Kittaine
lunakasha said:Kittaine~
I really like your description of this card....for some reason, I have always been fond of this particular 5 of Cups card, even though its "traditional" meaning is "bittersweet....regret....loss."
I see him as being a complex character....I notice the way he gazes upon the skull with curiosity and wonder....yet his stare is intense, almost hypnotized by it. I am wondering now about how this might apply to your situation with the object of your affections....
I think many of us can relate to how you are feeling in this situation....helpless, afraid, wishing for happiness.....but unfortunately, life is full of heartache and disappointments, as well as moments of joy and fulfillment.
The question then becomes: what are you willing to do to make yourself happy??? Are you willing to make sacrifices (such as possible rejection) if the reward or outcome is worth the risk???
I wish you the best of luck in this situation....not an easy one at all....
Luna
Luna, thank you for your reply.
Well, now I know what the 5 of Cups is about. I did well in the exams, I'm sure of it. But...I didn't see him today...He was not at the cafeteria where I usually catch him eat lunch with a friend. Maybe he ate someplace else. Maybe he opted to study instead, this being our hectic midterm week. Maybe he never went to school to begin with. Maybe he knew I would be at the usual place, and he just didn't wanna see me again. For what reason, I don't know. And why he would even think about me, I wouldn't know either. The mind wanders. Yes, I am feeling like the character in the 5 of Cups. "Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio" ...Yes, I could be brooding over a skull right now, contemplating what I could have done long before, and what I should do when, or IF, given another opportunity. And of course, there are the why's: Why didn't he show up? Why is this happening to me? Why do I have these feelings for him? Why can't I just let go?
The character in the 5 of Cups could be doing all of these at the same time--brooding, contemplating, wishing, planning, losing. But we can't know for certain exactly what's on his mind. You're right, Lunakasha, he is complex. There is a sense of poetry and prose about him. But to me there's nothing tragic about it: it's drama and theatrics. There could have been a precursor--a cause--to the moment pictured in this card, but I doubt it's of the magnitude implied in the 10 of Swords, or 9 of Swords, even.
Well, that was my day.
Surprisingly, I'm not ending it with an "Oh well." I reserve that expression for the most tragic and miserable of instances. Instead, I'll just sit here, stare at the imaginary skull in my hand, and think of him...think of what he could be doing right now, where he could be, what he could be thinking of. Then I'll draw cards in an attempt to find the answers to those questions. And no, I have never thought of breaking in his locker or keying his car, or skipping class just to look at him. And I never want to do them. No one is worthy of that, not even the only person in this world that I feel so strongly about.
Do you see the drama here, people? But yes...I don't know what it is about him, or if it's even him that's causing this, and not me giving myself a hard time and refusing to let go...
... I think it's me.
Alright, no more drama. What's your Vargo Gothic card for today?