Asking questions you don’t want to know the answer to

CosmicTarot

if you don't want answers don't ask questions, and stay away from tarot cards. :)

That could be a good motto. I just hate the balance act where it's like ... is Tarot really satisfying our need for answers or is it just feeding worry, more questions and hurt. It's supposed to be enlightening and fun, but sometimes I think there's a tendency for it just to cause a hunger for more ... or disappointment ... anxiousness.

But yeah "if you don't want answers don't ask questions, and stay away from tarot cards". You've got a good point.
 

SaskMick

That could be a good motto. I just hate the balance act where it's like ... is Tarot really satisfying our need for answers or is it just feeding worry, more questions and hurt. It's supposed to be enlightening and fun, but sometimes I think there's a tendency for it just to cause a hunger for more ... or disappointment ... anxiousness.

But yeah "if you don't want answers don't ask questions, and stay away from tarot cards". You've got a good point.

To me at least tarot is not for fun, it's a serious thing.

Having said that, it once came up in the cards that I should not expect more than a grunt from a pig... I thought that was funny :)
 

Tanga

That could be a good motto. I just hate the balance act where it's like ... is Tarot really satisfying our need for answers or is it just feeding worry, more questions and hurt. It's supposed to be enlightening and fun, but sometimes I think there's a tendency for it just to cause a hunger for more ... or disappointment ... anxiousness.

That comes down to the skill of the reader in the end imo.
If the reading is "heavy" (as I describe it) - it's up to your skill to find some empowerment for the sitter.


I don't answer questions that would be for - a doctor/therapist, lawyer or financial advisor.
And I don't do 3rd party readings. Depends...very much on how and why they are asking.
I will look at "Circumstances around" these issues and what "likely options there may be"
- but not give flat ultimatums - of course. Lol. I'm not psychic and don't believe things are set in stone.
I may listen to their question and proffer a re-phrase for them, if I think their question is inappropriate - or as you describe "hurtful to them" in the end - because they're projecting and hoping for "the world on a platter" rather than how they might work things out for themselves.

But I may ask these questions for myself - if the reader entertains such questions - Lol. ;)
And see what they come up with and whether I agree.
I do always think about what I'm asking - and generally I don't ask what I don't want an answer to. Lol.
I prefer empowering questions like "how can I best tackle X or in what ways can I improve my communication in Y".

I hardly read for myself. I'm way to invested in the outcome :)
I can read 'in a fun manner' - or sometimes it works if I skew the focus by "asking my guides" the question. But mostly I use the cards in other ways for myself.
Medidation and visualisation, working through my feelings about things, using them in magick and ritual (another form of personal psychotherapy - if you like), and exercises for learning meanings...


Tarot authors do cover how to ask questions most constructively for Tarot...
I'm sure Benebell Wen must have a weighty section in her book 'Holistic Tarot' (I've read it - I must read again - lol). Biddy does (Birgit Eiselmount)... can't remember any others right now...
 

CosmicTarot

To me at least tarot is not for fun, it's a serious thing.

Of course, it's serious. Especially serious since people take it very seriously (so do I). That's why I started the thread, because I think that - in this case - askers, underestimate how seriously we take the outcome of a Tarot spread. That's why I really think one should be guarded when inquiring about something, so to make sure that this is a question where the beneficial answer will fulfill you more than the "maleficent" will hurt you.

I just get the idea that sometimes we don't (or some askers don't) really take into account that the answer they're/we're seeking may end up feeling more like a doomsday prophecy than something constructive. Mmm ... well, I just think it's important to reflect before asking, but my curiosity can get the best of me from time to time as well.
 

SaskMick

Of course, it's serious. Especially serious since people take it very seriously (so do I). That's why I started the thread, because I think that - in this case - askers, underestimate how seriously we take the outcome of a Tarot spread. That's why I really think one should be guarded when inquiring about something, so to make sure that this is a question where the beneficial answer will fulfill you more than the "maleficent" will hurt you.

I just get the idea that sometimes we don't (or some askers don't) really take into account that the answer they're/we're seeking may end up feeling more like a doomsday prophecy than something constructive. Mmm ... well, I just think it's important to reflect before asking, but my curiosity can get the best of me from time to time as well.

I don't think people can guard against being given answers that they may not like. They may get told something they don't like regardless of what they ask.
 

Enlightenment23

What an excellent thread :).

Chances are, if you're afraid to ask the question, you already intuitively know the answer, right? And it won't be a positive one.

