78 Weeks: King of Cups

To find out what these threads refer to, please seeThe link above provides suggested dates and links to all threads for this study.

Some amongst us may be working through the deck in a different order, and using different decks.

For more general comments or questions about the 78 weeks, please post in the thread linked above.

Enjoy!

the king of cups

takes the place of the magician in a deck of playing cards. a communicator, a dealer, a negotiator, someone who is doing this.
reversed, hes depressive, an addict, and misunderstanding his role in negotiations.

King of Cups

Running a bit behind schedule in posting my notes on the King of Cups from my study / thoughts last week.

Once again I decided to focus more on the personality of the King of Cups instead of any particular deck, even though I looked at my Universal Waite, Golden and Gilded decks for some inspiration.

To me the King of Cups seems the most caring and calm of all the Kings. Someone you could sit down and talk over a problem with and would give you understanding advice. I would even go so far as saying that I think the King of Cups, of all the Kings, would be the one most in touch with his feminine side and not afraid to share his emotions and experiences without being overbearing.

He may not be a great strategist or financial wiz or creative mover and shaker but he seems like he would still be a strong man who would achieve things but without a lot of fuss. In a family environment he makes me think of a caring father figure who you could talk to about life's ups and downs and he would not be overly judgmental and would try and get to the heart of things and offer wise counsel.

Even though I have been having a bit of break from creating my own cards, I sort of got inspired to create my King of Cups whilst doing this study and a thought him good King to start with. I have gone for a strong looking, masculine figure but still in touch with the element of water around him represented by the boat on the water, the water in the cup and the fish on his crown.

CF

Still utilising about 8 different versions of the Tarot of Marseilles for my study.

I agree with what CreativeFire has said about the personality of this king. The King of Cups faces the right of the card as we look at it, which to me represents the direction of the future. He holds his cup almost casually, balanced upon his knee. I associate cups with emotions and spirituality. This makes me think the King of Cups plans the future based on his mature emotional and spiritual outlook.

Putting the King of Cups into modern clothing was much easier than the Queen, though there were a couple of issues to resolve. I'd decided early on in the project that baseball caps would replace crowns in my version, so I simply added ear flaps to the King of Cups' cap. His cape simply turned into a scarf.

I attach my version of the King of Cups:

Yes wise counsel but maybe over emotional. Prone to jealousy? A good listener and friend. Prone to infidelity? Maybe one of those 'sensitive' new age men who are very attuned to women and also very good at manipulating them as well...

Just some thoughts on this card

King of Cups - Revelations Tarot

First impressions
Very regal – but I hate the moustache….

From the book
Upright
He rules the currents of the soul; he is the keeper of the waters. He has an unrivaled imagination, is the source of creativeness, and charms the heart with his understanding and intuition.
The King of Cups represents a highly intuitive man who brims with creative juices and captures the imagination. He is charming, entertaining, and evocative. His gut feelings often land him in the right place at the right time. He relies heavily on his mind's eye to plan ahead. As a lover, he is highly sexual and leaves your heart aching for more. He will touch your soul through his sensitivity and create an air of mystery through his unconventional and unpredictable nature.
In situations, this card appeals to unconventional approaches when dealing with people and tasks. Creative solutions and imaginative ways may resolve issues faster than expected-or produce unexpected results. When making decisions, this card urges going with your gut feeling or listening to your inner voice for guidance. In relationships, sexual pleasure will be reached through engaging the heart. Romance, gestures of love, and evocative lovemaking will heighten the bond between partners.

Reversed
He cannot tear himself away from his emotions-they rule him and his heart. He embodies depression and sorrow, and abuses substances to escape from it all
The reversed King of Cups embodies a depressive individual who has allowed his emotions to overrun his life. He mopes and laments his feelings and has a tendency to do so with excessive drinking. As an escapist, he may also indulge in drugs and other vices to take his mind off his emotional traumas. He may also feel the need to abandon or repress his feelings, leaving him out of touch and hard to deal with.
In relationships, this card warns of a destructive relationship involving false love and pleasures that are confused with lust. Sexually, the bond may be intoxicating, leaving very little space for a level head or any form of sensibility. In work-type situations, this card can warn of being out of touch with emotions when dealing with colleagues, clients, or customers.

