How to handle people who have ignorant views on Tarot

I don't make a point of bringing up tarot to everyone I come across, but I've never had to hide tarot cards or anything like that. My family and I don't have a lot in common generally, but that's because I don't gamble or drink! Actually I have been lucky that most of my family members are pretty accepting about people, and the ones who aren't I don't deal with.

I had workers in my house last week. One asked about the large tarot cards I have on my wall, saying "Are those cards real? " (as opposed to ....what?) I just said evenly "They're tarot cards. They're just tarot cards."

I've never had anyone be particularly upset luckily. The worst was an old guy holding a garage sale who looked at me almost disgusted when I bought a deck that was there. WTH? He was the one actually selling tarot cards!

gregory said:

Leaving aside that I am very uncomfortable with the phrase "ignorant views", I talk about it when it is relevant, unless I am certain sure I will upset someone. I see no need to shove my stuff in the faces of others; to do so is as offensive as the secretary who told me she would pray for me "even though she knew I didn't want her to." If she had to, please don't rub my nose in it.

We are all entitled to our personal position on this stuff, and have no business foisting it on others, or, critically, trying to convince them of anything. That is as offensive as their telling us we will go to hell. What bothers me more is that someone else asked you to hide who you are. I find that unacceptable. Telling you it would upset his family is one thing. From there you should get to decide if you want to do that and be judged. I'm not for a moment saying you should go beating the tarot drum, but it should be your decision. And before anyone says it - in your place I would cheerfully not mention it. Unless I had been pressured; then I probably would, to assert my right to be me.

Click to expand...

I am sorry if I offended anyone. I agree, the term "ignorant views" is uncomfortable, but unfortunately it's the truth. Those who have either been taught or lead to believe that it's evil or because of what they have seen in movies are scared or apprehensive about Tarot, are the people we (most) feel the need to hide our interest from; because they don't understand Tarot at all and thus are ignorant. Just the way it is.

Regarding my husband, I love him and fell in love with him because he likes me just the way I am and has never tried to change me. About him asking me not to let my in-laws know I read Tarot, I did say that I agree with him. I have known them for almost 21 years and I know that it would bother them and possibly a lot and could cause problems. However, even if I didn't agree with him, I would trust him to know how to handle his own family and I would respect his opinion. Now, hypothetically speaking, if he asked me not to tell my own family or friends (which he has never done) I wouldn't listen to him. I really am my own thinker Thanks

I began this thread for a few reasons. 1) A few of my Tarot books have a section on how to handle different responses to Tarot, therefore it must be an issue And 2) I was simply curious what other Tarotists do and feel about this.

Please don't take any of the following as criticism, these are just some thoughts I'm sharing.

A comment/opinion/kind of question:
Many of you said you (and I am paraphrasing) wouldn't shove it down other people's throat the same you wouldn't want them (with extreme religious view) to shove their ideas down their throat...I propose this:

I'm not sure I understand acquainting how some religious people try to shove their ideas down your throat to hiding or not mentioning Tarot so you don't shove it down theirs. First, theirs is a religion. Unless your are Wiccan, I feel Tarot is a hobby/interest, not a religion. Therefore I don't think its fair to compare the two.

Plus, I know people who gently make it known they're religious by; not cursing, saying heck instead of hell; mentioning how choir practice went, having crosses on their desk, walls, etc + many more. All without shoving it down my throat. So, wouldn't it, or shouldn't it, be the same if you had a picture of a Tarot card on your desk or if you mentioned how fun your tarot study group was or saying how you love the artwork on your new deck. Isn't there an in between that's acceptable or at the very least it should be? Right?

dancing_moon said:

Another one in the 'don't hide but don't advertise' camp here. If I'm ever asked upfront, I'll confirm it, but otherwise, it's my personal business, just like any other views, hobbies, and interests that I have and other people don't share.

Of course, I will do my best to lose the topic in front of people who are openly against it, but I think it's just a simple courtesy, not fear of being judged. In the same vein, I'm forever grateful to people who are thoughtful enough not to bring up fishing, hunting, politics, and modern fashion in my presence.

Click to expand...

I agree with Dancing Moon. However, do people hide that they fish or hunt? No. Some (I wish more would) hide their politics. But...

It is a strange thing, isn't; that we (most of us) feel we need or out of courtesy, hide it?

Regarding hobbies/interests, don't we share most of those? Like photography (which everyone who knows me knows I love my cameras/photos), kyacking, yoga, hiking, etc...

