Jellybean said:
Wouldn't this be an appropriate thread? Do you want to say more about what's frustrating you? I've had the book a long while and it's been some years since I worked through it but I'm happy to offer any perspective.
Well, maybe this is the 'best' place for me to post this. If not, mods please feel free to move it. I've found this depth of these forums to be a little overwhelming as every sub-forum seems to have a thousand interesting topics and so many tie back into each other in some way or another lol...
I don't want to be disrespectful to the author or the information he's provided. I mean, for all intents and purposes, he's currently the best and only thing close to a teacher that I've found. I have and am still currently enjoying much of what I've learned from his book and am confident that it is laying the groundwork for much more.
The problem(s) I'm experiencing have to do with what I'm perceiving as a lack of preparatory information about the LBRP itself and I fear there's more to come along the same lines with the other rituals and content in future lessons. I've been following the lessons thus far to the letter, perhaps erring on the side of patience/caution (I did wait a bit longer than recommended before beginning the LBRP though as I wanted to research the Archangels a bit first and was really pouring myself into the Tarot contemplation piece), have now been doing the LBRP daily for about eleven days and have begun the Sun adorations (learned these years ago from another source and feel very confident and comfortable with them).
The thing is, about a week into these daily LBRPs, I realized that I was just sort of going through the motions, saying the words and doing the actions but not really connecting with any real clarity of intent. Here are some of the questions that popped up as a result of this realization:
1 - Why am I casting the banishing pentagrams at each quarter? I understand that it's an integral part of the ritual but what, specifically, am I banishing?
2 - Am I banishing the same 'stuff/thing(s)' at each quarter?
3 - When I perform the Enterer and vibrate the God names at each quarter, what exactly is this designed to achieve? I understand the aim is to 'charge and seal the pentagrams with the names of God' but what does that mean? Am I calling that particular aspect of Divinity into the circle itself or into me or into the pentagram? What does 'charge and seal' mean exactly? It seems odd to be banishing stuff in one breath and then subsequently vibrating a God name that, to me, feels like more of an act of invocation but without having a clear sense of the purpose of that.
4 - If the quarters and/or pentagrams are now charged and sealed, what are the 'mechanics', if you will, behind the evocation of the Archangels? Are they meant to be called to the circle by me from elsewhere or am I to presume they are already there or somehow in my mind? Sorry, lame questions I know but it's just not clear to me what I'm asking of them or evoking at that point if the quarters are already charged and sealed.
I think item #3 really speaks to the broader, underlying issue here for me. I have tremendous respect for sacred rituals and hold these entities in incredibly high regard (understatement). Even more so than in everyday life, I try very hard to have the words and actions I choose in sacred space to be sincere and meaningful. Clarity of intent is a very important principle to me and I feel like that has been somewhat muddied thus far in terms of these aspects of the LBRP. It feels like I've been disrespectful to the ritual and the entities involved by just sort of faking it without the clarity I crave. I realize I was doing so based on how the lesson was presented but it's just sort of left me feeling kind of off balance about the whole thing. I've continued anyways because discipline has been an issue for me in the past and I really want to stick to this course and (bigger picture) this path if they fit for me but my efforts to clarify these matters have only led to more confusion due to all the conflicting information on the internet. I really think I need to find a real life teacher in my area but brief efforts in that direction so far have yielded nothing substantial.
As well, my online search for answers to some of this stuff led me to an article where the writer proposed that the LBRP and all that go along with and follow from it are a complete waste of time and energy if one does not intend to pursue and receive G.D. initiation to the 4th(?) degree or higher. I found that a little discouraging as my goals are to learn this stuff in order to improve as a person, learn about myself and my will and align myself more closely with the divine but not necessarily to commit to an order. I'm hoping the writer is wrong (PM me for that link if you like).
So yeah, I guess I just wish that Kraig had addressed these matters a little more thoroughly beforehand rather than spending so much time on how to move around in circle and stuff like ritual baths etcetera. It's sort of like the book is very beginner-ish in some ways but then excludes some rather vital stuff almost as if Kraig assumes the reader should already possess some of the more advanced knowledge. Could just be my take and some shortcoming in my comprehension of it so far too.
I think that's it for now. I'll just add that my life's been turned upside down since beginning the LBRP and I seem to have become an emotional basket case like someone in early substance abuse recovery as a result. That and I'm getting a little creeped out at stuff in my temple room seeming to move around and make noises all on their own when I'm doing the rituals but are still and silent the rest of the time o,O
Sorry for the long ramble. I hope it all makes sense. Plz do advise if there's a better (sub)forum for me to post this to. Thanks for reading.
Best blessings to you all.
MM