Tarotphobia: How do we feel about it, what do we do about it

The same way as I deal with my mother's spider phobia - leave it to her. It isn't my problem. I will remove them if she is upset. I think this is the same line I took in the ethics thread !

It depends how close the tarotphobic is to you. In a partner or anyone else you live with, it would really be heavy - you would be hounded by their phobia in your own home! And it's NOT like spider phobia, unless you happen to be a keen spider collector. In such a case, I would do my utmost to overcome their tarotphobia, for everyone's sake. Having to sneak around in your own home is no way to live.

As Le Fanu wrote, some people, without being phobic, are dismissive of tarot out of ignorance and false belief. If it's someone close - and more so if I live with them - I will try and explain what tarot does and how it works for me. And I'll offer to read for them. That often breaks the ice and helps them see some value in the activity.


Tarotphobia in a friend I don't live with - well, she would have to put up with the knowledge I do tarot, but I'd not whip out the decks under her nose. If she comes to my house, she'd see some around, but I'd not force a reading on her. If she mentions it, I would give my perspective. Otherwise, it would not be discussed.


In a casual stranger, it doesn't bother me UNLESS that stranger makes a fuss and attacks me directly or through intermediaries.


Phobias are irrational anxieties, so I agree that rationality alone won't overcome tarotphobia. But it can help! Phobias are also based on false beliefs - and people do overcome them in all sorts of ways, including by talking themselves into more reason, to overcome those false beliefs. I saw it in a claustrophobic friend, who talked herself into travelling on the Tube to work, although she'd avoided it for years. That broke the phobic spell. I was very proud of her. She is sceptical of my tarot - without being a tarotphobic - but has asked for readings on occasion. She can see the value of it as a thinking/brainstorming tool, an aid to decision-making.

I'm not treating this question as a question about a real phobia as I think 'tarotphobia' is some term you've made up.

What I will say is that if someone isn't into tarot or who is afraid of tarot I'd leave them to their beliefs; as gregory has said, it isn't my problem.
Tarot is one of those things that many people will always be wary of or even think is ridiculous... That's up to them.

Sulis said:

What I will say is that if someone isn't into tarot or who is afraid of tarot I'd leave them to their beliefs

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What if their beliefs impinges directly on your freedom? For example, if you have a partner or close family member at home that objects to you reading tarot or even owning tarot decks and makes your life a strain and uncomfortable in your own home as a result? Or what if you are quietly reading in a public place, minding your own business, and some random person attacks you for it?

My view is very much John Stuart Mill's: your freedom ends where mine starts. We all have a right to whatever beliefs we hold, but we can't impose them on others. If someone imposed their tarotphobia on me, or nagged me incessantly about my use of cards, then I would respond and hand it straight back to them. It's THEIR problem, not mine. Their attitude would be as wrong as if I forced a reading on them, and that is the point I would make (rather than trying to convert them to tarot).


BTW, Tarotphobia = fear of tarot; phobia means fear, and is used currently in the sense of morbid fear. Some people have a morbid fear of tarot - no doubt, as Seafra says, out of ignorance. But ignorance that is persisted in beyond reason and with no attempt to educate oneself is pig-headed and superstitious.

I might have made up the term, but it has some linguistic and philosophical grounding in reality.

Fudugazi said:

What if their beliefs impinges directly on your freedom? For example, if you have a partner or close family member at home that objects to you reading tarot or even owning tarot decks and makes your life a strain and uncomfortable in your own home as a result? Or what if you are quietly reading in a public place, minding your own business, and some random person attacks you for it?

My view is very much John Stuart Mill's: your freedom ends where mine starts. We all have a right to whatever beliefs we hold, but we can't impose them on others. If someone imposed their tarotphobia on me, or nagged me incessantly about my use of cards, then I would respond and hand it straight back to them. It's THEIR problem, not mine. Their attitude would be as wrong as if I forced a reading on them, and that is the point I would make (rather than trying to convert them to tarot).


BTW, Tarotphobia = fear of tarot; phobia means fear, and is used currently in the sense of morbid fear. Some people have a morbid fear of tarot - no doubt, as Seafra says, out of ignorance. But ignorance that is persisted in beyond reason and with no attempt to educate oneself is pig-headed and superstitious.

I might have made up the term, but it has some linguistic and philosophical grounding in reality.

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Hi Fudu,

I agree with you, that would be different. I guess I've never come across someone who thought of tarot negatively and who's negative beliefs impacted on me directly.
In that case, I would explain how I view tarot. How I think that the cards are pieces of paper with pictures on them and how those pictures have helped me and others I've read for to sort out our problems. I would say that I have absolutely no idea how the cards work but that they have helped me so I think they DO work.
After that I would leave it to them and I would do exactly as you describe your reaction to it. I would turn it around and say that it's their problem, not mine. I've found in the past that if someone believes something very strongly it's very, very difficult to change those beliefs and it's not my place to even bother.
I would then avoid that person.

It's easy to say- just leave them to their beliefs, it's their problem not yours. While I agree with that statement, it is often painful when the fear is coming from someone you really care a lot about. They won't change their beliefs and you won't change yours. While it seems overall that tarot readers are accepting of other people's beliefs, the same respect is not reciprocated by the other side. It changes the dynamic of the relationship and can even kill it.

