Bonding with a deck

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 10 Oct 2004, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Darla	10 Oct 2004
There are so many beautiful and interesting decks about to come out! So maybe this thread could be helpful for a lot of people here. My question: What do you do to bond with your decks? What is it that makes you have a special relationship with a deck? What happened before so you can say some of your decks feel like friends?

Emily	10 Oct 2004
I think the initial bond is formed when you see the deck for the first time and you just know that its a deck you could use. If you see it online you get a feeling, I have butterflies in my stomach and I know that the deck is mean't for me. This has never happened in a shop or I would probably be labeled a loony lol - because if it did they would have to pry the deck from my hands for me to pay for it. :D Anyway back to the bonding - You get the deck, I make sure all the cards are there, counting and laying them out in suit order, I have had decks with little flaws, my first Morgan Greer needed 3 cards re-cut, I couldn't bring myself to send it back so I did it my self - Then comes the shuffling and just getting to know the deck. I try to wait a couple of days before doing the first reading but if its a deck that I really have to start using I do. Sometimes I do the new deck spread but not always, I seem to get bad readings when I try to use the new deck spread that doesn't reflect my long-term relationship with the deck so I might do just daily readings with it for a few days instead. Really that is all I do to bond with new decks, I know from the start if its a deck that is going to be really special for me or one of the decks that adds to the adventure called Tarot. lol :) Edited to add:- Lots and lots of shuffling :D

Pook	10 Oct 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Emily Sometimes I do the new deck spread but not always, I seem to get bad readings when I try to use the new deck spread that doesn't reflect my long-term relationship with the deck so I might do just daily readings with it for a few days instead. Whats a new deck spread? I've never heard of it before......

Sulis	10 Oct 2004
New deck spread Love Sulis xx

Catpaw	10 Oct 2004
Darla, I found that the decks that mean the most to me and to which I can relate so affectionately and closely are those that I have seen and tried out at a Tarot forum or with a friend. I do have some that I have seen used at this forum and others and have gotten to appreciate their feel and attraction to me. So I usually pruchase these decks and try them for several months and see how it goes. Over time, I have found that about 3 decks are the ones I continually use and of these, I still have my absolute favorite that seems to be in tune with my spiritual tarot self. I hope this helps and I wish you much enjoyment during the exploration of the various decks that seem to call to you.

Umbrae	10 Oct 2004
Shuffle. For hours...

SFGMaster	10 Oct 2004
I'll generally spend some time studying the deck for a while before I even shuffle it for the first time. I go through each card and try to absorb the essence of the imagery; often I'll compare my feelings of the card with the LWB to see what the differences are (and I've been known to "make corrections" to the LWB when I think the card isn't in agreement with it). Once I'm done with that, I'll try a couple of meditative readings, usually first with a query about the deck itself similar to the "New Deck Spread" above. I find that most of my decks tend to like to be used for specific purposes... The Aquarian is the most "General Purpose", but it doesn't seem to like to be disturbed for frivolous or whimsical readings.. I tend to get a message along the lines of "knock it off and ask me something important next time." (For instance, 'self' or 'my attitude' = The Fool or a Page, 'advice' = 8:CS or 6:SS: "go away.") The Fey is the direct opposite of the Aquarian, as the Fey don't like to focus on darker concerns and will often remind me to "lighten up" if I get too weighty with them. (Which in itself can be a good advice at times.) They also hate answering "how long until..." type questions. The Art Nouveau likes to answer questions about love and relationships. It seems to tend to provide answers to *any* question in terms of how it relates to relationships with others. The Halloween Tarot? Well, it's just a bit ornery. It's almost as if every card has a bit of The Devil's influence in it. ;) I like to do meditative readings with it on special dates like Friday 13ths and Halloween day.

Mesara	10 Oct 2004
Although everyone here has laid out the many different ways to bond with a deck, I think one of the most important things to remember is that sometimes it just isn't meant to be. I have bought decks that I loved at first sight; studied them, handled them, read with them, but, alas, the connection I so longed for simply was not there and I had to let it go. And, sometimes, a deck that you thought you didn't like will suddenly start creeping into your thoughts, picking your curiosity and interest, until finally you pick it up and give it a second chance. Suddenly you see in this deck a precious jewel shining through all the dust it's collected over the years sitting neglected on the shelf, and you wonder how you could have missed it before.

