A 'saying goodbye' spread - help please

[Aoife]

I saw my father today for the first time since the holidays and I suddenly realised that he will soon pass on. Despite the fact he's in his eighties and in ill health I hadn't allowed myself to realise. I've yet to experience the passing of someone close to me.

My father and I have never been close; he has always struggled to cope emotionally and so 'closed down'. He is not a religious man and I know that inside he greatly fears death.
We are not genetically related but he is the only man I have ever known as father.

I seek help from the cards to:
- help me to know what I need to do in the near future, both in relation to my spiritual development but also in respect of my relationship with him
- I need to help to know how to help him and how to help myself
- I need help to know how to forgive myself for not working harder to build a bond between us
- I need help to know how to forgive him for not doing the same
- I need help to know how to let him go

I can't think straight enough at the moment to devise an appropriate spread.
You may also think I am too shaken to do a reading at the moment.
But I feel strongly that there isn't much time left.

Any suggestions would be most gratefully received.

NB He would be appalled if he knew my relationship with the tarot.

[jema]

sounds to me like you already made the spread right there.

1- help me to know what I need to do in the near future, both in relation to my spiritual development
2- but also in respect of my relationship with him
3 - I need to help to know how to help him 4 - and how to help myself
5 - I need help to know how to forgive myself for not working harder to build a bond between us
6 - I need help to know how to forgive him for not doing the same
7 - I need help to know how to let him go

[Aoife]

Jema,
Thank you so much.
I just couldn't see the wood for the trees.

[Ursula]

i would alter the order slightly:

1-what i can do for myself spiritually
2-what i can do for myself in my relationship with him
3-how i can help myself emotionally
4-what i can do for him
5-how to forgive myself
6-how to forgive him
7-how to let him go

then place the cards into either steps:

.......................7
:::::::::::::::::::
...............5......6
:::::::::::::
.......3......4
:::::::
1.....2

or a pyramid:

.................7
.............5.....6
.......3.................4
1...............................2

i've lost a couple of people who were close to me. just make sure that you make all your amends now, no matter what his behavior has been like. you are 50% of that relationship, and that's a lot. parent or no, that half is your responsibility. if your 50% is in good shape, then even if only part of his half is in order, that still makes for a mostly good relationship.

i made that decision several years before my father died, and thankfully, i could be at peace with his death. i still have regrets about what i did while he was alive, especially as a teenager, but i can always look back and know that in the last few years of his life, i did all i could, and we actually developed a really sweet, affectionate relationship.

peace to you, and by all means turn to the tarot cards now! if they are the source of strength and inspiration for you that they are for me, then you need them now more than ever.

brightest of blessings,

~Urs

[Barbaras Ahajusts]

I can't thank you enough for this spread. I am about to take this walk of loss. Because of surrounding circumstances, I can't be with my father until his end as I was with my mother.
This layout, will be a great benefit to my sister and I.
Bless you, both!
Barbara