Lillith0315
billv said:Thanks to all who've chimed in...
Catlin, it wasn't my business that made me lose my faith - it is really the question of *what* faith. I have believed for several years now that the Bible is really allegorical in nature, and probably 90% mythological. I know many people would argue differently. People can believe what they want, I don't care. I'm not trying to convert anyone to my point of view. This is around me just trying to figure out what truth really is, and what those allegorical stories really mean. That's where I'm at, I guess.
Thinbudda, I do understand the archetypes concept - although my question around them seems more to be whether or not they are manifest in everyone's outer objective reality, or just within our individual minds. In other words, I don't want demons living in my toaster, or in my dog, or etc etc... lol!
Sometimes the spiritual mumbo-jumbo with all the talk of demons, YHWH, etc, just gets to be a bit much, rather intimidating and not what I would call helpful in my own take on reality. Plus, I really don't want to fall into a tempest of rituals, demon-thwarting, and the like (although I have and do battle my internal "demons", which is something else entirely).
I think the axiom "What is true for you is true for you" is applicable here. If you believe in ghosts and demons, then you will have the ability to "see" them, because you believe in them. If you don't, you will not see them, and they are not true for you. Real or not, I do know that people can lose themselves trying to fight off demons, real or imagined. I can start to understand how reading some "magickal" books can actually drive a person mad if they are not prepared to accept that information! There is a lot of material that is very complex, and also very threatening and frightening, giving dire warnings and such... enough to give anyone nightmares, and taken far enough would be enough to really drive a person into psychosis who is not prepared to protect themselves from the mental gymnastics it drives you through. Real (outer-world, physically manifested) demons vs. false (in the mind of the beholder) demons - it really matters little in the theatre of the mind. Actually practicing these rituals, I believe, could be very hazardous to the mind, and you might not even know it until it's already too late and the mind's wires have already been scrambled sufficiently to not be able to defend psychical attacks from hidden areas of our unconsciousness that we have artificially pumped up through ritual.
I keep hoping that there is something more tangible, safe, and easier. One that is repeatable - one that everyone can readily experience - one that signifies a reality of a spiritual dimension other than what we already know. Magick and/or mysticism seems to point that way, but I find it's through a haze of new-age crap and empty promises that don't seem to ever lead to their proposed destination - and of course, the final problem always is with the person, never the system. How conveeeeeeenient.
Anyway, I'm feeling somewhat better tonight, and am still hopeful that the cards can be used to help in my search. I think they can. I just don't want to slide down a rabbit hole of trying to understand magick, astrology, alchemy, and other divination before I can even come close to knowing my "HGA". Sometimes I feel as if it's a dog chasing it's tail, or as the symbol for the two of disks represents, a snake eating it's tail. It feels like that alot to me.
Bill
Bill,
If I may make a suggestion, perhaps before completely turning your back on everything maybe what is needed is a drastic reduction of the "noise". Before I had read two sentences of your post I got the impression of a huge amount of spiritual, emotional and mental you are on major and complete overload. I think that maybe you need to just get back to bare bones basics. Why don't you pack up all of those books and extemporaeneous stuff that you really don't need, want or are able to deal with right now and just keep your deck and go buy a nice new clean journal. Perhaps do some basic "where am I" and "what lesson do I need to learn right now" kind of spreads when you want and also spend some time with some of the major cards (perhaps your soul and/or personality cards or whichever card seems to want to "speak" to you) and do the excercise from Mary Greer's "Tarot for Yourself" book where you ask "what can you teach me" "What lesson do I need to learn" of who or whatever entity you want in the card then open your mind and spend 7 minutes (or however long you want) writing whatever pops into your head. You will be amazed at how coherent and timely the response is. I don't know if what is written on the page is a message from some higher plane or just from my own higher consciousness, it doesn't matter, the point is that it is wonderful therapy and a great way to get in touch with your own spirit. Forget the other stuff because ultimately, this is YOUR journey, no one elses. Those books can show us the path but we must walk it and when we walk sometimes we need to rest and sometimes, we need to branch off and make our own path lead only by our faith in ourselves. There are no right answers and no one has all the answers and anyone that says they have it all figured out is either lying, delusional or better have their affairs in order because they are about a half a second from death. This particular journey doesn't end til you take your last breathe in this world.
Do whatever it is that you need to do, but try not to give up.