Reading for oneself/others

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 26 Jul 2004, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Eco74	26 Jul 2004
I just recently discovered that while I can read perfectly fine for strangers or aquaintances and also for myself without getting "lost in translation" I find it horribly difficult to read for people who are close to me and that I care about. I think this is because they are just too close to heart, and that while I can remain objective even for myself (after having worked through some personal pain and accepted both my ups and downs) I so want to see good things happen to these people who are close to me that I just can't see straight and the cards are really telling me nothing. Or telling me bundles only I choose not to see it... Any tips on what to do in these cases, or is it just a matter of "working through it"? (I have read of the "imagine it is someone else" tip and have not yet have a possibility to try it out, but will to see if it makes any difference.)

Shalott	26 Jul 2004
Howdy, Eco74! Methinks your answer lies somewhere in your signature line! Personally, I find it easier to read for ppl I know, because I know them well enough to be able to see easily and quickly how a certain card applies. Sometimes I do get surprised, tho! Maybe you have to see it as a doctor or therapist: you're doing ppl you care about more good by warning them about upcoming problems, if they believe enough in Tarot to ask for readings, hopefully they'll heed the warnings, I mean, these are probable outcomes, afterall. We can take action to change it for the better. :D

Eco74	26 Jul 2004
Good point Shalott... However, the problem also lies in the signatureline. How hard can it be? Incredibly hard.. Especially when the heart comes into play, and the willingness to make things better overwrites what I know of the cards and clouds my vision. The doctor/therapist-aspect is interesting though.. As a therapist one must be close to the person one helps, knowing so much about what is going on and why, while at the same time being factual and objective. Methinks I'll try that point of view on for size. :o)

Bosorka	26 Jul 2004
When I read for my friends, I tend to ask questions. I describe the main meaning for a card and ask how s/he think it can aply to the reading. Or I tell - do you think you´re on a right path, is this what you really want? Well, I do not force them to answer aloud, and a sometimes we just let reading open. Usually few days after my friends would say - I was thinking about it, and I solved my problem. (Even though they sweared there were no problem when we did reading, just curiosity ;)) And yes, as they are my friends, I have better knowledge about what I can ask them, in case of a concrete card.

ambermoon	26 Jul 2004
This is one of those issues that goes round and round on the carousel, isn't it? Shalott raises an interesting physical world parallel, that of a doctor or therapist. The doctors I know well, the ones in my family, feel that they can not treat people who are close to them, because love and reason are often at irreconcilable odds, and the emotionl strain on them would be too great. But people live and die because of their actions, and also despite them. I suppose it depends how you regard your readings. I couldn't read at all if I believed that you live and die by the turn of the cards. I can only read to find themes and concepts that are relevant, through their presence or absence, and offer gentle food for thought. ambermoon

Ace	30 Jul 2004
It can be tough to read for people close to you. But maybe it can be good training too. You have to back off from what you want to tell them (or tell them your own opinion first) and stick just to what the cards say-even if you disagree with it! Same way, if you are uncomfortable with what the cards are saying you must force yourself to say it anyway. That is what they want: information, NOT your opinion. I like the imagine it is someone else tip. But mostly, try to see if from outside. It isn't YOUR opinion that matters.

kiki	31 Jul 2004
hey don'y feel left out i have the same problem what i do is i have to be a lone in a room and i close my eyes while i shuffle that can help when you are doing a spread on yourself. You have to be comfortable w/ your deck sometimes it helps just to buy a deck and used that one for yourself only ... Using a deck that you used on other people will sometime be a factor. The best way is to have another person do a reading for you. I feel that i get a more detailed reading and it makes sense because the reader has no inhibitions so they will say what they see... instead of assume i will only do my own when i really feel it .. hope to hear fr you soon good luck on that

firemaiden	01 Aug 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Eco74 I just recently discovered that while I can read perfectly fine for strangers or aquaintances and also for myself without getting "lost in translation" I find it horribly difficult to read for people who are close to me and that I care about. I'm with you. When I read for myself, I just see what I want to see, or else... catastrophise. As for reading for people close to me, it can be easier than strangers, if I feel comfortable enough with them to say everything I see, or harder, because I am too close and then it is like reading for myself.

