Tarot phone messages
 

What would be their answering machine message, or phone message in general?

Here's one for the Tower (not really an answering machine message, but variation on the message we all get from time to time....)

".....This is a recording. The life you have lived cannot be completed as structured. If you feel you have received this message in error, too bad. You must rebuild your life and beliefs again...this is a recording...."

Hermit:

"You have reached the Hermitage Retreat centre, nobody wants to come to the phone right now. Please leave your spiritual truth after the tone and we'll get back to you . . . "

Hello...
 

"Hello, you have reached The Fool! I'm not in right now, I'm on my roof counting my foot steps till the roof is gone. If you feel like leaving a message you can. Or you can come by and help me count! Have a great day!"

Three of Swords -

(voice of Boris Karloff) "Good evening, this is Heartbreak Hotel. Your honeymoon suite has been cancelled."

" Hello, this is Justice. Please leave a clear, adequately structured message, and I will weigh the pro's and con's of getting back to you. Thank You. Justice. Major Arcana, 8 or 11."

"Welcome to the Wheel of Fortune .. please listen carefully to the instructions, press 1 to move forward, press 2 to move backwards, press 3 if you like to stay where you are! .. You may choose your options "

This is the Devil. I can't come to the phone right now because I am overeating while getting high and watching a porn movie.

Hello, this is the Lovers. We can't come to the phone right now because we're otherwise occupied.

"Hell-o you have reached the Death voice mail, leave a quick message or choose between these 2 options, press 1 to die now or 3285629230475929482 to die soon as possible, thank you and have a nice dead!"

Hi, this is the High Priestess... I can't get to the phone right now because I am very busy doing important things --and I can't tell you what these are... Please, don't leave a message because I won't be calling you back...

:TSTRE

pmsl at these
hanged man
hello you have reached the the man in the tree - im a bit tied up at the moment so please press 1 to hold on, or 2 to hang up

the moon

hello? who is it? and what the hell do you want, get lost idiot, i have serious pmt - youre treading on dangerous ground pulling this one - slams phone down

Page of Cups
 

This is an amazing way to get an insight into the cards....

"Hello, this is the Page of Cups...I just called to say I love you."

Hello - Chariot here - I cant answer the phone right now Im driving and I dont have 'hands free' installed. Please leave a message...

Blessings
Elven x

Hello, you have reached the nine of pentacles. I can't come to phone right now, as I'm very happy spending time alone in my garden....you may leave a message, but I won't call you back.

Hello.. This is the Four of Cups.. I dont know if i can take your call right now as im too confused deciding whether i should or shouldnt... ;)

Hi! 7 of cups here....I've forgotten which cup the phone is in...so if you keep calling back maybe I can figure it out... there are just so many choices. And now that I think about it...im not sure how I recorded this message anyway....

Hi this is the 8 of Cups.. Im on my spiritual journey right now.. Dont know when will i return.. So keep trying... :)

Hi this is the 6 of Pentacles..Cant take your call right now cos I am busy donating money to people.. If you want some, then leave a message behind, and i'll make sure to donate some to you too...

Knight of Cups
 

Hey, it's me, the Knight of Cups. I was just want you to know that I love you, and I really love it when you love me too. In fact, I love how love makes me the things I love even more lovely. Hmm... I'll call you back. I wonder if love is in the phone book. I may have to give it a call...

3 of Cups
 

Hi, you've reached the three of cups...we're celebrating life, love, and friendship at the moment, so leave a message....or better yet, join us!

Hello....
You have reached the Knight of Pentacles, I am currently off pondering my next move, and finding my horse here some grass. If you would like to leave a message, feel free. Im not going anywhere for a while anyway....

Hello.....

4 of pentacles here. Sorry but I'm busy rolling coins from my piggy bank. If you insist on talking to me, please call back so it will be on your dime.