I make sure that when I do ask a question, it's something I want to know the answer to - I've already mentally prepared myself that I don't care whether the answer is negative or positive. I just want to know. And so when the answer is negative, I'm rarely disappointed, in fact, it actually feels like a weight has been lifted. I think "Yay, I now have clarity!"
 

Ebony

I definitely believe it's important to not learn what you aren't prepared to handle. I used to be of the mind that I should know everything and that the more I knew, the better things would get. The problem is it just doesn't work like that. The more you know that you don't truly know how to handle, the more frazzled you become. It's like your mind is trying to comprehend so many new things about the world, a person, a situation, etc. at once that it all just goes to hell. These days I am a bit less interested in the idea of some sort of "absolute" external truth, and more okay with the idea of blocking out things I am not ready to know or able to handle.

While that is my intention, it can be dangerous to use the cards as sometimes things slip through that I don't want to know. For instance, I recently was trying out an interesting spread that was rather open-ended, and I said that I don't mind hearing an answer, provided it isn't about XYZ. I had a feeling as I was laying out the cards, the sense that it was going to be about that thing I just told the cards I didn't want to hear about - and it was. -_-

Sometimes cards also just pop out with some message I don't want to hear, so if I'm feeling very disinterested in hearing something I don't want to hear I just don't flip them over when they do that, but instead just put them back in the deck.

I actually just got the sense maybe a half hour ago that a deck was going to tell me something, so I just put that thing away as I don't want to hear it right now.

It is important to protect your mind from the things you aren't ready to know.


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CosmicTarot

What an excellent thread :).

Chances are, if you're afraid to ask the question, you already intuitively know the answer, right? And it won't be a positive one.

I make sure that when I do ask a question, it's something I want to know the answer to - I've already mentally prepared myself that I don't care whether the answer is negative or positive. I just want to know. And so when the answer is negative, I'm rarely disappointed, in fact, it actually feels like a weight has been lifted. I think "Yay, I now have clarity!"

That’s definitely an interesting notion that most certainly holds true many times, but that presupposes that the answers you get are always congruent and that all readers interpret the cards the same.

Just a couple of hours ago I asked what someone thought I felt for them and received two answers, one were Queen of Wands and the other Ten of Swords. These cards are rather contradicting. Both of them can nevertheless be as ”true”, since us humans aren’t fixed and absolute in our way of looking at a situation. During a day I have had the time to reconsider a situation at least a thousand times.

I think it’s also a fear of putting yourself in an unnecessarily negative mind-set that will just ruin it for you. I remember someone asking if a past lover of theirs were still attracted to them, and I didn’t pull overly positive cards: What if I just tuned into his present mind-set. What if I’d pull Tower, Ace of Cups, Lovers the next week. Yet, that sour feeling of Two of Swords would linger. Sometimes, if it means a lot, it’s plain unnecessary.

It could also be a question about the Tarot reader, we interpret the cards a little differently. Hence, if you don’t trust that the reader will consider your emotional response and take in the vibe of the situation and consider every parameter, you may happen upon someone who’d blatantly say: Tower rips everything apart and you’ll be lonely forever, when it could in fact signify a torrid love affair. Some readers are remarkably intuitively in tune with the person asking and their deck, those readers are probably the best, because they can ”sense” their way through a spread.

Thus, I don’t always think Tarot has the ability to bring about the clarity one would want, because people and things change, but that sour taste of a ”bad” reading can linger. If it means The World; everything; tout. I would be wary to ask. At least if I don’t have great trust in the reader.

I digressed, a lot! However, I do think you have a great point in that it could be a sign that we intuitively already know what the answer will be. But then again, things change all the time. The Wheel of Fortune is spinning and so on.
 

CosmicTarot

That comes down to the skill of the reader in the end imo.
If the reading is "heavy" (as I describe it) - it's up to your skill to find some empowerment for the sitter.

I don't answer questions that would be for - a doctor/therapist, lawyer or financial advisor.
And I don't do 3rd party readings. Depends...very much on how and why they are asking.
I will look at "Circumstances around" these issues and what "likely options there may be"
- but not give flat ultimatums - of course. Lol. I'm not psychic and don't believe things are set in stone.
I may listen to their question and proffer a re-phrase for them, if I think their question is inappropriate - or as you describe "hurtful to them" in the end - because they're projecting and hoping for "the world on a platter" rather than how they might work things out for themselves.

