Have U Ever Been Scared Of a Reading?

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 29 May 2005, and now archived in the Forum Library.

Rogan	29 May 2005
Ive just come from a party - And word got out that I read Tarot, and of course, with my friends knowing I always keep a deck on me - I ended up in a vacant bedroom with the lights low, incense burning, and enigma playing the the background - Presto! Insteant Tarot Reading Den for all the party boys and girls... I read for several people, and the night was going swimmingly - I was totally on fire with the readings I was whipping out. In tune and moving along beautiful. Then, a shy girl I don't really know at all (Ive seen her at a few parties) came in for a reading. Sheepishly sat down on the bed, and requested "help". So off I went - Doing my thang with the cards - As I went through the reading - I brought up a lot of anguish and sadness for the querant, who practically broke down in tears infront of me. Trouble with the family, troubles with the boyfriend, she really thought she had no-one to go to... As I was nearing the end of the reading, I turned over the key card in my spread - The Tower - And drew a clarification card from the deck - Death. It freaked me. My guides were practically screaming "Don't panic her! Just smile and say it's okay!... " - But the querant stood up , staring at the cards saying "I knew it! I knew it!" and ran out of the room crying! It was like a movie script or something... Next of course, I have several people coming into the room "What did you do to Sarah!? Why is Sarah upset?!" and all I could do was sit there dumbfounded, pointing at the spread infront of me... "It was just... the reading" was all I could come up with... I left soon after that, but Ive been quite concerned... Nothing I can do about it, of course... But still concerned for what I discovered... Has anyone else ever thought "Whoops, should've left THAT one alone..."

SunChariot	29 May 2005
I've never really read for others. It never felt right to me. I really think it's wonderful for all those people who do and can help people. But for me I find my Tarot a deeply personal thing, a way to communicate directly with G-d (which I consider is where the answers come from, and I consider that best done one on one, rather than through an intermediary. I don't use it all that much for predictions anyway, mostly for self-improvement and connecting more to the universe and others. For me, I would rather teach someone Tarot than do it for them. I did read once for a friend here and I hear it worked out well. We are not in the same city, it was one I did myself and e-mailed her later... I almost rethought my ideas on reading for others, and thought maybe it would not be so bad after all. At the time I used to carry a deck around with me. There was a girl at work who was begging me to do a reading for her. She was a very negative, fearful type. Didn't think much of it as my readings for myself had always been so full of love and joy and so totally loving and helpful. I showed her how to shuffle and pick the cards....and I was to help her decide what the cards meant for her.... Well she shuffled and picked the cards and pretty well all the most negative cards came up, including the Death card of course. And she turned totally white and looked so terrified. And I was sitting there trying to tell her that there are no negative cards, that they are all there to help us live our happiest life...that Death does not mean death...that the names of the cards often seem worse than they are.... But no matter what I said the look of terror never left her face, and I was completely sorry I did it, and I am not suggesting this is the way to go for you, but for me it reaffirmed forever in my mind that I am not meant to read for others. To me that was the universe's way of letting me know it was a wrong path for me. I know some people are meant to read for others, but I am not one of the. Or at the very least not in person. And even then I wouldn't do that often and probably only for someone who is already a reader and gets it. I don't know if this is a good idea or not, but here is a suggestion. I hope it helps. I think maybe people panic cause they overreact to the cards, thinking Death means death... If I WERE to read for others, I think before starting I would try and make sure the person was in the right mindframe to hear whatever comes up. Or I would not do it. I would just look them in the eye and tell them they are not ready yet. Since most people you could read for may not know Tarot, they may have some preconceptions about it that scare them. There are a lot of negative ideas about Tarot floating around. Someone who doesn't know any better may have picked up on them and it will affect their reactions to a reading. I might tell them first that it is a tool to help them, that there are some cards with ominous-sounding names but they do not mean what they sound like. That there is a Death card for example that does not mean real death, just that somethign is changing, something ending to make room for something better. I would tell them that they may see things in the reading they find painful, but they will ultimately do them good and help them heal and live a better life. That they are very much a part of the universe that sends us answers and it only wants to help us. I would tell them all this and then look them in the eye and ask them if they are ready to see whatever info the universe needs them to know right now, whether it is what they want to hear or not. And only once I was sure they were ready, would I do it. That is for me, if I was going to do a reading at this point. I would do this to prepare them more. But still reading for others is not my thing,:-) Bar