Toodles

Strength
 

This thread is way cool!!! :D

Hi, this is Strength. I can't come to the phone right now because it is a beautiful day and I am walking my cat. Please feel internally powered to leave your message after the roar.

valeria :)

4 of coins

hello
who is that
this is my home my life my privacy go away
i dont want to know

wish he would call me pmsl

9 of Swords/ OMG Phone Recording
 

(whiney, worried voice recording..
"OMG, OMG, OMG, you have reached the 9 of Swords residence. Don't hang up, please help me. Theres so much I need to take care of and I need you, I need somebody, anybody? Talk to me, please talk to me, no don't talk to me, just shut up and listen...BEEEEEEEP"

VII

Hello, you have reached the Chariot, I'm to busy collecting my lottery winning to answer the phone, and don't leave a message - I'm not giving any to YOU

Hello...this is the seven of swords. Sshhhh please hang up. I am pulling a fast one !

Hello....you have reached the 9 of cups residence......sorry, speak up, too much partying and drinking going on with my friends right now.....why not come over?

Hello, this is the four of swords. I'm having a little lie-down at the moment. Please call back later.

Hello, this is 4 Cups. I screen all calls and never return them. If this is just another prank call or pre recorded telemarketing survey message, go away... I'm sure I have better things to do, if I could only think of one.



Hello? Who is this? How did you get this number? Why are you calling me? Is something wrong? Don't leave a message if it's bad news, OH God, it is bad news. For that matter if you have reached 9 S-W-O-R-D-S, and no one answers call 911 next, I'm sure there is a some catastrophic reason I can't answer the phone.

This is 10 Swords... you cannot reach me because the line is dead, which is fine because no one ever calls me anything good anyway.


This is Judgement, I'll call you, not the other way around. Get off the line, expect a call when the time is right and be sure to pick up instead of screening your calls.

Hello, this is the King of Swords, cut through the crap and leave a message.

These are THE BEST!!!

Hello. This is the Queen of Swords. If you think you can measure up to my high standards, leave me one. Or better still, I think not. I already know who you are...

Reverse Queen of Swords
 

"Hello, you have reached the Queen of Swords, Reverse."
If you don't leave a message I will let everyone know you are a con artist trying to scam everyone! You did hear I know Karate? I do everything perfectly. If you were my friend, I would eat you alive, peasant. Still want to trust me with your stuiped message, go ahead, make my day, punk!"
(Message ends with poisoned honey oozing from your phones mouthpiece!)

roflmao

This thread is so brilliant lol

hello you have reached the 7 of coins

i'm sooooooooo glad you called because i've been waiting for ages for you
what the hell took you so long
i hope its good news by the way lol

3 of Cups
 

Beep... [Theme from 3's Company chimes in] "Come and knock on our door, take a step that is new, where the kisses are hers and hers and his, Three's Company, too!"

Okay, so slap me really hard later...

Hello - this is the eight of swords. I'm afraid I can't get to the 'phone at the moment as I'm a bit tied up.

hello you have called the residence of 10 of swords
ive told you and you don't get it - ITS OVER
drop dead won't you
goodbye

Interesting!

KK
:TSTRE

velly interesting lol
good one kilts
x

Sorry - the plagiarism was unintentional!!

I'm sure it was! I was commenting on the fact that I had never associated the Hanged Man with Interference before (slapping palm on forehead...)

KK
:TSTRE

dont know what you mean by interference but i was just thinking those 2 cards as very similar in many ways

Interference = :T8S

KK
:TSTRE

ok thanks for that - dont understand the relation of 8 of swords and interference but then ive had this card repeatedly in daily readings and just dont get it

anyway lol


you have reached the 2 of coins
cant talk right now i have to go answer the other phones and tell them as well
be right back

Hello.. you have reached the home of a Tarotholic. I am not available. I am either having a read or off shopping. Call at 9:00 am before I am up and you might reach me !

hello - 10 of wands here (sounds of huffing and puffing) I'm terribly busy and under way too much stress to answer my phone right now...so please, don't leave a message...I havent' the time to listen.

Hello, you have reached the Magician and the Empress, we're unavailable to take your call right now because we are at the hospital having a baby!

The Sun
 

*with music* JOY TO THE WORLD .. ringer hangs up and redial*music again* JOY TO THE WORLD.. ringer hangs up cursing *click* (good way to get rid of marketers :D :D)

Hello, this is the eight of Wands. You can leave a message if you like, but please make it QUICK.

