When A Sitter Wants "No Bad News" and...

[PAMUYA]

Don't bow , we all have wisdom and knowledge to share with eachother. If you have all the answers you are unable to listen and learn.

I really wouldn't call myself a professional, don't live on it, most of the time I read at parties or gatherings for free. I always work out the question out loud with the client while I am mixing the cards and at times I will write the question down. It is amazing when the cards come up the question changes in the clients mind. I was taught by my grandmother (my mother also read cards) that the question is the most important part of the reading. If the question is not clear, the answer will not be clear.

Most of my readings go something like this: I will ask what is on your mind, and only ask a question that you are willing to hear the answer. I remind them that the cards are to open up options for you, the future is still a blank page that needs to be writen, the future is not writen in stone and can be changed. As I am talking with the client I continue to shuffle/mix the cards, we work out a clear question(NO yes/no questions) and I have them write the question down. I ask the question out loud I then put the deck into 3 piles in front of the client, the client is told to select a pile, that pile is placed on top of the other 2. I pill the top 3 cards.

Most of my readings are with 3 cards, very seldom do I pull qualifers. The 3 cards can be past/present/future - problem or issue/what hinders/what helps -self/relationship/other person.... you can go on and on with so many different 3 card spreads. When I have the time and I am in the mood I will do a celtic cross spread or other larger spread but that is rare.

After I give them my thoughts on the cards, I do let them pick up the cards to look at and I ask if they see anything else in the cards. I have gotten great insight from clients. Once I give the reading I just sit quietly and listen. I don't try to sell the message or try to be right, I am just the messanger. I will answer questions but I will not tell them "what to do". I let them digest what was said to them. Many times days later I will get a call telling me that they "got it", understood the message.

It is a simple approach to reading, a bit different from my mother and grandmothers they were a bit more dramatic in their approach. There many ways to read, the right way is the one that works for you, the one you are comfortable using. For me reading is a gift that I share with others, I must do it under my rules and conditions, other wise I get stressed or emotional and then I am unable to hear the whispers of my intuition (one of grandma's favorite sayings). Don't be afraid to have an approach or practice that you follow when reading, don't be afraid to say "no" or "I cannot do a reading like that". You must apply your own standards and be consistant. That will make you a better, more relaxed reader.

[PulchraElectri]

When I first started reading the cards (Years ago lol and that makes me feel old.) I saw the tower and death card as negative. My first few readings where I would pull a death card I'm like "AGHHH!". But now that I have had practice and more insight into the cards and thier meanings I have to agree with others on here. I view these cards as positive. Yes they can bring pain, but childbirth is painful and still brings a miracle into the world. If I pull these cards in a reading now I explain this to the sitter. It may not be a change they are wanting in their lives but I have had people come back to me later on and say they were glad the change had occured because it brought some positive things into their lives. Sometimes there will be readings that are negative. I call these warning readings. It is letting the sitter know that they are in a negative situation that they need to be aware of. And I always remind my sitters that the cards are not an absolute, they show the probable outcome of a situation that is being asked about. And that everyone has the ability to change their path and their future. It's the wonderful gift of free choice. I hope this helps.

[danieljuk]

Originally Posted by PAMUYA

Before every reading I tell my clients "Don't ask a question if you do not want to hear the answer"

That's a great quote from Pamuya. If you ask for a reading you never know what might come up! It's like asking "how was your day today, but don't tell me anything negative that happened?"

Like many people have said on the thread The Tower and Death can be amazing change. sometimes you need change in your life. I would love that kind of moment to happen to me. It might be awful for a while but in the long term things will be much better. But no cards are all negative! there is a positive/ neutral and negative for every card! Life like the cards are full of different events and things happening. no one has a really happy life with no negative things ever happening.

I really love that some professional readers try to never leave the client with negative emotions at the end of the reading. If bad things come up they offer suggestions on what to do to handle or change them. I hope that I become more of a reader like that.

I think you did really well handling the reading SagiChar, sounds pretty challenging

[xhollysue]

I think I would start processing the querent as to what "bad" means to them, and why they are expecting bad things to be coming up in their near future. Then I would go into a long lecture on the Law of Attraction, and how if they're focusing on "bad" (whether they want it or not) that's exactly the cards they're going to get. I would end with encouragement to shuffle the cards and say over and over in their minds, "I'm going to hear EXACTLY what's going to serve me best in this reading. There's no such thing as bad, just useful new perspectives for my life."

[SagiChar]

Originally Posted by PAMUYA

Don't bow , we all have wisdom and knowledge to share with eachother. If you have all the answers you are unable to listen and learn.

Ah...please do not misunderstand!! I bow out of pure respect!! (Sounds SO corny...but I really mean it!) 40 YEARS...that's a heck of a long time! So...please take my compliment and understand that 40 years with tarot (to me) is a great accomplishment and nothing to shrug off! So many experiences, so much you've learned through out the years...it's wonderful!

Originally Posted by PAMUYA

I really wouldn't call myself a professional, don't live on it, most of the time I read at parties or gatherings for free. I always work out the question out loud with the client while I am mixing the cards and at times I will write the question down. It is amazing when the cards come up the question changes in the clients mind. I was taught by my grandmother (my mother also read cards) that the question is the most important part of the reading. If the question is not clear, the answer will not be clear.