snowy25	29 May 2005
In my experiance when doing a one-to-one reading it sometimes happened I interupted or even stopt the reading and let the person I did the reading for just talk and cry. It feels better for me when I know the people involved are more important in that moment then the reading itself. I always think during a live-reading it's better to react to the querrent first and to the negative reading second. Especially when the person in front of you doesn't know how the tarot works. Love and light Snowy

closrapexa	29 May 2005
Whatever may happen, if some one chooses to believe that they will die according to what some anonymous person looking at a bunch of cardboard pictures say, well, then, thats their fault. Of course, in the course of a reading it is important to be sensitive to the implications that the "scary" cards represent, but screaming and running out of the room does nobody any good. I wouldn't be too worried. But that does not mean that there are no negative cards. No use being being all fluffy and pink. there are negative cards, and if you see the tower in a reading, well, prettifying things is not always the way to go. But, people have to have the right mindframe, and be ready.

Gwynne	29 May 2005
closrapexa wrote: But that does not mean that there are no negative cards. No use being being all fluffy and pink. there are negative cards, and if you see the tower in a reading, well, prettifying things is not always the way to go. But, people have to have the right mindframe, and be ready. I have to definitely agree with this! Having the Ten of Swords appear right next to the Tower? That's pretty negative no matter how you look at it! But running and screaming is not the way to respond. We get the cards we get for a reason. Ok, so you get The Tower and Death? What's that mean? BIG CHANGE! Not dying, but change. If things have been going horribly up until this point? Well the The Tower and Death might be welcome! Because if it can only go up than you know that change is good!

Ace	29 May 2005
I agree with closrapexa, not all cards are light and fluffy. And a scarey reading, if it doesn't make you stop reading tarot is good for you-what hasn't killed you will make you and Sarah stronger. Now, about your reading: in case you haven't noticed yet, there has been a lot of discussion of the meaning of the Death card. Starting with 99% of the time it does NOT mean Death. If you hadn't panicked (and yes you DID) you might have seen that what was happening here was a break out for this woman. The Tower is dynamite. It clears out blocks. The Death card means big life changes she is now capable of will happen. I am feeling a bit cranky today, but I don't want to wait until later to tell you what I see here, so please bear with me. I am not annoyed with you, this is a prefectly valid question and I will try very hard to answer it, but I may seem a bit cranky that is all. When doing readings at a party, try to set up in advance what you will ask the cards for each person: look for good news for THEM for instance. This actually would be good news for her, she is breaking out and changing from old very bad patterns. But you will mean some that really need a slower more careful serious reading than you can give at a party. Over time you will learn to stop some readings and say, you need more than this, lets do something some other time, here is a card, call me and let us talk. Don't feel bad about the reading, just realize that sad, scarey readings will happen, even if you don't expect them. So try to stay calm and ask the cards for help. they will give it. Now, just to let yo know you aren't alone: I once had a reading at a party knock me flat. I had just come back from working, so I guess I was a bit tired anyway. A person I knew somewhat asked for a reading. The reading was depressing and sucked me under, I was woozy all evening. Now I realize this person was wallowing in his depression to the point of probably you could say, enjoying it, but at the time I took a day or two to recover. It happens. Don't fear it, just be prepared to cope. Ace

HearthCricket	29 May 2005
To be honest with you, so many people freak out when they see the Death card, that I now, before even shuffling, explain to my new clients that the Death card does not mean someone is going to die, but rather can mean the death of an attitude, a lifestyle, a change of some sort, etc., and what exactly it will mean will depend on if and where it shows up and what the other cards say. That no reading (well, I do the Celtic Cross for clients) is dependent on one card, but rather the series of the whole spread. This seems to calm them down, a lot, so no freaky scenes of any sort. More like curiosity, if Death shows up. As for the Tower...lol...that is another story!

