"Hanged Man" as "Who"?

So pay attention to other aspects of your life, attend to whatever else in your life neds fixing (your spirituality, your job, your family ... whatever isn't perfect) because perhaps you won't be in the right headspace for a good relationship until everything else in your life is working nicely.

Basically i have to change my whole life---spiritually, job, etc..---before i'll have a relationship.

That is so not worth it. If I can't be loved for who I am--not for who I'll become--then I'm better off alone, because at least then I know I'm not worth loving as I am now.

meginmd said:

Basically i have to change my whole life---spiritually, job, etc..---before i'll have a relationship.

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First you might start with your attitude. Then you'd be able to see clearly what else might need changing.

My attitude isn't as bad as it comes across here.
I've had too many disappointments to ever fully trust in love again.
It looks (to me anyway) that the only way I'll ever find what I'm looking for is if I basically change my entire life in terms of spirituality, etc...
Like I said...I'd rather know that the person I am now will never find love then be loved for being someone else entirely.

The Hanged Man can also be about a change of perspective. So it may not be about changing your whole life before you can have a relationship as much as coming to terms with/being happy with where your life is at this point. If you can't or don't love who you are right now, how can you expect someone else to love who you are right now?

I believe that you have to be whole as one before you can ever truly be half of two. And the Hanged Man here might be an indication that you need to take that time out to become whole as one and then the person with whom you can be half of two will become known to you.

Rodney

meginmd said:

I've had too many disappointments to ever fully trust in love again.
It looks (to me anyway) that the only way I'll ever find what I'm looking for is if I basically change my entire life in terms of spirituality, etc...
Like I said...I'd rather know that the person I am now will never find love then be loved for being someone else entirely.

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You can't step into the same river twice. You are forever evolving into who you "will be" at any given moment. I don't know how old you are, but things that seem so solid right now may seem very different to you, say, 20 years down the road. (And that is likely part of the reason that you have been disappointed in love before--either you or the other party, and probably both--changed and evolved into very different people than who you were when you first met. Or maybe, simply, the real you and the real him came out and they weren't the facades you displayed upon meeting and "getting to know one another." With age comes the acceptance that this not only happens, but is something one needs to work on within him/herself to be able to accept those kinds of changes in self/other.) To adamantly say, "This is who I am, and I am not about to change!" is on the one hand foolhardy - and on the other hand somewhat narrow-sighted. While I can understand the sentiment of not forcing a change in oneself FOR someone else (and it can be argued that this is actually impossible for the long term, anyway), certainly, changing and growing for yourself should be a healthy goal, shouldn't it?

As far as the Hanged Man is concerned...I always look first at a trump as a life-lesson card. He brings something you need to learn about yourself, even if he showed up in a position called "Who?" So, I would think that this card may just be a reminder that with life and love come sacrifices, spiritual self-searching, meditation. True, it could also be that the person you are looking for (the "Who") is someone who will provide an avenue for you to do this type of soul-searching and learning, but none-the-less, this spiritual development on your part is likely needed before you will be able to recognize the "Who."

Never say never. This person is out there for you. It is in your lap as to how you proceed to either let him in or block him out that will determine what happens in your love life, I think.

Good luck!

meginmd said:

I understood most of the rest of the "Wish come true" spread, but the "who will this be with" card--The Hanged Man--stumped me.

The card is one of being at a crossroads. Does that mean that the "who" in this spread is someone that is confused? Or perhaps that he's going to have to give something up?

It just seems out of place.

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To me, the Hanged Man card means that you can't change things for the time being, so you may as well find inner peace by accepting things are as they are, and they are as they are for a good reason.

To me your card, coming up where it did, says that if you don't know who it is yet then that is as it should be. The reason that yuo don't yet know WHO the person is is that you are not meant to know yet, it is not yet time for you to know, and things are exactly as they should be.

The card, to me, says you don't know because it is not yet the proper time for you to have that info (Divine Timing and all) and the best you can do is accept that you are not meant to know right now, now it is for the best, and wait it out as patiently as you can until the time when you are meant to know that comes.

Babs

meginmd said:

Well, pfft.
(though it is funny that the music on my iPod shuffled right to "It Won't Be Long"!
How will I even know that person will ever come to me?