You have reached the Tower, sorry ... the lights are on, but no one's at home.

This is the Seven of Cups. If you're looking for love, press 1, for sex press 2, for gourmet cooking press three, for money press four...

Hi This is the Four of Pents Resident, now leave a message, hang up and leave another, as i am going to be the most popular person with the most answerphone messages, more than anyone else, do it or else.

Black Dragon

hello this is the 5 of cups - im sorry i cant talk right now as i'm mopping up the tea i spilt earlier but please leave a cheery message and i'll get back to you

ROFL! This is so funny :)

"You have not reached the Hermit. My true Self has left on a long trip alone and does not know when she'll return. Please don't leave a message, my true self will know how to get back to you when she does eventually return and my ego feels like human company again. Farewell."

Hello, you've reached the Ace of Cups. I'll get back to you when I return from my date.

Hello, this is the Star. Please call again this evening when I shall be out.

LMAO - great one! Love it.

Hello, you have reached THE DEVIL
 

"Hello, you have reached Hell. This is the Devil speaking. You are being put on hold, cause you know you want to be there. Light up another joint, get high, you know you need too. You can't leave a message because that chocolate cake is calling you, beconning you. Embrace the desire and cling to it. You know you want to. Still want to leave a message? YOU CAN'T GIVE UP YOUR VICES..Just give in, my pretty little pet and hang up!"

Hello, this is the Ace of Wands. I'm afraid I can't come to the phone right now something has, er, come up...

KK
:T2S

roflmao

Nine of Cups here. Bet you just WISH I was here to answer the phone...

2 of Swords
 

Hello, you have reached the two of Swords. Im sorry I couldnt come to the phone Im very busy balancing my life and I cant see my way clear of my own goals to be bothered at the moment. Leave a message after the tone but I cant promise Ill call you back.

The message on the answerphone of card XIII:

Deep sepulchral voice says "Hello" and then the line goes dead.

Oooh, Netzach! Shiver!!! Have you been reading with the Gothic Tarot of the Vampires? ;)

"Right, Emperor here. Leave your name, number, address and social security number. I shall call you back at 4:33 PM, when I return. Don't stutter."

Great one, Helvetica!

"I'm sorry, this is the three of swords calling. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm in a meeting with your best friend and wife, who have been cheating on you since the day before you married. Your wife wants me to tell you she's divorcing you and taking the kids to Connecticut."

Hi this is the 5 pf Pentacles, Pleeease leave me a message --I just don't know what I'll do if you don't!

KK
:T2S

hello you have reached the empress - sorry i don't pick up phones - my big dazzling earrings get in the way

Hello, you have reached the Magician. Please leave your message and I will call you back as soon as I can get the phone to reappear. (Knee-deep in rabbits when recording message).


valeria

Magician - very cute!

10 of Swords - Hi, this is the 10 of Swords. I would answer the phone right now, but I have a stabbing pain in my back and I cannot move! Please leave a message at the local Hospital and TeLl ThEm To cOmE gEt Me!

I love these soooo much!
 

"Hello this is the 7 of Pentacles, I have been waiting so very long for you to call.....about time."

The Devils Answering Machine.
 

See you Soon ...

Mwahahahahaha!!!!
Mwahahahahaha!!!!
Mwahahahahaha!!!!
Mwahahahahaha!!!!

beep..beep..beep..beep...

lolol at mwaahaahaa

you have reached the ace of cups - don't hang up if you're the ONE - i will be right there

Hello this is the Hierophant - you have reached the direct line to God...

3 of Pentacles - Hi, if you're the surveyer, the cheque's in the post!!!

Six of Wands
 

Six of Wands here. The parade for moi starts in an hour. Do drop by the village square to pay your respects to me...

The lovers
 

Helloooooooo babe! I'm in a sexy mood and I want you so bad, please come around my house and we'll get the diggy into it *blows kisses*

awesome. :)

i am starting to feel like all the tabloids several months ago in reference to Angelina Jolie.

It's the Bump!

