Shadow Work: Star of Discovery

Rhiannon

Ok, this was ugly for me. I did the spread, looked up the meaning from the back of the book and wrote down the ones that made sense to me. Then I promptly ignored it all. LOL Not a smart idea. I've been sick, had arguments, etc.... I don't think the shadows are going to leave me alone until I face them. (*Pointing out that this thread is not about getting/giving sympathy, just about my experience with this particular part of the book and what my discoveries were. Don't cry for me, Argentina!*)

So, on that note, here's my Star of Discovery:
1. Denial: Lovers
2. Anxiety: Devil
3. Inferiority: Death
4. Anger: Justice
5. Secrecy: Empress
6. Self loathing: World

What this all means to me (I will not type out all my notes, so as not to bore you to tears) is Lovers: that I choose to be irresponsible and avoid any roles where I will be forced to make decisions. I resist therapy because I feel it won't help or that I will be stigmatized for it. And I am emotionally unattached, I can let go of relationships with ease because I don't allow myself to feel too much.

Devil: I have alot of control issues, I have to be in charge of every little thing to make sure it's done right. I have a fear of asking for help because I feel that I don't deserve it, or that I am taking away from others who may need it more than me. At the same time I'm afraid that I dont' have enought to get by.

Death: I'm afraid to feel emotional pain and that's why I limit my attachments. I tend to block out and postpone grief and feelings of sadness, which causes me to have blow-ups when it all comes to the surface later. I hide these feelings and tendencies from others and let them think everything is ok. I also think this card relates to my habit of over-eating and my weight. If I stay fat then men don't look at me. And I feel as though I don't deserve to be looked at.

Justice: It's certainly not nice to be told that you are prejudiced. Even if it's by your tarot cards. But it's true, I do have some preconceived notions about people and attitudes that have to basis in fact or reality. It's not a nice thing to confront. I also have major issues with being fair. I'll be fair to the point of not being compassionate! And especially as this card relates to anger; being illogical or overly logical, black or white view, all or nothing view. These are things I dislike, but it's exaclty how I see things when I'm mad. LOL

Empress: This is ugly. Remember that thing about not developing emotional attachments. It sometimes feels like it's extending to my children. Especially my daughter. This is definitely something that needs to be addressed, and quickly. It also relates back to the Devil and Death because of my emotional neediness. I like to be seen as powerful and in control, but I also need caring and nurturing, and because of some of my other attitudes, I rarely get that kind of treatment.

World: Again with not taking responsibility. I won't take it, but when others try to impose it on me, I feel restricted and trapped. Talk about neurotic! I feel like I look forward so much that I miss out on NOW. I'm not taking time to notice the world around me. I'm repressing the memories that are painful and working on stopping future pain. I look for perfection where mediocrity will do just fine, thanks. And I think my idea of perfection is a little out of whack. I do not recognize all the aspects of myself, whether positive or negative.

Ok, folks. You've seen my dirty laundry. Now I can give those shadows a rest for a while. I'm not going to list specific instances of where these things have happened in my life, but they all have. If anyone else feels they can share, I look forward to reading your posts, and thanks for enduring mine! })

R :)
 

Rhiannon

Oh come on! Somebody else has to stand here in their underwear with me! Stop being a wussy and post your stars!

R })
 

SherryZoned

Oh good grf fine....I will do my star to post it for you!! Just for you..I hope your happy!
 

Kaz

i will, i still need to type it......tomorrow i will post it.

kaz
 

Maan

Oke i don't want you to be here al by yourself.
But i won't post the explenation yet cause it will take me some time to put it in to words..and than into english words :(

1The hanged man
2 The empress
3 Judgement
4 Chariot
5 the ighpriestess
6 Death

I used the medieval scapini.

feel free to give your point of view on this spread :)
 

jema

i will follow your example this weekend Rhiannon.
i have lapsed with this book and just put it away in the box and tried to forget about it too...
and by the look of the posts to the study group i am not the only one...
 

Yogi Cat

This is my Star of Discovery Spread:

1. The Empress
2. The Devil
3. The Tower
4. Temperance
5. The Hanged Man
6. The Chariot

2 years ago I did a releasing your Inner Child workshop and this spread has brought up a lot of the issues from there that I hadn't quite dealt with. This is making me look at them with more depth. I have written a lot of stuff in my journal but it would be too long to post. I will need to break it down.
 

aeonx

Hi everybody.
Rhiannon, I was impressed by you posting your Star like that, and explaining it too. :) You are very honest. In fact, you have inspired me to to try this spread, it had a deep impact on me. Something in me just screamed at me to do it. *s* I could use facing some of my shadows... So, since I don't have this book or anything, would you mind telling me a little about this spread, that is useful to know?

