SWWF ~ Shadow Work Group ~ Ta'Om ~ AJ & Kahlie

Kahlie

Dear AJ,

Well, it seems we are the only two who want to work on Shadow Work in the coming 2 weeks. I'm wondering if people are going to butt in or join in with ideas later on, I have no problem with that, although I would love it if they had signed up

Ta'Oms Energy for me in Shadow Work is complex and multi-functional, for me he's the Writer Archetype but also a type of Child Archetype, maybe because of the way he's always sitting... looking so lost and daydreamy.

Working with him in the coming two weeks for me includes:

- Not making up fanciful stories just to entertain... I sometimes do that pretending they are real... *auchy* It never gets me into trouble, as they are usually funny anecdotes but I hate lying and I want to get to the root of this behavior.

- Seeing in which situations I don't speak up, out of fear or other emotions, getting to the root of that.

- Seeing which projects I won't do out of fear or misspent energy, but I know I need too.

- Looking at which negative stories I tell myself

Let me know which ideas you have to work on AJ and we can see if we can hook up to find out why we do some things that we dislike about ourselves and why we repress some of our very best energy.

Kahlie

Kahlie

My First Negative Story

Alrighty, my first Negative Story, which is based upon Authority Figures & Believing in yourself.

Overall I haven't had much troubles at all with institutions, government stuff or whatnot, as most things went fluidly and comfortably.

However, lately, I've been in a mess with an institution which had people lie to me, be rude and basically do a shitty job of what they were supposed to do. Supposedly they use doctors recommendations to see how much help you need in the household and they have cut me off without clear reasons, were always sending letters on the last day saying how much hours I would get causing me stress and upset as well as the person who was working for me.

So I had to go higher up. Which was hard for me to do. First I filed a complaint against their behavior, as it's not reasonable they take 3 months for a decision, not reasonable that they suddenly change dates to make it seem like they were in the ok zone of 6 weeks etc. etc.. I didn't receive anything back at first and it was a whole lotta drama until I finally got somebody higher up in the chain, who basically didn't know anything but said it wouldn't happen again.

Then, they cut my hours, supposedly, because my house is small! (No change in health). So far then, I had to file a formal objection with the government over that decision. It took them ages to respond, and at the moment, I'm still waiting for a decision. At the time of the hearing, many critical questions were fired upon the opponent, as even using the protocol they have deemed correct, I should have more hours. However, it's been over 2 weeks and I'm worried again.

I recently went to an open day discussing the new law and how it should be implemented concerning help in the household, wheelchairs etc. I was hoping that, seeing as the law needs to be implemented, we could look at alternative institutions to do the checkups and see about the protocol that is used now. Mostly since some of the things in it are clearly *not* correct. For example: 1 person households only have 1 laundry a week. And if you can't cook for yourself but you don't have a diet nor children, you are forced to use 'other options' that only include: microwave meals and food delivery services. So basically, they want me to eat that for a year... or so... *eep*

I noticed that the group that was supposed to help out with this part of the law didn't know at all what they were talking about. Instead they made a slick presentation about a new administration program.... uhm... ok?! We didn't need that...

I talked to somebody who told me he knew of several problems like mine and that they weren't correctly resolved. At least I got a phone number off him to call and see what can be done.

I also talked to somebody from the government who said that surely, the guy I talked about wasn't such a bad guy. I told him that this guy said that some of my allergies "weren't confirmed" and that shown the opposite in writing from the hospital, he did not take appropriate actions and that I was still waiting for his decision... He said he would look into it with the check up institution.

This whole whole whole situation was filled with negativity... it forced me for once to go and stand up against what I believed wasn't fair. It was incredibly hard to do as I normally just take the shit... however, I need help in the household!

But, I do believe that my own negativity played a part in how this played out. Because when I started to speak up, I felt nobody would listen and that's a bad place to be... If you do not believe in yourself, how can others believe in you?

So I drew 2 Cards to help me in this situation with this archetype story of "I'm small and they are big and I'm helpless"

Speaking up: The Piper
Hmm, true true, I've become more adapt at speaking up now, as it no longer scares me. The piper also tells me that I can have quite a seductive voice if I want too... I'm guessing this is true but I haven't found that out yet. I'm taking responsibility for it now.

I have a seductive voice... and I can convince others

Believing in Myself: Penelope Dreamweaver

Oy, believing in myself sometimes feels like a far away dream. While I'm confident with who I am and what I do.... I don't always believe that I'm able to convince others or even make them understand what is going on.

I'm guessing that Ta'Om & Penelope will be around me some more to help me express and inspire myself and others...

*pondering this*

Kahlie

P.S. I hope I didn't bore you to tears AJ!