Images and Symbolism
The regal merman on the shell-like throne represents a man at ease within himself. He has a comfortable smile on his face and is surrounded by lush greens and ocean floor life.
The Piscean pair dances around him. They represent the presence of his intuitive and empathic natures.
The reversed merman king represents a man who cannot let go of the object of his heart's desire: the cup. This will be the source of his problems and the emotional obstacle that he will need to overcome.
Behind him are the tentacles of a creature that slowly sways around him, waiting for a false move to take him further down on his path of destruction.
Color. gold and blue, colors of royalty and command.

Traditional meanings
Upright:
A sociable, imaginative, sensuous man. He is sympathetic, warm-hearted, and good company. He enjoys the comforts of life.
Reversed:
He is secretive, pessimistic, easily hurt. An escapist.

My impressions:
Upright
A golden merman with an outrageous moustache and beard – I have to say it looks as if tentacles are growing out of his face…) sits on a golden throne (which is actually the revered merman’s tail and vice versa !) He is calm and his eyes stare straight at you. He holds a golden cup, but almost seems not to notice it. Behind him very blue swirling weeds and a blue scallop shell. He is young, and his hair looks as if it has been gelled into place ! But he looks very regal and in command of things.

Reversed
The same but different. This king is staring at his golden goblet – very conscious of it. He has fin-like hair, and his moustache is wildly out of control. His eyes are blank, and he seems to be having to hold onto the arm of his throne to stay in place. The weeds behind him are full of rather sinister looking tentacles.

My take
The upright king is a good guy; offering control, reasonable wealth but not ostentation. He is handsome and personable – attractive to women and he knows it – but doesn’t take advantage. His piercing eyes can see right into you. He knows what he’s about – and so will the person for whom this card is drawn. Go with the flow; it will work out.
Reversed is something else. Greed; concealment, a nasty bit of work. Not someone to get involved with, not someone to take advice from. He will drain you dry without thinking about it. This card would be a warning – especially for anyone about to start out on something new and risky – don’t trust anyone.

All the cards from this deck can be viewed here.

Thoth

Card name: Prince of Cups

First impressions
A muscled naked blue man sits on a sort of shell like throne which forms the seat of an aerial chariot. On his head a helmet crested with an eagle. He holds in his left hand a large stemless cup from which rises a snake. In his right hand a lotus blossom – hanging downward. Curls of what looks like smoke billow behind him. He holds the reins of a huge green eagle; he is riding behind it as if on a chariot, over water in which the reflections don’t match what we see above it…

From the Book of Thoth

The Princes represent the Forces of the letter Vau in the Name. The Prince is the Son of the Queen (the old King’s daughter) by the Knight who has won her; he is therefore represented as in a chariot, going forth to carry out the combined Energy of his parents. He is the active issue of their union, and its manifestation. He is the intellectual image of their union. His action is consequently more enduring than that of his forbears. In one respect, indeed, he ac quires a relative permanence, because he is the published record of what has been done in secret. Also, he is the “Dying God”, redeeming his Bride in the hour, and by the virtue, of his murder.

PRINCE OF CUPS


The Prince of Cups represents the airy part of Water. On the one hand, elasticity, volatility, hydrostatic equilibrium; on the other hand, the catalytic faculty and the energy of steam. He rules from the 21st degree of Libra to the 20th degree of Scorpio.

He is a warrior partly clad in armour, which seems, however, rather a growth than a covering. His helmet is surmounted by an eagle, and his chariot, which resembles a shell, is also drawn by an eagle. His wings are tenuous, almost of gas. This is a reference to his power of volatilization understood in the spiritual sense.

In his right hand he bears a Lotus flower, sacred to the element of Water, and in his left hand is a cup from which issues a serpent.

The third totem, the scorpion, is not shewn in the picture, for the putrefaction which it represents is an extremely secret process. Beneath his chariot is the calm and stagnant water of a lake upon which rain falls heavily.

The whole symbolism of this card is exceedingly complicated, for Scorpio is the most mysterious of the Signs, and the manifested portion of it symbolized by the eagle is in reality the least important part of his nature.

The moral characteristics of the person pictured in this card are subtlety, secret violence, and craft. He is intensely secret, an artist in all his ways. On the surface he appears calm and imperturbable, but this is a mask of the most intense passion. He is on the surface susceptible to external influences, but he accepts them only to transmute them to the advantage of his secret designs. He is thus completely without conscience in the ordinary sense of the word, and is therefore usually distrusted by his neighbours. They feel they do not, and can never, understand him. Thus he inspires unreasonable fear. He is in fact perfectly ruthless. He cares intensely for power, wisdom, and his own aims. He feels no responsibility to others, and although his abilities are so immense, he cannot be relied upon to work in harness.

