Shadow Work: Star of Discovery

((((((((((jema))))))))))

thanks so much for joining me out here! LOL I know how hard it is to face all those things. But for me I think it helps to share it with others, helps me face it as a reality instead of hiding it away where no one else will ever see it, and then pretending it didn't really happen.

You are very brave for doing this. All of you are. I haven't moved on to my Stars of Recovery yet, I'm still "feeling" my shadow a bit. I may move on to one of them this weekend, I'll be sure to post it when I do.

Keep going guys! You can do this!
R

Rhiannon, i too will hold a bit with my star of recovery. this spread was a whole lot harder then i expected and it brought out a lot of things to the surface.
and some time, a week or two to just sort of meet these shadows is a must.
the spread for me took almost one week to wrok through.

i also hope more of you find this thread and post your own. it really is a lift to post it. it brings it out in the open and to formulate in full just what each cards means to you is like a theraphy session on its own

I found this book a week ago at the used bookstore and have been avoiding doing the star of discovery all week.

But seeing your spreads has given me the guts to do so, tonight, I think. I will share what I find

C.

Ugh....yikes.....here's mine, using the majors of the Fantastical Tarot (I just *knew* it would be good for this type of work.....yikes.....)

1. Denial - The Sun
2. Anxiety - The Wheel of Fortune
3. Inferiority - Justice
4. Anger - The Hanged Man
5. Secrecy - The Moon
6. Self-loathing - The Lovers

I'll give you the abbreviated version of my notes....some of it's just a little too painful...

1. Denial - The Sun: I feel like I'm trying to hold some painful secrets or emotions inside, and they're burning me. Also, I have some body image issues, and the picture on this card brings those to mind (that I have been denying that I have these issues...I need to do something about them for health reasons, but I've been literally sitting on my butt about it).

2. Anxiety - The Wheel of Fortune: I *SO* do not like change THAT I CAN'T CONTROL. Control is the key word, I think. I don't like instability either, which ties back to the control.

3. Inferiority - Justice: I am *such* a Libra. "It's not fair!!!" I always feel like things are not fair and they should be. I *always* get the short end of the deal, or so it seems. But how much of this truly is fate and how much is because of bad choices I made?

4. Anger - The Hanged Man: I feel trapped, suspended, bound, and it makes me frustrated, which festers into anger and resentment.

5. Secrecy - The Moon: Kind of tying back into the denial, I try to hide my problems in the dark. If they're hidden, I don't have to deal with them. Everything's bottled up. And the bottled up stuff is making me moody.

6. Self-loathing - The Lovers: Here's the big ugh. I'm questioning my marriage and my feelings toward my husband. And I'm feeling *really* guilty and "bad" about even considering these questions. And I'm afraid (hmm...divorce....instability....big changes I can't control.....anyone else seeing a theme here? oy...).

*shudder*

Good job, ladyhawke! I know it's really hard to face those types of things. Are you going to be sitting with this for a while and "meeting" your shadows? I'm still not sure when I'll start my recovery stars.

Chris, look forward to your post as well.

R

I bought this book a little while ago and put it off for a while but started rereading it after reading the posts here.
I'll also give the abbreviated version of my star of discovery since it is painful.
(I used the Nigel Jackson deck)
1. Denial- Hanged Man
2. Anxiety- Chariot
3. Inferiority- Justice
4. Anger- The Popess (High Priestess)
5. Secrecy- Judgement
6. Self Loathing- The Hermit

1. Denial - Hanged Man
I have problems with letting things happen to me, inability to let myself be vulnerable and most times I give too much of myself when people ask favors of me. I can't say no to anyone and resent the audacity of the person asking the favor. I can't imagine myself asking the favors they ask of me. I hate letting someone having control of circumstances that affect me. I can't deal with someone controlling my life or telling me what I need to do. This appalls and infuriates me to no end. (I'm not talking about a boss telling me what to do.... I'm talking about a peer or someone telling me what I *need* to do.. Like take certain classes, be more like them.. etc.. )

2. Anxiety- Chariot
I get anxious when I have to assert myself. I am about the most unconfrontational person on the planet. When I receive any type of accolades, I feel like I don't deserve it. I'm more apt to give in, if I find the obstacle too challenging of my character. I'm really a weak person even though I have a stubborn streak. I always worry, like even when someone is unknowingly annoying me and I'm afraid to confront them for fear of how psychotic/paranoid/delusional/neurotic I will appear.

