When people push you to do readings

Ruby Jewel

I have 3 people in my life that are going through difficult times and of course I want to help them. In any way possible. And one way have been doing readings or interpreting cards for them. But when you are getting pushed to do several readings every day it gets very draining. How do you deal with this?
So I say "I really want to help you, but I get tired from doing readings that much and also all those readings won't help you" to which I get replies that I do help, it's needed so much and that I don't consider how hard it is for them. Yeah, I have empathy but I have limits too..

Also one night I was visiting one of those people and had done some readings and some friends of theirs came to visit. And the person I've read for says I do tarot and tgat the friends can ask me anything. Without asking me first. So I had to say I'm not that good at it (which is true) and tgat I was tired then. So then I just seemed rude..
I just had to put my foot down still but it's pretty painful to hear that I don't help them and reject them..

The person who volunteered your services was way out of line. So far out of line, in fact, that they would be moved from my "friendships" list to my "acquaintances" list.....I would be friendly to them, but definitely keep my distance in the future. You were not rude. Your "so-called" friend was.

Also, the standard tarot protocol is to refrain from doing reading and reading for someone. You need to set up some rules for yourself and enforce them.
 

Gwynydd

Like others have said, this behaviour is out of line. I would set a limit on how many readings per month or week, whatever works for you. I would firmly state that they are NOT to offer my readings to other people, especially those I don't know. I would make it clear that I have things I do with my time that are equally important, and it's not a reflection on how 'supportive' I am, and that support in friends should go both ways.

Then, I would suggest three things: one, an oracle deck they should get that I think they would connect with, a simple tarot deck suggestion, and a simple book for learning tarot. If they love tarot that much, maybe it could be a new hobby? I know when I first started out learning, I had certain life problems (but really, doesn't everyone always have some sort of problem?), and having this skill to learn was a welcome distraction. It'd be great if they could start learning for themselves.
 

gregory

You were not rude. Your "so-called" friend was.
Absolutely.

Also, the standard tarot protocol is to refrain from doing reading and reading for someone.
I don't know what you mean here, Ruby Jewel ?

Like others have said, this behaviour is out of line. I would set a limit on how many readings per month or week, whatever works for you. I would firmly state that they are NOT to offer my readings to other people, especially those I don't know. I would make it clear that I have things I do with my time that are equally important, and it's not a reflection on how 'supportive' I am, and that support in friends should go both ways.
Absolutely this.

But I might have lightened the mood a bit - said something like well, all my readings seem to be very dark lately... }) (Serioulst tyough - I simply refuse. I had this happen recently - to be fair my daughter hadn't SAID I would read, just mentioned that I did - and a friend of hers - one who reads herself, so the "learn to do it yourself" wouldn't have worked here - was begging for a reading. I got away with simply saying no. More than once, but we parted on good terms. I think as long as you aren't plain offensive in your refusal, it shouldn't be an issue.
 

DDwarks

Tell them you read for a small fee and watch them dissappear !
 

celticnoodle

Tell them you read for a small fee and watch them dissappear !

:laugh:

Yes, this would work! And, even if you just say, I'll read for a donation. Because no one will want to GUESS what is a suitable donation to make and people generally won't want to pay in a situation like they put you in.
 

Gwynydd

:laugh:

Yes, this would work! And, even if you just say, I'll read for a donation. Because no one will want to GUESS what is a suitable donation to make and people generally won't want to pay in a situation like they put you in.

Yes. Charge $500 a sesh šŸ˜›
 

Grizabella

There's a saying I read in a self-help book years ago that might help you like it did me. It was "If you didn't break it, you can't fix it." Meaning that I didn't give others their problems so it wasn't up to me to fix them. It sounds like your friends are trying to give you guilt trips and by convincing you that you've been such a help in the past, you'll be cheating them and causing them trouble if you won't read for them again, so you're feeling guilty. Pretend this guilt trip they want to throw at you is a rock. They throw it, but you don't have to catch it, you can just let it drop. You absolutely don't need to buy the guilt trip.

