the other person

I've never done a reading for "What does X think about me?" because I don't think the results will be particularly useful but I also don't think a tarot reading is akin to hiding spy cameras all over their house.

The most common reading I get asked for of this type is parents asking about their children's futures. I don't have a particular aversion to answering that as parents tend to check up on their kids in a lot of ways "talking to teachers, parents of friends, etc." Usually the kid in question is very young with the one exception of the time the "kid" was about 50.

Most of the time this type of question is asked as "What's going on with X?" rather than "Reveal to me all of X's inner thoughts and deep, dark secrets; and it's generally asked by someone with an interest in helping the person in question.

I can see why this type of reading feels like it's a step too far for some but do you feel the same about running credit checks on people?

Shade said:

do you feel the same about running credit checks on people?

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In the US you need their permission* and they are notified that you have accessed their credit report.

*certain applications (government benefits, renting an apartment or house, court orders, etc) don't require written permission

But, generally, it's illegal for someone to run a credit check on you except in legally defined circumstances.

AraLuck said:

True if someone is 'watching' you - but what if someone is only trying to resolve an issue? Find a way forward?

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If they can't talk to me directly, they also can't have my permission to do a reading about me.

If you want to have a reading that concerns someone else, ask them beforehand if it's okay that you go and have a reading about them. Gee, I *wonder* what their answer will be.

We live in a world with at least a nominal Right To Privacy.

Get help. I don't think my partner, parents, friends would mind if I was trying to find a solution.

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But you're not sure. Ask them first to make sure. Otherwise you are treading on their rights.

But would she be so horrified that I am only trying to ensure we do not have any conflicts? Would it be so bad to know how she's feeling and what I should do/not do for a smooth time at home?

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I don't know - you'd have to ask her. My daughter certainly knows better than to have readings about either what I think or what her partner thinks. It's perfectly fine for her to have readings about how to behave around either of us, but both of us are private people, and she knows enough to respect that and not ask a reader anything she couldn't ask to our faces. I think it's called "respect". Disrespecting someone's sovereign right to privacy is exactly that, disrespecting their right.

So by all means have readings about their mindset and their emotions - if you ask their permission first. If it's okay with them, they will happily give their permission so there's no issue, right? If you feel you can't ask their permission, then what does that tell you about their consent?

Each of us has to decide for him/herself how to handle "other person" questions; I don't like them and don't do them. Other people have boundaries and defenses just like we have, why try to break them down? For me, that's disrespectful. Besides, like others have said, the danger is that we only get a reflection of our own wishful thinking. As a rule, I don't answer questions that a private detective would be better equipped to answer ;-) Tarot is no spying device.

I'm of the school that much prefers action-oriented questions or insight-questions. "What do I have to know to improve my relationship with A?" That's IMO a much better question than "what does A. feel about me?"

The only person we can change and move is our own precious self anyway...

I know and respect that other readers have different opinions.

I am with Nemia that everyone has decide for themselves.

Personally, I find that I just cannot bring myself to do it. I find myself with "What impact are their feelings having/ going to have on me/whoever I am reading for?" In other words I try and make the question querent-centred rather than other-person centred.

It satisfies me and imo that is the whole point anyway. A detached "what is X thinking?" really isn't any help to the querent, what they need to know is how that will impact them.

But, I know lots of readers do it and I don't question that, along with not questioning many other choices others make that I don't.

I think it depends on your intention. Do you want to know about your friends love life just out of curiosity? Or do you want to resolve your own love life that happens to include another person? To me there is a big difference between theese two scenarios.

Also, this could be a little controversial, but I feel strongly that you have the right to protect yourself from people who could hurt you. The car dealer wont tell you straight forward that he is fishy. Your date wont tell you that he has beaten up his ex girlfriend. But if you could get a clue from the cards that makes you more careful, so much better.

Then of course it could be a fine line between need to know basis and curiosity. And as some here has mentioned, the cards don't always reflects the reality but feelings, fears and so on.

Nemia said:

I'm of the school that much prefers action-oriented questions or insight-questions. "What do I have to know to improve my relationship with A?" That's IMO a much better question than "what does A. feel about me?"

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I see no essential difference between the two questions. Both of them involve other people, and both of them will lead you to the same answer.

We don't live in a vacuum. We always read about others whether we know it or like it or not.

If you read on "how can I improve my relationship with X," you're kidding yourself if you think you're not reading on a "third party". Your reading is still asking about the third party. Your answer is saying "if you do this, then this will result so you're still reading on what X's thoughts, feelings, etc. are and you're still doing a "third party" reading. You're still reading on what X thinks, feels, will do if the sitter follows the advice of the reading.

Considering that, I do "third party" readings all the time. I'm not ashamed of it. And even though I have a pretty good track record with readings, I'm still not arrogant enough to believe that I'm "going through somebody's underwear drawer" or anything near it. I'm just not always right and neither is any other reader, no matter how good they are or how long they've been reading.

Even if we think we're only reading on a job application, whatever the result of the reading is, we're still saying what the hiring person looking at the job application is going to think say and do. Or if we think we're just reading on somebody's relationship, it doesn't matter if you say, "Well, I won't read on this unless we change the question to 'what can I do to make chances better with this person'?" you're still reading on the third party and what they're going to do provided the sitter does x,y,z. You're still determining what the third party will like or consider good enough.

I wouldn't feel comfortable doing a reading on an absent third party. I think it's nosy. Now, to be fair, I'm a nosey person! It's not evil. It's just human. But someone else asking me to be nosey FOR THEM? Umm, no.

Though it is not very ethical, from my point of view there are some considerations to be made.

I think that we can ask for third parties in matters that affect us directly. E.g. - Is my husband cheating on me? -. In my opinion there are things we are entitled to know and we have no way of asking (or getting an honest answer). Other thing would be if we wanted to ask about the partner of the mistress of the husband, and that's when I think it is pure gossip therefore it shouldn't be done.

Nevertheless, each reader has their own ethics so I don't think there is an absolute RIGHT thing.