I look at it like this: I taught myself how to crochet last year and I made a lot of things. I was excited about it and frankly proud of what I made. I wanted to tell people I'm close with about it and show them what I made, and I did. I have the exact same feelings with Tarot. It's still new for me and I find it exciting. I can't believe the things I have learned about, unexpectedly through Tarot, ie Kabbalah, symbolism, ED, Astrology, Jungian philosophy, etc... It would be cool to talk about it. Thank goodness my husband is awesome! And, now have you guys at AT

This is a thought provoking topic and that is exactly why I began this thread. I said probably would stir some emotions and did.
Again, thanks for all of your thoughts and stories. I wish you all well, Freyja

FYI: In advance, these are just my thoughts which have nothing to do with my situation. So please do not mingle the two. Thank you.

Yelell said:

I don't make a point of bringing up tarot to everyone I come across, but I've never had to hide tarot cards or anything like that. My family and I don't have a lot in common generally, but that's because I don't gamble or drink! Actually I have been lucky that most of my family members are pretty accepting about people, and the ones who aren't I don't deal with.

I had workers in my house last week. One asked about the large tarot cards I have on my wall, saying "Are those cards real? " (as opposed to ....what?) I just said evenly "They're tarot cards. They're just tarot cards."

I've never had anyone be particularly upset luckily. The worst was an old guy holding a garage sale who looked at me almost disgusted when I bought a deck that was there. WTH? He was the one actually selling tarot cards!

Click to expand...

Thank you for giving me a good laugh
In the previous post, under a certain context, I asked: can't we display our Tarot card on our desk like someone who displays their cross? Can you imagine a worker, asking "Is that cross real?" "Why are you a vampire?"LOL And...where did that guy from the garage sale get the deck anyway?

Well, whether we like it or not, Tarot is a topic that has loads of layers of misinformation, myth, and misunderstanding accumulated on it. Some people react to it in the way others react to mentioning that you do Tantra or tai chi - big eyes - because they 'heard something somewhere'.

Freyja of V said:

Regarding hobbies/interests, don't we share most of those?

Click to expand...

Not me. And, as more than a half of ATers that voted in the recent Briggs-Myers polls are introverts, I suspect they don't either. I like sharing hobbies and interests with people who are as interested in them as I am. There are gazillions of other things I can discuss with my family and friends, so I spare them the alchemy and numerology talks as well as my art efforts, my gardening ventures, and my arboreal finds.

Freyja of V said:

I know this might stir some emotions, but I am curious what all of you think about this topic.

I have been learning and reading for a couple of years and only my husband and my mother know. Oh, and my hair stylist.

My husband's family is Catholic and can be judgemental (one has nothing to do with the other) and he doesn't want them to know (and I agree) because they will say it's satan's work and they will judge me. Especially because I am not religious at all, nor is my husband, but they don't believe he means it. As far as my family, I don't have much, so N/A. I haven't told my friends so it doesn't ever get back to his family. I can't take the chance. It sucks that I can't share.

Questions:
How have any you handled this if it came up?
Do any of you hide the fact that you read Tarot cards?
Has your reading Tarot caused any problems with friends/family members?

I'd love to hear other stories. I can't take advice because I really cannot tell them. I have known them for 20 years and I know I can't, so thanks anyway in advance. Freyja

Click to expand...

There are a lot of different issues you mentioned here.

To start with, it is normal that people are ignorant of and misinformed on the topic of Tarot. For those who have no actual experience with this thing called Tarot, it is normal that all they know is what they hear from what they consider reliable sources. It is normal that they believe this as they know nothing else.

To start with the media usually, from what i have seen, shows it in inaccurate ways. Most times you see about it in books of movies it is an eery scary thing. Death card comes up, cure the scary music, the someone dies on cue...Books tend to be just as bad. They shows Tarot as something to avoid and scary.

And yep, the church presents it as the devil's work. And people believe their church. Tarot is a thing that allows you to form your own spiritual views and even (some believe, myself included) talk to God or the angels directly without the intervention of the church< if everyone could just up and do that there would be a lot less use for organized religion so you can expect they would not be for something that has that effect.

Next, your question was about how to handle people who are ignorant on Tarot. With respect as I handle anyone. With the understanding that if I myself had no other access to information on Tarot than they do I would likely believe the same thing they do. And with compassion and the understanding that it is not my right of business to try to change someone's lifeview or beliefs any more than I give someone else the right to try to change mine, Unless someone asks me to help change them, then I do not have the right to do so. Just as I would not like someone telling me I must change whether i want to or not.