Nevada	10 Oct 2004
I just spend time familiarizing myself with the look and feel of it. Some study of images, in the order they come from the box, and again in the order I prefer. I shuffle and draw cards. I notice how the images relate to each other. I have some non-traditional decks, and they can take some time to get to know, whereas the more traditional ones are great to just start reading with. I don't have any special ceremony or ritual. I think of them as cards. The bonding is with the artwork and the ideals behind it, not with the cards as physical objects. Nevada

lunar_rabbit	10 Oct 2004
Thanks for this thread... off to shuffle my new deck! :D

Ace	10 Oct 2004
I don't buy a deck that doesn't talk to me: I can figure out at least one interp for at least a couple of cards mean just by looking at them. Then I pull a card every day. It gets easier as you use it. Or you decide it isn't for you.

dawns_eve	11 Oct 2004
My bonding comes with usage. While my inital contact with the deck is important, the bond really begins to develop after I begin readings. It's almost as though the cards are a trusted friend who tells you the truth whether you like it or not. One whom you can turn to when you need support. I begin to build the bond from there.

mikeyofthesea	13 Oct 2004
well i just got my first deck. and i have been reading that you should sleep with them under a pillow. last night i did that, but befor i went to bed i put some relaxing oils onto my fingers and meditated and then looked at each card with the oils on my fingers and siad "all the negative energys are released and are to work to the best that is possible and that the cards are to reveal only truth and never false truths." then i put some oil into the bag.i did this so that the bag will not absorb any negative energy because it is a black bag and i was told that black bags gather negative energy. this morn i picked up a card and looked it up online to study the card a little more and the decription seemed to be telling me all about my personality i thought it was really interesting.

Ace	13 Oct 2004
Welcome to the Forum, Mikeyofthesea! You have started quite well. You might post a thread in the Newby section to introduce yourself, but I am impressed by your start. Don't worry too much about what is the "right" way to do things or store your cards. Just play with them and ask us LOTS of questions. I used to sleep with a deck under my pillow but it gave me a stiff neck! your ritual sounds like a very good initiation for the cards. Do a newby thread and tell us how you got into cards and what deck you use!

lunar_rabbit	13 Oct 2004
mikeyofthe sea - Congrats on buying your first deck! Which one did you end up with? Sounds like you did what you felt was right to bond with your new deck. That is probably the most important step in familiarizing yourself with a deck AND learning to trust your own instincts. After all, reading tarot is all about getting in touch with messages from your own subconscious (or God, the Universe, etc... ). I've never heard of the oil consecration or cleansing part (not that I'm an expert or anything). I just hope you didn't get your new cards all oily! ;-)

firemaiden	13 Oct 2004
Bonding, eh? you could get naked and superglue all 78 cards to your body. No seriously, -- I agree with dawns eve, that bonding comes with usage, and history, kind of like in a couple, okay there is the initial attraction, but real bonding comes through going through lots of stuff together.

DuskHawk	13 Oct 2004
I sleep with the cards under my pillow for 7 days, then I usually do simple readings from there

ferrous	13 Oct 2004
Quote: Originally posted by Mesara And, sometimes, a deck that you thought you didn't like will suddenly start creeping into your thoughts, picking your curiosity and interest, until finally you pick it up and give it a second chance. I've had this happen to me. I bought Thea's Tarot because it looked interesting but with the thought that if I didn't like it I could resell it. When I first looked at it, I almost decided straight away that it wasn't for me, but then, unexpectedly, I began to really like it. As for how I bond with a new deck, my method (although I don't do it religiously or as a strict method, I just do what I enjoy at the time or what reflects my personality) is to look through each card in the order it comes out of the box. I might do this a few times. The last time I'll do this before shuffling the cards I'll read through the LWB & read the meaning for each card as given by the publisher or artist. After I've done that I'll shuffle the cards well look at them a few more times, card by card, as time permits. If I feel as though I really do like the cards, then I'll do a new deck spread with them. I've never done a new deck spread on a deck which I don't feel that I like. If I did that, to me, it feels almost like exchanging contact details with someone you've just met (& 'clicked' with momentarily) when you know full well that you will never contact each other again.

WhiteRaven	13 Oct 2004
I usually go through the deck first...shuffle quite a bit and then I take the deck and hold it over my heart chakra and meditate for a while...that's my type of bonding.

SunChariot	07 Nov 2004
For me, I can usually tell when I will learn a lot from a deck when I find the artwork stunningly beautiful, and I know I have to have a copy of it. I like lots of intricate artwork and symbolism on all the cards.:-)-You get a sense of which decks you could bond with. But the actual bonding usually takes place after I do a reading with some profound answers, one of those that makes everything fall into place and makes you glad to be alive. :-) Then I know I have found a true friend, Bar.

