A Client's Well-being

For those of you who read for others and see your role as similar to that of a counselor (as opposed to a fortune-teller), I was wondering if you'd be willing to share your approach in the following situation.

A querent comes to you distraught over their relationship with another person. Your understanding of the cards you pull is that the situation won't get better. Your intuition about the client is that they are emotionally unable to accept or benefit by this message in their current state.

Do you tell them the truth anyway, or something else?

(Note that although the professions aren't the same, psychotherapists do not tell the whole truth as they understand it. They only share insights they feel their client is able to process productively. Of course tharapists typically have an ongoing relationship with their clients, which readers often don't.)

I think it depends on the question and situation. I wouldn't try to make judgements based on my own opinion whether or not a person is able or unable to take the news, that would really put me in a role I have no interest in.

But, there are ways to tell bad news. My rule is that I tell people things they can use, rather than just some fatalistic prediction. For example, a while ago I did a reading for a new couple that had been dating a month. They asked about the future of their relationship and I didn't see one. The cards were very blunt about their splitting up, but I told them I didn't see anything about the future in their reading. I did this because anything I said would constitute intervention on my part and that was really something I didn't want.

So I think that sometimes it is better to say nothing, or say that the reading is unclear, rather than say something and run the risk of putting yourself as a factor in the situation.

Sentient said:

For those of you who read for others and see your role as similar to that of a counselor (as opposed to a fortune-teller), I was wondering if you'd be willing to share your approach in the following situation.

A querent comes to you distraught over their relationship with another person. Your understanding of the cards you pull is that the situation won't get better. Your intuition about the client is that they are emotionally unable to accept or benefit by this message in their current state.

Do you tell them the truth anyway, or something else?

(Note that although the professions aren't the same, psychotherapists do not tell the whole truth as they understand it. They only share insights they feel their client is able to process productively. Of course tharapists typically have an ongoing relationship with their clients, which readers often don't.)

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My cardinal objective in reading for others is "empowerment:" giving them insights that they can do something constructive with. The "truth" can be presented in a way that nudges them in a direction that they're able to see as being in their own best interests. I recently had a client trying to rebound from a messy break-up who got the moody, rather fatalistic 5 of Cups as the outcome card. Since I didn't know in advance what the question was, I told her it was a bitter-sweet card, in that she would have to leave many things behind but would be able to preserve enough of her emotional self-assurance to move on. I told her that the preoccupied man in the picture had but to turn around, pick up the two full cups, and head off across the bridge behind him. She found great comfort in this observation as a way out of her stagnant mental state.

I'll start by saying that I am by no means a professional tarot reader. However, if I were, and a client appeared before me asking about a relationship, and my intuition about the client is that they were emotionally unable to accept or benefit from anything other than a positive reading, I think I might decline to read for them.

Barring that, I might have a talk with them before the reading and get them to consider how they will feel if the cards tell them what they do not want to hear, and I might suggest that they wait until they are in a less emotional state.

Finally, as Zephyros points out, there are gentle ways to deliver bad news. As long as the reader isn't telling them that this reading is the Infallible Word of Truth, there is always room for them to hold out hope for the relationship. No one, not even the "best" tarot reader alive, should be the one to decide when a reader should surrender hope and move on to acceptance.

I do very much believe in providing guidance and healing to a querent. However, to me, this comes through the truth, so I reveal it. Still, the cards always provide me a reason as to why the situation ends in a particular way; this insight is what I would use to empower the querent with the knowledge that they do have the ability to steer outcomes.

Tell the truth "with empowerment" - as has been expressed.

You can't live with yourself if you lie (well - I can't), and you do an injustice to the sitter.
Plus, even if the sitter doesn't want to hear what you have to say - well - that's their path,
not yours. It may be that they are currently in a repetitive phase (Y'know - "The Universe keeps repeating the message until you have finally heard it" and all that jazz) - we all get stuck with a fear of moving forward. It's only human

You just do your job to the best of your ability.

Sentient said:

For those of you who read for others and see your role as similar to that of a counselor (as opposed to a fortune-teller), I was wondering if you'd be willing to share your approach in the following situation.

A querent comes to you distraught over their relationship with another person. Your understanding of the cards you pull is that the situation won't get better. Your intuition about the client is that they are emotionally unable to accept or benefit by this message in their current state.

