10 of Cups Clarified by the Tower

I did a larger reading to look into what action I can take to help attract new love into my life. For the action card, I got the 10 of Cups, with the Tower card as a clarifier. I'm stumped by this combination. Deck used was the Gay Tarot and a picture of this combination is posted here: .

Upon first glance, the Tower seems to be such a bizarre clarifying card in this instance. In looking at the image, it does portray my heart's desire for a fulfilling family/home life, complete with a child or two. To be specific, I would like to have a son one day, but with a partner not as a single parent, at least not as an intentional choice. Could the Tower represent other the reactions of those closest to me, or that I need to start speaking of this goal to the people I'm closest to or a potential love interest? Up to this point, I've kept it pretty much to myself.

One of the things that I am aware of is that I feel there are still a lot of attitudes that aren't supportive of two gay men raising children. I know this is changing and that it is much more common now, etc., etc., but real life is not a TV sitcom with problems neatly resolved and attitudes transformed in 40 minutes or less. I guess you could say I anticipate potential rejection when I voice this idea. Is the Tower saying this is a step that needs to be undertaken regardless of this fear?

Ideas anyone?

How you get there doesn't matter....

GrailKing said:

real life is not a TV sitcom with problems neatly resolved and attitudes transformed in 40 minutes or less. I guess you could say I anticipate potential rejection when I voice this idea. Is the Tower saying this is a step that needs to be undertaken regardless of this fear?

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I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head here with your interp. The 10/Cups as an action is about planning your legacy. Making sure you create that future, rather than assuming it will happen magically when you meet the right partner. Of course, then you said to the deck, "I don't understand this card as an action, can you say it again in a different way?" and the deck said, "Sure. Wake up! Tear down your assumptions and rebuild on truth and reality so your tower can actually stand." (And by the way, I really love that Tower where the kid is coming out to his parents. That's the tower in a nutshell, what people don't want to hear, but need to hear and accept). The cards have a way, I've found, to warn us against clarifiers by being nice in the original card, and brutal in the clarifier

The nice message is that you have to see this "TV" future family as just that. A future family. An "end" to the process of love not the thing that will happen instantaneously once you find there right partner. You might even have to jump into raising kids on your own, because the right partner isn't going to come into your life in the now, but later. If this is what you want, then see it as a future goal, and start building towards it however it needs to be built. Not the way you imagine it should happen, but as it needs to happen.

If you want that home with the children, then do whatever you need to do to get there. Including circumventing your dream of finding a spouse first, a home second, and kids third. It's not how you get there that matters. All that matter is that you decide to get there, and do.

My favorite Tower Quote

Something just occurred to me and it relates to my favorite Tower quote (I'm afraid I don't recall who said this (if someone can claim the quote, please let me know for my notes):

"Sometimes things need to fall apart to fall into place...."

You do note that in the deck you're using the 10/Cups and the Tower are opposites? The Tower shows the truth breaking up a family. But it's necessary because the "good" and happy family was together because of a lie. They had to hear the truth, be broken apart, in order to come back together honestly and stronger and better.

Meanwhile, the 10/Cups is the reality of the happy family because it isn't built on lies or dreams or what people imagine it should be. It is what it honestly is, and is strong and real because of that.

So the cards seem to be asking you, what truth must you acknowledge in order to gain a true 10/Cups, not a facade of one? Sometimes the action you must take is to break things apart in order to put them back together in the right way. So they fit and aren't forced together falsely in the name of a lie/dream.

GrailKing said:

...One of the things that I am aware of is that I feel there are still a lot of attitudes that aren't supportive of two gay men raising children. I know this is changing and that it is much more common now, etc., etc., but real life is not a TV sitcom with problems neatly resolved and attitudes transformed in 40 minutes or less. I guess you could say I anticipate potential rejection when I voice this idea. Is the Tower saying this is a step that needs to be undertaken regardless of this fear?...

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I look at the elemental clash of the Ten of Cups and Tower, so I more heavily consider their "reversed meanings" first. As for what action you should take, the [more reversed] Ten of Cups says (to me) to break from the traditional family (so-called "happily-ever-after") notion by ripping off the Bandaid in one fell swoop once and for all (Tower--which also suggests you are almost there, I believe.) You can't worry about what family and village (10 Cups) espouse; you need to find your own enlightenment in this regard (Tower.)