Little Baron	07 Nov 2004
I agree with Firemaiden that bonding comes with usage and going through the good and bad times with a deck; realising that it is there when you need it for important questions and for helping other people. The more it helps, the more layers that place themselves on top of each other. The only thing I do for a deck that is going to be used a lot is buy it a nice small cloth that I think is complimentary and suiting to the deck and a nice box if I think it requires one. Most of my decks are stored in a big cupboard in the shape of a house, but my most used - Soprafino, Grimaud and Ancient Italian are stored by the bed. The AI has a hand engraved box with a secret lock, the Marseilles sits within it's own bag and hangs from the bed post (hehe) and the Soprafino has a rich coloured cloth but no box as yet. Will have to find one soon as I have already lost (and found) one card and want to try and prevent them for wandering off and exploring by themselves again. Yabs

rosyelf	07 Nov 2004
I find it's like bonding with a person. I like spending a lot of time with the deck-going through it systematically, starting with the Major Arcana, then Swords, Wands, Cups and Pentacles. Just handling the cards, basically. Looking something up in the booklet or book if one card strikes me in particular. Sooner or later-usually sooner !-I get to wanting to do a reading with the deck. It might be a card-for-the-day or 2 or 3 cards on a specific issue. It's never a big spread and that doesn't matter, but when I've done the reading, I feel I've kind of consecrated the deck. (The equivalent of doing this with a new person would be having a coffee with them or going down the pub for a drink.) Something else that bonds me with a deck is if I acquire it in special circumstances. For instance, I got the Nefertari recently, just before meeting up with someone I hadn't seen for 23 years (and hadn't expected to see again.) Meeting up with them has been very emotional, and so lots of the "vibe" around this experience has attached itself to the Nefertari. It's a bit like hearing songs that were chart hits at a particularly potent time of your life. Something that bonds me to a deck that I have no control over is if I find myself dreaming of its images. After such a dream, I'd definitely want to spend more time with that deck. I agree that bonding's a very personal thing. You'll find your own ways. And sometimes you WON'T bond with a deck, however promising it appeared initally. That's perfectly okay, too. love rosyelf

bodhran	07 Nov 2004
"Bonding, eh? you could get naked and superglue all 78 cards to your body." Firemaiden, I think I could get my husband (who is not into tarot) to learn to LOVE tarot if I used this bonding technique -- hee hee! Bodhran

RedMaple	07 Nov 2004
With my first Tarot deck (the Aquarian), I slept with it under my pillow, because I'd heard that was a good idea. I never really bonded with that deck, so with later decks, I didn't bother with that. I do a lot of readings on my bed, though :) I usually start by just looking at each card, sorting them into the four suits, arranging them with their corresponding direction, with the Majors in the Middle. Then I look again at each card, in its order in the Majors and in the suits, just taking them in, getting familiar with the imagery. I know that my knowledge of other decks really affects this now, as all the different meanings of the cards stir in the background, and now this new imagery is added to the brew. When it feels right, I just begin to shuffle, and I shuffle for a long time, or a short time, depending on how it feels. Usually at some point, and this could be the day the cards arrive, or weeks later, I do a first reading, which for me is a Celtic Cross. I just ask, what do you want to tell me? often the tenor of that reading tells me a lot about what my relationship with the cards will be, and what kinds of readings it will be good for. After that, especially if it's a deck with lots of layers or imagery that's subtle or complex, I spend time studying each card, reading the book, if there is one, and journaling. Lately, it is my morning writing exercise - I eat breakfast with the Golden Tarot, drawing a card and writing about it as I have my second cup of tea at the local cafe. It's a great way to wake up, and I've met several people who I would never have known were into tarot (also a few who give me those disapproving looks, one more freak flag to fly....) Decks all have a particular feel to me, and I know it is the interaction of the images with my own psyche, but it is a real emotional energy -- some are warm, some sharp, some humorous, some very wise and grounded, some intellectual, and some are creepy. (Just because they are creepy doesn't mean I won't bond with them, but I mistrust the bond, as I would with a passionate lustfulness for a person I don't like...something a bit pathological about those bonds, methinks. So those decks eventually leave, and I'm happy to say, I have no creepy decks at present. Except for the Bosch which I use only for political readings :) and which I find pretty funny, but not for an everyday deck.) RedMaple

Pebbles	08 Nov 2004
bodhran wrote: "Bonding, eh? you could get naked and superglue all 78 cards to your body." Firemaiden, I think I could get my husband (who is not into tarot) to learn to LOVE tarot if I used this bonding technique -- hee hee! Bodhran LOL :)

ferrous	08 Nov 2004
RedMaple wrote: I usually start by just looking at each card, sorting them into the four suits, arranging them with their corresponding direction, with the Majors in the Middle. Why do you put the Majors in the middle? What do you mean by corresponding direction?