3. Inferiority- Justice
I always feel incredibly guilty for anything I do. I'm always worried that I might disturb or upset someone. In fact many people snap at me, telling me to stop saying sorry. Or to tell me that I'm annoying by asking if I annoy them. I never have balance in the scales, I'm either compulsive at times or not at all.
Doing things in spurts rather than a little each day.

4. Anger- The Popess (High Priestess)
I'm angry when I see others as able to have a spiritual connectiveness with anything. I'm jealous and become bitter, rationalizing out that spirituality is just nonsense anyway, and try to convince myself that there is no concrete scientific data for it, so why should I want to have it. But I do.

5. Secrecy- Judgement
Even though I dislike myself and have severe self conscious issues, I feel like other people's inner critics should be just as harsh the way mine is to me. Or I wish I could be free from it, like they are. I hold grudges and I can't forgive myself. I like to romanticize things that really shouldn't be romanticized.

6. Self Loathing- The Hermit
I am so ashamed of myself that I draw inwards like the hermit. I'm always at home. I find it extremely hard for me to go anywhere. I hate that I can't break out of my Hermitland and make friends etc. I feel that most people I see will be mean to me somehow or just not understand me.

Ah well after all that negativity, I can't wait for my star of recovery!!!!

Rhiannon said:

Good job, ladyhawke! I know it's really hard to face those types of things. Are you going to be sitting with this for a while and "meeting" your shadows? I'm still not sure when I'll start my recovery stars.

Click to expand...

Yeah, I think I'm gonna think on things a bit. I feel like there's some more conclusions to be drawn and more journaling to do. So I'm going to give myself at least a week, and possibly longer, before I move on to the next card reading.

Wow, Kirali... are you sure you're not my sister? She has those same issues! You are NOT alone! I'm not going to tell you not to be so hard on yourself, because I believe this spread is about honesty and maybe a little bit of being hard on yourself. How can we fix it/help it if we don't acknowledge it, right?

R

My Star of Discovery

Wow, this stuff really works! Some pretty emotional stuff for me.

1. Denial - Magician(reversed)
2. Anxiety - The Chariot
3. Inferiority - The Sun(reversed)
4. Anger - The Empress(reversed)
5. Secrecy - The Hermit
6. Self Loathing - The Hanged Man

Here's what I wrote in my journal.

1. I deny the power that I have over my circumstances. I hate admitting that I am responsible, directly or indirectly, for most of what happens to me and for the choices that I make. I give up control of my circumstances/surroundings to other people far too easily. I fear the gifts the magician can give me.

2. I worry a great deal about escape - escape from my past, escape from my present, escape into my future. I worry a great deal about making something of myself, and I often doubt that I posess the motivation or the VEHICLE, for positive change in my life. When the chariot has come my way, I grow afraid and rather than hop on, try to do all I can to keep from being run over.

3. I feel that I am not worthy of love, of acceptance, or to bask in the light of all that God and others would give me. Rather, I feel that I'm destined to always wither in the blistering heat of my negative influences. I feel that other people deserve good things, but not me. Sunburn. Sunburn, that word keeps coming to mind. I've grown afraid of the light and sometimes hide in shadow instead of coming out into my destiny.

4. I hate my mother right now; it breaks my heart to admit it, but I hate her. I hate her for being so overbearing, I hate her for not standing up to my stepdad when I was a kid, I hate her for justifying his every vile act, all the while finding a way to blame it on me or worse, on herself. I feel so betrayed by her. What she sees as herself being nurturing, I see as sucking the energy right out of me.

5. Secrecy - The Hermit
I really need to think about this one more. What comes to mind offhand is, I hide things. Which is something I don't like to admit, because I've always projected myself as an open book. But it's true, I hide pieces of myself - my sexuality, my faith in the god/dess, my pain, my opinion - in circumstances where being open could cause me discomfort.

6. This card is the hardest for me; it's the first time I've ever encountered the Hanged Man in a reading. I think it has to do with the state of suspension my life is in right now - I feel as if there's nothing I can do to get to be where I want to be. Heh - totally opposite of the first card. That's a gemini for you.

This was some pretty emotional stuff for me. I definitely want to give it more thought.

Chris

Hi Chris! I'm so sorry I didn't post in reply right away. I've not been up to speed lately.

I think you've done very well! I do have a suggestion/question: have you thought about the idea of sacrifice in relation to your Hanged Man card? Do you have a problem with sacrificing your own needs for the good of others, or yourself? Or do you feel like you are constantly giving too much to others in spite of yourself? Just a thought....

R