In the Yi King, the airy part of Water is represented by the 61st hexagram, Kung Fu. This is one of the most important figures in the Yi: it “moves even pigs and fish, and leads to great good fortune”. Its dignities and correspondences are manifold and great; for it is also a “big Li”, the trigram of Sol formed by doubling the lines. By shape it suggests a boat, but also the geomantic figure of Cancer, Saturn in Capricornus.

This card is in consequence one of great power; Libra going over into Scorpio is of tremendous, active, critical energy and weight. To such people good will, sincerity, and right mating are the essentials of success; their danger is overweening ambition.

Click to expand...

Images and Symbolism

Frieda Harris says in her essays:

Prince of Cups = airy part of Water, or its elasticity and volatility, and the energy of steam. In this card he is seated in a chariot, surrounded by clouds and drawn by an eagle. He carries a Lotus and a Cup from which issues a spiral serpent.

Click to expand...

Also:

Prince of Cups.
This card shows elasticity or steam of water. He is seated in a Chariot surrounded by vapour and drawn by an eagle to suggest a volatile aeriated element.

Click to expand...

The skin colouring is to indicate the colour of Scorpio in Atziluth. The eagle is also Scorpio-related – representing the highest form of the alchemical Scorpio. The reins of the eagle are black, which Snuffin says suggest putrefaction – also associated with Scorpio (I am a Scorpio and this was distressing news to me ).
Scorpio appears again in the form of the serpent rising from the cup; the second form of the alchemical Scorpio, but it also suggests Mercury and the intellect. There is steam coming from the cup (missed that ) and this suggests Air of Water.
By contrast, the lotus he holds in his right hand is inverted to suggest rejection of the emotional realm: intellect trumps intuition. This is in direct contrast to the Queen of Cups
The eagle represents water in kerubic symbolism, so it also suggests Air of Water.
Banzhaf says that the eagle represents “elevation about the hardened condition of materialism” and takes the place of the scorpion as representing water – liberated, it rises above the earth. But Crowley says that the scorpion is not shown, because of the secret nature of the putrefaction process it represents.
Banzhaf also says that the Prince creates a bridge between the Mother (water) and the Father (the heavens.) and can turn the downwards suction from the depths to his advantage, but that this step has not been completed; hence the inverted lotus; he has yet to reconcile himself to his feminine side. The chariot he is in is shell-shaped, suggesting the eternal feminine.


Meaning (cribbed from Wasserman)
Represents the airy part of water. A young man whose characteristics are subtlety, secret violence, craft, an artist whose calm surface masks intense passion, caring intensely for power and wisdom and ruthless in his own aims. III-dignified: Intensely evil and merciless man with overweening ambition.

DuQuette
He is subtle, violent, crafty and artistic; a fierce nature with calm exterior. Powerful for good or evil but more attracted by the evil if allied with apparent Power or Wisdom. If ill dignified, he is intensely evil and merciless.

Traditional meanings – From Thirteen’s book of meanings:

KINGS
Kings. Although they come last, they really should come first, as Kings are where the Court Cards start. They are the fire - their element - the passion, the driving force. This is why Crowley has them as knights riding on horseback, rather than sitting passively on a throne. Kings are filled with energy, moving, leading, generating.
The thing to remember with the Kings, however, is that while they are powerful motivators, they are still "in the crown" - in the head. They can move mountains with their enthusiasm and energy and light a fire under almost anything. But they can't make it real all by themselves.
What they can do, like the Emperor is motivate, plan and command. The Queen is the one who will make it real, and the Knight/Prince will take it beyond the castle walls. But without the King, it won't happen at all. Thus, Kings in a spread can indicate motivation, a beginning or start of something.
As actual people, Kings stand for men (or women) who are leaders, planners or have high aspirations; they dream of having the best "kingdom" in the land. And they expect loyalty, especially from family and friends. They are men (or women) of influence and power; others come to them for advice and, being Kings, they're usually stubbornly sure that they're right.
King of Cups
As Motivation: The motivation to start a family, which could include a proposal or suggestion to the wife to have children. Motivation to be a new and better provider, father and husband, or be more emotionally mature.
As an Adult Man: Call him "The Godfather." A kinder, gentler, more loving man you'll never meet. His "kingdom" is his family, and his one dream is to be sitting at the head of a huge table filled with kin, kids, grandkids, serving up food to them all. He is paterfamilias, the father as capable of rocking babies to sleep, bandaging hurts and telling bedtime stories as he is at coaching a sports team or offering fatherly advice. His family always comes first; for them he'll work, sacrifice, do just about anything; and, yes, like the "Godfather" he will consider doing terrible things to anyone who causes them grief.
This King understands emotions and is a master of his own emotions. As such, his ambition is to have a Kingdom where everyone is emotionally mature, meaning courtly and civil. Hence, he motivates his family, friends and community to be more neighborly and polite and responsible for each other's well being. To be, if you will, conscious of each other's feelings. This is why he's sometimes seen in the occupation of a judge, as he is very sensitive to fairness and knows how to put himself in another's shoes, to understand why they did what they did.
Very like the Queen of Cups, however, he can be too soft and sentimental. No matter how prodigal the son, this father will always bail the kid out. It is almost impossible to make him see reason when it comes to his family. And there is another problem: like his queen, he's not above manipulating emotions to get what he wants, especially if he's trying to keep those he loves close to him. He also, like all the Cup Courts, may tend toward depression or alcoholism.
At his best, however, this is the man the whole neighborhood thinks of as "Dad." Whether he really is their father or just a surrogate, he is the one who settles disputes, the one they go to when they're in need of guidance. He is the father figure that every father aspires to be.

Click to expand...

(I include Thirteen’s meanings here, but the way, as while someone else was adding them to her Thoth posts, I found them enlightening in context, even though the descriptions are way different !)

My impressions (appearance of the card):
The inverted lotus bothers me; it looks very like rejection of beauty; as if he cares only about the mesmerising snake – he almost looks like a snake charmer, and seems to be disregarding everything else. Meanwhile behind him, all hell seems to be let loose in the swirls of – whirling cloud ? I can’t see rejection of materialism here – if anything rather the contrary. I also don’t immediately see the water below as stagnant, which rather loses part of the point for me !

My take (what I make of it/what I might see in a reading where I drew it)
It looks to me like something of an ego trip – self absorption to the exclusion of everything else, abuse of power, an “I don’t care about you unless you do what I want” sort of man. Depending on the question, I might tell the sitter to snap out of it, or to watch for someone treating them that way.

King of Cups (Rider Waite Tarot)

First Impressions
It’s a strange card, this King of Cups. When I try to make sense of it from a logical standpoint, in terms of physics and such, I can’t. A king on a throne that sits on a concrete slab in the middle of the ocean. It lies pretty low in the water, too. Is it floating there, or is it an actual pillar in the water? Either way, it looks very precarious to me. If it’s floating, like a kingly and pretentious survivor of a shipwreck, then he is in imminent danger of foundering. The top of the slab is very low, in constant danger of being swamped and going under; and that’s even assuming that what looks like a chunk of concrete or stone can even float. Which is, of course, illogical. And if it’s the very top of a concrete block or pillar that rises out of the ocean, then it’s in danger of being submerged by the waves and quite possibly the rising tide.

Whatever the premise here, the King appears largely unconcerned by it. Or at least, he is too preoccupied by his own kingly concerns to notice his surroundings. His face is serious and unlike the rest of his Cups court family, he looks into the distance rather than at his suit emblem. Is he searching for the horizon - and rescue? Unlikely, but I suppose it’s possible. Although he doesn’t strike me as a small man, he seems lost inside his clothes. His crown is slightly oversized for his head, his blue robe seems big on him, and his gold and red cloak is voluminous as it drapes over the sides of his throne. He’s got a gold necklace of a fish around his neck and a large ring on his right hand. In my deck (the pocket Rider Waite) it’s the same colour as the flesh on his hand. He holds a cup in the hand with the ring; it’s nothing spectacular like his Queen’s, just a regular standard-issue golden goblet like the majority of the Cups suit. In the other hand he holds a sceptre that looks like a fancy candlestick or one of the High Priestess’ pillars; it is topped by a lily or lotus sort of motif. And look - carved into the arm of the throne is almost the same sceptre. His shoes are scaled. Maybe it’s meant to be chain mail, but it looks like fish scales to me.

