Shadow Work: Star of Discovery

Rhiannon said:

Hi Chris! I'm so sorry I didn't post in reply right away. I've not been up to speed lately.

I think you've done very well! I do have a suggestion/question: have you thought about the idea of sacrifice in relation to your Hanged Man card? Do you have a problem with sacrificing your own needs for the good of others, or yourself? Or do you feel like you are constantly giving too much to others in spite of yourself? Just a thought....

R

Click to expand...

Hi Rhiannon!

You make an interesting point...in the past year, I feel like I HAVE made a lot of sacrifices and it's had the effect mf making me rather selfish lately...if you have any additional inight on this issue, by all means tell me as I'm not too familiar with the hanged man.

I'm curious, has anyone else had the experience of really needing to pay close attention to your energy levels since starting shadow work? Maybe it's because I've been made aware of them, but I feel like since doing this, I've really had to pay close attention to this kind of thing. It can be very draining.

Chris

Yes, Chris, I've been sort of out of it too. Especially right after I did the spread and then ignored it for a while. I didn't want to really look at those issues too closely. Then as a week or two went by my mood started to deteriorate and I became very argumentative and sometimes nasty towards my family and friends. The shadows, it seems, refuse to be ignored. I think HOLMES had a similar experience.

I think it may be time to start my recovery stars. Since posting my discovery thread I've had bronchitis, which still hasn't cleared up, I've been ill in other ways and today was diagnosed with some sort of staph infection... I'd say I need some recovery! LOL

I'll think about the Hanged Man some more and let you know if I come up with anything useful for you.

R

ChrisTheObscure said:

I'm curious, has anyone else had the experience of really needing to pay close attention to your energy levels since starting shadow work?

Click to expand...

Me!!! I'd been OK until the past couple of days (OK, a little moony and emotional, but nothing physical). Yesterday I was just exhausted -- headachy, all I wanted to do was sleep. And today (after a mere 5 1/2 hours of sleep....I hate my job.....) is not much better.....groggy, need sleep, headachy...... Bleah. I have a date with a long hot bath and an early bedtime tonight....

Ladyhawke

dæng!
I ordered the book today -finally-!! I am so happy. I even got a mail from the place I ordered it from (Marketplace bookshop amazon.com) telling me that they've already shipped the book! And instead of 8 weeks it takes, at the most, 2!

Next they wished me a good 'snowy' day from Connecticut, thanked me for the order and welcomed me as a new customer to their family-owned bookshop.

They just seemed as the nicest people in the world. Good for business too... Because I will definitely buy more there.

~aeonx~

Good for you aeonx! I just know you're going to love doing this. It's very liberating. Looking forward to reading about all your dirty laundry.

R

Rhiannon said:

Good for you aeonx! I just know you're going to love doing this. It's very liberating. Looking forward to reading about all your dirty laundry.

R

Click to expand...

If I dare to post it.

~aeonx~

Got it today!

Yipppiiiiii! I've gotten the book. Whoa, I'm looking forward, and not , to do this spread. The timing was absolutely perfect! Tonight it's New Moon, and I was born around New Moon, so I figured this was a good time to do this particular spread. Tonight is the day....

~aeonx~

ok, ok, here i am. i've been going through a bit of depression for the last 6 weeks and have been kinda curled up doing very little. i was afraid that doing this would make me worse so i kept putting it off. but i finally said, just do it.
I used the whole deck. Legend.
1) Denial was The Five of Shields. (the wasteland) the card i always fear drawing.
And how apt it is, since i have allowed my fear of material poverty to cripple my talent and my enjoyment of life.
I deny my writing talent, my only talent, i won't sit down and do it dispite the fact that my teacher says i have everything it takes to make a career of it. I won't do it because i am afraid i will fail and have admitt being doomed to poverty and homelessness later in life.
2) Anxiety was the Four of Spears (Wands)
i am afraid of losing the respect of our friends if they discover how improvident we have been. (right back to the wasteland again.)
3) Inferiority Temperance i am unbalanced, and lack self-disipline. i don't get things finished the way most people do. i struggle against overeating and drinking too much. i need to work a lot harder at the behaviors that help control my ADD, and quit blaming it for all my problems.
4)Anger The Magician. Unbalanced thinking makes me most angry with myself, and with others. it drives me absolutly nuts that i have this logical mind and yet i am so scattered and unable to follow through.
5)Secrecy The Emperor i have a tendency to expect my husband to help me control myself. like if he were to do this, then i would also be able to do it. i am afraid of people finding out that i am not so cool and collected as i strive to appear. afraid, again, of losing peoples liking and respect, of being pitied. i need to understand that i am responsible for myself. i am the only person i can change.
6)Self-Loathing The Eight of Swords. Ah, another card i am very familar with. I dispise myself for my helplessness. Even more so because i have put myself in this position. i need to figure out how to free myself from my fears and become productive. no one can save me except myself

