Sugar Coating. Yes/No/Maybe?

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 20 Nov 2003, and now archived in the Forum Library.

gloria	20 Nov 2003
Now what about sugar-coating a reading? If we see anything untoward in a reading should we reveal all, or should we tip-toe around the subject? I know a reader who always gives her clients a ‘happy reading’ ‘hope-on-a-rope’ if you like. She feels if her clients leave with positive and optimistic vibes, they are more than set up to deal with any negative issues that could be coming their way. Sounds okay in theory, surely a happy client is preferable to a miserable client. But…. Does it make it right? What are your views?

CompassRose	20 Nov 2003
"Positive Spin". Instead of just saying "bad stuff a-coming", see if the cards offer any possible solutions or helps, any supplemental information that seems related. These are times when I will very often do a spin-off reading of a few cards, for that very purpose. I don't think it's very useful in either case -- good OR bad -- just to present "what's coming" -- I really prefer to see the cards more as a tool for guidance rather than as a simple storyteller. Then again, I am not a professional card reader.

Star Spirit	20 Nov 2003
Personally I wouldn't want to give a negative reading. If I saw some hopeful things amidst the bad, I would try to emphasize them. But if it was just a downright bad reading, I would try my best to tell them the truth. You don't want to give them false hope if there is none.

firemaiden	20 Nov 2003
Isn't it all about trusting your instincts? If you can trust your instincts to know whether to interpret the cards positively or negatively, then you have to trust your instincts to know whether to reveal or to hold back... sort of like the therapist who must share with his patient only those insights which he knows the patient to be ready for, and no more, otherwise, it will be more harmful than helpful.

Thirteen	20 Nov 2003
A good question--and a sticky one. I don't think a reader should lie. If rough times are on their way, you've got to prepare the person--that, I see, as part of our job as readers. We're being paid (or not) to tell this person what's in their near future and they really need to know. On the other hand, better to assert that the glass is half full rather than half-empty. It seems just as bad to me to be dour and hopeless as it is to put a rose-colored spin on the situation. It's the querent's future, and, ethically, I think it's the right thing to do to be upfront with them. But there's no reason for us not to also offer life-lines. As readers we're also advisors with a good deal of specialized knowledge. So, yes, tell them a storm is on its way--then, with the help of the cards, advise them on how to weather and survive it. Knowing it's coming and how to deal with it does far more good than downplaying or ignoring it.

Dark_angel	20 Nov 2003
I try to say what I see, but then work through to find a solution to the problem. For example, if a reading suggests that a relationship will end or go through a serious crisis, like infidelity, I'd then do another small spread, focusing on that issue "Why is this the current likely outcome?", "What can be done to produce a more favourable outcome?", "What will be learnt from this experience if it is unavoidable?". Questions like that. I feel that a reading about the future shows what is most probable if the current course of action/atmosphere continues, so knowing about this and making changes can change the outcome. Just my opinion.

VGimlet	21 Nov 2003
Normally I don't sugar-coat. I regret the last time I read for my sister, I sugar coated the results a bit. The thing in question (a job she wanted and got) turned out to be a very negative experience for her. I have to admit, it was a good lesson for me why sugar-coating is a bad idea. After the fact, I admitted I'd been a bit more positive than warrented, but she told me she'd known that during my reading. (She can read ME like a book, LOL). But I won't do it again.

lunalafey	21 Nov 2003
no surgar coating here- It does no good. It actually will damage your credibility as a reader. People don't like bad news, people especially don't like delivering it. But if someone requests a reading then they know that not all news is good news. Read what the cards say, use kind words and expressions to ease the blow, but no sugar coat. A "how to fix it' spread after a 'bad' reading usually evens things out.

gloria	21 Nov 2003
Lots of wise words here. I agree Lunalafey ‘sugar coating’ as the ‘norm’ will ultimately undermine the credibility of the reader. I feel it’s irresponsible too. Surely if we read from the heart, it shouldn’t have to be a problem for us. Many thanks, Gloria.