The waves around him are blue and green and rolling. There’s a red ship in full sail behind him; if it’s rescue he’s looking for, he’s looking in the wrong direction. There’s also a large fish leaping. Waite calls it a dolphin, but it looks like a child’s rendition of a fish to me. And it’s smiling.

What do I think of this King? He doesn’t look happy. He looks serious, preoccupied. But then, I think the only king in this deck that looks truly happy is the King of Pentacles. I think his kingship doesn’t necessarily agree with him; like his clothes, it doesn’t fit him. He seems to fit in so well with his element, his surroundings, that I wonder if the masculine fire of kingship really blends well with the feminine water of Cups.

Creator’s Notes
Waite says:

Waite said:

He holds a short sceptre in his left hand and a great cup in his right; his throne is set upon the sea; on one side a ship is riding and on the other a dolphin is leaping. The implicit is that the Sign of the Cup naturally refers to water, which appears in all the court cards.

Click to expand...

Others’ Interpretations
Waite sees this card as:

Waite said:

Divinatory Meanings: Fair man, man of business, law, or divinity; responsible, disposed to oblige the Querent; also equity, art and science, including those who profess science, law and art; creative intelligence. Reversed: Dishonest, double-dealing man; roguery, exaction, injustice, vice, scandal, pillage, considerable loss.

Click to expand...

Also, I like what wandking said about this card back in 2005:

wandking said:

Although I agree with croley and all those writers who adopted his astrological influences on most of the minors, on the court cards I go anouther direction: queens are cardinal (the true initiators) and kings are fixed. Knights are mutable and pages draw energy, like aces, from fire, earth air and water. here's my take on the ruler of a realm of emotions:

THE KING OF CUPS
Offering personification of extremes, The King of Cups presents his fiery masculine image within a watery feminine realm. An embodiment of contradiction, this king resembles water. He is placid on the surface, yet turbulent beneath his facade. Under the serene exterior, this king conceals ulterior motives. In a spread, this card represents other people or an aspect of your personality emerging. Often artistic and religious, the King of Cups might indicate a therapist or doctor in a reading. Advising you not to take anyone the king represents at face value, this conflicted king provides wise guidance. As a counselor, he respects the beliefs of others and listens to opinions, which conflict with personal views. Never critical of people, The King of Cups accepts the role of a fair-minded, understanding advocate. In response to his supportive nature, people attentively listen to the words of wisdom the king offers. […]

Click to expand...

Symbolism and Attributes
Elementally the King of Cups is the Fiery part of Water. A real contradiction, and one indicated by his somewhat troubled and serious expression. The energetic and active masculine Fire of his kingship is in such conflict with his passive and sensitive feminine Water of his suit; the rough and rolling waves that surround him are a bit of a visual clue to that trouble - emotional turmoil. Two powerful and contrasting inner forces at work cause them to weaken one another.

Astrologically the King is ruled by Cancer, the Crab. Ruled by Water, and the Moon, Cancer is also linked to the Chariot in the Major Arcana. This sign is a nurturing one, but also self-protective and secretive. The vulnerable inner workings protected by an armored shell. The sideways link to the Chariot is interesting; I wonder if it represents all that the King of Cups has done, has fought for and won, to get him where he is now. Or if the Chariot is his altar ego, a sort of Walter Mitty personality. Whichever the case, he is very defensive of his feelings and thoughts, and all that he has accomplished.

As he sits on his throne in the middle of the ocean, the King of Cups’ face is serious and some might say even aloof. I think this is part of the Cancerian element; he is protective and slow to trust. There may be a lot going on under the surface, but he’s not letting on. His eyes are on some far horizon or distant shore that we can’t see. I don’t think this is a man who lives in the here and now, whose focus is on the more immediate concerns.

