What someone wants from relationship A vs B

BookLady

I did two larger and separate readings about what someone wants from two different relationships (R-W, no reversals). I realize context plays a role, but I'm trying to sort of step back and take a broader look at each relationship, which have both had their share of stumbling blocks lately. Any thoughts are appreciated!

1. What do they want from relationship A? Death.
Ack! Based just on this, my first thought would be that they want it to be over! But this doesn't match their actions toward the person/relationship, so the follow-up was, what do they want the death/end of? Answer: Not this-> page of pentacles, but this-> 9 swords. So perhaps they don't want to end the relationship, merely their anxiety regarding it? (and page of pentacles = planning for a more positive future? not sure...) Or is most likely that they really just want it to end because it's too stressful?

2. What do they want from relationship B? 5 cups.
Clarifiers: not this-> 3 cups, but this-> 5 swords
My first thought was that they want to stop feeling sad/regretful and defeated about the relationship (because who would want to feel that??). But the 3 of cups throws a wrench in it; makes me wonder if they actually want to wallow, perhaps admit the relationship is a losing battle rather than pretend all is well? Or want to accept all the blame?

Thirteen

Moderator Question

Just to be sure...these were extensions of the larger spread? Or did you do these two separately after you'd done the larger spread?

Thirteen co-mod UTC

BookLady

I did separate readings for each relationship, then pulled these two particular cards (death for A, 5 cups for B) out to clarify further. Thanks

Thirteen

Romance vs. sex?

BookLady said:
1. What do they want from relationship A? Death....Answer: Not this-> page of pentacles, but this-> 9 swords. So perhaps they don't want to end the relationship, merely their anxiety regarding it? (and page of pentacles = planning for a more positive future? not sure...) Or is most likely that they really just want it to end because it's too stressful?

Pentacles are either "things" (the physical world, what we can touch, use, value) or they are social status. So it could be as simple as A wants to start fresh (go back to) simple physical intimacy--holding hands, kisses, hugs, physical affection. Maybe innocent sex with no strings. 9/Swords, as you say is probably anxiety. See B for that.

2. What do they want from relationship B? 5 cups.
Clarifiers: not this-> 3 cups, but this-> 5 swords

You may be looking at the 5/Cups wrong. B may want "A" to be sorry that they won't love them as much as B thinks they should. Which may well explain what "A" wants. Person "B" to stop giving them (A) grief about "you should apologize for that!"

Person B seems to think that person A just wants to party and have a non-committed friendship (3/Cups). Which B doesn't want. Person B wants to win the fight with person A about this (5/Swords), and have person A admit that they're sorry that they didn't give person B all the emotional stuff person B wanted. Essentially, Person B wants Person A to fall on their knees, surrender, and beg forgiveness.

Now, remember, this is how A & B sees the situation at this moment. That doesn't mean they're seeing what is really true. From your outsider perspective, Person A may have been very romantic and loving. But from just the cards, with no background given to us by you, it *looks* like person B wants a whole lot more romance from A. And some lack of that has person B feeling that A doesn't appreciate them. And B wants to do battle over this (5/Swords), and A wants that to end (9/Swords) and to go back to the holding hands and sharing kisses stage (Page/Pents). Alternately, B may be right. Maybe A just wants sex (Page/Pents) and no deeper commitment right now, but B really wants full on romance.

Ruby Jewel

BookLady said:
I did two larger and separate readings about what someone wants from two different relationships (R-W, no reversals). I realize context plays a role, but I'm trying to sort of step back and take a broader look at each relationship, which have both had their share of stumbling blocks lately. Any thoughts are appreciated!

1. What do they want from relationship A? Death.
Ack! Based just on this, my first thought would be that they want it to be over! But this doesn't match their actions toward the person/relationship, so the follow-up was, what do they want the death/end of? Answer: Not this-> page of pentacles, but this-> 9 swords. So perhaps they don't want to end the relationship, merely their anxiety regarding it? (and page of pentacles = planning for a more positive future? not sure...) Or is most likely that they really just want it to end because it's too stressful?

2. What do they want from relationship B? 5 cups.
Clarifiers: not this-> 3 cups, but this-> 5 swords
My first thought was that they want to stop feeling sad/regretful and defeated about the relationship (because who would want to feel that??). But the 3 of cups throws a wrench in it; makes me wonder if they actually want to wallow, perhaps admit the relationship is a losing battle rather than pretend all is well? Or want to accept all the blame?

I would say the situation requires a complete transformation in order to turn the 3 overturned and spilled cups upright.