I DO do my part to inform and to get the truth on what Tarot is out into the world. To hopefully counteract all the misinformation with the truth. Every month I write a section in my newsletter called "Tarot Demystified" in which I try to talk about common misconceptions and what the truth (as I see it) actually. I do hope this helps in some way. But what people do with this, or do not do, is up to them.

But yes, there are a lot of people who are anti-Tarot out there. SO I do not openly blurt out that I am a Tarot reader as soon as I meet someone. If I tell co-workers, it is only after I know them a bit and am sure they like and accept me for who I am and that they do not seem to be judgmental people.

I had a lot of trouble with my mother and bf when I started reading Tarot. BOTH STRONGLY believed that you had to be a total and complete idiot to believe that that craup could ever work. Their words not mine obviously. Both were FURIOUS with me and very cruel and insulting about it. They did not want to be associated with anyone idiotic enough to believe in that. I came close to losing my bf over it. Although a mother is always a mother.

They could not get me to stop. Because once I was into it I knew it was Truth. And both were furious. Eventually they learnt to not discuss it with me. My bf came around when he saw me start to make money with it. That felt like a good thing to him then (sigh)

Decades later the stress with them over that is over, but it was pretty hard at the time.

I have never had anyone call it Satan's work, I guess I can say I don't knoW anyone who actually believes in Satan. But I got a lot of anger that i was so stupid It was beyond their understanding that anyone in their right mind could believe in such nonsense. Just furious.

I just got past it by sticking to my guns. I was sure. I told them they can talk till they are blue in the face but this is important to me and I am NOT going to change. I demanded respect. I told them if you want me to respect your views then you need to respect mine and an equal human being to you.

And with my bf....that I am not going to change so he has a choice. He can continue to fight with me forever if that's his idea of fun. Or we can agree that we will always disagree and agree not to ever discuss it again. He agreed to that. He got angry a couple more times after than and then we finally agreed to disagree and to never discuss it again. That worked for us.

Funny thing is that Tarot is what MADE me more spiritual, brought out my spiritual side and made me believe in God and the angels. I did not before. Tarot is what gave me that. For that I am eternally grateful.

My parents and sister were all athiests. I was brought up that God did not exist and was something people made up to make them feel better about the randomness of life. That was my upbringing and what I was taught growing up.

Then I found Tarot and it was like a miracle in my life. Something was answering me each and every time, hundreds and thousands of times in a row. There was clearly an intelligence to life that can and does answer us in kind lovings ways. This to me IS God. I had to come to terms with whatever it was that WAS answer me. And to me that is God or sometimes the angels through God.

To me doing a reading is that much of a spiritual sacred thing for me. It is literally a communication with the Divine. My cards are sacred tools to me through which God gives me permission and the honour of helping others and passing on the messages I am meant to,

I know that is not how everyone sees it, but that is my way of seeing it. So I never get ti how people can think it is something evil, it is to me the purest for of communication with the Divine. All we need to do is turn off our thoughts and really listen so we can hear what is being told to us. To me it is the exact opposite of evil, just pure goodness and light.

To me, it could not be more beautiful.

I agree you can't tell just anyone you are a reader. But that is the beauty if AT. It gives you many many people who you CAN openly discuss it with.

Babs

Freyja of V said:

I'm not sure I understand acquainting how some religious people try to shove their ideas down your throat to hiding or not mentioning Tarot so you don't shove it down theirs. First, theirs is a religion. Unless your are Wiccan, I feel Tarot is a hobby/interest, not a religion. Therefore I don't think its fair to compare the two.
.

Click to expand...

You touched on an interesting topic right there, if Tarot is a "religion" or not. I have seen some people equate it with a religion. Some people do see it that was in a sense.

I am not Wiccan, but Tarot is for me literally a way to communicate with the Divine. My view is that God./the angels are the ones answering me when I do a reading. That is very similar to prayer which is also talking to the Divine. In my view, a reading is talking to the Divine, just as prayer is.

A religion teaches you certain spiritual ideas, Tarot has been that for me, very much, too.

A religion teaches you to be a better person, and shapes inner growth. Tarot has been taht in my life for sure.

To me it is very verymsimilar to, if it is not, a religion but it is one that encourages you to find your own answers instead of just assimilating set truths.

It is much more than a hobby to me personally, more of my preferred method to find out the meaning of life, who i am meant to be, how to be my best and live my best life. It's a life tool to live our best life (as any religion would be too)

Babs

starla said:

On a very deep level, I have a sort of folk memory of being persecuted for it and so I keep it private for the most.

Click to expand...

You've made me wonder how much that kind of influence is there in all of us - pro or anti.

