Ethics - How do you handle the bad news

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 27 Nov 2004, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Dstar	27 Nov 2004
Hi all, I'm interested to know how you handle very bad news in a reading (a reading for someone else)? Sometimes it happens, out of the blue a few cards show up and you know it's not good... but if it's that bad...it's hard to tell someone, and hard to have the confidence to be so sure of your self. So waddaya do? I think this is one of the dangers of trying to improve accuracy, and using multiple cards together to get detailed answers, as opposed to using certain set spreads which seperate the cards more - with each being 'one position(meaning)'-'one card(answer)', which I've personaly found rarely gives such detail. Perhaps others read in a different way, and don't ever have a problem with really serious bad news (death, sickness, etc)? But even an answer to a question like "should I take this job?" can have serious consequences. I'm just really interested to know people's opinions on the harsh side of reading? And I'm very interested in promoting good ethics... I wanted to raise the subject here, to get us all talking about it...and therefore remind ourselves what a responsibility reading can be. D.

bigcaat	27 Nov 2004
Hi DS. If I see bad news, I might say something like, "Be very careful driving." I will never say, "You're going to get into a car accident." I believe in free will. I believe that if I tell them that something bad is going to happen to them, then they will put so much energy into it, that it will become a self-fullfilling prophecy. My approach is, look at what the situation is, and guide them towards actions to take which will help them avoid a bad situation. I'm sure other people have different approaches, but that's mine. Good question. Caat

jmd	27 Nov 2004
There is a similarity in the question as to how one handles discussing with a friend - or a friend of a friend - certain information you may have come to know and are now faced with imparting. How does one, indeed, impart the information, or how does one weave the parts into the story or narrative? To answer in a general form is quite difficult, because it really does depend on the situation at hand. Generally, nonetheless, I would not withdraw what the narrative appears to unfold. It may be that I may couch it in words that suggest something of the 'problems' or hurddles ahead given some particular direction liekly taken. Hurddles, however, at simply that. And we each have them coming our way. Even with death, this does depend very much on the cultural norms of the person for whom we are doing a reading. In our global communities in this age, it seems that the predominant view is one of negativity towards this phase. For some individuals who work daily and consciously with spiritual matters, I may indeed mention this were it to arise. For most, I would couch it in words suggesting something quite broader. Honesty, but sensitivity to the readee, is what I generally consider responsibility in readings.

Fulgour	27 Nov 2004
Caat makes a very good point, and it is experience that makes an important difference. Learning about the many possibilities one might face when doing a reading isn't like being there ~ and making the decision. Thank you, Caat. Also, the cards a reader will draw are theirs as the reader, and while they relate to the client's question, they come to the person handling the deck. Tarot works with the reader the same way the shoes you're wearing fit your own feet. What is revealed to the interpreter when they are consulting the Tarot is just as personal to them as their meanings are for the person being read for ~ we're all, divinely, in it together.

littlehermit	27 Nov 2004
I'm pretty sure some readings I did for a couple (separately, and at different times) point to her breaking up with him eventually (it'll probably be spurred on by a cross-country move they're planning together). They're not married, but have been together since junior high - over 10 years. He will not admit to any insecurity about them being together, but the cards screamed it - he practically worships her, but to her he doesn't matter so much. In her case, I didn't go into what changes she might be called on to make in her life to break out of a stagnant situation, but I'm pretty sure from her feedback that she knew and is now just putting off the inevitable. (He hasn't seen her reading - she's not talking about it with him.) In his case I chose to tell him that he was headed for a real change and that it might be very dark and scary, but it was actually for the best. Beyond that, I didn't want to go - especially since they're my friends. I don't think I could - or would want to - change the outcome by warning them. My sense is that nothing is likely to stop it, only delay it. They're meant to move on from each other, and the insular environment in which they've lived has not really permitted it - but I think the move will.

Moongold	27 Nov 2004
I was thinking along similar lines this morning, not so much in delivering bad news but in the general ethics of presenting readings. I think there are also different issues in face-to-face readings and written on-line readings. In the former you have to be quite present and give information spontaneously and directly. In on-line readings you have time to think and phrase things thoughtfully. You can also send the reading to the Querent instead of posting it publicly. I have done that a couple of times The first principle seems to be that readers should do no harm. I am not sure that we have the right to tell complete strangers that they might have death or illness in their lives in the future. There are so many interpretations of the tarot that who could be really sure anyway? It is hard to speculate without seeing an actual situation. I think a lot of power lies in how the questions are phrased. The reader seems to have some control over that. That can prevent difficult issues arising. I think it might also be valuable to make clear to Querents at the beginning the boundaries of the reading - what you can and can't do - and to remind them that they are always in charge of their own lives. Thoughtfulness and care are essential and they are often a matter of style and language. Affirming the positive is also really important. It's a really intersting subject, however and thank you for starting the thread.

Dstar	28 Nov 2004
Thanks for replying, everyone... As much as anything, I just wanted to bring it up as a general subject as a reminder. It's something I think about a lot, and I agree with much of what everyone has said...we shouldn't do harm, or scare, or raise issues that we can't advise on etc. One of the reasons I brought it up, was to highlight the subject to newer readers. It's so exciting when you start out, it's easy to forget how sensitive people can be. I think this is something that's easier to deal with in a real one to one reading. I'm doing email readings now, and I find that I miss that 'to and fro' in a reading. To take Caat's example - if I was reading one to one, and was very worried about some bad news surrounding travel, I might ask the question "are you planning a trip?", and then steer the reading down that road to get to the bottom of it...I never feel bad about asking the Querent questions to help me understand the reading. But with email readings it's tough to do that, and it makes sense to stick to the question asked, but if something does crop up...it's really hard to ignore. I know this is a broad and difficult subject without being specific... but somehow I just couldn't help but bring it up. D.

Kah	05 Dec 2004
I just wanted to throw another idea into the mix, something Jodorowsky mentioned at the seminar.. I will paraphrase as best I can. He told a story of a woman who came to him, having received a reading that fortold someone close to her would die, and that it would cost her a lot of money. His idea was for her fulfill the prophecy herself. He told her that she could kill a fly, wrap it in a small monetary bill, write many 0s after the '1', making the bill symbolically represent a larger sum, and then bury the entire thing. I think this could be a useful idea in dealing with readings that appear negative, but serve no further purpose than worrying the person who receives the reading. It may not be appropriate for all cases, but I found it an interesting idea.

contradiction	05 Dec 2004
i agree with all responses, and generally follow the suggestions listed, but by far my favorite (if i know enough info), is to say something along the lines of "i see something here, that i don't like you might want to pay attention to this (thing, or person, or whatever). contradiction

Ace	05 Dec 2004
Since I believe the cards can only tell what is here, not what WILL come, I see something bad IN THE FUTURE as only one possibility. If I see something bad I bring it up, usually they already know what is going on. Then I try to show them how to get out of it. Throwing out more cards to ask what might change this possibility to a better one.

The Ethics - How do you handle the bad news thread was originally posted on 27 Nov 2004 in the Using Tarot Cards board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Using Tarot Cards, or read more archived threads.