" Hello, this is the 4 of Cups. You might as well leave a message because by the time I have had decided whether or not to pick up the receiver, you will have gotten to be bored of me. On the other hand, if I end up picking up the phone it may be a collection agency. But what if you're my mom? Hmmm... That's okay, nothing seems to ever go my way anyhow. Oh, well, see if I---" BEEP! (Greeting cut short)

KK
:T2S

8 of cups
 

call is picked up with music playing by faith evans - you abandoned me, love don't live here anymore *sniffles*

Ace of Pentacles
 

This is the Ace of Pentacles. I'm not here because I am out spending my inheritance. Maybe I'll buy some land or make some other great investment. I'll probably contribute to the conservation of the rain forest...

Ten of Cups
 

Hi, you have reached the Ten of Cups. Im sorry I cant get to the phone right now, but Im out celebrating life with my family. You see making my family happy is what is most important. Family first. Beep...

7 of cups
 

Hello this is the 7 of cups, please leave a message, and I will call you back as soon as I can decide which phone I want to use.

Great! LOL

Ten of swords:
'Hello, this is the ten of swords...I cannot come to the phone now for obvious reasons....'

Death:
'Hello...This is Death, if you feel you have reached this recording in an error..."

The Magician:

'Hello...this is the magician...I cannot find my phone right now because...well...I think the rabbit I pulled out of the hat ran away with the phone...."

Temperence:

"Hello there...this is Temperence (Eleavator music playing in the background), I cannot come to the phone right now....(Muffled sounds because of your snorring)....But if you leave a message after the beap, I will be sure to get back to you..."

The Fool:
"Hello! This is the Fool! If you are wondering why I cannot come to the phone right now...Or even why I am shouting, it is because I managed to miss my step somehow And I am hanging by my knickers...."

The Fool's Dog:
"Bark." Translation: That D**n Fool has gotton himself in trouble AGAIN...and as usual I am the one who has to pull him out of it, which if he would've listioned to me in the FIRST place, he wouldn't be in this mess...I really ought to just leave him there, let him get a good wedgy..."

This is Justice... I am actually home, screening my calls so please leave a clear, consise, honest message and wait to see if I decide to pick up or not.

This is 5 Pents, please don't bother to leave a message since I don't actually have a message machine and only wish I could afford one.

Sorry you have missed me, this is Wheel of Fortune, try your luck another time.

(loud laughter, glasses clinking, etc.) Hey, this is the 9 of Cups! What? What? Look, I'm having way too much revelry to talk on the phone right now, sorry...

Eight of Swords
 

Eight of Swords here. Can't answer the phone right now because I CAN'T EVEN SEE THE RECEIVER with this dang'd blindfold on...uh, can someone help me out of this situation???

Judgement:

You have reached the Judgement line, if you've made a decision please press 1, if you're still on the fence, please press 2, for critical apraisal, please press 3, for all other queries or to hear these options again, please press 0.

;)

Seven of Wands
 

You have reached the Seven of Wands. You think you have a lot of messages to answer? You should see my answering machine! But I'm up to the challenge...I will return your call after I've returned the eighteen other calls I have ahead of yours.

6 of cups
 

you're through to the 6 of cups, I can't take your call right now as I am too busy replaying the other answer messages I got yesterday.

Hello ... You've reached the office of L.W.B pty Ltd. Please select from the following menu. If it is a Major issue: press 1, if of a Minor nature: press 2; If you hear a 'Pip': press 3, if its about the Court case - we're not here. :P

Good one, elven! tee hee...

hello you have reached the 3 of swords - music in background = gwen stefani

You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

Two of Swords
 

Hello, you've reached the Two of Swords, I can't come to the phone right now as I'm currently between a rock and a hard place. If you have any information that will help me make a a most difficult choice, then by all means, leave it...otherwise, don't waste my time - I'm confused enough as it is.

Thanks SphinYote for coming up with the idea!
 

I am posting to bump the thread ~ these are hilarious!

Hopefully we will get a whole new round of messages from everyone!

It doesn't matter if a message for a card has already been posted, if you have another one, go ahead and post it!

valeria :)

Hello and thank you for calling The World! We would like to take this opportunity to extend to you an invitation to join As it Turns Inc. If you would like to accept this offer, which includes our ever popular free trip around the sun, please stay on the line and an operator will be with you shortly. However, if you are trying to contact Mother Earth press * now...