Freyja of V said:

Plus, I know people who gently make it known they're religious by; not cursing, saying heck instead of hell; mentioning how choir practice went, having crosses on their desk, walls, etc + many more. All without shoving it down my throat. So, wouldn't it, or shouldn't it, be the same if you had a picture of a Tarot card on your desk or if you mentioned how fun your tarot study group was or saying how you love the artwork on your new deck. Isn't there an in between that's acceptable or at the very least it should be? Right?

Click to expand...

I have thought this too - often. Hiding our interest in tarot reminds me of the way gays used to have to hide their interest in individuals, and still do in certain countries.

I went through the same learning curve with breastfeeding. Now, with that I knew there are good health reasons for both mother and baby (and there's research behind it) quite apart from nature making it that way; so, while I was discreet in situations where people might find it icky, I had my responses ready for any challenge - which never came as it happened. Things about the baby's right to take his meal without having to go in the Ladies' etc. But there aren't these "logical" and "moral high ground" arguments in support of tarot, so I'm a bit at a loss.

I haven't shared my interest with anyone except my healer and my immediate family, but that's largely because it doesn't come up in conversation and I haven't a wide social circle anyway since some years of illness. As I rebuild my social life and there gets to be more flow of people in and out of the house, I daresay I won't hide it particularly. This area is far more church-going than where I grew up, and I don't know what reactions may be... but since these isn't (much of) a social group I'm already part of, that doesn't matter to me. In theory anyway.

I'm a reformed shy person and have always had trouble sharing things openly which are important to me. In the past this has mainly been things worthy of being proud of (my gran's voice: "There's always one who's jealous..." did a lot of harm!) but also interest in all sorts of things, even which radio station I choose to listen to*. An assumption that I'll be judged. This is my own problem not a reflection of other people's likelihood to judge, and I'm clear on that. It is a bit of a block now that I'm considering going professional with tarot! But I'm working on it.

* I had a school friend who was too embarrassed to put gardening on her university application forms because she felt it was an old people's hobby, even though it was her main passion. Don't we torture ourselves for nothing!

I'm not worried about disapproval or overt criticism - I can reply to that or ignore it. I once had someone refuse an invitation to an aromatherapy party because it was against her beliefs (Christian); there's no belief system involved with essential oils! But I didn't argue, it was her loss not mine.

My nervousness is not the "Satan's work" attitude but the reaction that it means I've given up my intelligence, which SunChariot/Babs mentioned:

I got a lot of anger that i was so stupid It was beyond their understanding that anyone in their right mind could believe in such nonsense

Click to expand...

- I know this is an unnecessary fear and my problem, not theirs. I'm working on it.

Meanwhile I do agree that it's worth putting effort into avoiding conflict with your in-laws. Why start something which you know will trigger anger and unpleasantness? But... be careful that you're not erasing your true self too much. I started out with a lot of respect for my in-laws being my husband's family and therefore treading carefully. Later I found I'd written myself out of any right to stand up for my own priorities. They weren't a respectful lot and took no such care to keep me (or my family) "sweet" in the same way. These things MUST be give and take or they're unhealthy. Only you can judge how much is too much accommodating of their feelings. But be honest with yourself about it. Sometimes it's easier to get the aggro over and done with rather than stay walking on eggshells for years n years.

What are your husband's thoughts on tarot? Does he tolerate; patronisingly or as if it was romantic films or something else that he's simply not into? Is he into it too? Does he hate it and make you retreat to keep it out of his life too? Is he curious about what it is, how it works, why you like it?

Freyja of V said:

A comment/opinion/kind of question:
Many of you said you (and I am paraphrasing) wouldn't shove it down other people's throat the same you wouldn't want them (with extreme religious view) to shove their ideas down their throat...I propose this:

I'm not sure I understand acquainting how some religious people try to shove their ideas down your throat to hiding or not mentioning Tarot so you don't shove it down theirs. First, theirs is a religion. Unless your are Wiccan, I feel Tarot is a hobby/interest, not a religion.

Click to expand...

Wicca is the religion of Wiccans, not Tarot. I move among a strong local community of them, and whatever their faults, I don't believe a single one of them has ever claimed that Tarot was their religion.

Therefore I don't think its fair to compare the two.

Click to expand...

I don't think repairing cars or baking bread are similar, either, but the fact is they are both done by qualified tradesmen, and their training contains certain core components common to both occupations.

If a baker and a mechanic were to socialise, would they bore each other with details of their work when they knew the other one wasn't interested? No - they'd both talk about something that interested them both. Automatically, and without hiding their own true interests.

That is absolutely NOT the same as "hiding" their interest in cars or breads.