so there it is. no surprises really. i just know now that i have to stop procrastinating and get to work intregrating this shadow.

you all have been so brave about doing this that it made me feel i had to do it too. thank you for the inspiration.

More fun and games from my world.....

Star of Recovery

The Focus - The Lovers (Self-loathing)
The Past - Death
The Present - The Star
The Need for Clarity and Insight - The World
The Pain - The Hierophant
The Gift of Wisdom - Justice

The Focus - The Lovers (Self-loathing)

Basically, since I began doing this shadow work, I've begun questioning my marriage and whether I want it to continue. (Well, it had sort of started earlier, but the questioning and doubting and confusion has *REALLY* kicked into high gear.) One thing that jumped out from the book for this card was "resistance to any type of therapy which might produce integration of conflicting forces." I spoke to a therapist a week and a half ago about my recent feelings, but was a little resistant to some of the things she was saying. Boy, these spreads are just nailing everything on the head....

The Past - Death

"Fear of losing the old," "unwillingness to move on," "fearing change and allowing the fear to control you," "not being able to let go of what is no longer useful," "inertia," "losing opportunities because of an unwillingness to change." These are all feelings I've had and been mulling over for the past few weeks. Strange that this appears in the *past* and not the *present* position. Have I completely shut the door on things? I'm still waffling. Clinging perhaps? I think I've been stagnating in general for awhile and that has made me unhappy with myself. (Gut reaction when I flipped this card over: End of marriage. EEK!)

The Present - The Star

The Star's shadow is denial and despair. Yup, pretty darn close to what I've been feeling (especially the despair). "Denying the reality of a situation," "loss of hope," "getting lost in wishful thinking, fantasy or idealism." That last one's a biggie. As I've been contemplating ending my marriage, my fantasy mind has been creating a wonderful post-divorce world. It *can't* be that simple.... Also, the despair is bringing me down emotionally, contributing to my self-loathing.

The Need for Clarity and Insight - The World

I need to figure out what I want -- how I want my world to be. "Emotional stagnation and resting on your laurels," "not taking charge of your life and choices." I need the Shadow Gift of "standing on solid ground inside yourself."

The Pain - The Hierophant

None of the book's insights on this card gripped me. I think it refers back to stagnation. Until recently, my spiritual practice has been lacking, which has allowed me to drift off balance and be more and more disconnected. And being out of touch has made me unhappy. Perhaps it works both ways as well -- maybe I've been too unhappy to connect, or disguising my unhappiness as tiredness and using that as an excuse.

The Gift of Wisdom - Justice

Justice was my inferiority card in the initial spread. Shadow Gifts: "Having clarity of mind and the ability to make fair decisions," "weighing and balancing difficult decisions," "being true to yourself." Again, it feels like I need to determine my needs and wants and then honor them. And some of my self-loathing comes from my inferiority -- I'm never good enough.

*whew* Now to do the other five stars of discovery.....

Ladyhawke

Wow! More brave souls!

Thanks so much for sharing, cyan! I know how hard it can be to face all that "yuckiness". But it is a part of you, and we should try hard not to think of it as yucky, that's what got us here in the first place. Acceptance is my new word of the year!

Great job on your recovery star, Ladyhawke! I still have a few of mine to get through, and then I hope to move on to the next exercise. I'm not rushing though, working through this really takes some time. It's not something you can accomplish in a weekend.

Good luck, everybody!
R