The Fool
 

Hello, this is the Fool and thank you for trying to locate me. I do not know where I am at this time, but I think I am safe as far as I am concerned. I am on a mission which will hopefully bring me back home soon.

If you think that this mission is dangerous press 1, if you think that I always manage to get back on my feet press 2 and leave a message, if you think that I will never make it back press 0 to exit. If you believe that I need help being located, hang up and instead call 911 on my behalf...

But seriously, I will get back to you once I know where I am.

6 Swords
 

Hello, you're through to the 6 of Swords. Can't come to the phone right now 'cos I'm away on a boat trip. Bit of a choppy strait to cross but when I get to calmer waters and find a nice little jetty somewhere I'll be catching up on all my calls. I'll get back to you then ;)

Five of Swords
 

You've reached the Five of Swords. Leave me a message so I can call you back and tell you what I just heard about Jim--that creep who got promoted over me at work last week. Don't worry, I've got plans for him, too, which I'll tell you all about when I call you back!

page of cups

do you really want to hurt me, do you really want to make me cry

boy george lyrics
lol

star-lover! LOL!

8 of Pentacles
 

You have reached 8 of pentacles, Im sorry I couldnt get to the phone. Im out in the shop working on my creativity, and didnt hear the phone ring because I was so engrossed in my work. If I get a chance later Ill give you a hollar back.

Four of Pentacles
 

This is the Four of Pentacles. The check's in the mail.

Judgement (from a real phone message)
Hello, if the sun is shining I'm probably outside... so call louder!

The Hermit
 

Hello. I am sorry I cannot enlighten you at this time, but I needed to step out to get some batteries. As I have a long commute and it will be in the dark, this could take awhile so I encourage you to leave a message.

King of Swords
 

Hello. You've reached a machine, so obviously I am not in. Leave a clear, concise, yet detailed message. If it makes sense, I will get back to you upon my return.

Knight of Swords
 

Cut the crap and leave a message!

Lol . . . .

The High Priestess
 

I know who you are and why you’re calling (really calling) so no need to leave a message I’m already at your front door right now

Page of Wands [rev. perhaps]
 

"Hello? [You start talking, as if there is someone there, during the pause] Gotcha! I'm really not home right now but I made you think I was! heheheh }) "

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rws
 

Hello you have reached the answering machine of "Judgement". Please dont call me I'll CALL you

This is The World's answering machine, listen youngster.. i can't answer the phone since i'm feeling a bit reversed right now... As if my world has been turned up side down! Leave your message after the beep and i'll get back to ye when i'm not feeling so dizzy as i do now.

Four of Cups
 

"Errrrrr . . . . . is this thing on?"

Eight of Wands Reversed
 

"BEEP! We're sorry, the number you have reached cannot be connected as dialed. Please check the number, and dial again, or call your operator to help you. This is a recording. BEEP!"

Temperance
 

Greetings... Afraid I'm struggling with a bit of a balancing act at the moment, had a bit much on my plate and am trying to wash some troubles away. Leave a message and when equilibrium has been reached, I'll be in touch. Sorry for the inconvenience. And remember, moderation in all things! Ciao! *beep!*

"Hi! You've reached your friend, the Seven Of Swords! I'm not here right now; I'm actually behind you, about to stab you in the back. Sneak attack +3d6! Anyway, in lieu of a message, just leave a bit of juicy gossip about someone we know. Kisses! ---Beep!"

Eight of Swords
 

Not available...I'm busy throwing myself yet another reading about my current relationship because I just can't get a handle on it. I'm pretty sure these spreads are lying to me or something...

The Magician
 

Can't answer the phone at the moment, I'm too busy creating the universe....(long pause) ... with smoke and mirrors, Hah, Hah tricked Ya!

mythos:)

This is fun!

Hi, you've reached The Fool. Please hurry up with your message, I'm just about to go off on my latest journey and if you're not quick, you won't be able to get my attention for a while.

Gods, these are brilliant! Hope mine cut the mustard . . .

