Nine of Swords clarified by Nine of Wands - feelings

jenster

I gave in to the temptation to read for myself and my relationship and in the position of my boyfriend's feelings for me I got the Nine of Swords. When I drew a clarifier I got the Nine of Wands.

I might be having a hard time reading this because I am personally involved or there might be something really tricky in this combination.

It just seems to me that the feelings shown by the cards are that he is upset and exhausted. Worn out. And that he's at the end of his rope. Which might mean he wants out? We're long distance for now so it might be getting to be too much for him.

I welcome any alternative readings. For what is worth in reality he hasn't said or done anything to make me think he might want out, on the contrary.
 

Thirteen

He's dealing with it all alone...how can you change that?

It just seems to me that the feelings shown by the cards are that he is upset and exhausted. Worn out. And that he's at the end of his rope. Which might mean he wants out?
He might be both (over-worried, over-taxed, mentally worn out and with no energy). BUT that doesn't mean he wants out. To the contrary. The 9's are often about staying put. Like the Hermit (#9). Granted, the 9/Swords is more a matter of "no way out" than "stick it out." But the 9/Wands is very much "Hold the fort! Never surrender!"

But here's the thing. The whole point of laying down cards isn't just to see what is and let happen whatever is going to happen. The whole point of laying down cards is to see what you're missing and figure out what to do about it so it can be better. These two cards indicate that your boyfriend feels like he can't share these intense worries he's feeling about you, ones that keep him up at night; feelings of being exhausted. The most important feeling here, the one you're missing, is that he feels he should keep them from you.

Now you know better than I why he might feel this way. If he tells you that he feels worried all the time, and exhausted about something relating to you and the relationship...will you cry? Scream? Make him feel awful? That might be why he's not sharing this with you. Or would you never do that, and is he not sharing because he does feel awful. Because he feels these are HIS problem and he shouldn't burden you with them? Be honest!

If you know the answer, then you can gently demand he share his feelings with you, be open about them, and together you can work out how to make him feel less worried and less exhausted. If you don't know the answer...lay down those two cards and ask the deck what you can do to alleviate these feelings--then put down two more cards, one to alleviate the worry, one to alleviate the exhaustion (MODERATOR NOTE: Do not post them in this thread! They will be a separate and full reading for Your Readings). How can you ease his worries and restore his energy. The cards aren't there to simply be a way of observing others. They're a way of letting you know how you can change the situation. Use them that way. Otherwise you're the one going to end up trapped in the 9/Swords-9/Wands combo ;)
 

headincloud

9S 9W.

He may be very stressed and anxious and the relationship may be disturbing his sleep, he seems defensive and weary, they're quite difficult cards there's a wonder you haven't noticed something is wrong. Could be things have not gone as he was planning with regards the relationship in 9W and/or he may have activated his defences against you for some reason, no doubt he has a lot on his plate atm.
 

jenster

He might be both (over-worried, over-taxed, mentally worn out and with no energy). BUT that doesn't mean he wants out. To the contrary. The 9's are often about staying put. Like the Hermit (#9). Granted, the 9/Swords is more a matter of "no way out" than "stick it out." But the 9/Wands is very much "Hold the fort! Never surrender!"

But here's the thing. The whole point of laying down cards isn't just to see what is and let happen whatever is going to happen. The whole point of laying down cards is to see what you're missing and figure out what to do about it so it can be better. These two cards indicate that your boyfriend feels like he can't share these intense worries he's feeling about you, ones that keep him up at night; feelings of being exhausted. The most important feeling here, the one you're missing, is that he feels he should keep them from you.

Now you know better than I why he might feel this way. If he tells you that he feels worried all the time, and exhausted about something relating to you and the relationship...will you cry? Scream? Make him feel awful? That might be why he's not sharing this with you. Or would you never do that, and is he not sharing because he does feel awful. Because he feels these are HIS problem and he shouldn't burden you with them? Be honest!

If you know the answer, then you can gently demand he share his feelings with you, be open about them, and together you can work out how to make him feel less worried and less exhausted. If you don't know the answer...lay down those two cards and ask the deck what you can do to alleviate these feelings--then put down two more cards, one to alleviate the worry, one to alleviate the exhaustion (MODERATOR NOTE: Do not post them in this thread! They will be a separate and full reading for Your Readings). How can you ease his worries and restore his energy. The cards aren't there to simply be a way of observing others. They're a way of letting you know how you can change the situation. Use them that way. Otherwise you're the one going to end up trapped in the 9/Swords-9/Wands combo ;)

Thank you very much for your input Thirteen, your take is much more sensible than anything I could come up with. Even though we are (both) quite open with each other he has occasionally told me things only much later than he experienced them. What all these things have in common is that they "betray" vulnerability, at least what he considers to be vulnerability. It has made me examine my behaviour to see if I do or say something that inhibits him from disclosing these states of mind or the fact he's upset but I think it's been the fact I even talk about it at all that makes matter worse. So I <i>absolutely</i> need a reading to see how to alleviate and ease them. Thanks for reminding me how to read constructively vs fatalistically. I have been feeling trapped by that combo already.
 

jenster

9S 9W.