Free Flight	29 May 2005
Hi Rogan i am sorry for your experience. But i guess such a thing is quite common. Other have given good advice here to you but I had something else to add. Because I sometimes get stumped on one card and dont want to let it show to the querant, I always deal with all the cards face up...If there is death there then I immediately zone in on it and say "it is not as bad as it looks we will come to it soon, but dont worry" and I smile in what I hope is a confident way. :):) I had the hardest reading I have ever done last night for a girl who had lost her brother. I did a pre-written reading for her in depth as thought she deserved something on paper and then we did a positive spread face-to face. She had so many bad cards Death, Tower, 10 swords. It was a toughie but she was so stoic through it all and I hope I helped somewhat. is there anyway you can track this girl down and explain to her that she shouldnt have run off and that there is positive news to take away if you would hear her out? Just a thought x FF

Emeraldgirl	30 May 2005
I have been in this situation where people have had painful issues come up in their readings usually that's where we take a break a nice deep breath a chat if that's what they want and if they need to talk and then we move on with the rest of the reading during which time if they want to leave they are free to but I always say at the start of the reading nothing is set in stone and don't freak at the pictures there are many meanings to all the cards which calms people a bit. I have a friend who is paranoid of the Death and Devil cards until I grabbed her one day sat her down and made her listen to what they symbolise. I agree with Freeflight about trying to contact her and let her know the meanings of the cards ahe ran out on.

mota	30 May 2005
The death card scares people and that is all there is to it. However, if you say something to soften it, BEFORE your turn it over, it helps. Something like, "The card I am about to show you will look very scary, but you have to promise me you will listen to what I say, OK?" To know what card is coming, you look at it before turning it over. I have them draw the cards, one at a time, and hand them to me. I look at them as I put them in the stack in my hand. I don't hide it, I just do it. If you just take them from the deck, just look briefly, then flip it all the way over. It isn't good when the tarot reader doesn't seem in control on difficult cards...you gotta prevent that before the card scares them. After they have been suprised by the Death, or other scary card, it is too late.

snowy25	30 May 2005
I don't agree that a scary card is always a card like Death or The Tower etc. I did a live-reading once with the four of wands and The king of Cups in it. These two cards scared the person I did the reading for. In a live-reading I flip the cards over one by one and after this I'll explane them. But this reading was realy very long and had 28 cards in it. First I flipt over a card, than explaned what it meant, after this I asked if she still had a question about the card. She then told me she didn't like the card. I asked her why. So she told me the situation that happened to her in that year (I had drawn a card for her for each year in her life). By constantly asking for feedback during the readings I discovered that many querents let you do the talking and don't want to let you know what they're getting from a card sometimes because they feel hurt by it. If you, as a reader, don't know this you'll just continue with the reading. At some point the querent feels like the info on the cards give him or her to much of a bad feeling and walk away or start crying, shouting or whatever. That's why I always make a conversation out of a reading when reading the cards face-to-face. If a querent still get's angry for no apperant reason or walks away etc. then at leased I know I've did the best I can. But I would still want to know how s/he's doing.

earth en lady	30 May 2005
Hiya Rogan I also think you should try to contact the querant ,I think the Death and the Tower would be symbolising a powerful change in her life and if things are pretty bad in her life now ,they can only get better.. Blessings earth en lady

Rogan	30 May 2005
OKAY... Im a little PEEVED OFF at the responses here... especially this: >> in case you haven't noticed yet, there has been a lot of discussion of the >meaning of the Death card. Starting with 99% of the time it does NOT mean >Death. If you hadn't panicked (and yes you DID) you might have seen that >what was You know what? OF COURSE I KNOW THAT - Im not a bloody idiot, Ive been doing this for a while now, and what's one of the first things people realise? No, the death card does not mean someones going to die - I know that... I didn't ask for personal feedback - And I certainly didn't ask for "and yes, you DID" to be in a reply to my post... I didn't panic - At all - I knew what I was doing - She panicked - So dont start with me on the whole "In case you hadn't noticed..." shpiel, either... I know what the cards mean. I didn't even get the chance to tell her what it meant - What scared me was her reaction, and how I could do nothing to calm her down... So - If you're not going to answer my question = Get outta my thread. Rogan.