I get the impression somehow that this guy isn’t a big man; look how loosely his robe fits, and how big his crown looks on his head (notice too the rippling water in the golden brim of the crown). From this I think that his kingship literally doesn’t fit him. That he lets his mantle of rulership overcome him, that it is wearing him, so to speak. He is in danger of being overwhelmed, subsumed by his role. Makes me think of the over-covered High Priestess, indicating that he is hiding inside his clothes, that he has something to hide, or at least is not open. He wears the blue of water, of emotions, intuition, reflection, sensitivity - all the Cups-oriented aspects. But the way his cloak is thrown over his shoulder, it is as if the blue is at risk of being covered by the red of will and purpose, and the golden yellow of intellect and reason. He is subjugating his native sensitivity, trying to mask it beneath the logical and purposeful exterior of a king. And not with any very great success. No wonder he looks unhappy. There is a golden fish on a necklace around his neck. The fish is a symbol of creativity, and also of spirituality. But notice how the King wears his fish as a token around his neck. We wonder if it’s an ornamentation, an affectation. Why? Because the real thing is frolicking in the waves in the background, unbeknownst to him. The one foot that is visible from underneath his robe appears to be scaled like a fish; his creativity and his unconscious nature, then, is still a part of him, for all that he tries to cover it up or repress it.

The fact that he wears a ring on the middle finger of his right hand signifies that he is concerned with externalizing, sending outward (right hand) the need for balance (the middle finger, the finger of Saturn, balance according to a website I'd found on the symbolism of rings). With the same hand he holds the cup of his suit, but he's the only one of his royal family that doesn't in fact look at it. It's as if he perceives it as emblematic, like a family crest or a symbol of his power, but he doesn't perceive it as something that's actually relevant to him personally. In fact I think he may even have forgotten it altogether. Rachel Pollack said in Seventy Eight Degrees of Wisdom that:

Pollack said:

Cups symbolize the creative imagination and to achieve success he has had to discipline and even suppress his dreams.

Click to expand...

Has he? From his expression I still have to wonder if he was ever in touch with his dreams and his creativity in the first place.

With the other hand he holds a sceptre - a phallic and masculine symbol as well as a symbol of his authority. But the best part is that is shaped like one of the pillars on the High Priestess card. It has the same curvature, the same lily-style design at the top. People such as Sandra Thompson say that it is in fact a lotus shape, and so relates to the Egyptian symbol of water as the origin of all life. The lotus can also represent such things as spirituality, love, and the striving of the soul from the unconscious to the conscious (as per the water lilies on the Page of Cups' tunic). But what about the pillar-type look of the sceptre? It's in the same relative position to the King of Cups as the white pillar Jachin is to the High Priestess. So the sceptre may be a representation in miniature of the Pillar of Mercy. So for all that he tries to suppress it and appear firm and purposeful and authoratative, the King of Cups is still a softie at heart, and merciful.

The sceptre is echoed in stone, carved into the arm of the throne. In the carved replica it looks less like a sceptre and more like a cup with a very long stem, like a fancy candlestick. But that's not the interesting part of the throne. What's really unique about it is how it floats on the rough water, as though it isn't made of stone. Despite the rough water it seems perfectly level. Notice how the water doesn't even wash over the low base or touch the King. So I think that he's not in touch with his emotions, with his intuition. Instead he holds himself aloof, distant, from them. But the ocean is still there, vast and choppy and unpredictable. Hard though he works to distance himself from it, it could rise and swamp him at any time.

Behind the King's throne a large fish (Waite calls it a dolphin) frolics, and ship passes in full sail. Both are emblems of water, of course, but more than that. The ship, being partially under the water suggests a merging of conscious and unconscious - how the intuition meets and sometimes crosses into the perceived world. It also represents commerce and brings business, money and visitors. So it's a symbol of the King of Cups' more material and kingly concerns in the here and now. But even so, for all his pretended sternness and will, he doesn't notice it. Nor does he notice the fish, which represents his creativity. It's there, just pushed to the background and ignored.

So if he ignores the spiritual and intuitive Cups side of his personality, and the practical commercial side of rulership, even the symbols of his authority, well what the heck is he concentrating on in this card? I think he's just so conflicted, trying so hard to reconcile all the contradictory aspects of his role and his personality, that he can't really pay attention to any of them. No wonder he looks so unhappy.

My Interpretations
I used to see this card as representing a family man, a husband and father, a sensitive man. But now I'm not so sure. Now I view it almost as a man who doesn't know what the hell he is. Poor man. He's sensitive, even intuitive. He could be a very caring man. But I think that part of his personality makes him uncomfortable, even embarrassed. So he tries to stifle it, push it away. But the mantle of leadership, the role of hard and determined ruler, bad-ass and decisive, doesn't fit him and fails to cover this side of him. So he's unhappy, conflicted, torn. Neither fish nor fowl, he doesn't know what he is any more. As a situation it could mean a similar conflict of interest.