He may be very stressed and anxious and the relationship may be disturbing his sleep, he seems defensive and weary, they're quite difficult cards there's a wonder you haven't noticed something is wrong. Could be things have not gone as he was planning with regards the relationship in 9W and/or he may have activated his defences against you for some reason, no doubt he has a lot on his plate atm.

I did notice, which is why I did the reading. But thank you for the input.
 

Thirteen

What all these things have in common is that they "betray" vulnerability, at least what he considers to be vulnerability.
That is absolute a 9's sentiment. The 9's are very solitary (like the Hermit, right?) "Leave me alone! I need to work this out by myself!" They're not necessarily anti-social, so much as focused and feel that interruption or help would shatter that focus or forward momentum (that doesn't mean they're right, just that they feel that).

9/Wands has the added message of "I don't trust anyone to do this but me." The person refusing to delegate or share his burden for fear that it will either all get messed up, or because he/she feels, as you say, it would expose vulnerability. Make others think less of them and their ability to fix things or finish things.

I hope you find a way to help him and ease your mind. If you do a reading off these two cards and seek help in Your Readings, you can link this thread to it.
 

Grizabella

9S 9W.

He may be very stressed and anxious and the relationship may be disturbing his sleep, he seems defensive and weary, they're quite difficult cards there's a wonder you haven't noticed something is wrong. Could be things have not gone as he was planning with regards the relationship in 9W and/or he may have activated his defences against you for some reason, no doubt he has a lot on his plate atm.

I agree with headincloud. :) He may be tense and distracted by the whole situation and it affects his feelings toward you. He may not want out, but the long distance relationship is causing him concern and it just niggles at the back of his mind all the time.
 

jenster

That is absolute a 9's sentiment. The 9's are very solitary (like the Hermit, right?) "Leave me alone! I need to work this out by myself!" They're not necessarily anti-social, so much as focused and feel that interruption or help would shatter that focus or forward momentum (that doesn't mean they're right, just that they feel that).

9/Wands has the added message of "I don't trust anyone to do this but me." The person refusing to delegate or share his burden for fear that it will either all get messed up, or because he/she feels, as you say, it would expose vulnerability. Make others think less of them and their ability to fix things or finish things.

I hope you find a way to help him and ease your mind. If you do a reading off these two cards and seek help in Your Readings, you can link this thread to it.

Strange I'd missed that element of the nines. Strange because now that I hear you say it it seems so obvious but I'd never thought about it myself. Even though I had never thought of them that way I did always understand (much less clearly in the Nine of Cups) their alone-ness to not be misanthropy or even willful exclusion of people but more absorption with the task and situation at hand. Seeing Nines in the light of The Hermit is illuminating, thank you.

I will make a reading for that but wanted to calm down and be in a good place, when I read "charged" (either by happiness, unhappiness, worry or anything intense enough) I lose a lot of receptiveness and can't see very clearly what I'm being shown. At its worse the cards reflect exactly what I am feeling/thinking a bit too precisely to be trusted to be about the matter at hand.

Thank you very much.
 

jenster

I agree with headincloud. :) He may be tense and distracted by the whole situation and it affects his feelings toward you. He may not want out, but the long distance relationship is causing him concern and it just niggles at the back of his mind all the time.

Thank you for your input. I can't say it didn't cross my mind but I think that if the issue had been with the distance it maybe would have come up with another card? Instead of the Nine of Wands to clarify the Nine of Swords I would have expected a Six of Swords, a Two or maybe even Three of Wands, with the Nine of Wands being the clarifier I can't see the "trouble" being specifically about the distance.
 

Thirteen

A quick footnote on 9/Cups....

I did always understand (much less clearly in the Nine of Cups) their alone-ness to not be misanthropy or even willful exclusion of people but more absorption with the task and situation at hand.
9/Cups is harder to understand because, when it come to the Cups suit, the good feelings are ones we don't think we could feel alone. We see the "emotions" of the Cup suit as very social. Ones we either need to share with others, or can't feel unless we have another with us. Like love or joy. We imagine, when it comes to the Cups suit, that being alone means sorrow.

This is why the 9/Cups often gets read as being "smug"--because that's the only way we think a person could feel "happy" but be alone. If they were self-satisfied. But I view that as an "ill-dignified" interpretation of the card. I think it's best, most "upright" message is either just satisfaction or "counting my blessings." It's when you take a moment to be by yourself after a big family gathering, or a night out with best friends, or even just early in the morning before your partner wakes up. And in that alone time, you bask in how connected and supported and in tune you feel with loved ones. How blessed you feel. It's something you need to be alone to feel. Because when other show up, you'll focus on them. So, to focus on this, how blessed you are, you need that moment alone.

Also like when you have a spiritual moment alone, and just feel...happy. Complete.