Fudugazi	30 May 2005
I few years ago I gave a reading to a friend who was thinking of changing professional orientation entirely - she was miserable as a lawyer and but was unsure what to do next. It was also at a party. The Death card came up as outcome. I started to say - good thing, you're clearing the decks, but she went pale and shaky and then poured out her greatest worry (which she'd not told anyone) - she had a mole which was a suspected melanoma. She thought she was going to die. And no amount of reassuring on my part or "clarification" card effaced the image of that Grim Reaper she had seen. It is such a well-known image and has been frightening humanity for many centuries. She phoned me a week later to say that she was clear, although there were pre-cancerous cells in the mole, they'd all been taken out. Future tests showed she was OK. And she left her job as a lawyer and retrained as a history teacher - a job she loves. But at the time there was nothing I could have done. That image said it all to her and played on fears that were strong in her at that time. So what to do? Accept it. And as Ace says - make sure in advance you ask for cards that will bring something positive - though some images will have an effect on some querents (and Snowy is right to point out any card can have that effect), which you cannot anticipate. It was a friendly reading at a party, and I had imagined her worries (because she seemed worried) were centered around her professional future. But then, people who want readings often are worried. And what if my friend had had a melanoma? These things happen. I was unable to say categorically - no you won't die - because that Grim Reaper, sometimes, does mean death (when I say I was unable to, I still did my best!!!)

Halima	30 May 2005
As I was nearing the end of the reading, I turned over the key card in my spread - The Tower - And drew a clarification card from the deck - Death. whenever I turn over a 'negative' card, I will always try to reassure the seeker, a bit difficult when they run out of the room of course ;) death as a clarifier for the tower, could simply have indicated that the seeker could expect some kind of new beginning after the effects of the tower, a chance to rebuild her life again starting from fresh, often the tower appearing in a spread for someone in the middle of a crisis, can indicate it will finally come to a welcome end, albeit not an easy end.......but soon the worse will be over etc...... Halima

-=Light=-	30 May 2005
Hi All :) I think what Rogan is wanting is more of a discussion on what had occured during the reading, which was the girl freaking out and storming away. Sometimes its really hard to deal with people and there emotions when they are right in front of you. It's so different when they are millions of miles away online. You can sense there feeling but when you can actually see it, yes it can be frightening. As far as the debate with Tower-Death, why don't you all check out an actual reading for someone that needs help in Your Readings. http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?t=42600. I don't think that Rogan wanted this to be a discussion of the reading itself, so as suggestion I put that link so that you can move your thoughts to that thread instead. Rogan try to cheer up :) It's not your fault as to what cards were laid down. You honestly didn't even have a chance to tell her. My suggestion is if you remember the spread, if you want to help her, how about writing it down and then have someone give it to her when you see her out at parties again. No one can control how any one else is going to react and there isn't much you could have done. Light :)

Fudugazi	30 May 2005
I agree, Light. That's why I told my little story about my friend who, although she did not storm out, was very shaken and unable to do anything afterwards and left the party. It's very hard. What to do? We know how powerful imagery and symbolism is - that's the whole point of tarot! We are dealing with people's unconscious here, and simple reassurance is not always the answer. Perhaps we just have to accept that, such is the strength of the symbols, we will sometimes get those reactions. I know I have had reactions like that to a couple of readings done for me - by me or others (well, not storming out, but distressed). In myself the only thing that works is to reason myself out of panic. I know that's what my friend did when she went home, because she's not made of jelly, but I also know that Grim Reaper had a profound effect on her unconscious, which recognised an old motif and matched it with her current fear. We simply can't control that. Edited to add: I would say if we do want to help the distressed person, we appeal to her/his reason with gentleness - use a metaphorical Ace of Swords and Ace of Cups.

Rogan	30 May 2005
Cheers Light and Helvetica - I appreciate the turn in conversation,

-=Light=-	30 May 2005
Hey :) No problem. :) I have been receiving readings long before I myself got into reading tarot. As a querant at times I would break into tears, but it was more of a release of everything that was bottled up inside. Keep in mind that tarot strips off the layers and exposes raw emotions, both good and bad. My psychic actually keeps a box of kleenex on her table lol. She actually almost bores holes through you deep into your soul, the way she knows things and by exposing people to that is of course going to cause a wide range of displayed behaviours. Maybe if you know that someone is going through a terrible time before the reading, then maybe telling them before hand what they could expect to see as an explaination of what is going on right now, and not to jump to conclusions as to the outcome. The outcome is always in the seekers hands and can for the most part be changed from a negative to a postive. Only they have the power to change their life and sometimes they just need the knowledge and empowerment to do that :) Light :)

