Social Tarot

nisaba said:

This HAS happened occasionally, though not in a group-context, more people who know asking occasionally. I have a policy: if *I* offer a reading, it's free. If anyone *asks* for a reading, they pay the going rate. This is what I do for cash, it's that simple. Ask them if they'd insist that a plumber do their pipes for free or a mechanic fix their car for free. That makes people stop and reconsider their requests.

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But people DO do that, especially with doctors and lawyers. "Oh, you're a lawyer - can you tell me what's the right phrase to use to make sure my sister cannot claim from my will..." And I have even seen it with more practical occupations: "Oh right - well my boiler is making a banging noise; what do you think it is" Followed by "Well, can you come and listen to it in a day or two and maybe you can make it stop..."

I once had a friend who was a doctor, and who took to saying he was an accountant - but then people started to ask him to look at their tax returns. Last I heard he was still trying to think of something SO boring people would glaze over instead of asking for free help...

If I think it's going to be a normal, serious exchange and I am at home, I will quite happily take them into my Reading Room and do a reading in private.

If it's mocking - which it never is, to be honest - nobody has ever mocked or goaded- then I wouldn't give a reading. There is always fascination in my experience. Nothing less. There has always been curiosity. A couple of colleagues at work have dismissed it but they're not friends and they'd never be round for dinner anyway...

If I'm not in the mood, I will set up a meeting at a later date and give the person a reading. Often it doesn't come to fruition, but sometimes it does!

This happened to me at a small party in my own home, when a friend who knew I collected tarot decks, but shied away from even touching the cards because of her personal bias, announced to all that I read tarot cards. (cranberry champagne cocktails may have occasioned her loosened tongue) Everyone was interested and wanted a reading. I only read for myself. I do not read for or about others and said so. BUT, I pulled out a RWS deck... handed it around for a thorough shuffling, then let each person shuffle again and draw 3 cards... handed around a book for the card meanings. End of story.

I never bring decks to parties the same way I don't bring a cell phone. I'm there to socialize, not work. If the fact that I read cards comes up (it seldom does), any readings would have to be arranged for later, which keeps me in control. I don't consider myself a "tarot vending machine."

Nor do I. But these things tend to happen in my home, when they do. Not least because having a whole ROOM full of decks coupled with the fact that we have an INTERESTING old house means people want to take a tour, and at this point... Well, saying oh that weird little door leads nowhere doesn't wash - it's about a metre high and leads to what used to be the maid's room. That excites and is historically interesting.

But this last person - she's into tarot herself; in fact I was able to tell her the name of her deck that she'd forgotten, by showing her my copy. Even so - no; when I have guests, it isn't to read for them. There are exceptions, but they know who they are - and also they would NOT push it.

There's a concept in the insurance industry called "attractive nuisance" where someone gets injured on your property because you have a feature that encourages them to do something they have no business doing. It's sometimes applied as a defense in a trespassing situation where bodily injury is involved: "I wouldn't have gone there but I saw this thing that was so intriguing I couldn't resist," or something similar. Swimming-pool drownings are one extreme example.

I just close the door to my "tarot room," shutting out the "attractive nuisance" from prying eyes.

Barleywine said:

There's a concept in the insurance industry called "attractive nuisance" where someone gets injured on your property because you have a feature that encourages them to do something they have no business doing. It's sometimes applied as a defense in a trespassing situation where bodily injury is involved: "I wouldn't have gone there but I saw this thing that was so intriguing I couldn't resist," or something similar. Swimming-pool drownings are one extreme example.

I just close the door to my "tarot room," shutting out the "attractive nuisance" from prying eyes.

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I WOULD - but when you have a seriously exciting house, historically... A maid's room from the 17th/18th century ?

I like the thing about swimming pool drownings where if you have a sign up saying DON'T, (as is required in many jurisdictions) and a two y/o does anyway and drowns, you can point to the sign as a defence... I mean - REALLY ?

Le Fanu said:

If it's mocking - which it never is, to be honest - nobody has ever mocked or goaded- then I wouldn't give a reading. There is always fascination in my experience. Nothing less. There has always been curiosity. A couple of colleagues at work have dismissed it but they're not friends and they'd never be round for dinner anyway...

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Yes if someone were straight-up mocking me of course I wouldn't either. But sometimes it's kind of, good-natured mocking, like the way siblings behave sometimes.

I never bring up Tarot except that I spent a year or so working on a deck and told a few people about it because they were interested in what I do. The 'problem' arose when it was finished and they wanted to see it. Being quite proud of my work, I was happy to show it, but of course that led to requests to perform the party trick.

I'll give an example, I was staying with a group of friends in a house one owned in the mountains. We were all there for New Years and were all staying for several days. One beautiful evening, in the glow of great company and generous hospitality, this came up.

So I think you can understand it wasn't so easy to say, "Hey I only do this for money" or whatever. And it wasn't that I wouldn't have wanted to. It was more just I can't turn it on like a faucet (wish I could) and also it just didn't feel right.

I tried one reading but, like I said it wasn't the right atmosphere for serious reading.

But it made me think that it would be nice to develop the skill to do a kind of "Just for Fun" reading for situations like that. Something that uses humour. Like say, all the questions have to be about sex or something silly like that. Or you can only ask me what your pet is thinking.

And then do some kind of actual reading. It might be good practice, no?

I mean it's okay to have fun with Tarot also, right? I just wonder how to do that exactly.

JMI_Tarot said:

I would ask "does this ever happen to you" but I am pretty sure that it happens all the time to people who read Tarot. I am curious how it makes you feel and you handle it.

So, you are with friends or family or really any group, and someone finds out you are into Tarot and announces it and people find that amusing, "so you" or whatever and then you are asked to do readings. The thing is, although these people are probably actually interested and in a way fascinated by the prospect of having a tarot reading, it isn't something they "believe" in and they make that clear by the smirky way they ask, or a kind of superior or "I dare you" attitude.

I often feel like they are:
1. Hiding a secret desperation and trying not to show it to the others by treating it as a joke.
or
2. Just having a go at you. (Family usually)
or
3. Using you for entertainment, like a carnival Tarot reader from a movie.

I really wish I had the confidence to go with it and "do the thing" and maybe something interesting comes out of it, but I don't really and find the situation unpleasant.

The times I did do it it didn't go so well, people commenting and joking etc, and that didn't do much for my confidence. So I nearly always avoid it. If we've been drinking at all I always say (and it's true) that I never read when I've been drinking.

I wonder if any of you have any stories about an impromptu reading at a party or something where you were kind of goaded by people to perform and how it went.

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Don't fall for it. The cards are for people who see them in a positive light. People who don't see them that way are judging you in a negative way....none of that is what the tarot is about. Unless someone is serious they don't qualify for a reading with me. If you believe the tarot is for fun, then you are just messing with your mind and everyone else's.

gregory said:

Nor do I. But these things tend to happen in my home, when they do. Not least because having a whole ROOM full of decks coupled with the fact that we have an INTERESTING old house means people want to take a tour, and at this point... Well, saying oh that weird little door leads nowhere doesn't wash - it's about a metre high and leads to what used to be the maid's room. That excites and is historically interesting.

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I understand how people may be interested, but really...this is your home. I would never feel entitled to barge into any and every part of a house in which I was a guest just to indulge my own curiosity.

I know people can be both well-meaning and intrusive at the same time, but it seems to me that if you insist on your own privacy and boundaries within your home in a quiet and polite manner, but still firmly...well, anyone who still insists after that would really have to be a bit of a jerk, in my opinion.