Commitment phobe cards: four of wands and ten of pentacles reversed?

[Intotouch]

Looking back on previous readings I am connecting these two cards reversed with relationships where one person is a commitment-phobe. Relationships with no actual commitment but where that person wants everything that goes along with being in a committed relationship: intimacy, mutual support, sex, even sharing a home. The wedding party/ relationship without any of the responsibility. So I think of these cards reversed now as showing a fear of commitment, rather than a fear of intimacy, and that one party sees their desires reversed/ blocked.

However I have not done readings for couples where neither party wanted commitment so don't know if these cards would apply there.

Have you also seen these cards reversed describing this kind of relationship dynamic? If not how have you seen them come up?

[rwcarter]

I don't used reversed cards and can't say that I've ever seen this combo come up in any relationship readings that I've done. But as a meaning for the 4W is marriage and a meaning for 10P is legacy/family/something that's built that can be handed down, I can see how the reversed/ill-dignified meanings of those cards could indicate someone who is unwilling (whether or not that person actually has a phobia about it) to commit to someone else.

I can't tell by what you wrote if you're asking about the cards separately or together. I think that either card could indicate commitment phobia, but together they could definitely be added to the 'Red Flag' relationship warning cards thread.

[Intotouch]

Hi. I've seen these cards both together and separately for this scenario. I use the Motherpeace round tarot deck because I like that there are tilts and not just reversals. You might like that system too. It's more life like than the up or down alternatives of square decks. Tilts can mean holding back (leaning to the left) or pushing too much (to the right) but with reversals with these I think about how the upright scenario could be blocked/ rejected.

Thanks for pointing out that thread. I'll definitely check it out.

I don't know that a relationship with no commitment is a bad thing though. I know a couple who have been together for thirty years and will never marry but are very happy together. Of course when someone asks me for a reading it's because there's something wrong so that puts it's own spin on cards I guess.

[CaballoDeCopas]

This is interesting, I am a commitment phobe, and the condition isn't just about relationships, but any long term commitment, so any large purchase, life direction, jobs, social ocassions in the future, anything, where you need to make a choice of one this over another, and for which will need to commit to.

I would say that 2 coins, 8 swords and 7 cups makes more sense for me with regard to how it feels to be in this position. There is a want to have choices open and the thought of having to pick one thing over another creates a huge amount of anxiety and a feeling of being trapped.

As another thought, may be also the 2 swords, as I have certainly had choices over things like social ocassions and not wanting to choose and commit to one over theother and using excuses for both, or more, parties, in order to delay a decision.

[closrapexa]

Not to disparage anyone, since I'm probably wrong, but I think it's just a matter of not finding the right thing to commit to, hence I prefer to take the cards as a case by case basis. Otherwise I run the risk of coming to a reading laden with my own biases towards certain situations. Besides, I don't know if it is for me to judge a person's entire worldview based on a reading. If I saw the cards you mentioned, I would probably say that that person doesn't want a commitment with the querent, but I couldn't define them as unable to commit. It's unfair.

I know a couple who have been together for about 15 years. Two men, married, thinking of having a child soon... but I know for a fact that they stopped sleeping together several years ago in favor of an open relationship, but they're the most committed and loving couple I know. Sometimes commitment takes on forms we can't know, let alone judge.

[Intotouch]

That's a very good point Closrapexa.

I can see how the eight of swords, two of cups, seven of cups and two of swords all could speak of non committing/ non choosing but I don't tend to link these cards with relationships the way that I do the four of wands and the ten of pentacles. These cards are all about relationships, at least that's how I think of them. The two of pentacles I also link with physical relationships or connections between people, not necessarily the juggling to suggest the juggling of two choices or two people.

[CaballoDeCopas]

I always got the 8 swords for my relationships Now I know why, that's exactly how it felt for me, trapped in indecision, feeling that to make that move to commit would cause so much pain, that I dare not move out of my current position of being on my own. It was about how I felt inside, totally anxious, and that had nothing to do with the other person, they could have been the most perfect person in the world, the problem is, the move towards something at the cost of other things, and in my head is the 7 cups, all of those options in life, not other people, certainly not, but other sorts of ways of living. I would say my actions were the 2 swords, avoidance. From the outside, I might have been labelled a player, but that is not what a true commitment phobe is doing, they are really having a hard time with the situation and it manifests in vagueness, secrecy, avoidance, not very nice for the other person either. My actions may have looked like the 2 coins also, where I am juggling many different things, and not making one more important than another. In order to commit to one choice over others, you need to drop one of those balls, and I would not be willing to give up possible dreams or time to do what I wanted. I want to be free to come and go as I please in any situation in my life, to do what I fancy at a whim. That's how I have seen these cards for me, and not just in the sense of relationships either, in kinds of situations, becuase it's not about relationships, if someone really is a commitment phobe, they will have the same feels about any choice they have to make a commitment too. Just like someone with anorexia will not distiguish between foods, they all cause anxiety, all commitment decisions are alike to someone with this phobia.