9 of Swords
"Hello? Hello? *Heavy breathing, booger dripping* I know you're there . . . the phone rang . . . I'm a bit indisposed right now, night terrors and all . . . if you leave a message, I'll get back to you when the sun rises . . ."

2 of Wands
"Hi. I can't take your call right now because I'm plotting world domination. Wish me well, leave a message and I'll get back to you when I'm Grand High Emperor of Earth. If you don't, I'll hunt you down and . . ."

4 of Cups
"*sigh* Hello? Hi. (Vogon voice from end of Hitchiker's movie). Sometimes, you just have to ask yourself. What's the point?"

4 of Pentacles
"Good afternoon. Please listen carefully and choose the appropriate option on your keypad. If you are a potential investor, press 1 to hear our Product Disclosure Statement. If you are a current investor, hold the line and an operator will get to you as soon as they are employed. If you owe us money, BEEEEEEEP"

\m/ Kat

"Hello, you have reached the Hermit residence. I am outside attempting to find the meaning of life, and I probably will have gotten lost in the dark or have fallen into a hole by now. So please leave a message after the tone." BEEP!!

King of Swords: "You know what to do." BEEP!!

Very long and delightful thread....thank you

Hello you have reached the Queen of Swords. A year ago, I would've been more than happy to take your message, but you failed to call until now. As for leaving a message? FORGET IT. Please hang up at the sound of the tone.

hi, you've reached the six of swords... i'm SICK of this town and i'm LEAVING. all those JERKS who've broken my heart are HISTORY, BUCK-O! i'm LEAVING! GONE! *begins sobbing erratically* and leave a stinkin' message, like i care. i'm not coming back, you jerk. *slams phone down*

Hi there! You've reached the residence of Hanged Man and Death.
We are unable to take your call now as we are out testing the seriousness of gravity. Leave us a message. Catcha later!

The Hermit:
What am I up to? I don't know. Seeking the truth, answering questions, philosophizing, or posing for a Led Zeppelin poster. Leave a message and I'll get back to you.................when I do. beeep!

Eight of Swords:

Hi, I can't answer your call right now because I'm tied up. But leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I'm free. Beep!

10 of Cups
 

HELLOOO!!!! You've reached the " Happy Family". We're sorry we can't take your call right now as we're enjoying a frolicking good time at our "Happy Family" picnic. Please leave your message after the tune...We Are Family...

ROTF....this is a fun one

10 od Pentacles
 

We're sorry, but we cannot take your call right now. We're in the process of dispensing my grandfather's legacy. We'll get back to you...hopefully our pockets will be filled by then.

10 of wands
 

I'm sorry, but I am uable to take your call right now due to the OVERWHELMING pressures in my life...the holidays are coming up, and with 3 kids there is just SO much to get done, and NO-ONE to help....if you are calling to OFFER help, I'll return your call immediately, but if you are calling to ask for my help....good luck...on second thought, what can I do for you? I can take on more...it's ok....

:) teehee

10 of Swords
 

I've missed your call....chances are that I will NEVER return your call. My life is over. The sun may rise again, but I'll be long gone by then. You can leave a message, but it won't be answered.

***not so happy with this one*****

It's great! Or you could say,
"hi, i can't take your call.
I'm dead.
At least the crap is over. See you next life!"

The Devil
 

(voice of Joey Tribbiani from Friends)

"Heeeeeeeeeey, How YOU doin?!!!"

Judgement:

"Hello, no one in this life will ever take your call, so don't leave a message at the sound of the beep."

8 of Wands: Beep. *1/2 second of silence.* Beeeeep!

8 of pents
 

LOL at Stellarmysts 8 of wands...

How about this for the 8 of pentacles...."Please leave a SHORT message at the tone. I am busy perfecting this project, and when i can grab a break, I'll try to get to your message. Make it quick though because I've got more to work on"

Hermit's Message..
 