Umbrae	30 May 2005
Dear Rogen; Thank you for posting. Loved the story. Been there. Do me a favor and don’t try to jump ahead of me here (like...don’t be peeved at me…I was peeved at the responses too). Reading on beds – is a way intimate setting…too intimate. This whole thing got me going, got me keyed—up. I got to thinking that perhaps if we waited for someone to give us our first deck, we’d do less psychological damage to others – while we play at being a reader; that buying a tarot deck does not make a reader, and neither do reading books make one a reader, as memorizing a gazillion meanings does not make one a reader. Then I got to raging about how few of us realize we bear an onus towards the sitter, that we can do severe psychological damage to others as a reader… And I could hear the responses from others, “But hey I didn’t mean anything, the whole tarot gig was a just a lark, kids playing at their games. And it’s never my fault, the sitter shouldn’t have taken it so seriously when I turned over The twelve of elephants…” Then there’s the, “how do you explain it to the grieving parents, or the grieving children, that they over-reacted?” And I ranted at myself for a day on various subjects… I suppose that we could mitigate the impact of the dark cards by using fluffy bunny decks. We could remove the dark cards, solving everything. Or use the International Icon, yank Death and use the Happy Squirrel, the sitter would never know… And perhaps none of the above is relevant… But what about the sitter? As much as we love to think we live in a wonderful world, some families have secrets. Some families have very dark secrets. Bad secrets. And you will never ever know what goes on behind closed doors… And perhaps she saw what she needed to see. Perhaps she realized that things must change. Perhaps she got the strength to change things. Maybe she saw what she needed to see. It may have helped if your setting was not so intimate. We serve best when we become dispassionate. Perhaps an explanation that Tarot is more descriptive than predictive…? Remember…this ain’t about you…I think she may have seen what she needed to see… And as to the folks who say that death does not mean death…What does? What card tells us, “Daddy’s coming home…” What card shows us the monster with the fur inside? What card tells us of the father who rapes and kills his daughter and best friend? What card tells us that the stranger with candy is a stranger with candy? Don't ever read on beds.

Alice23	30 May 2005
I think everybody, or a lot of us, at one time have had negative readings or readings we havent been sure about,or if not those two scared of. I did a reading for a close friend a while back and as soon as I got this card reversed I actually said outloud to myself not her, as she really didnt deserve what looked likely to happen.She wasnt there when the reading was done and I couldnt bring myself to tell her. A little while later it happened. She actually asked me if I'd seen it in the cards and I said yes but couldnt bring myself to tell her...sometimes you do see things that are so bad that you cant..That is, I must admit, the one and only thing about/to do with tarot that worries me, or has made me nervous when bad cards do come up.

Free Flight	30 May 2005
Rogan Sorry if I inadvertently offended you. I was just trying to help. We all face these problems from time to time and I was trying to point out with my story, that I felt a great weight of responsibility on my shoulders when I did that reading. Anyway am sorry x FF

Nevada	30 May 2005
Rogan, If there's anything good to take from this, maybe it's that you've now had THE BAD READING. There may be more in front of you, but this was like an initiation of a sort. I'm sure you learned a lot from it. I'm not suprised it's been on your mind. It would certainly have stayed with me--or with any reader who cares about what they do. Some things I think you should keep in mind (not advice, just my thoughts): 1. Reading at parties is odd. Meaning, if we take the Tarot seriously, then a party seems an odd place to engage in it. But people at parties are going to go for it like no one's business. It's like throwing money in the air in a public place. You have to ask yourself, do I really want to do this? 2. Other people's emotions. They can get to us, no matter what we're doing--Tarot readings or cooking dinner--and she was clearly in quite an emotional state before you even brought out your cards. You're not responsible for how she felt, but there are a few different ways you could have handled it once you realized she was so upset. You know this already. In the circumstances you handled it the best way you knew how. Now you know differently, having learned from this experience. Sometimes maybe it's better to say to someone, "I don't think it's a good idea for me to continue this reading here and now. Wrong time, wrong place. You deserve privacy and my full attention, without a party crowd outside the door." 3. Someone here once, or more than once, has suggested having some business cards from professional counselors, or help line numbers, whenever one reads. Not that I think whipping a card out would have helped in this case. I'm not sure if anything would. Still, your story made me think about that. 4. Maybe for party reading there's a different set of ground rules needed than for other reading settings. For instance a light-hearted deck, the sort with images that are nearly impossible to see as harbingers of doom. Short questions, one or two card spreads, and not reading for anyone who looks too serious. (I have to wonder what she was doing at a party in her state, but different people handle their problems in a variety of ways. Maybe a friend thought it would cheer her up and insisted she go.) I think it's best to take the lessons you can from this experience, and move on. Try not to let it haunt you. Also, don't assume from her reaction that the reading was bad for her. It may have done her good. We just don't know. Nevada

