"Here's why I don't read - any input please?"

goldenquince

Tanga said:
I generally treat the whole world like my therapy clients goldenquince (which I then have to be careful to 'turn off' otherwise I end up a 24/7 gal) - and am pretty good at other peoples shoes...
And now that 'gentle letdown' that you describe - I agree with nisaba - it could all go horribly wrong. Far better to have the horrid truth now - than a deeply convoluted disaster later on. I'd rather not assist people in deluding themselves.
But there is something about that particular turn of phrase which makes the truth less stark for people...
I very much appreciate your comments because I think 'the group dynamic' will assist me somehow. Whether it's with what I've originally asked for - that remains to be seen.

It sounds as if you have everything under control and have figured out how to make things work for you, Tanga. BTW, I didn't mean to sound condescending with the whole "other people's shoes" line--no offense intended. I'm definitely a diplomatic kind of girl, which isn't to say that I don't like it when someone just tells me like it is. I do, in most situations. I guess everyone's approach is different, and if you ever did want to try reading again, I'm sure you could find a lot of people out there who like to get down to the nitty gritty, just like yourself

SunChariot

Tanga said:
So...

Here's why I don't read often (for others) - and packed it in after I '1st graduated' to reader status (judged purely by myself) and offered readings for about 6 months.
I have huge difficulty mincing my words. It seems I can't quite think fast enough to say things diplomatically - and people get upset.

N.B. I have no difficulties with this skill in my therapy room (body therapy is my day-job). Mincing my words for my therapy clients - I'm a master of (I could be 'correct' and say mistress). But over the cards, I can't do it.
(I'm generally pretty direct - always have been. Perhaps it's the Latin blood. Took me a while to get the hang of the English 'stiff upper lip' and I still boob on occasion. Even my partner (he's Welsh) still finds my blunt approach to things shocking sometimes - after 16 years. And visa versa - I find it excruciatingly irritating that he automatically 'dances' around or 'dolls up' the subject rather than just stating how it IS).

Any suggestions, advice, experiences you could share that might help?

You know being a reader does not have to mean doing face to face readings.

I have been reading for 10 years and I am a professional reader and I don't ever read in person. I tried it once in my life and it was not for me.

People e-mail me their questions, I e-mail them the reading when it is done. That's it. You can take as long as you want to think things out and rephrase, get up and walk away if your thoughts are not running clearly and come back when they are....

There are all kinds of readers out there. Some are more blunt than others. I tend to run on empathy. I imagine if I were the person getting the message, which way and wording would feel best to me to receive it in....

But the point is that there are many kinds of readers and variations on the bluntness scale. There are also many types of querents. Some like more bluntness than others. I think that if you are a reader and put yourself out there, the people who prefer your style of reading will naturally gravitate to you over time.

But if you need more time to think things out than you are getting in face to face readings, there are many other ways to read. It could be that you just are not a face to face reader by nature. Not everyone is. I am not sure sure.

Babs

Tanga

"something other than face-to-face readings..."

SunChariot said:
You know being a reader does not have to mean doing face to face readings.
I have been reading for 10 years and I am a professional reader and I don't ever read in person. I tried it once in my life and it was not for me.
People e-mail me their questions, I e-mail them the reading when it is done. That's it.
You can take as long as you want to think things out and rephrase, get up and walk away
if your thoughts are not running clearly and come back when they are....

Now your'e talking Babs!

Huh - I've never considered on-line reading. And the thing about why I haven't is this =
I really like to see the querent face-to-face and I like them to be able to shuffle the deck
so they've had physical contact with it.
However, you have prompted me on another line of thought, that goes like this:
There's a way in which I could have the 'real' contact I've just described, and have plenty of
time to martial my expression as if doing an e-mail reading - PLUS incorporate Tarot into my work,
which I have been wondering how to do for years. (Killing 3 birds with 1 stone).

I could offer a reading service to my existing regular clients which works like this =
1) I add appropriate time onto the end of their session where they can shuffle the cards
whilst asking the question bla bla.
2) They leave and I lay out the cards from their shuffle and proceed with reading.
I could photograph/record it, and read it at the end of the day.
3) Then, I type it up, print and post - including some pictures of the cards 'cause I also like to
share the visual feast of the cards with my querent.
WOW now... yes.
This format ticks so many boxes...

What can I say - you've given me a new way to work. Many many thanks Babs!
I have to go away and think it through now - the exciting new journey starts soon...

Disa

Well, I do more online readings than face to face and I'm pretty quick and blunt either way. For some reason, people keep coming back!!!

I agree with Sunchariot. All types of querants look for all types of readers.

