Sophie
I have recently gone through a very painful episode of breaking up - for the second time - with a man I love with all my heart. Or rather - he broke up with me, but I was getting to that point myself, because the situation was getting too difficult and confused.
Briefly - I met him when he was living separate from his wife of 30 years. We fell in love, and he flew back to see her and ask for a divorce, then flew back to me. In the meantime, she fell apart, and drummed up support from his entire family and "clan" (he comes from a close-knit community, though he's moved away from them and followed his own road for many years - but he still feels loyalty). They have grown-up children. His feelings of guilt got the better of him, and he agreed to give the marriage another chance. He left me in August last year, the most painful breakup I ever had. We kept in touch, off and on. Then early this year - in February - he started getting closer again, and finally suggested coming to see me for my birthday. We could talk things over. He came for 3 days - 3 blissful days - but by the end of it, he was none the wiser. Or should I say, none the braver. That is, he still loves me, but feels tied to her, all the more because she's been making an effort (of the type - dyeing her hair my colour ).
I saw him a second time, this time in the country where he works (also in Africa), which is about 1500 miles from here. Again, we had a blissful week-end.
But in the meantime, he admitted it all to his wife, and things got nasty. I was feeling the strain of being a sideline - not a position that sits well with me - and he was feeling the strain of being torn between his wife and their grown-up children, and his love for me; and between different kinds of loyalty - to me, to himself, to the family, to her, to the clan.
So we broke up. He told me not to wait for him. He still doesn't know what he'll do about his marriage, but what he really means is - he still doesn't know if he'll ever have the courage to separate, and without that, there can't be anything for us. I plan to tell him that though I love him, I won't see him again until he's free. I know him - after a few weeks, he'll be back in touch and wanting more contact. So I have to get things straight from the start.
Now I am in a position where I have to decide what I must do - for me. I am feeling raw, and angry, so a part of me wants just to blast out at him, slam the door and give up forever. Another part, the still quiet voice I hear in meditation, tells me no, don't give up. Let go of expectations, but don't give up hope and leave the door open. Stay in touch at a distance.
Well, I am a diviner, so I turned to divination to help me make my decision.
Tarot is making not a bit of sense - hardly surprising. Tarot is always the hardest method for me when I am in this emotional turmoil. I-Ching, my dear old Chinese friend, is counselling perseverance and optimism to get through what is a rough patch between us, and predicting a good outcome for us. And I thought to ask the Sabian Symbols, because after all, it has much ancient wisdom too.
So the question I asked was: What will happen to him and me - to our relationship - if I don't give up, if I keep up hope and leave a door open for it?
This is the symbol I drew:
CANCER 28
AN INDIAN GIRL INTRODUCES HER COLLEGE BOYFRIEND TO HER ASSEMBLED TRIBE
This made me laugh! He is a member of a "tribe", but like the Indian girl who went to college, he's chosen a different route for himself. Yet the tribe and family are very important for him, and he'd simply be incapable of doing something that would sever him from them - especially from his family (his grown-up children).
On the thread about this symbol, I saw a lot about Pocahontas, which is a nice story. I am the outsider in this scenario, the white foreign chick.
But what do I make of it in our case? That there is a chance for us, because he will find a way to bridge our worlds? That he would never do so, because of clan loyalties?
My instinct is to say - it means he will find a way. He'll work through things in his mind, between him and his family, and manage to get to a point where he can introduce me into the whole of his life, and not simply the sidelines. This gives me hope, and helps me decide to stay the course.
I'd like your comments on all this. Thanks!
Briefly - I met him when he was living separate from his wife of 30 years. We fell in love, and he flew back to see her and ask for a divorce, then flew back to me. In the meantime, she fell apart, and drummed up support from his entire family and "clan" (he comes from a close-knit community, though he's moved away from them and followed his own road for many years - but he still feels loyalty). They have grown-up children. His feelings of guilt got the better of him, and he agreed to give the marriage another chance. He left me in August last year, the most painful breakup I ever had. We kept in touch, off and on. Then early this year - in February - he started getting closer again, and finally suggested coming to see me for my birthday. We could talk things over. He came for 3 days - 3 blissful days - but by the end of it, he was none the wiser. Or should I say, none the braver. That is, he still loves me, but feels tied to her, all the more because she's been making an effort (of the type - dyeing her hair my colour ).
I saw him a second time, this time in the country where he works (also in Africa), which is about 1500 miles from here. Again, we had a blissful week-end.
But in the meantime, he admitted it all to his wife, and things got nasty. I was feeling the strain of being a sideline - not a position that sits well with me - and he was feeling the strain of being torn between his wife and their grown-up children, and his love for me; and between different kinds of loyalty - to me, to himself, to the family, to her, to the clan.
So we broke up. He told me not to wait for him. He still doesn't know what he'll do about his marriage, but what he really means is - he still doesn't know if he'll ever have the courage to separate, and without that, there can't be anything for us. I plan to tell him that though I love him, I won't see him again until he's free. I know him - after a few weeks, he'll be back in touch and wanting more contact. So I have to get things straight from the start.
Now I am in a position where I have to decide what I must do - for me. I am feeling raw, and angry, so a part of me wants just to blast out at him, slam the door and give up forever. Another part, the still quiet voice I hear in meditation, tells me no, don't give up. Let go of expectations, but don't give up hope and leave the door open. Stay in touch at a distance.
Well, I am a diviner, so I turned to divination to help me make my decision.
Tarot is making not a bit of sense - hardly surprising. Tarot is always the hardest method for me when I am in this emotional turmoil. I-Ching, my dear old Chinese friend, is counselling perseverance and optimism to get through what is a rough patch between us, and predicting a good outcome for us. And I thought to ask the Sabian Symbols, because after all, it has much ancient wisdom too.
So the question I asked was: What will happen to him and me - to our relationship - if I don't give up, if I keep up hope and leave a door open for it?
This is the symbol I drew:
CANCER 28
AN INDIAN GIRL INTRODUCES HER COLLEGE BOYFRIEND TO HER ASSEMBLED TRIBE
This made me laugh! He is a member of a "tribe", but like the Indian girl who went to college, he's chosen a different route for himself. Yet the tribe and family are very important for him, and he'd simply be incapable of doing something that would sever him from them - especially from his family (his grown-up children).
On the thread about this symbol, I saw a lot about Pocahontas, which is a nice story. I am the outsider in this scenario, the white foreign chick.
But what do I make of it in our case? That there is a chance for us, because he will find a way to bridge our worlds? That he would never do so, because of clan loyalties?
My instinct is to say - it means he will find a way. He'll work through things in his mind, between him and his family, and manage to get to a point where he can introduce me into the whole of his life, and not simply the sidelines. This gives me hope, and helps me decide to stay the course.
I'd like your comments on all this. Thanks!