Ace	30 May 2005
I started to put this response in a PM, but I decided that a public apology is better. I am sorry if I offended you. That is what I get for responding when I was way too tired. I did totally misunderstand your question. Now to answer your question, which is valid and I think I understand better: you can't do anything to make her NOT respond as she did if she will not listen to you. She has had a lot of trouble in her life, you tried to tell her it would get better, but a tarot reading is going to bring her face to face with her grief, and that is all there is to it. I get the Death card a lot in "light, party" situations. the best I can do is slap a hand over it, say, the Death card does not mean Death it means change, and go on from there. BUt a person with bad problems will get upset at being reminded of her problems, and that is NOT your fault. Ace

snowy25	31 May 2005
I wanted to say I didn't mean to offend you in any way Rogan. When I posted I thought you where asking something differently. And I've seen a couple of you saying it may be better to use cute fluffy decks to do a reading with. With one friend of mine I always read with the Fey tarot. It started out like this because the first time I was asked to do a reading for her I knew she wouldn't be able to handle cards like Death, the Tower or The Devil. It's generally seen as a cute deck. It's my friend's favourite but it doesn't take away the message and the readings go very deep sometimes. Most times the reading goes even deeper then with my Mythic deck because there's a lot of 'how it became like this' and a lot of advise to go on I see in the cards. In my opinion it's not always the cards like Death, The Tower, The Devil or 10 of Swords that can be scary in a reading. Most of the times the reading itself is. For those of you who want to try doing readings with fluffy decks on parties for this reason: Please remember the querrent will be more at ease when you start out with the reading but they can become more shocked when they hear bad news. Some people don't expect a negative reading from cute pictures but the decks aren't going to make the message magicly turn out like a happy ending. Love and light Snowy

Fudugazi	31 May 2005
snowy25 wrote: Please remember the querrent will be more at ease when you start out with the reading but they can become more shocked when they hear bad news. Some people don't expect a negative reading from cute pictures but the decks aren't going to make the message magicly turn out like a happy ending. But at least with the Fey and other gentler decks you have more control over how something is conveyed - as opposed to the very clear picture that can shock (a picture is worth a thousand words, remember). Personally I think the Grim Reaper is a bit of a downer at parties.

Lady Mary	31 May 2005
Some months ago we had a thread here, also discussing reading Tarot at a party. And I remember someone mentioned that they removed all the so called bad cards (Tower, Death, etc.) to keep the readings light. Don't know if it's a good idea, but just came into my mind when I read this thread here.

snowy25	31 May 2005
Helvetica wrote: But at least with the Fey and other gentler decks you have more control over how something is conveyed - as opposed to the very clear picture that can shock (a picture is worth a thousand words, remember). Personally I think the Grim Reaper is a bit of a downer at parties. That's why I love to use the Fey, especially with people who I know are having a hard time and don't know much about tarot. The Death, Tower, Devil etc. even look kind of cute and are less shocking to look at. But for me, as a reader, it doesn't become cuter when I tell te message. The querent will exept the message more easely and after time you can use a differend deck and the querent will be more comfertable when these cards come up. Lady Mary wrote: Some months ago we had a thread here, also discussing reading Tarot at a party. And I remember someone mentioned that they removed all the so called bad cards (Tower, Death, etc.) to keep the readings light. Don't know if it's a good idea, but just came into my mind when I read this thread here. In my opinion this is a very bad idea. I think good and bad cards belong in the deck because good and bad situations are both present in life. And tarot is a mirror reflecting life when you do a reading. Removing those cards would mean trying to ly to the querent so they won't feel bad about a reading during and after. I think this isn't the way.

