Healing a deck?

Hi!
Forgive me for just launching into my problem, when I have only just joined your group.
I've been lurking here for a few days, reading old posts, & think you might be able to give me some advice...

I have a Thoth deck, & I think she is "damaged"...let me explain, as briefly as possible.

I have had this deck for almost twenty years, & although not my oldest deck, is nonetheless one I feel a particular bond with.
A couple of years ago, she (I always think of this deck as female) began to continuously cut to a particular card....the Queen of Swords....and it did not seem to matter how much shuffling, nor how I'd choose the cards, the deck seemed 'stuck'....

When I read for other people, I'd use another deck, but I still felt compelled to return to my original deck.
I tried to buy another, but each time I did so, I'd give these new decks to others as I felt they were not 'mine'.

The pre-occupation my deck had proved to be a warning that I was to be widowed...she was using the Queen & her traditional fortune-telling role...but now, my life goes on, but my cards still refer to the Queen of Swords again & again, & make little sense.

A friend of mine, skilled with Tarot, suggested I mediatate upon this, & I have been doing so.
All kinds of answers occur to me....such as my deck is almost a Dorian Gray portrait, or I should move on from reading Tarot,
but none of these solutions feel right.

I have tried all the usual purifications, & my cards lie quietly in a drawer, wrapt in perfumed silk, but they do not get better.

The strongest feeling I have is that they need healing, of some kind....but what else can I do?
I shuffle them & try to reassure them, I take them places, leave them alone...all kinds of things.

Has any one else had a similar experience?
Does any one have any ideas as to how to re-awaken them from their state?

I do think they would prefer to carry on being my deck, I've never felt they want to be laid to rest. On the contrary, I feel they have an energy quite unlike other decks.

best wishes to you all, & thankyou for reading this convuluted post!

Hi, after reading your post I found this thread

http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=12056

I feel there is an answer to your question there, you may find out why your deck (who obviously loves you) keep telling you something by choosing the Queen of Swords, something about let go, and just feel

you said you were recently widowed. and the Q, was warning you of what was to come. while reading your post, i thought of something outside my normal mode of thinking. use that deck to have a conservation with your late wife. i don't know why i thought of this. but if the deck was warning you, then at this point it could be grieving with you. and trying to give you a message from your wife. could there be something that needs to be said between you? or maybe she is trying to say goodbye one more time. i guess this is worth a shot. never had this problem, never heard of this happening before. never heard of anyone doing what i have suggested, but it is what i thought about. and, it was one of my "listen to me" feelings. i hope you the best of luck. and do keep us posted on what happens.

contradiction

On an extreemly practical and non mystical note; If a pack regularly cuts to the same card it can be because this card has become damaged in some way, a slight bend or crease can cause it to not adhere to the ones above and below it as much as the others do, and therefore it cuts to that card.
This can also be caused by grease on the cards, off a persons hands if they were dirty, or through long handling.

Depending on the damage there is sometimes nothing that can be doneto cure this problem.

I am not saying that this is the reason for what you are experiencing, I am just saying that it could be, and it might be worth looking at the particular card in order to discount this theory.

Hi Tuzki,

I agree with Lillie that it's perfectly possible that there's a "logical" reason for your cards to be doing this, but I'm sure you've considered the possibility.

I had something similar a couple of years ago when my crystal ball kept showing me skulls - my reaction was "go away and put some flesh on" - but it was trying to talk to me, as shortly afterwards I was rushed into hospital with something nastily life-threatening.

I wonder if your deck is hammering on about the subject because it perceives that this is where you are now - or ought to be? Sometimes we don't allow ourselves enough time to grieve.

I do like Contradiction's suggestion - quite inspired. Certainly worth a try, depending on what your beliefs are.

Hope this helps. I've PM'd you with some other thoughts.

Hi tzuki,
I agree with Lillie that you should, if you have not already, examine your deck very carefully to see if there is some bend or ripple in the card causing your fingers to select it.

