reading tarot to figure out another person?

Hi everyone!

My question might sound quite naive but even though I´ve been learning tarot for over a year, I´m still not 100% on this one...

If I ask the cards what´s going on with a third party, what their feelings and emotions are in relation to me, will my reading be accurate? Without going into the messy details, I´ve been involved with someone who doesn´t seem to have a clue what he wants. I can´t figure him out, he is so contradictory, and I find using the cards has been really helpful for me to get real and understand his perspective. But I´m not sure if what I am doing is A) ethical or B) accurate (as accurate as if he chose the cards himself, I mean..?)

If anyone could give their opinions I´d be really grateful. I guess it all depends on how the cards work- do they have a ´mind of their own´and therefore can answer anything, or are they influenced entirely by my own subconscious thoughts and feelings in relation to third party readings? Thanks

Tricky in at the deep end !

I hate to say it but I'd recomend a celtic cross as it can be especially if your doing readings for yourself that your cards will reflect more on the side of what you feel and anyone else shows up as a side line....don't worry about the other positions but lay out ten cards and look at the card in eight position as this position refers to other people ...and how you affect them or what your doing how the situation effects them or even how they are relating to you ie what you were talking about ......then pull or pick or cut cards once or twice and pull one or two cards to further clarify

Look at card two Allso this card refers to what's gonna be faceing you as regards this person and your relationship with them example 2 cups means they cooperative or two swords there's not seeing eye to eye

Mind of there own

Yes in answer to that...they have your mind ! They are the answers you have inside you that are hidden

Thanks Fester
The thing is, I quite often get the 2 of cups AND the 2 of swords in positions 2 and 8, depending on the day- hence my need for clarification! Sometimes readings are v clear that I need to get a grip and move on, other times they give me hope. Is that because they are only showing me my own perspective on the situation in any given moment? And also- if the tarots can´t tell me another person´s thoughts, how do people do remote readings via phone or internet?

You will get different answers to this question. It's a matter of personal preference.

I understand the curiosity that leads to questions which might intrude into another person's inner life. I simply ask myself: how would I feel if somebody else would try to figure me out, using the instruments that he has? I wouldn't like it. If I don't reveal feelings, there is a good reason, and I want my inner motivations kept private when I choose not to show them.

And there is no reason why somebody else shouldn't have the same right.

I also suspect that especially in the urgent heart-ache cases our own emotions will colour the reading anyway, and we will probably get the answers we fear or desire.

However, it is always good to ask questions where the answer is an "action item" for ourselves. What can I do to understand him better? How can I get closer to him? There is definitely a grey area where our own emotions and those of another person meet and are enmeshed. But the other person always has to have the chance to keep his/her distance and to protect his/herself, at least in my view.

I use tarot for self exploration and awareness, not for fortune telling or "discovering secrets". Maybe I simply lack the talent others have for uncovering such secrets :-D and simply hide behind a cloak of morality my inability of answering such questions...

I read mostly for myself and for one or two good friends of mine. They did ask me question of the "does he love me" variety and I always requested to re-formulate the question. But I'm certain many other readers would have answered, and probably correct.

You may wish to ask the cards whether there are clues he gave you that you overlooked, and which clues they were. I find that the tarot gives us often answers that we could have given ourselves but didn't know how. The tarot "lifts" these answers from the unconscious muddle into the light.

I wouldn't use a generic spread like the Celtic Cross that is loaded with so much information not pertaining to the question of the relationship. I'd create a compact, specific spread for this use, and not too many cards, not more than four.

I always like to "milk" a few cards for all they're worth but others prefer larger spreads or pull clarification cards or do maths to find the essence cards. I don't do all this. Which absolutely doesn't mean that I'm right. For me, this approach works best.

ETA: Maybe I misunderstood but - do you do the Celtic Cross very often? I don't know what others think but IMO the CC is a very dense and sometimes rambling spread that should be repeated only after some of its lessons have been internalized and put into practice. If there is no change of situation, I don't do the CC. Just my two cent...

Thanks very much Nemia, that was useful
I asked about ethics for the reasons you mention...I´ve been into wicca for many years and wouldn´t dream of spell casting to influence a third party, but I wasn´t sure if the same can be said of tarots, as they don´t bend anyone´s will. I agree with what you say though, and will formulate my questions better in future so that I´m not doing anything underhand! I´ll look into some other spreads that might serve better than the celtic cross. Thanks again for your comments and advice

Welcome to AT, Sofia!

I agree with Nemia. Readings on third parties might or might not be accurate, but aren't strictly ethical, because, even though they don't bend the other person's will as much as spells do, they do border dangerously on prying.

Another thing that came to mind reading about your situation: actions usually speak louder than words. It looks to me like this guy had plenty of time to do the right things if he really wanted to. Maybe, it's time to ask the cards about you, not him, and let him solve his contradictions himself?..

Best of luck to you!

Beautiful post, Nemia! I agree that people wouldn´t like being spyed on. However, I believe third party reading is ok or not depending on the intention more than the act itself. If you take the CC for instance, there is a card (usually 8)that asks about how others see you. Would that be prying ? Also, the great many readings refer to people taking part in the querent´s life. If you ask about what your boss thinks of your work , that´s a third party reading. If you ask why your partner broke up with you, that´s a third party reading. So, imo, if you read about someone else to help them out, or with good intentions, that should be ok. If, on the other hand, you just want to investigate their lives for the sheer pleasure of invading their privacy, that would be a no-no. Again, quite controversial.

This ethic issue has been wildly disputed before. My two cents about this (again): If you believe that tarot works like a wiretap into the third party's brain, then there is the same issue as placing a real wiretap in the third party's home. I strongly disbelieve that tarot works like that. I don't expect much accuracy from that either but bringing to light what is already in your mind, unconsciously.

But that's just belief positions that are hard to prove either way, so it is hard to give advice to someone with a different belief system.

Yes, this question has been brought up many times. I think we've all done it. BUT I certainly wouldn't share the reading with ANYONE, unless the querant asked for a reading. It would be for my personal use only. Especially not 'them'; they may be horrified. And yes, the CC does delve into the other person's psyche. I personally don't use the CC though; do a search about others' perspectives on that particular spread heehee.