Nevada	31 May 2005
snowy25 wrote: For those of you who want to try doing readings with fluffy decks on parties for this reason: Please remember the querrent will be more at ease when you start out with the reading but they can become more shocked when they hear bad news. Some people don't expect a negative reading from cute pictures but the decks aren't going to make the message magicly turn out like a happy ending That's a good point, Snowy. Personally I don't think I would ever choose to read at a party. It's just not the right atmosphere for me. I like quiet and time, wouldn't want that rushed feeling and all the distractions. To me it's more an occasion for something like spoof readings. Maybe that's just me. Nevada

Alissa	31 May 2005
Rogan wrote: Has anyone else ever thought "Whoops, should've left THAT one alone..." Yes, yes and indubitably... yes. I have learned the Hard Way that even my best intentions as a reader, offered in a genuine moment of wanting to help others connect, have led me into me into murky mires I wish I had had no part in. As to your sitter's reaction... there is only so much a reader can do for a sitter. The other half is their responsibility. It sounds to me like the atmosphere created was one of sharing, on your part. Unfortunately, like Umbrae said, maybe you and your deck shared something she needed to see. Or maybe she was being hysterical. I've had sitters with various attitudes towards Tarot. If hers was predispositioned in a negative (or "spooked") way and she chose to sit with you anyhow, well... I still say part of that is Her responsibility, and you should not feel guilty, if you are. Remember your intentions. If you did not intend to create fear and panic, and yet were met with it... so be it. It is for you, as a reader, to accept others will have various and emotional reactions to a reading, of course. But she has her part to play, as the sitter. Don't ask what you don't want to know, has become one of my Golden Rules as a reader. Yes, it's about the sitter, and not us. And yes, we must know why we're doing what we're doing, or it can get messy... bad. The onus of reading changes for a reader over time, I'm finding on my own path. I started out about 20 years ago, before I yet owned a deck of my own. But my path has not stopped changing. I haven't read much of the responses before replying, and apologize if I repeat what others may have said. I wish you Light on your path. Editted to add: Also, on the issue of reading at parties. Myself, unless I have been commissioned to read at an event, I do not break out my deck at a social gathering, nor do I mention I read palms. And god help anyone who does. I HATE the kinds of interactions, and all night "Me next!" events this has spawned in the past, and unless I am Very Moved to do a reading in an emergency, I just simply do not mention to others that I have a deck with me at all times, even at parties and bars.

light2000	31 May 2005
hi, i had a really bad reading once. it was for myself. i saw that i was pass for money dificulties, a big one. And i thought, rubish! I will never read the tarot again, this is a lie!! And i stoped,about 5 months. I read for my friend a long time and they asked me if i could give a reading for them. I said no, i gave up of tarot. I thought that the tarot was wrong because i was seeling 2 shops of mine. And for a really good price. But the men give me the first signal and then he refuses to pay the rest. So i passed a lot of dificulties whith money, i´continue to have. Like i thought that i will stay rich i bought a really good house. I continue to have this problem at court ( 3 years now). Ok when this money arrive my problems finish but i continue waiting. The justice at my country just dont fuction well, i think that if it was a diferent country this never went to court. Because it all legal, all the papers, all the lawyers. But i told you all this because the tarot had the reason. so as you notice i came back to the tarot.

SunChariot	31 May 2005
Lady Mary wrote: Some months ago we had a thread here, also discussing reading Tarot at a party. And I remember someone mentioned that they removed all the so called bad cards (Tower, Death, etc.) to keep the readings light. Don't know if it's a good idea, but just came into my mind when I read this thread here. It might frighten someone less who knows nothing about Tarot. But how accurate would the reading be if you removed cards. If the answer was something negative, the deck may have no way to tell you that. Bar

calligirl	31 May 2005
I must be in a bad mood or something because I'm reading everyone's responses and my reaction is totally different. What happened to 'don't ask if you don't want to know?' The querent obviously took one look and jumped to conclusions but it sounds like she was highly emotional to begin with.

SunChariot	31 May 2005
calligirl wrote: I must be in a bad mood or something because I'm reading everyone's responses and my reaction is totally different. What happened to 'don't ask if you don't want to know?' The querent obviously took one look and jumped to conclusions but it sounds like she was highly emotional to begin with. Don't worry. You're allowed to have a different reaction and way of seeing things. For me anyway, that's one of the joy of a place like this, that you can see the situation in so many ways, through so many sets of eyes. I can't imagine how boring it would be here if everyone thought and felt exactly as I did. Wouldn't be much point to having a discussion then.:-) Bar