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Ask the cards that question then, "How will I even know that person will ever come to me?" If you want to know how yuo will know, ask!

Babs

meginmd said:

*smiles sadly*

My heart knows that I'm not destined to ever find a true love; hence the "Wait" answer.
Wait and wait and wait and wait and wait.

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Please don't say that, or think it, or do that to yourself.

Your heart cannot yet know the future as the future is changable,not yet completely formed, and we create it ourselves to a large extent. Maybe your heart fears that might happen, maybe something in you prefers to beleive it is so so as not to have to risk trying again and being hurt. But your heart cannot know it is so. The future has not yet fully been created. If you want it you can create it.

We create our futures (quite literally) with our thoughts feelings and beliefs. They draw what we believe will happen to us towards us in our lives. Which could, in fact, be the very reason you are waiting so long, because you don't truly believe it is coming inside you. And so it doesn't come. Try to see instead if you can come to believe positive things are coming and that is how they will come to you.



Babs

meginmd said:

My attitude isn't as bad as it comes across here.
I've had too many disappointments to ever fully trust in love again.
It looks (to me anyway) that the only way I'll ever find what I'm looking for is if I basically change my entire life in terms of spirituality, etc...
Like I said...I'd rather know that the person I am now will never find love then be loved for being someone else entirely.

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I can only offer you my opinions, but here is something you need to answer for yourself. If you have had too many disappointments in love to ever trust fully again...any good relationship has at its very basis a good communication and trust. That to me is a given. You can't get truly close without both those things. What I think yuo need to know inside yourself is if you sure that you could more happy holding back your heart and not having that fully loving relationship or if you could be happier if you were in a wonderful loving relationship.

One other thing that I will add for you to think on and then do with as you will...The you that is trusting IS the real you, the being unwilling to trust is a defense but it is not the real you. We are born loving and trusting others, we are born as our true selves. Then sometimes we close up in pain. Reactions we have to pain are not the real us, as I have learnt it and fully believe, they can become reflexive because they feel familiar because we have folowed them, but the real us is is the us we were born...before life hurt us. To me the effort is to get back to that wisdom, to our true selves.

I don't know if this will help, but I will add it in just in case. I've had horrendous experiences with men in the past, including a very violent marriage that ended after an attemped murder. (him trying to kill me, and coming darn close to it too, I meant). I can tell you trust for men did not come easily to me either, to say the least.

That was 20 years ago, and I still believe that trust is the only path to a happy relationship, and I am now happily working to get back to who I was when I was a trusting person, to the real me. I am reading lots of books on that even now and books too on unconditional love.

I hope I said somethign useful to you in here,

Babs

meginmd said:

Basically i have to change my whole life---spiritually, job, etc..---before i'll have a relationship.

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Basically, you're making up your own definition of what we said so you can be lazy and wallow in self-pity. As Starry pointed out, this isn't for love, this is for you. You've decided you're not loveable. Is that really the best persepective of yourself you can have?

When we say "change" we don't mean, "Change or else!" It's not a punishment. It's like saying if you want to breathe give up the cigarettes. It may not be easy, but boy, will you feel better when you can breathe and smell and taste. You will be rewarded for doing it, you WILL be loved for who you are, because it's not YOU that changes, it's merely how you look at the world, at relationships and at yourself. Seeing something in a new way, even trying something new and different doesn't mean you become a different person. It just means that you get a new experience that helps you learn and grow.

That is so not worth it. If I can't be loved for who I am--not for who I'll become

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Don't you DARE put your words in our mouths. Not one of us said any such thing. We said see the world differently. We are telling you that the card is saying this: YOU are wearing blinders. And you can only see ahead. On either side of you are lots of guys who might be "the one!" The card says, "Take off the blinders!" and you will see these guys gazing at you in adoration and longing.

Now is your answer to that really going to be "Too much work"? Really? That advice is too hard? Too difficult?

Change your perspective and you will see them. That's the answer of the Hanged Man. You don't have to like it and you don't have to follow it, but if you're not going to follow any advice that you don't like, that you think is too hard or too much work, why bother asking for it? Few problems have easy answers, and finding true love is one of most difficult problems of all.