ros	21 Nov 2003
I try to say the best of the worst. lol I also try to tell people that there are other people that would love to be walking in your shoes, than their own right now, & misfortunes are blessings in disguise, no matter how bad the reading is.

meydi	21 Nov 2003
Gloria, I tell the querent, "If they don't like the outcome of their reading they always have the power to change it." I generally use a Celtic cross as my speared. The card in the top most position, I believe is the card the crowns you. Usually turns out to be the advice cards because it is in the potions of the present. There for if querent continue on his present path the card in the 10th position will be the out come. Put the ball in querent's court. Let him decide if his reading is good bad or indifferent.

Majecot	21 Nov 2003
I would never sugar coat a reading. I don't think anything is learned by that. I always tell people " if you continue in this path (behavior) this will be the outcome". What would be the point of doing a reading if it is going to be glossed over in the end.

Inana	22 Nov 2003
I vote NO. I did it in a reading over the net, and because of that it become a disaster. The querent only focused in the good points when the outcome wasnt good, but she obvied that. Ok, maybe was my fault sweetening it too much. I've decided im not "sugar-coating" anymore. But is not easy to find the way to say things without hurting feelings... Guess i need more training on this.

gloria	23 Nov 2003
Thanks to you all for your replies. You have shown that there are a number of ways of getting round this 'problem', and therefore to resort to 'sugar-coating' a reading just isn't necessary. Thanks, Gloria.

lunalafey	23 Nov 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Inana ......But is not easy to find the way to say things without hurting feelings... Guess i need more training on this. Inana- You should start a thread, that is a REALLY good topic!!

tgzzzz	23 Nov 2003
Years ago a reader told me there was big trouble ahead if I continued on my present course. I wish I had taken it more seriously. However, I made the choice.

catti	25 Nov 2003
I mostly agree about the sugar coating. What is the point of a reading if you are going to avoid any nasties? Might as well go out for drinks and avoid the subject all together... however i ran into a problem doing readings for groups of people who knew each other. More specifically i was reading in a couple of offices where i had worked and because of space and time i had to read where the reading could be overheard by coworkers. I was doing simple 3 -5 card readings for 1$ a card ( professional readers forgive me , but i needed the $ :eek: ) Every time i did it someone would have a reading that touched on very personal events. Infidelity , divorce, bad job relations etc.... i felt obligated to tip toe around the reading because i knew i would be overheard..lots of eye contact and i offered to provide a written reading if the querent wanted was my solution to not giving the "full" interpretation. I do think that the message was conveyed just not to the degree it would have been if we were in a private setting, but what can i say, sometimes you get what you pay for , sometimes you get more? Two of the querents were passive skeptics that were ( i think ) kind of freaked out that i told them about there personal problems only with the help of some pretty pictures ;)

Lady Mary	25 Nov 2003
That leads to the philosophical question: What's good and what's bad? If the cards indicate that something is about to end or break up or won't be as expected it doesn't necessarily mean that this is bad news. This information can free the querent to do something else, to make a new start, make him see a situation differently and act another way. In the German language we have this saying: "Besser ein Ende mit Schrecken, als ein Schrecken ohne Ende" - means: better a painful end than endless pain. I always tell a client what the cards indicate, never make a reading nicer as it is, but I also try to point out possible positive sides of a "bad" situation and the options. Catti: Terrible situation to have to do a reading where it can be overheard! L.M.

Thirteen	25 Nov 2003
Quote: Originally posted by catti i felt obligated to tip toe around the reading because i knew i would be overheard Not really sugar-coating. Ethically speaking, I think we'd all agree that a querent's privacy comes first, and if that means you need to whisper rather than shout the truth, then so be it. Doesn't mean you should lie--just means, as you so wisely did, you keep the blunt truths for a more private time, like put in writting that will be read by the querent only.

