Getting to the Heart of the Matter--reading for the Ex.

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 26 Apr 2005, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Khatruman	26 Apr 2005
This post involves the use of tarot, but deals with two separate issues. The first issue is the weirdness of doing a reading for my ex-wife. She called me last week and asked me to come over with my tarot cards and do a reading for her. It really made it awkward thinking of doing it. It isn't that my ex and I are acrimonious towards each other: we have a good relationship in that we are there and in agreement on the raising of our 7 year old son. I have him on weekends and afternoons after school, and we make decisions together. In fact, we have a good friendship. We divorced because we realized that we were not good as a couple. We fought visciously in front of him. Seeing his distress as he put his hands over his ears and screamed "Stop it!" led me to realize that it was what we needed to do. In any case, reading for the woman with whom I shared a 12 year marriage was awkward, and I was nervous going into it. I started explaining about the cards and their makeup before we started, and I decided to use the Universal Waite to do a three card reading. I asked her for a question, and she seemed nervous and unsure, so I told her to make it a simple one about buying a new SUV, which she has been thinking of doing. As the reading began, I felt totally unsure of it. I was floundering for interpretations, and nothing seemed right, but she seemed to be affected by what I said. And this is where the second issue comes out, and one that I encountered before. It is a testimony to the power of the tarot that the reading ended up being about something else. In this case, it was about a guy she met and was wondering about beginning a relationship with. All of a sudden, the cards were clear and made perfect sense, and she saw it too. I am sure she was hesitant about asking her ex-husband about a new relationship. Then we decided to go further. I pulled out my trusty Osho Zen deck and did a Celtic Cross spread on the issue. It came out on the money clear. The awkwardness was gone. Much of the message revolved around letting nature take its course, going with the experience and letting go of past relationships (myself and a brief relationship with an abusive guy). I guess I just wanted to note that, sometimes when the reading seems to be floundering, that it is because the querent isn't really expressing what is the true issue bothering her, or him. Maybe if an reading falls flat, as a reader, you might ask if this is really the issue that is foremost on your mind.

Moongold	26 Apr 2005
An interesting story. Do you think that she would have gotten the same reading from another Tarot reader? The fact that she asked you, her ex-husband, to do the reading, and things fell as they did may have been a deeply healing experience for both of you, determined by the powers that be.

Reed	26 Apr 2005
Moongold wrote: The fact that she asked you, her ex-husband, to do the reading, and things fell as they did may have been a deeply healing experience for both of you, determined by the powers that be. I agree. How very appropriate it was for you to be the one to tell her to flow with her new experience and let go of her past. That was great!

Nevada	26 Apr 2005
Along Moongold's line of thinking, I wondered if the reading had two purposes for her, one to get a reading on the potential new relationship, and the other to in a sense complete the cycle of your relationship with her, in a sense getting your blessing to move on. A cutting of the relationship cord so to speak. I'm sure she also still values your advice and opinion. Awkward at first, yes, but also as Moongold says, healing. Thanks for sharing, Khatruman, that's an interesting reading and situation. Nevada

Khatruman	26 Apr 2005
Nevada wrote: Along Moongold's line of thinking, I wondered if the reading had two purposes for her, one to get a reading on the potential new relationship, and the other to in a sense complete the cycle of your relationship with her, in a sense getting your blessing to move on. A cutting of the relationship cord so to speak. I'm sure she also still values your advice and opinion. Awkward at first, yes, but also as Moongold says, healing. I absolutely did get this feeling, as the three of you have pointed out. Part of my trepidation involved wondering about unresolved feelings. Soon after our official divorce, she invited me out to dinner to talk, and apologize, and wonder if we could get back together. She pretty much took all the blame for our problems, and promised she would try harder, something that was very hard for her (It was interesting that the third position in the Celtic Cross spread we did last night involved the danger of control). We decided, or rather I decided, that our being divorced was better, because more or less I decided that it would be a step backwards to be together again. I had gained a great deal more self-confidence once we separated and saw myself as a more accomplished, and worthy person. Anyway, I did wonder if there were still unresolved matters in that she invited me over when our son was asleep, and the hesitation when I asked her for a query for the reading (yes, in my head I was imagining that prototypical, umm, romantic reconnection that divorced people sometimes go through). Once the tarot helped her reveal the matter, her interest in this guy, things became much more comfortable. We talked as friends and the tension between us fell away quickly. In fact, she borrowed my Osho Zen and did readings for a couple co-workers, calling me after school to ask about certain cards. I think she even ordered the Osho Zen deck. I guess my next step is to recommend this forum. Oooooo, is that scary or what??? Especially knowing what a flirtatious bugger I can be around here!! ;) Even more scary is the fact that one of her online persona names is "khatrudog"!!! Anyway, thanks for the insight that makes total sense to me.

Khatruman	28 Apr 2005
My ex still has my Osho Zen deck, and she is reading for others at her job. She ordered her own deck, so I can get my fav deck back soon. Wondering if I really should suggest this forum to her.

The Getting to the Heart of the Matter--reading for the Ex. thread was originally posted on 26 Apr 2005 in the Using Tarot Cards board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Using Tarot Cards, or read more archived threads.