maks	02 Aug 2004
Dear Eco74, I haven't read for others, but I humbly offer this response. In the past three months I have had a reading done by a stranger and one done by a beloved friend. My sceptical nature came out with the stranger's reading. Before long I had so over-analyzed the reading that I dismissed it out of hand. To this day it is labeled "Not Applicable." But my friend's reading? First, there is something about being read by someone who loves and cares about you. For me, there is an immediate trust. She has my best interest in mind. Second, I love and care about her! I'm not about to play my usual, cynical head games with her reading. If something doesn't make sense, I trust that in time it will. I have to say, though, her readings are very gentle. There may be an area I need to look at--a block or a race that needs to be reconsidered. Personally, I don't think of readings as set in stone. Like Ebenezer Scrooge I believe in free will. So if someone is going to hold a mirror up to me, I want it to be by someone who cares about me. I can see that reading for a loved one would take a tremendous amount of energy. It is quite a responsibility. That's the crazy thing about love. You think it would make life easier. Best, Mary

Imagemaker	02 Aug 2004
Quote: That's the crazy thing about love. You think it would make life easier. But to read for someone whose loss or pain would hurt you terribly brings up a lot of fear. Sometimes it's best to just let life unfold as it needs to. Premonitions can be a terrible burden.

Ace	02 Aug 2004
Quote: Originally posted by maks Dear Eco74, I haven't read for others, but I humbly offer this response. In the past three months I have had a reading done by a stranger and one done by a beloved friend. My sceptical nature came out with the stranger's reading. Before long I had so over-analyzed the reading that I dismissed it out of hand. To this day it is labeled "Not Applicable." But my friend's reading? First, there is something about being read by someone who loves and cares about you. For me, there is an immediate trust. She has my best interest in mind. Second, I love and care about her! I'm not about to play my usual, cynical head games with her reading. If something doesn't make sense, I trust that in time it will. With all due respect, Mary, this says as much about how you listen to other people's readings as it does about the reading. The stranger's reading may indeed have been 'Not appliciable' but you are rejecting it because you don't trust that person. If you only listen to the advice of those you trust, I would say that is reasonable. (You won't follow a doctors advice if you didn't trust that doctor!) But double check that there wasn't something in that stranger's reading that you just don't want to face. On a different note: I have trouble reading for readers (with some exceptions) I finally have gotten to the point that if I am reading a reader, I do a bit of "schik": I slam my hands and arms down on the layout, glare at them and say, "DON'T read my cards!" Otherwise some readers will sit there and think, Well, I wouldn't interpret that card that way...." and not listen to what I have to say.

