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le fey 
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Join Date: 05 Apr 2006
Location: WV, USA
Posts: 1,747

Hee! But as long as you're aware that you're cheating, that's a message in itself. You pay attention to how you react to cards and follow that trail... *why* do this card mean that right now (because I want it to!). What else might it mean...what's the worst case (you start thinking of an actual situation it might point to and catch yourself veering away from that possibility because you don't want to go there!)? What advice does this card have - what would you say to someone else if this were their card?

To me that inner argument is the value of self-reading - the little kid me that wants every card to point to Christmas points to where my desires are. The stern voice that reminds the little kid that if you want it, you better be willing to do the work to get it informs me of my values about the situation. The voice of doom that that is wigged out at the mere sight of a particular card tells me where my fears are.

The cards present an opportunity for all those bits to have a little conversation... the truth is... all of it? Whatever agreement the various voices come to after debate?

In the end, the cards DO say 'what I want them to say'... but "I" am more than the little Christmas day kid and what I want most is to give all those parts of myself room to have their say. So, yes, the cards do influence me - they influence me to stop clamping down on parts of myself and give them room to speak, so that I can make an integrated, more whole choice without denying important aspects of my own role in that choice.

Just note your own body signals when you self read.... the groan when you see a card and the urge to go 'gee, I'm so confused what that means' while inside you're scrambling to stuff that voice that's saying "Oh crap, that's the result of what I did last week - I really screwed up and now it's going to bite me!" into a deep dark closet. The rush of delight when a card tells you exactly what you want to hear and confirms what you hoped for but are maybe afraid to believe it's possible.

I think I may approach my understanding of what Tarot is a little differently than some. I think pretty much everything they are telling us is something we already 'know' - we just tend to not listen very well to those inner truths, reasonable conclusions about where trends are taking us, etc, without a good focal point to spotlight them.

But if you feel yourself turning away from a card or blanking out as soon as you see it....follow that trail! Our minds play some pretty intense games to protect itself from dealing with what it doesn't like.



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