I'm deep inside The Hermit card, today, and am busy absorbing his message for me. So leave your message at the beep and once I've become enlightened, then I'll return your call.

six of cups

hey it's the six of cups... i'm reveling in my memories. maybe you should join me! it's so much better there... so much better than what's waiting for me in the present. =(

7 of Wands

Dialing 911 "Help me its me 7 of wands someone wants to steel my favorite tree...Help!" telephone down.

omigod so funny! my favorite and i read all of them! good job. sounds like me.

You have reached 9 of Swords HotLine... Please listen cearfully as our menu has not changed since the great depression. Press 1 to worsen you nightmares, press 2 to keep living in denail, press 3 to drown in your pitty or press 9 to hear this options 9 more times.

5 of Pents


BOOOP. We're sorry. This number is no longer in service. If you think you have dialed in error please try again.

(Because you can't have voicemail when you don't pay your bill).

Hello, You've reached the King of Pentacles. I am busy at present checking my investment portfolio. Please call back when you have given up on that silly tarot business and have taken up something respectable. Like Accounting.

Hi. This is the Eight of Swords, I may get back to you once I've figured out my own emotional issues. Leave a message, if you want. .....*BEEP*

I love this thread so funny....

"Hi 6 of cups here..... all us cups are out at present, but if you wish to leave a present please come straight round now and leave it in the post box....
Thanx........"

"OMG, I am so out of sorts, just not myself, ohhh who am I? aaah Page of Cups........ummmh please leave a message and when I get it I hope to get back to you....."

"MMMMMMM aaahhhhhhh, yes yes yes......ummmmm 2 of cups here..... just making up after he didn't give enuff..... she expects too much.....I do not! you do......... leave a message, we will get back to you after we sorted this out...."

"Leave your treasure here after the beep.....If I feel it is the real Mccoy, me the 7 of cups, will or will I not get back to you? You will just have to see, won't you.......hahahahaha"

"My Work is being admired so I can not take your call right now....please leave a message, then i can tell you all about it.....ohhh youuuuu should know I am definetly the Masterpiece of Pentacles the Third....."

ohhh you really can go on and on can't you... going through your deck and doing one for each card.....lol

Hello, this is the III of Wands. Right now I'm observing my accomplishments, so I rather busy now. If you want to watch them with me, come on the top of the hill. If not... good luck to you!

Hello. You've reached the wheel. I'm too busy spinning, so either if you leave a message or not, I'll be ok with it!

Hello, Death here. If you are a boring person who loves routine and runs away from change, leave me a message with your phone number, address and height. If not, I probably know you already and there is no need for me to stop by.

Hey, this is a very young VIII of Pents. I am busy working hard my way to the top, leave me a message and I might be able to call you in ten years or so when I'm done with it...

Four Wands
 

"Hello, you have reached the four of wands. You know where I live, so come on over, we're having a party. BYOB! See you then...and bring some friends."

Hi, This is the Lovers. We're currently busy making out on a cloud trying to decide between two fruits, but when we're done cuddling, we may get back to you if we're not too busy.

High Priestess
 

Hello - you've reached the High Priestess. Please do not leave a message, I already know who you are and why you called. I will contact you later if I feel it is required.

*applauds wildly* Great! I love that one.

Good one!

You have reached DEATH

We're sorry, but nobody is alive to take your call.
Our regular business hours are any time you're not expecting it.

Hi, this is 7 of Wands, I'm really hemmed in right now and there are men with sticks beating at my door, I will call you back later when I'm not so trapped.

The Hierophant's Answering Machine
 

Dear sceptic. You have reached the Hierophant Spiritual Guidance Hotline. If you don't know what to believe in, press 1. If you have something to confess, press 2. Or if you would like to order our free 'How to know right from wrong' manual, press 3. Thank you very much for calling.

The Wheel of Fortune
 

"Hello! This is the Wheel of Fortune. If you are calling to complain about the way I'm running things...too bad so sad! Nothing I can do, I'm only doing my job. You just have to wait for better times. In the meantime you can call the Hierophant or the Hermit for advice. Thank you for calling."

Hello this is the wwheel of fortune....things are on the up at present,but when they come back down again,i'll get right back to you.....thanks.

Greetings...this is the star....theres always hope to be found in everything....i just wont bother answering.

