Bugging me

Grizabella said:

When they say this, it's more to point out that the reader is reading things into the cards that makes the cards seem to say what they hope they will. The cards can be trusted. It's ourselves and our own biases, prejudices, and fantasies that we have to get through to see what the real message in the spread is.

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THIS.

This is why a good reader is a gem. They read. They don't lecture. They don't judge. They don't project their own stuff onto the cards then to us. A little bit like a good shrink. In fact, a lot like it.

But shrinks received a lot of training about transference and counter-transference. Tarot readers often are not. Which is why I appreciate many readers who are aware of this and make this part of their development. Yoav Ben Dov's book is especially brilliant in addressing this. So so important.

"Mind-reading" questions (how does X feel - or what does X think) are so tricky. Can you trust the answer through your own personal filters? - I'd say no. ...And when is it "your stuff" rather than "theirs"? - well one hopes that with practice and experience one is able to martial oneself to impartiality. And - we're all human so being the perfect Lady/Lord Justice is a challenge.

For such questions, I can take my best stab and hope for the best - or I'm often tempted to say "What's stopping you from asking X yourself?". If you want to relate to them and grow in the relationship - then a discourse with them is a far better/more empowering way (for both of you) to go about doing it. Communication is the key to relationship.
So I would recommend that rather - the question be re-phrased to something like "what do I need to understand about my relationship and the personal factors that are affecting it".

If I interpret "Xs feelings" inaccurately (a fragment of the feeling - seen through my own biases...etc.) - this could then add a whole load of complication to the relationship - because Seeker now has additional notions about X that impacts how they will relate to X - and X will have the impact of the Seeker interacting with them - as coming from an "already knowing" position. irritating I would believe - even when it's right. Lol.

"Coming from nothing" is preferable (though ofcourse - more scary because it's the unknown).

Thanks for asking this question Jennalyn Food for thought.

I think, in my experience at least, that a lot of it has to do with x's influence on the reading as well.
A reading isn't just a reader and their cards. The person asking the question also has an influence on the reading and can color the reading as well.
Sometimes, yes, it can be the reader having a bias, but if the person asking the question is focusing more on the outcome they want than the question they are asking, that can cause cards to come out to reflect their desires.

Achlys said:

I think, in my experience at least, that a lot of it has to do with x's influence on the reading as well.
A reading isn't just a reader and their cards. The person asking the question also has an influence on the reading and can color the reading as well.
Sometimes, yes, it can be the reader having a bias, but if the person asking the question is focusing more on the outcome they want than the question they are asking, that can cause cards to come out to reflect their desires.

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You mean - Seeker's influence on the reading about X.

Hmm... - so the Seeker manipulates the reading through a strong desire to hear what they want? I still think that this would be happening through the the vehicle of the reader's "filters". We all wish to give our Seekers answers that are joyful/helpful/satisfactory for them.

Tanga said:

You mean - Seeker's influence on the reading about X.

Hmm... - so the Seeker manipulates the reading through a strong desire to hear what they want? I still think that this would be happening through the the vehicle of the reader's "filters". We all wish to give our Seekers answers that are joyful/helpful/satisfactory for them.

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This is true but there have been a lot of times where it has been obvious that the Seeker's outcome won't be positive...but then the cards will reflect that it will be.
For me, helpful advice isn't just telling a reader what they want to hear. Sometimes they need a good dose of reality.
But the Seeker can certainly influence the cards, imo.
If the Seeker is somewhat obsessive over the outcome they want, I normally don't let them shuffle for that reason. In that kind of case, I've found it better to use my own neutral energy to conduct the reading for more accurate results.

Tanga said:

*P.S. - share your personal spreads with us? (she asks curiously) - new thread? Make your own spread challenge? - or something?

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There are posts in the Spreads thread for both of the spreads I use. Star-Man and The Alchemist's Table

alchemist1248 said:

There are posts in the Spreads thread for both of the spreads I use. Star-Man and The Alchemist's Table

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Cool - shall look up.

Achlys said:

This is true but there have been a lot of times where it has been obvious that the Seeker's outcome won't be positive...but then the cards will reflect that it will be.
For me, helpful advice isn't just telling a reader what they want to hear. Sometimes they need a good dose of reality.

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Yes. It should never be about telling them what they want to hear - it's missing the whole point then imo.

Achlys said:

But the Seeker can certainly influence the cards, imo.
If the Seeker is somewhat obsessive over the outcome they want, I normally don't let them shuffle for that reason. In that kind of case, I've found it better to use my own neutral energy to conduct the reading for more accurate results.

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Yup. I shuffle my cards too. One should always use ones "own neutral energy".
The whole question is - how "neutral" is that - that's the whole dance.