All I did was get a story published in a tarot magazine and one of the friends I've known since high school- one of the very few people in the world I share a an overwhelmingly strong bond with- totally freaked out on me. She is a person who knows me inside and out, a person who, no matter how much time passed we always felt a tremendous connection with each other. I would call her and go to her any time she was in need. She, the daughter of a Deacon in a Baptist church, me- a self proclaimed atheist until the age of 25. The simple act of sending out an email to all my friends and family just to say "hey look, I'm FINALLY getting published" brought up so much "stuff". It shed a light on the fact that, unless I totally accept God as she sees fit, I'm just not ever going to amount to anything of value. Her version of accepting God means that Tarot is evil. Period. No further discussion. The end.

It doesn't matter that I never once judged her for her immoral and selfish acts, but instead I loved her unconditionally. It doesn't matter that I never once tried to ridicule or find fault with her religion, and it certainly doesn't matter that I was and still am very open to discussion about anyone's faith. My final email to her about what I felt about the tarot was never responded to. I thought it would help her understand where I was coming from-and remember, this is only to do with getting fiction published in a tarot related magazine-nothing whatsoever to do with actually reading cards.

So to answer the question: How do we feel about Tarotphobia and what do we do about it? I feel that it's a heartwrenching position to be faced with. To try to defend Tarot to someone like this seems totally pointless. What do we do about it? I really don't know. Getting angry doesn't work, being crushed doesn't work, Hiding it really doesn't work-but seems to keep the peace. I'll be interested to read the rest of the thread to see if anyone has the magic answer.

Those of you who haven't experienced the pain of it all, I'd say count your blessings. You have something to be grateful for.

Sorry to read your story with your friend, Disa - it's obviously very painful to you. And it is EXACTLY that kind of situation I was thinking of when I asked - but what about the loved ones close to us who reject tarot, and maybe us because of our tarot? What do we do with them? They aren't random strangers.

It's nothing like making sure your Mum doesn't see spiders. These are very different human dilemmas and they matter.

Nor do they only happen because of religion. It can be scientific, materialistic bias too. I know two people who, because of their spiritual choices (not religious) were left by their partners, arch-sceptics who simply couldn't live with the spiritual leanings of the other, which was central to them, but not invasive or proselytising. It's all well and good to say "well, onwards and upwards, that's their opinion", but when someone you love rejects you for who you are, without looking at their own shortcomings and without actually taking the trouble to find out more about what they are rejecting - it is painful. THAT is a form of phobia - wholly irrational. What else can it be? For when you love someone, surely you want to find out more about what makes them tick, especially if you don't know/understand it.

I've had some of that. My bf who I've lived with for 20 years, pretty well freaked out when I started Tarot (almost 5 years ago. He's so even-tempered and so rarely gets angry but whenever he thought of it he was yelling and "how could you be so stupid?...)

We went through months of that with him freaking out and vehemently trying to get me to give up my "insanity". I finally just said to him I was not ever going to give it up and if he loves me he needs to accept all of me be cause it's a part of who I am. And basically if he can't say anything nice it's better not to say anything at all.

That's where we left it. We agreed to disagree and to not discuss it. Because there was no good served by fighting over it as clearly neither of us was going to change and he was too upset to even listen.

So we didn't discuss it for a while.We still don't basically, but I'm noticing mroe and more lately that he has a tendency to laugh at me more and mroe lately. I've just leant to laugh along with him, but I certainly know that it's not the hallmark of a good relationship, and I do know that the days we will still be together are numbered now because of his distaste for Tarot.

I do need to be with someone who can respect me for being who I am. The romance has gone pretty well by now, we're just like 2 friends at the moment. And that was pretty well the cause. My getting into something he could not respect, Tarot. And honestly I already have a very good idea who my next bf will be, who by the way is fascinated by my reading skills and has asked me for a number of readings already, when the time becomes right...

Babs

As somebody fairly new to tarot, I've yet to have an experience with any "tarotphobic" people. However, already I've had a lots of people say that it was stupid, for con-artists, or sarcastically reply, "Oh, so you can tell my fortune then?"

I do not think being tarotphobic is an excuse for bashing somebody elses beliefs, or even a cause for the reader to stop. Obviously, one has to take the situation into consideration, but just because somebody is against it or fearful of it, doesn't mean the reader should have to relocate or deal with the person's hysterics. If you were walking your dog in the park, and somebody was afraid of dogs, it would be unreasonable for them to insist you leave. The same goes for tarot. In a public environment, its up to the person with the fear to deal with it. I have a serious anxiety disorder, that has given rise to many fears and phobias; however, I have realised that the world does not revolve around me, and that the fear is my problem, not somebody elses.

Most of the objections and fears that I have come across were based on the wicked-spiritual-entities slant. The first few times I looked at a tarot-related book or product, the things I had been "taught" seemed to be proven: they had all sorts of rituals, spells, incantations, ways to make people do something. Even the instructions on grounding and banishing can bring up fears: What if I don't do it right? What if I'm not strong enough?

And then there's the flip-side of looking for a spiritual teacher, only to be duped or controlled by the human being you thought would help protect you from the bad spirits.
I had nothing else to compare to realize that the ways people approach & use tarot are as varied as the humans themselves. (until finding AT, of course!)

As far as being rejected by other people, that has been a big part of my life- even before tarot. I find it easier to deal with someone who at least gives me a reason for why they want to break it off. I have been guilty of breaking things off without much warning/explanation myself. It comes down to our expectations of each other & how we handle it when reality doesn't match.