firemaiden	01 Jun 2005
Umbrae wrote: Dear Rogen; Thank you for posting. Loved the story. Been there. Do me a favor and don’t try to jump ahead of me here (like...don’t be peeved at me…I was peeved at the responses too). Reading on beds – is a way intimate setting…too intimate. This whole thing got me going, got me keyed—up. I got to thinking that perhaps if we waited for someone to give us our first deck, we’d do less psychological damage to others – while we play at being a reader; that buying a tarot deck does not make a reader, and neither do reading books make one a reader, as memorizing a gazillion meanings does not make one a reader. Then I got to raging about how few of us realize we bear an onus towards the sitter, that we can do severe psychological damage to others as a reader… And I could hear the responses from others, “But hey I didn’t mean anything, the whole tarot gig was a just a lark, kids playing at their games. And it’s never my fault, the sitter shouldn’t have taken it so seriously when I turned over The twelve of elephants…” Then there’s the, “how do you explain it to the grieving parents, or the grieving children, that they over-reacted?” And I ranted at myself for a day on various subjects… I suppose that we could mitigate the impact of the dark cards by using fluffy bunny decks. We could remove the dark cards, solving everything. Or use the International Icon, yank Death and use the Happy Squirrel, the sitter would never know… And perhaps none of the above is relevant… But what about the sitter? As much as we love to think we live in a wonderful world, some families have secrets. Some families have very dark secrets. Bad secrets. And you will never ever know what goes on behind closed doors… And perhaps she saw what she needed to see. Perhaps she realized that things must change. Perhaps she got the strength to change things. Maybe she saw what she needed to see. It may have helped if your setting was not so intimate . We serve best when we become dispassionate. Perhaps an explanation that Tarot is more descriptive than predictive…? Remember…this ain’t about you…I think she may have seen what she needed to see… And as to the folks who say that death does not mean death…What does? What card tells us, “Daddy’s coming home…” What card shows us the monster with the fur inside? What card tells us of the father who rapes and kills his daughter and best friend? What card tells us that the stranger with candy is a stranger with candy? Don't ever read on beds. Wow, Umbrae, what an honest and evocative post. It leaves me with an uneasy feeling of many more questions, and not too many answers.

Fudugazi	01 Jun 2005
calligirl wrote: The querent obviously took one look and jumped to conclusions but it sounds like she was highly emotional to begin with. The image of the Grim Reaper is very powerful and ancient, and our reaction to it is not one we can control, because it is unconscious. We might think - consciously at the outset of a reading - "I can handle it" - but what really happens when we see a powerful symbol is not always within our concious control. That is the force of symbolism, that's why tarot isn't a game, it has teeth that can rip - and why there are more gentle decks that soften the symbolism of the tough cards.

Adjustment	01 Jun 2005
Umbrae can you please tell me more about the: Don't Ever Read on Beds.I usually do.

Vadella	01 Jun 2005
I'd like to blame the media for making tarot cards seem so negative and dark {as they do with Wicca}. I was familiar with the cards before I ever got my first reading. Familiar meaning I knew that the death card wasn't bad. I know we can't expect everyone to get a lesson on the cards before they get a reading done. I personally have never given a reading that scared someone... yet. You will always encounter people who will have no clue and just go on with what they "know to be". I see this as lack of knowledge on her part. I'm not trying to be mean at all but sometimes seekers really need to let the readers do their job instead of going through the motions. She asked for help and never got it because she was too scared of "pictures and words". This wasn't your fault at all. This was far from your fault. Everyone knows, or should know, that when they go to get a reading nothing is going to be completely FABULOUS. Who lives a life like that anyway? She knew before she went to you that her life wasn't going well... the cards showed that. I would have became mad at the others asking me what "I had done to her". She seems to be doing enough to herself. Once again, I am not trying to be mean about the girl. Sorry, if it sounds that way. Vad

memries	04 Jun 2005
Doing anything serious in a party setting where there is drink, music, etc. is always a big mistake. If it is a "lark" whatever that is.. then that's ok but to call on a reader's intimate talents and expertise, well it just never works. You have a variety of people present, the cynic, the gossip, the loudmouth, the know it all...etc. It does not provide you with the quiet and peace you need to give a good reading. You are just draining yourself. I am not narrowminded and love a good party but there is a place for everything and reading at parties just does not work. Do not blame yourself, the girl was probably unbalanced anyway. Just know from your experience that you never know who or what you will meet. Wish you well, hold your head up high and carry on.

The Have U Ever Been Scared Of a Reading? thread was originally posted on 29 May 2005 in the Using Tarot Cards board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the active threads in Using Tarot Cards, or read more archived threads.