Do you tell them the truth anyway, or something else?

(Note that although the professions aren't the same, psychotherapists do not tell the whole truth as they understand it. They only share insights they feel their client is able to process productively. Of course tharapists typically have an ongoing relationship with their clients, which readers often don't.)

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If you're pulling cards that tell you about the future of the situation then you're fortune telling. If you see it not going well, then you're still fortune telling.
If you're pulling cards that talk about empowerment and where/how they can go from here then you're counselling, using cards and intuition. So the question sort of conflates the two. It illustrates why it's so important to phrase the question of the Tarot in a manner that increases clarity, rather than muddying the waters.

Now, having been in that situation many times, I try to get clarity on what's happening in the relationship. If they're broken up already, that's one thing (I recently got "it's been 10+ years!" and she was still trying to get back with him). If they're still together, then that's another thing. I have zero business in breaking up a relationship. Mentioning something like "the Tarot operates on free will. It seems like right now you're relying on fate to bring the two of you together, and it doesn't seem to be working very well to be so passive. Maybe you can be more active about pursuing what you want, since you have the free will to plan and to act?" can sometimes help. I believe that it's very dishonest to lie to clients, and again, I have no business in dishonesty. They came to me for answers, and what they're unable to hear from their friends/family/colleagues etc they might be able to hear from the cards (however many readings later). That doesn't mean that I can't let them down gently, however. Or even try to turn it into a more empowering situation (I've had my cards suggest counselling before). The client is the expert on their own lives, and so ultimately they have the answers on how to get unstuck.

Zephyros said:

So I think that sometimes it is better to say nothing, or say that the reading is unclear, rather than say something and run the risk of putting yourself as a factor in the situation.

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Also this. Being vague is a useful skill at times. Clients can tell when you're lying, or hiding the truth.

@Zephyros - Thank you for sharing your approach. It's wise to not want to interfere in such circumstances. I found it interesting to discover the phrase "first do no harm" is attributed to a British surgeon named Thomas Inman in 1860.

@Barleywine - I'm glad you were able to provide comfort to your client in your example. All the bleak cards have a silver lining, so to speak. But it takes a receptive person to feel comforted by the small good in the larger bad. Like the figure in the 5C, most people wallow for a time before they're willing to consider those other two cups.

@Theta Choir - You make a good point about not framing the reading as coming from an Authority. Like yourself, I believe a collaborative effort is best. But as you know some querents prefer the sense that they're getting a message from a higher power; it's what attracts them to the tarot in the first place. The ongoing appeal of fortune-telling is a good indication of this.

@S.B. - I think most readers would agree that the prime goal is to empower the client. Unfortunately we don't always have the ability to steer outcomes, only our responses to them.

@Tanga - I agree that the truth nonetheless has the ability to do a client good, even if they're not able to process it at the time. We often don't know what a client thinks about the guidance they've received a week or a month later. As you say, we each have our own path.

@AnemoneRosie - I'm not sure I share your feeling that time creates a sharp division between counseling and fortune-telling. I believe that intuition can reliably extend beyond the current moment; many patterns of human behavior are relatively easy to predict. But I take your point that a client will sometimes listen to a disinterested third party say something that they wouldn't accept from someone directly involved. I believe that much of the value in mediation and therapy rests precisely on this point.

Sentient said:

A querent comes to you distraught over their relationship with another person. Your understanding of the cards you pull is that the situation won't get better.

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... won't get better UNLESS THEY CHANGE WHAT THEY ARE DOING AND HOW THEY ARE DOING IT!

So pull cards to find out how and what they can change.

Your intuition about the client is that they are emotionally unable to accept or benefit by this message in their current state.

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Again, look at the cards in front of you to assess what changes they can make to improve things for themselves, including their acceptance-levels.

Do you tell them the truth anyway, or something else?

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Of course I do! But I don't tell them only that "this relationship will destroy you", say. I tell them "this relationship will destroy you - unless you do something about it".

There is absolutely no benefit in lying. When events play out, they will at best know you were lying, or at worst assume that you are no good at what you do.

So make your style of reading like mine, a style where you look for people's opportunities and how to make the most of them as well as looking for people's risks - AND HOW TO MINIMISE THEIR HARM.