tmgrl2	02 Aug 2004
Ace...I'm laughing about your "Don't read my cards!" statement. The last two readings done for me by someone totally new to me, were somewhat weird. I didn't hide the fact that I read. I don't want to be there to "test" the reader. I try to remain open and take at least one thing away that will help me grow, something I can carry out. I also tell them I am new to reading Tarot. However, that being said, I find it almost impossible to be quiet and both of these readers told me to NOT read the cards please. The second one, however, did interact as we went along. I liked that. That's my reading style as well. With the second reader (I think he is more a medium than a Tarot reader. He said at the outset that he never learned traditional meanings for the cards. Yet, later, he gave me VERY traditional meanings for some that came up)...anyhow, with him, of the first five cards he pulled, three of them were significant to me. Death is my Zodiac card, the Page of Swords is me, and the Hanged Man is my Hidden Teacher/Shadow card. I covered my mouth and said "OH dear" three times...So he said, "All right, What?" So I told him and from there on things went well. We both thought it was no accident that those three cards came up immediately. I try to read with love no matter who the sitter is. When I read for friends, family and loved ones, I read with the same love I would put forth with someone I just met. Truth must be said, but it can be said in so many ways. I like to use little stories and examples. So I don'd find it hard to read for people I know or people that are unfamiliar. I agree with firemaiden. When I read for myself, I think I read what I want to see. Recently, though, I did my infamous middle-of-the-night poor me reading. But the reading held true. I posted it, I discussed it. I got excellent feedback here. Most of all, I learned a great deal about what I needed to see and do. The reading still holds true for me. I'm not too happy with what I said in the middle of the night. However, I said what came to me and my lessons were there. I was in a bit of a victim-mode, some poor me, a lot of tired and weary, a real physical illness resolving itself....so I'm not unhappy. Again, I feel if that if one little ripple is made by a reading I give or one I receive, then it's a WOW! for me. Claudia/elf did a great reading for me and she drew the Seven of Swords (re my thyroid problem) and she said the card screams "Thief!" That stuck with me. I was angry and needed a culprit and, as she said, there was no culprit. Recently, firemaiden did a reading with the Breugel. The story she told and the pictures she described hit me right in my solar plexus when she said that in one there was a paintbrush dropped and I may trip over it. What is that paintbrush? I knew immediately what the dropped paintbrush was and what questions and fears it triggered. That's the magic in a reading. The reader speaks from deep within in a flow ....and Wham! truth comes forth. It isn't always pretty, but the reading can include loving guidance as well. Both of these readings (and others I have had here) did that for me. That is what matters. Thanks, Mary. I didn't tell you then, but you floored me with your question....so I let the cards talk and, as always, was honest and loving. I'm glad you took that away from the reading. You haven't done one for me yet. Soon? I am so glad you are here at AT with us. terri

Eco74	03 Aug 2004
Just wanted to thank you all for your input. I've been giving it some though and discovered that it is very much emotion getting in the way. When I do a reading in a curious state of mind and an openness to what the cards will have to say, I see things quite clearly. But if it is a matter close to my own heart and I have a strong desire to make things better for this person (out of love, pity or any other reason) my vision is very much clouded. I imagine it would be much the same with a reading from someone I could not trust enough to stay open to what I am told.. That would jinx me into reinterpreting everything, along with trying to analyze why this person was telling me what s/he did and what the hinge could possibly be. I would wreak havoc with my mind trying to wrap myself around the reading, the meaning of it all, the reason I felt so little comfort with the person, wether this had a deeper meaning and played a part in the interpretation on either my or their behalf... And there would only be more and more confusion. When what I SHOULD be doing is just relax and feel at ease so I can listen to what the cards and the reader are telling me. Objectivity, clearing the mind and openness seem to be the biggest challanges here and knowing that I feel gives me a chance to work through it, or atleast work with awareness of my limitations.

Bosorka	03 Aug 2004
I just remembered one thing that happend when I read for my friend recently. She´s got 5 of wands in near future and we decided that it could kind of "seeking right place" in her work, as she and few coleagues were moved in different posts. I knew about it, so I associated with this - it was pretty much probable. Turned to predict a lawsuit which was hanging for ever and finally finished. I want to tell - sometimes when I know problems of my friends, I tend to stick to them and don´t pay so much attention as I would for a stranger. Especially when I know the answer they wants to hear. (Though I´m saying always what I see in cards ;))

juju	04 Aug 2004
Readings for friends is definitely hard but it is often those people I read for the most rather than strangers. I try to be as honest as possible, without being harsh or dash their hopes. There are times that I have to refuse to do readings though, because sometimes it just gets to be draining. On the other hand, I find it very hard to read for myself but since I need practice I read as much as possible for me and it's gotten easier over the years.

The Reading for oneself/others thread was originally posted on 26 Jul 2004 in the Using Tarot Cards board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Using Tarot Cards, or read more archived threads.