towels. Has me thinking of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Tarot (Although I think I MIGHT have seen this on another thread. If I'm stealing someone else's line....I'll deny everything.;))

SphinYote	09 Mar 2005
Also... The Tarot Deck at the End of the Universe The Long Dark Tarot-Reading of the Soul So Long and Thanks for all the Tarot Marvin the Paranoid Android's Suggestions for Morbidly Depressing Readings Vogon Tarot Poetry Why Arthur Dent is a Fool Tarot for Total Perspective Infinitely Improbable Readings And of course.... Arcanum 42: The Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything (Do I need to put a disclaimer on this with regards to titles and ideas belonging to Douglas Adams?)

Jeannette	09 Mar 2005
SphinYote wrote: (Do I need to put a disclaimer on this with regards to titles and ideas belonging to Douglas Adams?) Trust us, SphinYote -- all the Cool Froods know exactly where you're coming from. But for those who haven't reached a Beeblebroxian level of "hip" -- be our guest. :joke: -- Jeannette The Tarot Garden

Jeannette	09 Mar 2005
SphinYote wrote: Marvin the Paranoid Android's Suggestions for Morbidly Depressing Readings... The first 10,000,000 readings... they were the worst. The second 10,000,000 readings... they were the worst, too. The third 10,000,000 I didn't enjoy at all. After that, I went into a bit of a decline... -- Jeannette The Tarot Garden

blackroseivy	09 Mar 2005
"A Simple Guide to Tarot Facials" "Fricaseed Tarot" "Tarot Junior" "Tarot for Dummies" (oh *wait*, that one IS on the shelves!!! ;) )

rainwolf	09 Mar 2005
"Understanding Tarot: completely paraphrased and pirated from the other 50 books titled this" "Sensible Tarot" "Putting yourself to work for your tarot cards" -soon to come from McElroy

Emeraldgirl	09 Mar 2005
"Tarot for the Teen I'm going through my gothic wiccan pagan phase" - To save closet space book will self destruct in 6 months freeing up more back of the closet space for other fads. "Tarot of the Gangster wars - How to predict if your next" (already sold out in Melbourne)

psychic sue	10 Mar 2005
They are All B*****ds - A Tarot Guide to Love.

Rosanne	10 Mar 2005
' The Crop Circle Tarot and the Quest for Who Made it' by C. Field

ncefafn	10 Mar 2005
psychic sue wrote: They are All B*****ds - A Tarot Guide to Love. My first big laugh of the morning! Thanks, psychic sue! :joke: Kim

psychic sue	12 Mar 2005
"Dont book your holidays" - Tarot and the Future by I. C. Hall. "How Tarot Cards Work" - by A. Scientist!

Jeannette	14 Mar 2005
Not to be one to let this thread die with quiet dignity... Janina Renee's Tarot Smells -- your olfactory guide to enlightenment. Enough is Enough: When to Put a Halt to Your Tarot Collecting, by Jeannette Roth. -- Jeannette The Tarot Garden

similia	14 Mar 2005
Jeanette wrote: Enough is Enough: When to Put a Halt to Your Tarot Collecting , by Jeannette Roth. I've been watching the "name that card" threads. I suspect you are not qualified to write this book Jeanette :D

Jeannette	14 Mar 2005
That's why I listed it on a thread called "Tarot Books You'll Never See on the Shelves." ;) -- Jeannette The Tarot Garden

similia	14 Mar 2005
Jeannette wrote: That's why I listed it on a thread called "Tarot Books You'll Never See on the Shelves." ;) Stay tuned for my new volume: "Redundant Postings, How to waste time and Irritate People" :D LOL I did once hear a story about an alcoholic who gave away his last bottle of vodka. Perhaps you want to give away a few decks... I believe you have my address. After all I'm happy to do what I can to help })

Jeannette	14 Mar 2005
Oh, I don't have a problem. Really. I can quit anytime I want to. (Scractch, scratch...) Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to call up one of my suppliers and order just one more deck... for the road... :joke: -- Jeannette The Tarot Garden

ncefafn	14 Mar 2005
The Story of Jeannette R. - How I Admitted to Myself, God and Another Human Being That I Was Powerless over Tarot Decks Kim

Jeannette	14 Mar 2005
Yup -- I know that unpublished classic well. It's on the virtual shelf, right next to The Story of ncefafn: How I Admitted to Myself, God and Another Human Being That I Was Powerless over Prowling the Aecletic Forums... :* (And thanks for the good, long, out-loud laugh!) -- Jeannette The Tarot Garden

ncefafn	14 Mar 2005
Nice Comeback! - Using Tarot to Fashion Witty Retorts - by Hansel Kim -- Queen of the Obscure Reference

Jeannette	14 Mar 2005
I think I need a copy of that book right now... I'm all out of droll banter for the moment. (As the Aeclectic Forum membership breathes a collective sigh of relief...) Well, back to work for me. A reader may work from sun to sun, but a tarot peddler's job is never done... :cool: -- Jeannette The Tarot Garden

bassetized	15 Mar 2005
ncefafn wrote: The Story of Jeannette R. - How I Admitted to Myself, God and Another Human Being That I Was Powerless over Tarot Decks In a similar vein: Twenty-two Signs of Morbid Tarot Fetishism: A Guide for the Clinical Practitioner by Sigmund C.G. Alfred Arcanum. And my personal contribution: The Tarotholic Who Refused to Admit She Hit Bottom, or, It's My @#$*ing Addiction and I'll Keep It--The bassetized story. Course, that should probably be an afternoon movie on the Lifetime Channel, but that would be another thread. ;) Added at 2am: The bassetized Story, Volume 2: How I Admitted to Myself, God, and Another Human Being That I Was Powerless to Stop Searching Scans for the "Identify This Deck" Game :D

Ulfdis	18 Mar 2005
bassetized wrote: And my personal contribution: The Tarotholic Who Refused to Admit She Hit Bottom, or, It's My @#$*ing Addiction and I'll Keep It--The bassetized story . Course, that should probably be an afternoon movie on the Lifetime Channel, but that would be another thread. ;) :D The Lifetime Channel movie was titled Not Without My Tarot.

psychic sue	18 Mar 2005
Alternatively, on the Hallmark channel:- "Who will look after my Tarot? The moving story of a woman desperate to find a loving home for her Tarot after her untimely death."

The Tarot books you'll never see on the shelves thread was originally posted on 05 Mar 2005 in the Tarot Games & Fun board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Tarot Games & Fun, or read more archived threads.