But I may ask these questions for myself - if the reader entertains such questions - Lol. ;)
And see what they come up with and whether I agree.
I do always think about what I'm asking - and generally I don't ask what I don't want an answer to. Lol.
I prefer empowering questions like "how can I best tackle X or in what ways can I improve my communication in Y".

I hardly read for myself. I'm way to invested in the outcome :)
I can read 'in a fun manner' - or sometimes it works if I skew the focus by "asking my guides" the question. But mostly I use the cards in other ways for myself.
Medidation and visualisation, working through my feelings about things, using them in magick and ritual (another form of personal psychotherapy - if you like), and exercises for learning meanings...

Tarot authors do cover how to ask questions most constructively for Tarot...
I'm sure Benebell Wen must have a weighty section in her book 'Holistic Tarot' (I've read it - I must read again - lol). Biddy does (Birgit Eiselmount)... can't remember any others right now...

I agree, which I discussed briefly above. The reader is of great importance. But how do you know that you found the right one that actually will take the time to care of your question accordingly? It's not always easy to know.

Your rules are very good. I think it's super to have your own framework for what you will and will not do. Personally, I look at the questions separately and try to find some balance. But some questions I'm not overly happy to answer or pull for, even love spreads sometimes. Depends upon the situation.

I read for myself sometimes but it's difficult not to be biased. It just doesn't work very well to read for yourself for some reason. I don't trust my judgment for readings about myself, as you say: You're waaay to invested in the outcome, so you'll probably sugarcoat it. But I'm very invested in the outcome when I read for others too, but it's a little easier to see the spread objectively.

Thank you for sharing your view!

I really have to go to bed now, but to those I haven't responded to - I'll get to it in the morning! It was interesting hearing everyone's take on the matter.
 

Enlightenment23

That’s definitely an interesting notion that most certainly holds true many times, but that presupposes that the answers you get are always congruent and that all readers interpret the cards the same.

Just a couple of hours ago I asked what someone thought I felt for them and received two answers, one were Queen of Wands and the other Ten of Swords. These cards are rather contradicting. Both of them can nevertheless be as ”true”, since us humans aren’t fixed and absolute in our way of looking at a situation. During a day I have had the time to reconsider a situation at least a thousand times.

I think it’s also a fear of putting yourself in an unnecessarily negative mind-set that will just ruin it for you. I remember someone asking if a past lover of theirs were still attracted to them, and I didn’t pull overly positive cards: What if I just tuned into his present mind-set. What if I’d pull Tower, Ace of Cups, Lovers the next week. Yet, that sour feeling of Two of Swords would linger. Sometimes, if it means a lot, it’s plain unnecessary.

It could also be a question about the Tarot reader, we interpret the cards a little differently. Hence, if you don’t trust that the reader will consider your emotional response and take in the vibe of the situation and consider every parameter, you may happen upon someone who’d blatantly say: Tower rips everything apart and you’ll be lonely forever, when it could in fact signify a torrid love affair. Some readers are remarkably intuitively in tune with the person asking and their deck, those readers are probably the best, because they can ”sense” their way through a spread.

Thus, I don’t always think Tarot has the ability to bring about the clarity one would want, because people and things change, but that sour taste of a ”bad” reading can linger. If it means The World; everything; tout. I would be wary to ask. At least if I don’t have great trust in the reader.

I digressed, a lot! However, I do think you have a great point in that it could be a sign that we intuitively already know what the answer will be. But then again, things change all the time. The Wheel of Fortune is spinning and so on.

Well said, CT. I agree with everything you wrote. Others' feelings are ever-changing, and as a result, so are tarot's answers. But when I mention "clarity," I'm not exactly referring to the ever-so-popular "feelings" questions us tarot readers love to ask. That realm of tarot, as you say, has a Wheel of Fortune-esque way of operating.

I'm talking about things that are relatively stable. Painful questions like "Why did they not choose me for the job?" is an example. Seeing something like the The Fool Reversed, where they felt that I was unprepared or caught off guard for some tough questions, I get that clarity that I'm looking for and I know how to do better for next time.

If you spent the whole week, after the interview, kicking yourself for getting those last couple of questions you "choked" on, you'd hate to know that it was your articulation did you in.

It's not fun to know the answer to such questions for some, but for me, it is that moment of clarity I need rather than harping on why I wasn't chosen.

Gosh what a fun discussion. Thanks for starting this thread CT. No need to respond to me if you don't want to because I know it must be overwhelming for you to answer everyone here. Lol.