Kahlie

OK, like WOAH

After writing that yesterday I was called by my opponent/person at the government, who treated me with respect, heard my arguments and basically promised me he would look into how fair the current proceedings are. He also promised me he would send me a letter writing down what we had discussed and how it would go from there.

He was very polite (has been different!) and very respectful.

I'm suspiciously eying those Fae! But more to the point, I feel much much better about this whole story... and I'm working on related issues now too.

Kahlie

AJ

Just saw this thread, will pop in later with some input. Thanks for starting it.

edited 5 hours later.
Kahlie, I'm so proud of you for taking positive action on your own behalf and that results were quick to come.
Anytime we deal with a public bureaucracy regardless of country the wheels grind exceedingly slow. It is difficult to not feel like a seed under the grindstone with little pieces of us flicking off.

If you are in the right and have the paperwork to back you up, just keep plugging along at them.

I've been looking at Ta'Om the Poet for a little while now, just forming impressions from the card.
Ta'Om has a very strong jaw line, an elongated face like a deer, long powerful sexy hands and a healthy looking (by human standards) physique which speaks of active days and moderation in whatever it is Fae eat. Berries, roots, nuts? What about city Fae? Surely they aren't scavengers?

Ta'Om seems to have some prickley bits, would this be for self-defense? And maybe some scaling, would he shed his skin?

Shedding our public skin might be a good way to start shadow work.
I wonder if it would be a good exercise to describe ourselves as if we'd never physically seen ourselves. Life before mirrors.

Public skin: Competent, leader, forward thinking, confident, successful, smart.
Private skin: Often frightened, slow to grasp ideas, painfully shy, often fail.
What is the truth?

When I was maybe 10-15 years old when upset or frightened I would write poetry. Ta'Om would have laughed I'm sure; melodramatic would have been a good descriptor, but that is the way teens are, every slight, every fear is enormous. That would have been the early 60's, in the boondocks, with no ready tools to work through problems. Today kids have all kinds of outlets, school counselors and psychologists, a multitude of self-help books specific to age groups, and a gazillion websites like MySpace to vent their spleen and look for like-minded teens.

Don't know where I'm going with this, just thinking outloud...

Kahlie

AJ said:
If you are in the right and have the paperwork to back you up, just keep plugging along at them.

Will do. I have however noticed how much I disliked speaking up, as if I wanted people to know what I wanted before I told them and always respect my boundaries by magically knowing what they are

Hmm... I pondered a lot on why I was expecting so much of others, and consequently... of myself!

AJ said:
Shedding our public skin might be a good way to start shadow work.
I wonder if it would be a good exercise to describe ourselves as if we'd never physically seen ourselves. Life before mirrors.

Hmm... a very interesting proposition!

AJ said:
Public skin: Competent, leader, forward thinking, confident, successful, smart.
Private skin: Often frightened, slow to grasp ideas, painfully shy, often fail.
What is the truth?

You seem to have described me there, somewhat. I do notice others often tell me how confident and smart I sound and how successful I'm becoming, but I sure don't feel like that. Although I'm not painfully shy, I am certainly not as sure of myself as I seem from the outside!

AJ said:
When I was maybe 10-15 years old when upset or frightened I would write poetry. Ta'Om would have laughed I'm sure; melodramatic would have been a good descriptor, but that is the way teens are, every slight, every fear is enormous.

Did you notice the self-depreciating and sarcastic tone in which you just described an expression of your creativity? Why would Ta'Om have laughed? For all writers small pains and fears become big to express ourselves and let others feel how we feel. Melodramatics is something we sometimes need, exaggerate the pain until we have to laugh or else just get it out of our systems.

I bet it would be interesting for you to take some time to see how critical you are of your creative expressions and your behavior as a child... maybe a thought?

AJ said:
Don't know where I'm going with this, just thinking outloud...

Thinking out loud is wonderful. Especially with when others can read and help point out tones/moods and sayings in your writing. =)

I am going to do that experiment with describing myself and then posting a picture for you to look at!

Just not now as I need some rest.

Hugs,

Kahlie

AJ

Kahlie said:
Did you notice the self-depreciating and sarcastic tone in which you just described an expression of your creativity?
I bet it would be interesting for you to take some time to see how critical you are of your creative expressions and your behavior as a child... maybe a thought?

Oh you haven't seen anything yet...I've spent this century getting negativity out of my system. You should have heard me in 1975 and 1985 and 1997..OMG. I was Queen of Negativity. Healing is a long time coming and doing exercises like this are a big part of it.

Thinking out loud is wonderful. Especially with when others can read and help point out tones/moods and sayings in your writing.