Most of my readings go something like this: I will ask what is on your mind, and only ask a question that you are willing to hear the answer. I remind them that the cards are to open up options for you, the future is still a blank page that needs to be writen, the future is not writen in stone and can be changed. As I am talking with the client I continue to shuffle/mix the cards, we work out a clear question(NO yes/no questions) and I have them write the question down. I ask the question out loud I then put the deck into 3 piles in front of the client, the client is told to select a pile, that pile is placed on top of the other 2. I pill the top 3 cards.

Most of my readings are with 3 cards, very seldom do I pull qualifers. The 3 cards can be past/present/future - problem or issue/what hinders/what helps -self/relationship/other person.... you can go on and on with so many different 3 card spreads. When I have the time and I am in the mood I will do a celtic cross spread or other larger spread but that is rare.

After I give them my thoughts on the cards, I do let them pick up the cards to look at and I ask if they see anything else in the cards. I have gotten great insight from clients. Once I give the reading I just sit quietly and listen. I don't try to sell the message or try to be right, I am just the messanger. I will answer questions but I will not tell them "what to do". I let them digest what was said to them. Many times days later I will get a call telling me that they "got it", understood the message.

It is a simple approach to reading, a bit different from my mother and grandmothers they were a bit more dramatic in their approach. There many ways to read, the right way is the one that works for you, the one you are comfortable using. For me reading is a gift that I share with others, I must do it under my rules and conditions, other wise I get stressed or emotional and then I am unable to hear the whispers of my intuition (one of grandma's favorite sayings). Don't be afraid to have an approach or practice that you follow when reading, don't be afraid to say "no" or "I cannot do a reading like that". You must apply your own standards and be consistant. That will make you a better, more relaxed reader.

I sincerely appreciate you taking your time to explain your approach (I love hearing how people do their readings...so many different approaches), your opinions, and your advice...I value it very much and will take so much of this with me. I won't go point by point, or we'd be here forever but...I especially am grateful to you for your line,

"Don't be afraid to have an approach or practice that you follow when reading, don't be afraid to say "no" or "I cannot do a reading like that". You must apply your own standards and be consistant. That will make you a better, more relaxed reader."

As it made me understand that "I" am the one who sets the terms, where as in the past, well, there really WERE no terms...so all I can say is thank you!!

[SagiChar]

Originally Posted by PulchraElectri

Sometimes there will be readings that are negative. I call these warning readings. It is letting the sitter know that they are in a negative situation that they need to be aware of.

I really like how you look at negative readings as "warning readings" ... it never occurred to me to look at it that way...but of course! That's brilliant...I don't know if you came up with that on your own, or that is a coined tarot phrase...but, AH...what a positive way to look at a negative...Thank you!! (I know I'm probably sounding redundant in saying thank you in this thread, but there is so much good advice...I'm so glad I posted this question as there has been so much excellent advice!!)

[Kitichi]

I have sometimes been in moods where I didn't want to hear anything bad. In that case, I am careful with the question that I ask. Rather than asking "what will happen," I will ask something like, "Tell me what I have to look forward to."

In this way, I'm not denying the bad things. They can exist, there can be a whole slew of bad things coming, I'm just not ready to see or deal with it yet. Just tell me the good happy things that I have to look forward to, let those things lift my spirits, and then I'll deal with the bad stuff if there is bad stuff coming.

Not sure how I'd do this if I was dealing with another person. I suppose if I changed the position from "outcome" to "thing to look forward to", I'd then have to be very careful in saying that "this is the good thing that is coming. It doesn't mean that you are going to get what you want, or that mostly or only good things are coming. It could be the one bright spot in a storm of bad, so don't be surprised if bad things come. I can't tell you whether or not bad things are coming because you specifically asked not to hear it." Maybe then explain the only way they can know if mostly bad or mostly good things are coming is to be open to both, and if they are, then you can read a genuine outcome card - but if you do, you WILL be telling them the bad stuff if that's what the cards are telling you.

[SagiChar]

Originally Posted by danieljuk

I really love that some professional readers try to never leave the client with negative emotions at the end of the reading. If bad things come up they offer suggestions on what to do to handle or change them. I hope that I become more of a reader like that.

I think you did really well handling the reading SagiChar, sounds pretty challenging

Yes, I know what you mean....heck, if I can just someday get to the "professional" part I'll be in good shape!

And thanks a lot for the compliment...it WAS really challenging...especially since through most of the reading she was crying as well..which didn't help matters. But, she did end up thanking me at the end of the reading...so I guess I did okay.

[SagiChar]

Originally Posted by xhollysue

I think I would start processing the querent as to what "bad" means to them, and why they are expecting bad things to be coming up in their near future. Then I would go into a long lecture on the Law of Attraction, and how if they're focusing on "bad" (whether they want it or not) that's exactly the cards they're going to get. I would end with encouragement to shuffle the cards and say over and over in their minds, "I'm going to hear EXACTLY what's going to serve me best in this reading. There's no such thing as bad, just useful new perspectives for my life."

I, too, am a firm believer of the Law of Attraction....I truly think she attracted those cards!!

Another great way to deal with this type of situation...thanks xhollysue!

[SagiChar]

Originally Posted by Kitichi

but if you do, you WILL be telling them the bad stuff if that's what the cards are telling you.

And that's kind of what ended up happening anyways. I told her I'd tell her no bad...but when we looked at the cards and she saw the Tower...she knew...she could tell it wasn't a lovey-dovey card...so hence my stuttering, stammering and so on.