Rhiannon
Ok, this was ugly for me. I did the spread, looked up the meaning from the back of the book and wrote down the ones that made sense to me. Then I promptly ignored it all. LOL Not a smart idea. I've been sick, had arguments, etc.... I don't think the shadows are going to leave me alone until I face them. (*Pointing out that this thread is not about getting/giving sympathy, just about my experience with this particular part of the book and what my discoveries were. Don't cry for me, Argentina!*)
So, on that note, here's my Star of Discovery:
1. Denial: Lovers
2. Anxiety: Devil
3. Inferiority: Death
4. Anger: Justice
5. Secrecy: Empress
6. Self loathing: World
What this all means to me (I will not type out all my notes, so as not to bore you to tears) is Lovers: that I choose to be irresponsible and avoid any roles where I will be forced to make decisions. I resist therapy because I feel it won't help or that I will be stigmatized for it. And I am emotionally unattached, I can let go of relationships with ease because I don't allow myself to feel too much.
Devil: I have alot of control issues, I have to be in charge of every little thing to make sure it's done right. I have a fear of asking for help because I feel that I don't deserve it, or that I am taking away from others who may need it more than me. At the same time I'm afraid that I dont' have enought to get by.
Death: I'm afraid to feel emotional pain and that's why I limit my attachments. I tend to block out and postpone grief and feelings of sadness, which causes me to have blow-ups when it all comes to the surface later. I hide these feelings and tendencies from others and let them think everything is ok. I also think this card relates to my habit of over-eating and my weight. If I stay fat then men don't look at me. And I feel as though I don't deserve to be looked at.
Justice: It's certainly not nice to be told that you are prejudiced. Even if it's by your tarot cards. But it's true, I do have some preconceived notions about people and attitudes that have to basis in fact or reality. It's not a nice thing to confront. I also have major issues with being fair. I'll be fair to the point of not being compassionate! And especially as this card relates to anger; being illogical or overly logical, black or white view, all or nothing view. These are things I dislike, but it's exaclty how I see things when I'm mad. LOL
Empress: This is ugly. Remember that thing about not developing emotional attachments. It sometimes feels like it's extending to my children. Especially my daughter. This is definitely something that needs to be addressed, and quickly. It also relates back to the Devil and Death because of my emotional neediness. I like to be seen as powerful and in control, but I also need caring and nurturing, and because of some of my other attitudes, I rarely get that kind of treatment.
World: Again with not taking responsibility. I won't take it, but when others try to impose it on me, I feel restricted and trapped. Talk about neurotic! I feel like I look forward so much that I miss out on NOW. I'm not taking time to notice the world around me. I'm repressing the memories that are painful and working on stopping future pain. I look for perfection where mediocrity will do just fine, thanks. And I think my idea of perfection is a little out of whack. I do not recognize all the aspects of myself, whether positive or negative.
Ok, folks. You've seen my dirty laundry. Now I can give those shadows a rest for a while. I'm not going to list specific instances of where these things have happened in my life, but they all have. If anyone else feels they can share, I look forward to reading your posts, and thanks for enduring mine!
R
So, on that note, here's my Star of Discovery:
1. Denial: Lovers
2. Anxiety: Devil
3. Inferiority: Death
4. Anger: Justice
5. Secrecy: Empress
6. Self loathing: World
What this all means to me (I will not type out all my notes, so as not to bore you to tears) is Lovers: that I choose to be irresponsible and avoid any roles where I will be forced to make decisions. I resist therapy because I feel it won't help or that I will be stigmatized for it. And I am emotionally unattached, I can let go of relationships with ease because I don't allow myself to feel too much.
Devil: I have alot of control issues, I have to be in charge of every little thing to make sure it's done right. I have a fear of asking for help because I feel that I don't deserve it, or that I am taking away from others who may need it more than me. At the same time I'm afraid that I dont' have enought to get by.
Death: I'm afraid to feel emotional pain and that's why I limit my attachments. I tend to block out and postpone grief and feelings of sadness, which causes me to have blow-ups when it all comes to the surface later. I hide these feelings and tendencies from others and let them think everything is ok. I also think this card relates to my habit of over-eating and my weight. If I stay fat then men don't look at me. And I feel as though I don't deserve to be looked at.
Justice: It's certainly not nice to be told that you are prejudiced. Even if it's by your tarot cards. But it's true, I do have some preconceived notions about people and attitudes that have to basis in fact or reality. It's not a nice thing to confront. I also have major issues with being fair. I'll be fair to the point of not being compassionate! And especially as this card relates to anger; being illogical or overly logical, black or white view, all or nothing view. These are things I dislike, but it's exaclty how I see things when I'm mad. LOL
Empress: This is ugly. Remember that thing about not developing emotional attachments. It sometimes feels like it's extending to my children. Especially my daughter. This is definitely something that needs to be addressed, and quickly. It also relates back to the Devil and Death because of my emotional neediness. I like to be seen as powerful and in control, but I also need caring and nurturing, and because of some of my other attitudes, I rarely get that kind of treatment.
World: Again with not taking responsibility. I won't take it, but when others try to impose it on me, I feel restricted and trapped. Talk about neurotic! I feel like I look forward so much that I miss out on NOW. I'm not taking time to notice the world around me. I'm repressing the memories that are painful and working on stopping future pain. I look for perfection where mediocrity will do just fine, thanks. And I think my idea of perfection is a little out of whack. I do not recognize all the aspects of myself, whether positive or negative.
Ok, folks. You've seen my dirty laundry. Now I can give those shadows a rest for a while. I'm not going to list specific instances of where these things have happened in my life, but they all have. If anyone else feels they can share, I look forward to reading your posts, and thanks for enduring mine!
R