If you find nothing, and it would not take much as this is a magician's trick to use a slight impfection in the cards to draw the fingers to cut at a certain place, then I also agree you need to keep this carefully in your thoughts.

This is an old deck to which you feel a strong bond. There are numerous healing/purifying rituals mentioned at different times here. Focussed intent, leaving the deck with crystals which you have filled with your healing intent and prayerfully passing them through the smoke of sweetgrass have been mentioned.

I would not forget the message of the Queen, but if you need to move on, you need to gradually ease the bond with these feelings.

Just a suggestion in terms of a 20-year-old Thoth

Tzuki says:
The strongest feeling I have is that they need healing, of some kind....but what else can I do?

The twenty-year-old Thoth has a different coloring, more of a greenish tinge if you received one that originally came from Llewellyn...and if this is so, buying a modern Thoth deck will probably not feel the same as you look at the re-printed images. The suggestions below may 'feel' practical, but I was thinking along the lines of alternatives or a physical cleansing that might be helpful to your cards...

One suggestion is perhaps if you go to abebooks.com or look at used bookstores or query your friends, there may be an older Thoth with the same coloring...and the Queen of Swords from that deck may not be marked or marred or bowed in the way that your original deck might be. If so, would you feel okay about mixing the swords court from that different Thoth of a similar age to your original deck?

If the answer is 'no,' you prefer to just keep the original deck intact, than I suggest perhaps wiping each card with a soft cloth to see if you can remove any tacky bits or smudges. Once the cards are shiny again, if they are not worn significantly, it may feel 'refreshed.' If there is a bowing, then place the entire deck between two thick books and place something on top to straighten them. I have some decks that I like very much and maybe through heat or use or not storing them in a way that keeps them perfectly straight, I have had to do these things to 'freshen' them.

If none of these suggestions work for you, it's okay to also remove the Queen of Swords from the deck when you work with it. This is your deck for inspiration, creativity and ideas; you don't need to use this card if you are tired of it showing up.

I realize that I am suggesting some things that might not work for you and I am sorry if these ideas sound silly...but given your attachment for this 'set of tools', I was thinking of it as perhaps a set with a slightly more worn or slippery card that manages to slip out a little more than usual.

It's also okay to realize people do have decks with unusual or personal sentimental associations. Perhaps it is better to set it aside for now, as you are now doing. In discussing the topic or reading suggestions given here, you may have already started a process of clarifying how you work with this deck, or whether you really want to use the deck now or not. Maybe you will decide that this deck is more precious and interesting to you because of the associations that come up and so you want to use it even more.

My best wishes in regards to your deck! I came across a greenish Thoth last year and while it's not worth much price-wise, the color variation actually was nicer in some instances. There are times I prefer this version.

Regards,

Cerulean

Thankyou to everyone for your advice.
I am going to invest some time alone with the deck as soon as I can, & perhaps even go so far as to take it to a hotel by the sea for a couple of days!

My first thoughts were that it was a physical problem.
I can't see anything however, nor feel anything...but I'll certainly rub with carefully with a cloth anyway.

& in fact, I think that I'll probably work through all your suggestions, so, once again, thankyou!

I did use it at the Winter solstice, & pulled out the Queen of Disks & we had a bit of a chat! It felt ok....I really hope my deck recovers!!

'tzuki' is me, when I first fell upon this forum - forgot name/password I think, or might have been in a no-internet phase....anyway, I won an old Thoth deck on eBay yesterday & am looking forward to playing with it.

My Thoth deck still lies sleeping, like Cthulu (!) at the back of my drawer. I can't use it at all, it seems flat, empty, dead as autumn leaves.

so, I wonder what will happen ? Truth be told, I'm feeling like I'm about to meet an old love I'd lost touch with!
The Thoth & I were so close, inseperable really, for a good part of my adult life. I wonder if we still have anything to talk about?