I try really hard to phrase things in a nice way, but I've been trying for over 20 years to work on this in my day to day interractions- I will never get it down pat completely. I seem to have a diff way of viewing things than the general population and people seem to get really offended really easily over the strangest things.

I have a lot of querants who seem to say after the reading, "This is more to think about than I thought it would be." Then I always think I've been too harsh or offended them, and I worry about it and wonder how I could have done it differently, but then they come back for another reading...sooo who knows.

Read how you read. Harsh truths may not be well received at first, but it seems to sink in and then they appreciate it. Of course I never intentionally try to be harsh.

Sulis

To add to Disa's excellent advice I'd say always be aware that you could be wrong...

The cards may never be wrong but readers often are so if you're about to drop a bombshell, remember that you don't know this person and you're reading symbols in a pack of cards.. You may not be reading them correctly..

I think as readers we should always try to remember that..

Disa

Oh. I completely agree, Sullis!

Along with trying to be as delicate as I can, I really do stress that what I see is not set in stone. I try not to do any bombshell dropping-but I do tell them what I see in the easiest way I can.

tarotbear

The fact that you 'realize there is a problem' is better than those who blatantly and forcefully spout things at people without every editing themselves, considering the listener's feelings, or never considering the possible consequences of their statements ... some things that many of us are guilty of at some point.

Some people feel that they need to make a point, others feel that they need to make a point , and others feel that they need to make a point.

The hardest part about being any kind of counsellor is knowing that most advice is completely ignored by the listener. It's frustrating, at best.

Perhaps one-on-one is not the best situation for you and perhaps email readings would be the better way to go?

Tanga

"blunt readings"

Disa said:
... I seem to have a diff way of viewing things than the general population and people seem to get really offended really easily over the strangest things.

Welcome to the club. Lol.

Disa said:
I have a lot of querants who seem to say after the reading, "This is more to think about than I thought it would be." Then I always think I've been too harsh or offended them, and I worry about it and wonder how I could have done it differently,

It's when you can see and feel that the querent is obviously upset (but hiding it) though you have struggled your best to 'package what you see' nicely with the best sensitivity you can muster. And then, on their way out, they pat you on the back condescendingly and make some comment which negates your reading (as knee jerk reflex to you having told them something that they didn't want to hear).
Hmn.

Sulis said:
To add to Disa's excellent advice I'd say always be aware that you could be wrong...

Painfully so - Thankyou Sulis.

tarotbear said:
The fact that you 'realize there is a problem' is better than those who blatantly and forcefully spout things at people without ever editing themselves, considering the listener's feelings, or never considering the possible consequences of their statements ... some things that many of us are guilty of at some point.
...The hardest part about being any kind of counsellor is knowing that most advice is completely ignored by the listener. It's frustrating, at best.

Yes. I've gotten quite well versed in non-compliance and those who have that 'it's your job to fix everything for me' attitude (or make everything pretty - tell me only pretty things). So disappointing and can be so tiring. I've discovered how to go with that within my body therapy context.
Thankyou tarotbear for sharing this.

tarotbear said:
Perhaps one-on-one is not the best situation for you and perhaps email readings would be the better way to go?

Yes - as I said to SunChariot who pointed out this same thing - Thankyou, and guess what?
This discussion has prompted me to figure out a way I can work with Tarot in my workroom (read my previous post here - about 4 answers back).
I'm also having other ideas about how to incorporate them which is all rather interesting.
And exciting...

tarotbear

Tanga said:
Yes. I've gotten quite well versed in non-compliance and those who have that 'it's your job to fix everything for me' attitude (or make everything pretty - tell me only pretty things). So disappointing and can be so tiring.

Way back when I used to do a lot more readings than I ever do now, most of my co-workers knew I read and I used to bring my deck to functions. One co-worker said to me - more than once - 'I want you to read my cards - BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO TELL ME ANYTHING BAD!

*sigh*

I did reply - which I think was a phrase created here on AT by someone else 'Your Cards are in My Hands - Your Future is in Yours.' I would also remind her that I only read the cards but she shuffled them.

Needless to say - I never did a reading for her.

tarotbear

Tanga said:
I could offer a reading service to my existing regular clients which works like this =
1) I add appropriate time onto the end of their session where they can shuffle the cards
whilst asking the question bla bla.
2) They leave and I lay out the cards from their shuffle and proceed with reading.
I could photograph/record it, and read it at the end of the day.
3) Then, I type it up, print and post - including some pictures of the cards 'cause I also like to
share the visual feast of the cards with my querent.
WOW now... yes.
This format ticks so many boxes...

Don't laugh - I remember 3 of us joking about starting a center - don't remember what the third's specialty was anymore - but it entailed all 3 of us working on a client simultaneously - one doing a massage, me reading their cards ... and I forget what else. :joke: