Reading for others, without them there

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 26 Oct 2004, and now archived in the Forum Library.

NewMoon	26 Oct 2004
I am new to Tarot (I posted an intro, but I don't see it yet, so maybe I did something wrong). Anyway, I've been doing readings for myself and I'm always amazed at the results. I consistenly get the same messages. Did a reading for my daughter and completely different things came up. My question is this: Can you do a reading on someone else when they aren't even aware of it? I will be getting a divorce soon and I tried to do a reading to see how my daughter will get through this. Of course, when the time comes, I will actually TALK to her about everything, but I was trying to get an idea of what to expect with her. When I did the reading, it was totally unrelated things. Maybe I interpreted the cards wrong (being new, this could be the case), but they just seemed totally inappropriate and didn't relate to the question I had. While reading the cards, I had the distinct feeling that it just wasn't possible to do a reading like that. I felt as if "garbage" was being tossed out at me to make me see that. Garbage probably isn't the best word... but I can't think of an appropriate word. So, am I right that this isn't possible?

Moonbow*	26 Oct 2004
Hi NewMoon and welcome to Aeclectic, no, I don't see your post in 'New Members' either. Why not try again. Doing a reading about another person without their knowledge doesn't seem appropriate to me. It's kind of like invading their privacy and I'm not sure how accurate the reading would be. The only time I would do this is if I were involved in the question, so maybe you need to re-think the way you ask the question or put the situation to the cards. For example you could ask for insight into how YOU can help your daughter get through the divorce. Sometimes I have done a reading for myself and I get a kind of flash about someone else, but this is usually unintentional and just happens spontaneously.

Pipistrelle	26 Oct 2004
Hi NewMoon - Welcome to AT! I'm pretty new to Tarot myself, and I'm sure you'll get very useful comments from more experienced readers, but I thought I'd jump in to give you a quick reply :) There can be ethical issues related to doing readings for people who don't know you're doing it - a little bit like spying on them. However, in your situation, if you were doing a reading looking for guidance on the best way to address the divorce with your daughter, then you were actually doing a reading for YOU. On the other hand, if you asked how your daughter would react, then I could see that you might get a fuzzy reading, because how your daughter will react depends a lot on how you approach it, how she's feeling on the day etc. etc. I hope I'm making this clear, not sure I am... :( You might want to try another reading specifically asking for guidance on how YOU might best approach this with your daughter and see if you get a clearer reading. It may just be that you weren't clear about what you were asking. Otherwise, you could post your reading in the "Your Readings" section and see if anyone here could help you decipher it. As a newbie myself, I know sometimes I just stare at the cards and go "huh?" I've posted a reading here and got some very good feedback so it is worth it. I hope this helps anyway, but if not, hang on ...someone else will be along in a little while!! Pip

Pipistrelle	26 Oct 2004
Moonbow* beat me to it! (That's how long it took me to craft my reply) - ah well, never mind.

raeanne	26 Oct 2004
Hi Newmoon, The issue of reading for others without them being present is different than reading for others without their knowledge. My adult son leaves me a message every now and then, asking me to do a reading about such and such when I have the time. He isn’t there for the reading and I have never had any problem reading for him with or without him being present. When he was younger I did readings about him without asking his permission and I don’t think there was anything wrong with this. I also looked in on him while he was sleeping to see if he was OK. I looked out the kitchen window and watched him playing with his friends in the backyard or the neighborhood park. As his mother, it was my job to keep an eye on him. When he was a teenager I would check his bookbag and search his room. Again, that’s part of being a parent. Was this “spying” on him? Good grief! I am his mother! Did I respect his privacy? If possible, yes, but if I needed to know something for his own safety, privacy be dam*ed. So, with your own children I think you have a right to do a reading if you want to. Actually, I am one who believes that you can do a reading for anyone you want, anytime you want, with or without their permission. The ethical question for me is; “Why do you need to know this particular information about this particular individual? And, once you have the information, what will you do with it?" If your intent is honorable and you are doing this to help, then I don’t believe there are any ethical problems. If, on the other hand, you are getting the information in order to gain superiority, blackmail, or any other negative reason, then you definitely need to reexamine your motives. From the message you posted I believe your intent is honorable and I don’t see any problems with you doing a reading for your child.

Seed Crystal	26 Oct 2004
Quote: Originally posted by raeanne ...::big snip::... you can do a reading for anyone you want, anytime you want, with or without their permission. The ethical question for me is; “Why do you need to know this particular information about this particular individual? And, once you have the information, what will you do with it?" If your intent is honorable and you are doing this to help, then I don’t believe there are any ethical problems. If, on the other hand, you are getting the information in order to gain superiority, blackmail, or any other negative reason, then you definitely need to reexamine your motives. From the message you posted I believe your intent is honorable and I don’t see any problems with you doing a reading for your child. Well written, and I agree with this perspective, also with the comments Quote: Originally posted by Pipistrelle ...:: You might want to try another reading specifically asking for guidance on how YOU might best approach this with your daughter and see if you get a clearer reading. It may just be that you weren't clear about what you were asking. I would add: every reading you do affects *you*, more or less. One of the ways it can affect you, when the reading so directly touches on you and yours, is in personal responsibility and awareness. And personal responsibility, especially caring for another, isn't done through just readings but in life... So doing the readings cannot replace, and should not distract you from, talking with your daughter and taking care of her... Or from taking care of yourself; for your own fears and ambiliences and feelings could manifest in your readings too. Regarding your divorce, maybe you cannot yet read for anyone but yourself; but that still can help your daughter, cuz you're her mother :) Best wishes for you both.

Ace	26 Oct 2004
Quote: Originally posted by NewMoon My question is this: Can you do a reading on someone else when they aren't even aware of it? I will be getting a divorce soon and I tried to do a reading to see how my daughter will get through this. Of course, when the time comes, I will actually TALK to her about everything, but I was trying to get an idea of what to expect with her. When I did the reading, it was totally unrelated things. Maybe I interpreted the cards wrong (being new, this could be the case), but they just seemed totally inappropriate and didn't relate to the question I had. While reading the cards, I had the distinct feeling that it just wasn't possible to do a reading like that. I felt as if "garbage" was being tossed out at me to make me see that. Garbage probably isn't the best word... but I can't think of an appropriate word. So, am I right that this isn't possible? What you tried to do was PREDICT what will happen when the divorce is final. Am I right? IMHO, that is why you got garbage: it hasn't happened yet, so it can't be read yet. The advice the others gave is valid: ask what you need to do to help your daughter and yourself deal with the future, but what WILL be isn't there yet, so it can't be described with the cards. Good luck with your divorce and welcome to the Forum.

NewMoon	27 Oct 2004
Thanks for all the great replies, suggestions and opinions! I see now why the reading was so confusing. I think too, that when I began the reading I already had doubts about it working, so that probably affected it too. I will do another reading, asking instead how I can help my daughter through this. Thanks again :)

The Reading for others, without them there thread was originally posted on 26 Oct 2004 in the Using Tarot Cards board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Using Tarot Cards, or read more archived threads.