Plus, I know people who gently make it known they're religious by; not cursing, saying heck instead of hell; mentioning how choir practice went,

Click to expand...

I know atheists that do all of those things.

So, wouldn't it, or shouldn't it, be the same if you had a picture of a Tarot card on your desk or if you mentioned how fun your tarot study group was or saying how you love the artwork on your new deck. Isn't there an in between that's acceptable or at the very least it should be? Right?

Click to expand...

I think that was exactly my point and the point of others in the conversation.

It is a strange thing, isn't; that we (most of us) feel we need or out of courtesy, hide it?

Click to expand...

No. It is not courtesy that makes people hide things: it is fear. In your initial post it came strongly across that you were *afraid* of your in-laws' reactions. Subsequently, it seems that it is more you are trying to reduce your partner's FEAR of his family's reaction.

Out of *courtesy*, we just turn the conversation to subjects that interest everyone in the conversation. There are some people I haven't mentioned Tarot to for years. And I ABSOUTELY never hide it, from them or from anyone. It just doesn't come up, because we habitually have other interests more in common, that we talk about. I'm not a one-trick-pony: I have other things in my life that I like to talk about, too, and if they interest the people I'm with more than Tarot does, then we talk about those.

Regarding hobbies/interests, don't we share most of those? Like photography (which everyone who knows me knows I love my cameras/photos), kyacking, yoga, hiking, etc...

Click to expand...

Not when we're with people we know are not interested in them, no. Not unless we want to be seen as very inconsiderate.

I look at it like this: I taught myself how to crochet last year and I made a lot of things. I was excited about it and frankly proud of what I made. I wanted to tell people I'm close with about it and show them what I made, and I did.

Click to expand...

And when some of your friends showed less enthusiasm than others, you decided to talk to them about other things rather than forcing crochet on them conversation after conversation, right? Tarot is the same.

OK, this isn't fun anymore. I didn't come on AT to have my words picked apart. Especially when my posts are being taking the wrong way or being read incorrectly. And I wish some comments were not shared.
So...I am done with this thread.

But I would like to address the following before I go:

SunChariot said:

You touched on an interesting topic right there, if Tarot is a "religion" or not. I have seen some people equate it with a religion. Some people do see it that was in a sense.

I am not Wiccan, but Tarot is for me literally a way to communicate with the Divine. My view is that God./the angels are the ones answering me when I do a reading. That is very similar to prayer which is also talking to the Divine. In my view, a reading is talking to the Divine, just as prayer is.

A religion teaches you certain spiritual ideas, Tarot has been that for me, very much, too.

A religion teaches you to be a better person, and shapes inner growth. Tarot has been taht in my life for sure.

To me it is very verymsimilar to, if it is not, a religion but it is one that encourages you to find your own answers instead of just assimilating set truths.

It is much more than a hobby to me personally, more of my preferred method to find out the meaning of life, who i am meant to be, how to be my best and live my best life. It's a life tool to live our best life (as any religion would be too)

Babs

Click to expand...

Babs, thank you for opening my eyes to this point of view. Although I too find it spiritual and believe it is a tool, I never looked at it quite this way. I personally do not like "organized religion" not necessarily religion as a whole but instead of making this distinction I have wrongly lapped it together and I am sorry for that. I hope I didn't offend anyone and sorry if I did. I am a beginner Buddhist! So I'm not against religion.

MandMaud said:

What are your husband's thoughts on tarot? Does he tolerate; patronisingly or as if it was romantic films or something else that he's simply not into? Is he into it too? Does he hate it and make you retreat to keep it out of his life too? Is he curious about what it is, how it works, why you like it?

Click to expand...

First, I am so sorry you have a concern of being judged. When I was younger I worried myself rampant what people thought of me. Now, I go through that sometimes, and of course with this, but generally I don't care anymore. People are going to think, and feel what they want and there is nothing you can do about it. And, if they don't like something you do or say, it's their loss. I'm the one that sent you to Benebell Wen's site and I think you are going to be great when you open your own site.

Regarding my husband, he is amazing! I am very lucky. We tell each other everything. I have been listening to his software developing problems for years and about Xbox games and he gets to listen to me talk about Tarot and photography (which he likes too so that doesn't count). Even though deep down he could care less about Tarot itself, the fact that I am interested in makes him interested in it and I love him for that. He has been curious about the symbolism in the images and thinks it's pretty cool. He does kind of thinks it's silly, but that's ok.


Thanks all for the stories. Talk to you on another thread.

FYI: I know what Wicca is and what Tarot is not.