When I saw this thread last night it made my stomach hurt. I'd committed to shadow work, and publicly. But what the hell, I am what I am, and if it helps me become a better person I'm all for that. Ta'Om will pull us along... and truly...since I've made the commitment I'd appreciate it if anyone drops by and points out if I'm window-dressing the truth or falling into old habits.

I am going to do that experiment with describing myself and then posting a picture for you to look at! Just not now as I need some rest.

Hugs,

Kahlie

I've been thinking on the physical self-description without an image and it would be a tough task. We would still be able to see everything but our face if there were no mirrors (ignoring any reflective surface). And we wear different faces too... The friend face, the lover face, the boss face, the employee face, the grieving face, the drunken face

The happy forum face.

Kahlie

AJ said:
Oh you haven't seen anything yet...I've spent this century getting negativity out of my system. You should have heard me in 1975 and 1985 and 1997..OMG. I was Queen of Negativity. Healing is a long time coming and doing exercises like this are a big part of it.

Any specifics on the negativity? I seem to be releasing a lot of anger I didn't know I had... which is why I do Shadow Work...

I've had around 6 dreams last night featuring anger... and standing up for myself.

I thought I went through this cycle completely already but apparently not. I did some exercises before bed on releasing toxins and this is what came out.

I'm going to go and do some work on gaining peace today, as my daily Healing Card was: "Accept Life's Challenges..." which speaks about happenings in your life, obstacles etc. and making peace with them.

I know it's hard to work on this publicly AJ, that's why I think we are the only two! =) If you want to make this an e-mail conversation or through PM I'm fine with it too. I'm wondering if I have an exhibitionist in my Shadow Side or if I finally reached some level of acceptance, as I don't mind what shit I'm writing here for others to see

Kahlie

AJ

No, no need to go private. We don't need to post everything we think. If we are acknowledging the information or ah-ha moment the progress will still be noted in our brains.

I'm come so far in losing the negativity and really couldn't say where the mindset began to change. I do know that two books and one activity made a real big difference. The activity was a written blessing journal that I kept faithfully for over 2 years. Counting my blessings is automatic now. It's all a process though and what worked for me might not make any difference at all to someone else.

Ta'Om says good morning, it's 3 AM here and my old friend insomnia is my companion.

AJ

Been doing a little surfing on what shadow work actually consists of, what activities and tasks are involved.

From Shadowwork.com
To understand why they behave in a certain way;
To get help or support for unfolding more of themselves;
To work with feelings like fear, grief, or anger;
To break through old patterns of behavior.

This seems to be a nice site to bookmark and visit fairly often
http://www.soulfulliving.com/july02features.htm

As John O’Neill has pointed out in his book, The Paradox of Success, by ignoring and/or refusing to face the contents of our shadow, we sabotage our own success in one of four ways - the acquisition of power; inappropriate sexual activity; chasing money; and addictions to food, alcohol, drugs, and work.

I've heard this many times:
Realize that our most intense negative reactions to people reflect negative qualities in ourselves that we have refused to face or accept. By examining these negative traits and facing them, we lower the intensity of our negative reactions to other people and find it easier to resolve interpersonal conflicts.
---
I don't make friends easily, mostly because I'm busy and need to do friend things on the fly, spontaneously, and most people seem to need to plan far ahead. I also don't make enemies easily and can almost always find a couple of things to like about people that do rub me the wrong way.

So while we do this exercise I'm going to try to think of a few people that I really don't like or have a negative reaction to. See if Ta'Om can point out the shadows I'm avoiding. Hungry Ghosts... Who are they?

Kahlie

Dear AJ,

Sounds like a good idea. I worked past that part of Shadow Work mostly, as I do have a lot of friends, and only 1-2 people who grossly annoyed me in the past. Right now they aren't really annoying me as much...

For me, shadow work has to do about our own nasty habits, or anything else we deem inappropriate so we shunt into our Shadow instead of working with it. I've worked a lot on letting rules go and just trying to be myself, naturally.

I am always struggling with people who are not honest as I pick up on that really fast and it can leave me very upset as I don't understand why people lie. Well, I do, theoretically, because they think it's better for them, and often they don't think of the long-term effects.

I'm struggling with some emotional issue and I did the more normal thing of repressing it and running away from it. I don't like this behavior in myself but it pops up sometimes. Sometimes it's so hard for me to find out what is wrong that all I know is that I'm staying up too late and reading books that do interest me but aren't worth my sleep.

I'll write more about it tomorrow and work on it, with Ta'Om. I'll also check out your links AJ. Today is my birthday so I'm off doing birthdayish thingies!

Kahlie