~aeonx~
 

cyan

I will do my star this week I think. I was busy planning vacation, going on vacation, and after getting back from vacation my husband has been working from home for the past two weeks so I've had no time alone. (Cyan screams silently and runs in a flusterated circle.)
 

jema

my week with the star of discovery

you know. this is not something you just read in 15 minutes.
i used the Transformational tarot - the majors only and these are the cards i got:

1, Denial - Death
2, Anxiety - Justice
3, Inferiority - Reflection/hanged man
4, Anger - the Moon
5, Secrecy - the Emperor
6, Slef-loathing - The Star

i must say that the star kind of threw me off at first, but i haven't really gotten that far yet.
my first impression, just by looking at the spread as a whole is that this has a lot to do with my struggle to balance my daydreaming and inertia with much needed disciplin.

* The first card was in the position for Denial and it was Death
here is what i wrote about death in my journal just now:
trouble accepting change. i am constantly clinging to old patterns.
i always wanted things to just stay the way they were. i hate it when friends break up with their partners or move away. i resent death. i even go so far as to deny it exsits at times, still pretending everything is like it always been. my grandfather still biking around town in Sala feeding the ducks and singing with the salvation army and making sacrifices to the lady of the woods with lukewarm lemonade and crumbs of crackers.

(added the 3 november)

The second card was in the position for Anxiety and it was Justice.
I feel anxious when people judge me. I feel I cannot measure up to their standards. In discussions I am anxious to "win" yet I always have compassion and I am often too "soft" because I want others to treat me softly. I cannot take a harsh word. criticism is devastating to me. My opinions and views being under attack is always percieved as an attack on me personally.
the transformational tarot has the Statue of Liberty as Justice. this clearly shows the compassion needed to balance justice.
i think my anxiety in justice can lie in that i have a hard time standing up for myself. i also find i am unbalanced when it cames to justice/compassion where my cancer nature is always prefering emotions before logic.

(added the 4 of november)

The third card in the position for Inferiority was Reflection (of hanged man in other decks)
I lack confidence the most when i have no control over the situation. I always control every aspect of my life all the time, or i like to think i do. i fear things will fall apart if i do not somehow supervise them, this includes my family. i HAVE to worry and analyze things to pieces. what i DO and what i THINK is closely related to who i AM.
Lucid dreaming as a way of controling even my subconscious.
i live a great deal of my life in my own inner world, not taking part where i run the risk of losing control.

The Fourth card was for Anger and there i found The Moon
let me start by saying i am a cancer. and a red-head. that means i am emotional.
but i deal poorly with anger. I often mask my anger into something else. i believe huge parts of my depression is really repressed anger. moon is for mad and yes, it is as if i believed that to release my anger would be dangerous cause i migth flip out and go MAD as in a lunatics madness.
another aspect for mad/moon is my moodswings and that i found the perfect excuse for showing anger by blaming PMS. generally i avoid all strong emotions which might be odd considering i am such an emotional person. but i am also controling and anger is for me very threatening. something out of control.
still, this is a part of myself that i have made great progress with. i have been working a lot on expressing my anger outwards by shouting and banging doors instead of internalising it and cutting myself. i am getting better and better at this area. and i am darned proud of it too:)

(added the 6:th of november)
The card in position number five was for Secrecy and there fell the card of The Emperor
and there is no coincident that i have avoided working with this card until now and i am still hesitating to do so in a public journal. (and even more in a public forum)

The emperor as a secret. It can be simply my stubborn resistance and fear of authority and of being dominated. i never liked being told what to do but always needed to find the reasons to do something inside of myself.
but it is also things deeply repressed.
things i can't fully access even now.
it has to do with father figure gone when i was 3, of a line of fake father figures of which some were more threatening then fatherly
and about my view of sexuality
and that is all i can ever say about the emperor as a secret.


(added the 8:th november)

The card in position number 6 was for Self-loathing and there i found The Star
it can be rather devastating to have such a very positive card in this position. The thing i hate most about myself is: that i fail to see that i have a future. that i am filled with dread and a feeling of hopelessness and depression. that my energy is blocked by self-doubt.
that i fail to recognize my talents and abilites as something worthwhile. that i constantly have to seek approval from others because i cannot find it from within.

***
obviously this is somewhat edited and censored from the original post in my journal. but i thought if i shared it here i might somehow inspire others to do this spread too. it has been difficult and very rewarding.
thanks for reading.