you mean I can't do relationship readings any more?

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 08 Aug 2003, and now archived in the Forum Library.

all78degrees	08 Aug 2003
Hi all, I've slowly been trying to come up with a personal code of ethics. the one that is giving me most thought at the moment is the question of reading for thirds parties without there knowledge. Does this mean that you can't ask for how the third party feels in a relationhip reading? or that you can't ask why someone is doing something but you can ask what the effect of this is having on the querent. What about that relationship as a whole can you ask the nature of that? But wouldn't that mean that you asking about the third party even indirectly? Can you see my dilema? any thoughts would be great. gav. http://gavinpugh.blogspot.com http://all78degrees.blogspot.com

firemaiden	08 Aug 2003
Hey, gav, interesting question. I don't have the answer though. :D :D Questions of ethics are awfully subjective, aren't they. What do you feel would be the most ethical? Why is it unethical to do third party readings, anyway? (okay, raise your hand, who here doesn't do unconsenting third party readings?)

Elle	08 Aug 2003
I make a silent apology first and then I let 'er rip! (Edited to add: sometimes I really go wild and do fourth and fifth party readings! I am a boundary-crosser, for sure). Warmest, Elle

all78degrees	08 Aug 2003
Yeah, your right it does depend on if you see third party readings as unethical or at which point they cross this imaginary border from being ethical to invading the privacy of the third party. We are all connected but how far does that allow us to explore that connection before we invade another persons privicy? More for me to think about. thanks gav.

Thirteen	08 Aug 2003
Let's imagine you're a priest. A wife comes to you and privately tells you she no longer loves her husband. You feel the husband should know this, but the wife tells you, no, this is secret! A little later, the husband arrives and asks you, the priest, "Do you think my wife still loves me?" As a Priest, you could not say, "Nope; she told me herself, she's out of love with you." No matter how much you feel he ought to know, no matter how much it would benefit the marriage if he knew, it would be unethical for you to reveal the truth. If I understand your question, you believe that in something like a relationship reading the cards are telling you similar, confidential secrets, yes? Intimate information you're not sure you should pass on to the querent. Thing is, though, these are not being whispered in your ear as confidential secrets. Nor are you a priest. You're a tarot reader, and you have to assume that anything you see in the cards is somthing that needs to be told to the querent. Ethically, of course, you must keep all readings confidential. And you can certainly refuse questions that sound deadly or dubious or distasteful (like, if some guy were to ask about a girl's sexual tastes--dubious and distasteful!). But you have to trust that the cards (and/or whatever higher power is behind them) will let you know what should be passed on to the querent--both for their benefit and the benefit of others involved with him/her. That's the biggest difference here. Tarot readers see things in the cards that people don't even know themselves--like why the wife no longer loves her husband--a thing she might not have been able to tell the priest because she, herself, doesn't know. You can tell the husband this and maybe change things. Or maybe just get them both out of a bad marriage. Either way, finding answers is your job. Trust also that if the cards DON'T want the husband to know--they won't say. I've had readings where people want to know about their love life--but the cards talk instead about their job. The cards tell the querent what they need to know, not, necessarily, what they want to know. My humble opinion: A tarot reader is there to offer insights and ephiphanies. Not keep secrets. Base your ethics on that.

all78degrees	08 Aug 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Thirteen My humble opinion: A tarot reader is there to offer insights and ephiphanies. Not keep secrets. Base your ethics on that. Hi, thanks for your post. I'll spend sometime thinking about what you said. The point above made me stop and think. When I asked the question, which wasn't very clear(that'll teach me going typing off the top of my head), one scenario I had in mind was that someone comes to you for a reading and they ask for a general reading on there relationship. Would it be ethical to use a spread that explores his feelings, thoughts and emotions etc when he is not aware that a reading is being done? I've read quite a few code of ethics which say they don't do readings about third parties. I guess I'm trying to define what that means on a practical level. In regards to the point above I whole heartedly 100% agree you should always say what you see, we are not a censers, we are readers and we should do that to the best of our ability. thanks gav.

Maan	08 Aug 2003
I use relationship readings as little as possible. My personal reason is that i know i can't handle certain knowledge.;) But i believe its not bad to read about or for other parties aslong as you know the information will be used in a good way...what i mean to say is that that its not about the information its how you HANDLE the information. Love Maan

bunnyhop	09 Aug 2003
like this thread; it made me look at third party readings in a new light. i previously only read for the querent. if they asked if about someone else i refused to do the reading. i said "well, that person isn't here and isn't shuffling the cards." now i'll do a third party read if the querent is closely related to the third party. i know the cards won't tell anything the querent shouldn't know. what i can't stand is the "does he like me?" questions. they're annoying as f*ck, and i consider that an invasion of privacy (kinda).

all78degrees	09 Aug 2003
Quote: Originally posted by bunnyhop what i can't stand is the "does he like me?" questions. they're annoying as f*ck, and i consider that an invasion of privacy (kinda). I know what you mean, I guess we just have to twist the question into one we can answer and one that actually means something like what can I do to start a relationship with ...... or what do I need to know about my relationship with ...... or anything else you can think of. gav.

Aerin	10 Aug 2003
Quote: Originally posted by all78degrees I know what you mean, I guess we just have to twist the question into one we can answer and one that actually means something like what can I do to start a relationship with ...... or what do I need to know about my relationship with ...... or anything else you can think of. gav. I use the 'what do I need to know about...' tag a lot, and especially when there is an card relating to a third party. Aerin

Silverlotus	10 Aug 2003
I've been thinking about this issue a little lately. When I do a relationship reading, I am (obviously) doing the reading for the person in front of me, and for the person they have a relationship with. The cards are read with respect to their feelings about one another. In that way, I am not prying into the other person's life, I think. If the querent was very tuned into their partner, they should be aware of their feelings. Of course, not all of us are that tuned in, so the reading just feels to fine tune. Now, if the reading were, say, about "What secrets is my partner keeping from me?" then I would have to decline. That is going over the line, in my opinion.

carrielynnsim	10 Aug 2003
I agree that it depends on the situation of the cards... sometimes they will speak about a third, forth, or fifth person... sometimes they don't speak about a person at all. Let the cards guide you & the reading will be great. Carrie

The you mean I can't do relationship readings any more? thread was originally posted on 08 Aug 2003 in the Using Tarot Cards board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Using Tarot Cards, or read more archived threads.