BookLady

I actually meant that there is one person (let's call him "person 1") and two relationships (A and B); so a love triangle of sorts. Sorry I was not clear!! *BUT*, funny enough, your interpretations touch on very real elements of both relationships.

Thirteen said:
Pentacles ... could be as simple as A wants to start fresh (go back to) simple physical intimacy--holding hands, kisses, hugs, physical affection.

Person 1's relationship A was recently scaled way back in terms of closeness (physical and emotional) to satisfy his relationship B. So this could very well be! No sex or romance, just a desire to start over at a more "innocent" level. Back to when things were simpler.

Thirteen said:
You may be looking at the 5/Cups wrong. B may want "A" to be sorry that they won't love them as much as B thinks they should. Which may well explain what "A" wants.

Thirteen said:
Person B wants to win the fight with person A about this (5/Swords), and have person A admit that they're sorry that they didn't give person B all the emotional stuff person B wanted. Essentially, Person B wants Person A to fall on their knees, surrender, and beg forgiveness.

Interestingly, even though you were referring to A's and B's feelings as people, the advice still works for A and B as relationships. It highlights what I think caused person 1 to establish relationship A--because there was a sort of disconnect/distance in relationship B. And in giving up relationship A, he may feel like he's still not getting what he needs/want and wants the other person in rel. B to realize and atone for this?

So despite my clumsy description you still hit on what may just be the heart of the matter.

Thank you!

BookLady

Ruby Jewel said:
I would say the situation requires a complete transformation in order to turn the 3 overturned and spilled cups upright.

Interesting. I wasn't connecting the three cups from the 3 of cups and 5 of cups cards. Thank you for pointing that out. So perhaps he wants the relationship to give up/stop fighting (5 swords) about the spilled cups. Thanks

Thirteen

Revised!

BookLady said:
I actually meant that there is one person (let's call him "person 1") and two relationships (A and B); so a love triangle of sorts.

Ah. Sorry, I mis-read the original post. Well that explains the "I don't want 3/Cups." So. Why don't you think this Death card is right? That the person does want to end, completely, their A relationship that they've scaled back? I know you think that's not the case...and maybe even this person doesn't think so. But the tarot tends to show us what's in our "heart of hearts"--what we're not admitting. The real truth, not what we think is true, or demonstrate to be true, or even want to be true. Personally, if I was seeing someone scaling back their relationship...that would be a sign to me that in their heart-of-hearts they want to end it, no matter how much their words/action protest it (protests too much, methinks?). At the very least, they seem to want to stop worrying (9/Swords) about the complications of maintaining this triangle.

And if there is a triangle...do the other two know about this? That this person is having affairs with them both? That's important information if you want help on these cards.

As for what they want from relationship B (now that I've a correct view of the situation)...they don't want to maintain the triangle (3/Cups), but they do want ALL THE SWORDS in their relationship with B. To win the argument and have B say "I'm so sorry and I love you so much!" So whatever argument they've been having with B about their love or fidelity, they want B to say they were right.

BookLady

Thirteen said:
So. Why don't you think this Death card is right? That the person does want to end, completely, their A relationship that they've scaled back? I know you think that's not the case...and maybe even this person doesn't think so. But the tarot tends to show us what's in our "heart of hearts"--what we're not admitting. The real truth, not what we think is true, or demonstrate to be true, or even want to be true. ... At the very least, they seem to want to stop worrying (9/Swords) about the complications of maintaining this triangle.

Well, I do think Death could still be right.

Here's the deal: no affair, just a friendship (A) and romantic relationship (B). But rel B was a little distant, leaving a window for rel A (with me, obviously) to blossom, leading to jealousy in B. Hence, A was scaled back (which was painful, but necessary--not arguing that). The thing is, he's said several times (both prompted and unprompted) that he wants to continue the friendship and he often initiates friendly contact. So he maybe in his heart just want to be done with it all, but his actions aren't saying that. Of course, it could just be that he was feeling that way a the time I did the reading. I know I've felt that way at times. I guess I asked because I feel insecure about the situation ... I got "dumped" once, so I'm afraid it's going to happen again.

Thirteen said:
As for what they want from relationship B (now that I've a correct view of the situation)...they don't want to maintain the triangle (3/Cups), but they do want ALL THE SWORDS in their relationship with B. To win the argument and have B say "I'm so sorry and I love you so much!" So whatever argument they've been having with B about their love or fidelity, they want B to say they were right.

This sounds about right. Or at least from my "outsider" perspective. Thank you so much for your insight.