:P :P Greetings...welcome to the nine pentacles residence.....id answer but y'all probably know more about me than i do,and what im doing anyway....but thanks for the memories. :P :P

Thanks for calling the High Priestess....im not going to answer right now..the reason why...thats my secret.:P

Hi this is the King of Cups. I'm busy teaching others how to love compassionately and dearly and will come to the phone as soon as I'm done snuggling.

Hi this is the 6 of Swords, I'm busy surrendering to fate and letting two men carry me away to someplace better, but I'll get your call as soon as I figure out where I need to be.

Hi,this is the world,i cant take your call right now,but everywhere i am,there you'll be. :P

Greetings one and all,im the 10 swords,id love to respond to your call,but ive not finished taking them knives out of my back yet. })

:P Good evening..this is the 2 wands...i cannot take your call right now..as im too busy holding the world with my hand. :P

Ace of Pents

Hi, I can't take your call right now because I'm fostering change and growth in my garden of life, but I will come to the phone when I'm done planting the field and harvesting it.

Temperance :P

I cannot take your call now,as im focusing on them jugs,and keeping the waters flowing. :P

7 swords ;)

:P Hello,youve reached the 7 swords,id love to take your call,but someones took my number and locked my phone,so i'll let them listen to it instead. :P

:) Hermit :)

:P Thanks For Calling The Hermit,id Love To Answer Your Call But Im Still In The Dark ;) :P

*click* *We are family by the Pointer Sisters playing* Hello, you have reached the residence of *male voice* Ten *female voice* of and *sqeaky child's voice* Cups. We are out in the garden having a little BBQ with our neighbours. Come along if you like.

:) The Hanged Man :)

:P Hello,i Can't Take Your Call Right Now, Im A Bit Tied Up,but.... The Best Things Come To Those Who Wait. :P

:P 7 PENTACLES :P

:) Good evening,this is the 7 pents here...i'd love to take your call,but im carefully assessing my fruits that are ripe for the picking,in order to know just what to do with them next. :)

:P LOL :P

3 of Pentacles
"If I haven't picked up yet then I'm probably at work. Let me get a few more projects off my plate, and if I haven't already embarked on a new enterprise, I'll call you back."

5 of Swords
"Can't come to the phone right now, busy counting the spoils of war. Talk to ya later!"

The Fool
"Hey...is this thing on? Is this--" *BEEP*
(He didn't have the patience to read the directions and wouldn't ask for help!)

9 of Wands
"Uh, there seems to be an army of peasants with pitchforks at my door. I think I'd better go--oh, shi--"*BEEP*

:O 7 swords :O

Hello,7 swords here,I cant get to the phone right now,but you can leave or

send me a message, hopefully i'll get to it before the administration team do.:)

8 of cups

i'm not here right now and may be a while coming back, in fact i don't want you to ever call me again, leave me alone

:laugh:

Justice
Hello. I'm not here right now, but please leave a message stating your full intentions and I shall decide whether or not it is needful that I reply. Good day and remember: every action has its consequences!

3 of Swords
*Heavy sobbing* H-hello? I'm not here right now, so leave me a message. I guess. *sob* By the way, if this is Frank calling then it is OVER between us. Do you hear me? OVER!! *BEEP*

Hello, this is DEATH.

Don't bother calling me again, because very soon, I'll be calling you.

Oooh! Spooky!

Nine of Wands:

"Who is this? Identify yourself! What do you want with me? Whatever it is, I didn't do it!"

5 of Pentacles
 

*Doo--Doo-Dee!* We're sorry, this number has been disconnected or is no longer in service. No further information is available.

10 cups

Thanks for ringing the 10 cups residence,im busy right now... but if your lucky my family will take the message from you.:)

10 of pentacles
 

Hello, this is Buckingam Palace answer machine...(british accent)

Hello, this is the TOWER,

We just got went out of business due to a lawsuit involving inadequate storm protection and blocking of necessary fire exits, making people jump out the windows.

Thank you for calling.

"Hey, guys, its 8 of swords. I'm sorry I can't get to my phone right now, as I'm all tied up."

"It is the Hanged Man. I'm too busy hanging out to get to my phone. But leave me a message if you want to get together and hang out soon."