MsTonic	30 Nov 2003
I don't think you should sugar coat a reading, but i dont believe you should hurtfully give bad news either. If a reading shows something bad ahead I try to warn the person but in a tactful way. This way they can try to be prepared.

firemaiden	30 Nov 2003
Why would we ever say "here is the bad news" as if it is were a definitive truth? Doesn't the unscientific nature of this process behoove us rather to say "these cards suggest..." and leave it at that -- something that the cards have merely suggested? Then it will be up to them to see the concrete links to life if there are any. Perhaps there will be some truth in the reading, which time will tell, and perhaps it will all have been a big metaphor -- Perhaps a statement such as -"your house is on fire" -- will turn out to mean, "the sunset is reflecting all the colours of fire on your windows" ... or your family is positively burning with enthusiasm today...

Umbrae	30 Nov 2003
There is a question that I feel each of us must as ourselves before we can answer this question. Here’s the question… “Why do you read?” If you don’t know…

TemperanceAngel	07 Dec 2003
Quote: Originally posted by Umbrae “Why do you read?” GREAT question, Umbrae, you sound like my husband.... XTAX

yve	07 Dec 2003
If the cards say something negative, or give a not-so-positive outlook, I prefer to tell the person that this may be their opportunity to change this possible outcome by doing something different (it may not necessarily change the outcome, but perhaps prepare them to better able accept that outcome). Perhaps you can elaborate on that reading, or do another reading to better deal with the upcoming situation...problem solve with the cards and the client...the cards are only a glimpse of what might be, so as beings of will and control we can somewhat change our destiny, or at least how we percieve or react to that destiny....and maybe that is all we need to have a less negative impact or outcome...what do you think?

Alex	07 Dec 2003
So spake firemaiden. "-Who cares about you_ Alice had grown to her full size now_ you're just a pack of cards!" Alex. Quote: Originally posted by firemaiden Why would we ever say "here is the bad news" as if it is were a definitive truth? Doesn't the unscientific nature of this process behoove us rather to say "these cards suggest..." and leave it at that -- something that the cards have merely suggested? Then it will be up to them to see the concrete links to life if there are any. Perhaps there will be some truth in the reading, which time will tell, and perhaps it will all have been a big metaphor -- Perhaps a statement such as -"your house is on fire" -- will turn out to mean, "the sunset is reflecting all the colours of fire on your windows" ... or your family is positively burning with enthusiasm today...

rexenne2003	08 Dec 2003
I do readings over the interenet for whomever wants them in one of my favorite online groups. I have had to deal with some good news and bad news when it come through. One person was asking whether they would find a good-paying job within the next six months. I did a yes/no reading three times and came up with probably not. But, when I went in for a one year yes/no, it immediatly(I can spel) came up as Yes. I always tell what layout I have done, and what cards come up, and whether or not they are reversed(I read reversals). I always add a note to the end of the readings stating that the future is never set in stone, and that you(the readee) has the power to change it. So far I have not had anyone come back with a complaint, but many compliments. So yes I would go for sugar-coating, but not a thick coat so as to say you will live happily ever after, just to get the info across, and then to mention the future is not set in stone.

rexenne2003	08 Dec 2003
Quote: Originally posted by firemaiden Why would we ever say "here is the bad news" as if it is were a definitive truth? Doesn't the unscientific nature of this process behoove us rather to say "these cards suggest..." and leave it at that -- something that the cards have merely suggested? Then it will be up to them to see the concrete links to life if there are any. I agree with this approach full heartedly. To start a reading with 'this is what the cards are suggesting to me...' and then explain what they mean, and then explain why this may be or why that particular reason/card came up is like being a good counsler or friend. Of course I like adding to the end that the future is never set in stone and can be changed. Then offer a followup or second reading if they would like.

The Sugar Coating. Yes/No/Maybe? thread was originally posted on 20 Nov 2003 in the Using Tarot Cards board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Using Tarot Cards, or read more archived threads.