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Starling  Starling is offline
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Join Date: 16 Oct 2007
Location: United States
Posts: 432
Starling 

I really spent a lot of time trying to decide whether or not to post this or just post that I had done the work on the card. Everything people have said about this method of reading cards is right. You will find things in each card that will speak to your current situation. Although I didn't draw this card in the "normal" manner. It is obvious that it is the card I ought to be investigating.

RWS - 5 of Swords

What am I angry about?

My husband has dementia. It is still quite mild. He can do most of the things he wants to do. He still drives and reads a bunch of newspapers every day. But, a lot of the things I expected to be able to do once we retired are no longer happening. He doesn't want to socialize. . I have made friends with neighbors and with women living here but we haven't made couple friends because he no longer connects and conversation is difficult for him. We don't travel because being away from home is difficult for him. I'm angry because it isn't the retirement I dreamed of and expected to have. I see other people enjoying themselves, and I'm tired of watching other people have fun. I've spent a large portion of my life watching other people having fun and not joining in.

What do I feel I need to calmly walk away from?

I need to calmly walk away from my expectations because they are no longer realistic. I need to find a way to enjoy my life now because I know it is going to get harder. I know I will look back and see this time as a much better time in the near future. I'm working on it.

What makes me want to cry?

It is all so sad. I want to cry not just because of my own problems with this situation. I want to cry because he isn't the person he was such a short time ago, and he knows it and it makes him very unhappy.

I am, by the way, mostly NOT depressed. Life is actually good most of the time. I've used online resources to have people to "talk" to for years because of my own physical limitations. And I've got more in-person contact with people who live around me than I did in the past. I'm not all that isolated, and we do a bit of local travel.
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