So, I think the Ten of Cups/Tower combo here is suggesting you first need to reject the rejection of the notion (that two gay men--or women--can or should not raise a family together.)

You're asking about finding love, but these two cards also take that deeper, I suspect. As both you and Thirteen suggested, real life is not always Ozzie and Harriet or The Cosby show--nor should it be. The fact that you bring that up makes me wonder, though, if you have been so deeply conditioned to this notion, that it is you, yourself, who has to shake those cobwebs out of your subconscious. You fear the "potential rejection;" and the Ten of Cups makes me wonder if your own family has been a big source of this fear. If so, you may have to step away from that upbringing in this area of thought and find your own way to buck the fear that's been instilled in you.

Wow!

Thirteen, thank you for the extremely insighful posts; I'm a little dumbstruck but in a good way...so much to think about. My initial response is that yes, the 10/Cups is a admonition to begin taking action on my dreams now, especially considering that they aren't going to happen a) without conscious action and b) without my starting on the goal even though the relationship isn't in place. Luckily, I do own my own home, so that one is good.

Of course figuring out, or getting in touch with my internal compass on how it needs to happen versus how I'd like it to happen is the tough part. I think the one of the first things is to start getting my financial house in an order that will support this goal, for example. Another is that I need to be screening (for lack of a better word) potential dating prospects by sharing fairly early on my the goal of raising a family. I'm sure there's lots more beyond these things

Thirteen said:

You do note that in the deck you're using the 10/Cups and the Tower are opposites? The Tower shows the truth breaking up a family. But it's necessary because the "good" and happy family was together because of a lie. They had to hear the truth, be broken apart, in order to come back together honestly and stronger and better.

Meanwhile, the 10/Cups is the reality of the happy family because it isn't built on lies or dreams or what people imagine it should be. It is what it honestly is, and is strong and real because of that.

So the cards seem to be asking you, what truth must you acknowledge in order to gain a true 10/Cups, not a facade of one? Sometimes the action you must take is to break things apart in order to put them back together in the right way. So they fit and aren't forced together falsely in the name of a lie/dream.

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Again, this is quite a good observation, I'm glad you took the time to add it. This is something I will need to allow to percolate for a while before it's ready, so to speak.

Thirteen said:

(And by the way, I really love that Tower where the kid is coming out to his parents. That's the tower in a nutshell, what people don't want to hear, but need to hear and accept). The cards have a way, I've found, to warn us against clarifiers by being nice in the original card, and brutal in the clarifier

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I agree that this Tower card is much more relate-able that the traditional imagery of a medieval tower. Concerning clarifiers, I'm starting to notice this too, the clarifier often seems to be much more "insistent."

Michael

starrystarrynight said:

So, I think the Ten of Cups/Tower combo here is suggesting you first need to reject the rejection of the notion (that two gay men--or women--can or should not raise a family together.)

You're asking about finding love, but these two cards also take that deeper, I suspect. As both you and Thirteen suggested, real life is not always Ozzie and Harriet or The Cosby show--nor should it be. The fact that you bring that up makes me wonder, though, if you have been so deeply conditioned to this notion, that it is you, yourself, who has to shake those cobwebs out of your subconscious. You fear the "potential rejection;" and the Ten of Cups makes me wonder if your own family has been a big source of this fear. If so, you may have to step away from that upbringing in this area of thought and find your own way to buck the fear that's been instilled in you.

Click to expand...

Starry, You know I lost my father this past January, rather unexpectedly, and it has actually helped me acknowledge and has galvanized my own goals for having a family, which was something that I thought just wasn't in the cards for me. Trying to be there for mom and working to deepen our connection has also made me more sensitized to jeopardizing our moving toward a much healthier closeness. In effect, I'm also the man of the family now being the oldest and the only boy. She is starting to look to me for help with decision-making, etc. Sobering stuff, huh?

This could be the Tower truth that I need to risk telling. (I've long been out to all my family, work, you name it ) Thanks for the insights!

Michael