What a sitter actually means...

Umbrae

Grizabella said:
... we think we know what they're thinking, but in reality, not being omniscient, we can't really know for sure. I don't see how anybody can disagree with that.

...Yes! But that's different than just assuming you already know. You ask them to figure it out. There's a difference between that and just assuming you already know.
Yes there is a difference.

Thus - the importance of developing rapport - so we can step aside from what we think (get out of our own way), get the sitter to step aside from what they think the issue is, and discover (together), what needs lie beneath the wants.

Assumptions lead to really really bad readings.
 

Grizabella

Exactly!

I found myself talking till I was blue in the face there, trying to explain what I meant because somehow, even though I'm not usually hard to understand, people were obviously not understanding what I was saying.

Or something. :p
 

Rasa

Umbrae said:
Assumptions lead to really really bad readings.

It took me awhile to learn that.... when I first started reading for the general public, and had the opportunity to read for people with very different ways of thinking/being/feeling than I have, I was often surprised when the 'advice cards' in the spread said something completely different than what I would have told them to do if I was just sitting with a friend having a conversation and giving advice from my own perspective.

Often, when I see the first cards in the spread, there's something in me right away that wants to say what the person should do, but nowadays I make myself wait until more information comes out, so that the advice offered is more than just my reactionary opinion.
 

Rasa

For the original poster, and the original question..

I've done a lot of readings for people who are having affairs (I had no idea what a large segment of society is practicing infidelity, until I started doing readings for people!), who want to know which relationship to stay in and which to end, or whether the other people involved know what's going on, etc.

Usually, the person doesn't come out and say it at the beginning... They just ask vaguely about 'relationship stuff', or they say, "tell me about my love life", or something.. and then it ends up coming out partway through the reading that there is more than one relationship they are wanting to know about.
 

214red

Grizabella said:
Well, to be perfectly honest here, you're reading the sitter and jumping to conclusions instead of just reading the cards without bias.
Nope, i am not doing that at all. I find the story out in the cards in the process of the reading, things start to unravel and i find out the heart of the issue.
In my early days i often read on assumptions, i went by what the sitter told me, this often lead to readings not always making sense. I learnt from this mistake, now i always go back to the cards to see what the actual situation is, before i go forward and read, and start to use the cards to give guidence.

Why would i judge someone who comes to me for a reading, if i do, i am not doing them a good reading.

This thread was meant to be entertaining, and fun.
 

214red

Umbrae said:
We’re not judging.

We’re listening.

We’re building rapport.

Rapport is like the bridge that connects the cards, the card meanings, and the sitter’s question. You can walk a slack rope, or a nice sturdy bridge.

Your choice.

i like the bridge quote, i might steal it ,i will obvious pay you royalties each time its actually used ...
 

214red

Umbrae said:
We lack Tarot reading classes. Classes are all about 'card meanings'. Dan Pelletier talked briefly about this in his Lunch & Learn lecture at Readers Studio 2010.

Reading...in the opening of a reading session, there are so many opportunities to develop judgment free rapport - that to ignore them and move onto 'reading the cards' is counterproductive.
I agree with your post!

People arent taught to read, they are taught card meanings. There doesnt seem to be any concern about how to conduct a reading. A good reader will care about giving the best reading they can, a good reader will want to continue to learn.

The question we ask doesnt mean thats what we want answered, or what we really mean.We as readers should be helping clients/sitters to get the best from their reading, they should leave empowered.

It is our responsibility to get to the heart of what they really want and need. I wonder if newer readers care?

Do they really want to think about the effect of readings, or do they simply see it as a party trick, or something to nose into other peoples lives, or get the answer to all their questions....or even a quick buck or two?
 

214red

Hand up...

Before i started learning tarot properly, i have to admit to going to a reader and asking for a 'general reading' or a 'social life' when really i was hoping that i would find out about my love life.....

I sat there watching cards coming up, and hoping that the reader would see through my facade. The reason for not asking for what i wanted was because i was in my feminist phase, i thought wanting a relationship made you less of a person (i was about 21). i remember walking out from readings getting what i asked for, but disappointed i didnt get what i really wanted.

Now i am a reader, i remember being a sitter, it helps me be a better reader.