Make up some business cards that say, "I'm a novice Tarot reader. I do readings by appointment only, and I charge X amount of money for readings till I'm established." (Or words to that effect.) Put some nominal amount like $10 on the cards as your fee. Then if you still get hit up for readings and you choose to do them anyway, you'll be at least getting a little something for doing it. But in the meantime, it will cut out a whole lot of people who want you to read for them free. And by adding the "by appointment" you eliminate being put on the spot by friends who volunteer you to do readings on the spot. :)

There are lots of other ways to deal with the problem, too, and you've gotten lots of good input here. Another thought is---buy your friend a deck and then she can do readings for those other friends. :p
 

Ruby Jewel

As a general rule, I will read for most anyone who would like a reading because the experience and practice is something I welcome. I once had a really nice little booth in an antique/used items store and discovered something of interest: I got more money with a tip jar than I got charging for my readings. I even got a $100 tip once. Now that I no longer have the booth I continue to read for people who want a reading, and most of the time they will offer to pay...and in some instances when I refuse (often a friend) they still drop a $20 bill on the table. I guess my point here is that a) the experience is worth something to the reader, and b) most people who have a sense of fairness, or any kind of business sense, will offer to pay...especially if the reading resonates with them. I feel much of this depends on the type of person you are interacting with and also just how good a reader you are. I have a renewed faith in the human race now because I discovered that by being generous myself, it brings it out in others. When one separates the wheat from the chafe, one is left with the wheat and the chafe falls to the ground....where it belongs. So, I guess this thought is meant to say, generosity is a lesson we are all here to learn. The Buddha would have called your "so-called" friend a "precioius jewel".... because they are an opportunity for you to practice generosity. Sometimes that is a real challenge as we all know.

I have started a few businesses in my life, and my one abiding philosophy is this: "satisfaction guaranteed or your money back". It is the philosophy of all the great retail outlets such as Sears, Wards, Walmart,....that took them from a small private enterprise to being great success stories.

I have not officially started a tarot business, although I am working toward it. When I do, I will charge for my readings, but the prices will be kept to a minimum. After all, the bottom line is that we are here to help and not everyone has a lot of money. I believe the low price will inspire the querents who have the money to drop an extra few bucks into the tip jar....if not, it is of little consequence to me, especially if the querent leaves with a smile on their face....and I know they will not only be returning, but will be a great source of advertisement for my business. I do not think you will ever lose by putting the client first....before profit.
 

Ruby Jewel

Hi Gregory..... what I am saying when I say the tarot protocol is to refrain from repeated readings is that it is too easy to become obsessed with asking the tarot over and over again seeking the answer that you want, or mistrusting the message....sometimes people get "hooked" on getting readings for every little concern instead of taking responsibility for their own lives....there is a danger inherent in this attitude of "free wheeling" readings.... that as tarot readers we are all obliged to acknowledge and disdain. I hope that makes sense....it is rather difficult to express.
 

JMI_Tarot

I have 3 people in my life that are going through difficult times and of course I want to help them.
-------------------------------------------
Also one night I was visiting one of those people and had done some readings and some friends of theirs came to visit. And the person I've read for says I do tarot and that the friends can ask me anything. Without asking me first.

It seems you have two different problems here.
The first is friends who put you on the spot to help them. Yes, it's rude but probably unintentionally so, and I understand you don't want to be harsh with friends. That's not how friendships last. They may not realize that what you do isn't exactly easy for you. If you really don't want to, you should be able to tell them that, explain you aren't feeling it and don't want to give a bad reading.

On the other hand, you could make THEM do the work. Lay out the cards and encourage them to find their answer in there. You can help a little, pointing out things or asking THEM questions, i.e. "Who do you think the Queen represents here?", or "why is she smiling?" And make them work on their own problem.
It might be fun, it might be helpful, and it might make them think twice about asking again, since they had to do the work.

The second problem is easy. These people just want a party trick, don't understand and don't care. SO, if a polite refusal is not accepted, do a layout for one of them. Study it. Put your hand over your mouth with a little gasp, then pick up the cards real quick and tell them, "Everything is FINE. You're going to be JUST FINE! Could I get a DRINK please?!?"

That should end it.

Later, just tell your friend that wasn't cool offering free tarot readings like that without asking. It won't happen again.

And hopefully at some point when you make a mis-step with a friend, they will be as patient with you so you can learn something.