Cerulean	08 Nov 2004
It's like a new palette of colors and shapes and media--especially if it has a new ink smell, although some do not like that--so if I can, I grab an old piece of cotton with a nice background contrast (say dark if the cards have large white backgrounds; light colored or contrasting color cloth if the deck cards are dark. An empty pillowcase would do the trick! I lay the cloth down, preferably on the floor. If I can lay out the trumps first, courts next, minors last, this helps me confirm I have all the cards. Sometimes I like to mix them up and play with layouts--feels as if I were taking different colored paints and pressing the pigment on the paper to see what the smear of color looks like laid down. The color contrasts or similarities to other colors laid down, any image notions and the feel of the cards come out for me during this time. Sometimes an at first subtle or quiet deck will just lie like so many blocks on a carpet--just a pile of stuff. At first glance, bold decks can impress me. But over time, sometimes the quieter ones win out and outlast the bold impression of the more dramatic decks. How a deck responds to layout plays and also reads for me is very important. Regards, Cerulean

RedMaple	08 Nov 2004
ferrous wrote: Why do you put the Majors in the middle? What do you mean by corresponding direction? Each of the suits has an element. Usually these are swords=air, wands=fire, cups=water, and pentacles=earth. Each of these elements and suits correspond to a direction. In the tradition I was taught, Air is East, Wands are South, Cups are West, Pentacles are North. Since I live on the East Coast of America, this makes sense to me (the great Air over the Atlantic, the Sun of the south, the Water brought in clouds from the West, the Mountains to the North.) [ edited to add: you might find the directions to be very different where you are living.] I place each stack of cards in the corresponding direction. Then, in the center, I place the Majors - as the archetypes, the center around which all the everyday actions of our lives take place. It's a very symmetrical arrangement, and helps me to remember the cards and to feel them spatially, as part of a sacred landscape. It's interesting then for me to think about what directions some of the Majors lean toward, the Hermit seems a northern card, the Lady with the Lion has some fire in her, Justice seems to inform the suit of swords, etc. Hope this is helpful. RedMaple

RedMaple	08 Nov 2004
Cerulean wrote: It's like a new palette of colors and shapes and media--.... Sometimes an at first subtle or quiet deck will just lie like so many blocks on a carpet--just a pile of stuff. At first glance, bold decks can impress me. But over time, sometimes the quieter ones win out and outlast the bold impression of the more dramatic decks. How a deck responds to layout plays and also reads for me is very important. Regards, Cerulean I agree. Sometimes a subtle deck just sneaks up on me. I love the way you talk about the colors and trying them out to find the way they feel. For me, it's the landscape -- how do they fit into this sacred landscape? I love seeing the different ways we all make the images of the cards part of our own worlds. I wasn't sure what you meant by "layout plays" -- can you explain that? Thanks. RedMaple

ferrous	09 Nov 2004
RedMaple wrote: Each of the suits has an element. Usually these are swords=air, wands=fire, cups=water, and pentacles=earth. Each of these elements and suits correspond to a direction. [.. snip ..] Hope this is helpful. RedMaple Very helpful .. & interesting! Thanks, RedMaple. :)

Cerulean	09 Nov 2004
I think of layout play as a term to vaguely describe creative play. I usually let my fingers do the walking. I mean I allow the cards fall from my fingers and sometimes my fingers will do a card spread or find a way to do a pretty design on the cloth--let's say a spiral pattern might be a sample layout. Given that I allow this to be a vague and creative act with trust in my fingers, I have no definite term nor more definite description for this. Nor do I judge my first, second or third results when I do this, because these are experiments. Sorry I cannot be exact. Regards Cerulean

seaofclouds	09 Nov 2004
I sleep with a new deck. Yep. I have lots of stuffed animals that sleep with me still (I'm 23, lol), and I will wrap up a deck nice and cozy and set them down with the stuffed animals against the wall-side of my bed when I sleep. I get all excited about waking up in the morning next to a deck of cards! Then I have my morning coffee and look at the cards and we share a chat while the sun comes up before I have to go to work. Of course, it makes the boyfriend a bit jealous. It's like I tell him though, boys come and go :) tarot is for life!

RedMaple	09 Nov 2004
Cerulean wrote: I think of layout play as a term to vaguely describe creative play. I usually let my fingers do the walking. I mean I allow the cards fall from my fingers and sometimes my fingers will do a card spread or find a way to do a pretty design on the cloth--let's say a spiral pattern might be a sample layout. Given that I allow this to be a vague and creative act with trust in my fingers, I have no definite term nor more definite description for this. Nor do I judge my first, second or third results when I do this, because these are experiments. Sorry I cannot be exact. Regards Cerulean Thanks, I will try this. I like the idea of playing with the cards, the colors, making designs...sounds like fun. RedMaple

The Bonding with a deck thread was originally posted on 10 Oct 2004 in the Using Tarot Cards board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Using Tarot Cards, or read more archived threads.