tower as what attracts people to each other

BrightEye

Lyric said:
The rescuer syndrome is usually a big part of a dependency relationship.

i can identify with that too. i so badly want to be rescued and cared for

Apollonia

BrightEye said:
maybe i live a sheltered life, but i'm not sure i've been in this kind of situation before. unless perhaps you explain to the innocent what you mean

Hi, BrightEye!

Some ways I've seen this expressed (not to say that I've personally done all of these LOL) is by being repeatedly intrigued with "bad boy" type partners, running off with a lover and having your work or family life suffer as a result, or having an extramarital affair. Looking at it objectively, you could pretty much predict what type of chaos you might be bringing into your life, but there's something that just draws you in. Looking back, you say, "I should have known better," even while suspecting you would have made the same choice anyway.

P.S. Any time I say, "you," I mean it in the objective sense, not personally; I just can't stand using the phrase, "one does this, one does that." Something about it grates on me.

WalesWoman

My first thought was

sex, but after some more serious thought, my next idea was best expressed by memries post... seeing someone as liberating or rescuing them from islolation and confinement. I got into too many relationships, not realizing I was doing that very thing.

It could be that thunderbolt of electricity shaking up your foundations and breaking through your barriers and defences. It could be like a thunderstorm, fast and furious, but moving on and dissipating later on.

Adjustment

memries said:
One of my Archetypes is Rescuer. (This would come from Tower experiences).
I quote from the book Sacred Contracts:

"The shadow Rescuer often surfaces through a romantic connection in which one party seeks to establish an intimate bond by lending emotional support, with a hidden agenda that assumes the rescued party will return the Rescuer's romantic feelings. Such romances are destined to fail, because the Shadow agenda has to keep the "rescuee " in need of being rescued, lest the Rescuer lose her significance".

This exact thing happened to me in my marriage of one year ! Neat Huh ?
Now I know why it really fell apart from a symbolic point of view.

It certainly followed a recent Tower experience for him as he was a widower and I a widow. We had a lot in common, at least I thought we did but there was no give and take. I got tired after a while. I am ok now and happy I left.
He married again right away and now she has left him so maybe it was not all me. Something said to me, "Go now" so I went !!!!!!

Totally agree with Memries, I have experience a similar situation, my unconsious hidden agenda was that i wanted to be rescued and thougth that by giving emotional support to someone who needed it at the time, would make the relationship work but it didn't happened it became a one sided relationship. a very bad experience

BrightEye

Apollonia said:
Some ways I've seen this expressed (not to say that I've personally done all of these LOL) is by being repeatedly intrigued with "bad boy" type partners, running off with a lover and having your work or family life suffer as a result, or having an extramarital affair. Looking at it objectively, you could pretty much predict what type of chaos you might be bringing into your life, but there's something that just draws you in. Looking back, you say, "I should have known better," even while suspecting you would have made the same choice anyway.

Apollonia, maybe my life is not so sheltered afer all. many a time i thought of running off, but nobody would run with me, so i stayed put (hasn't stopped me from dreaming on though).

Apollonia

BrightEye said:
Apollonia, maybe my life is not so sheltered afer all. many a time i thought of running off, but nobody would run with me, so i stayed put (hasn't stopped me from dreaming on though).

I hear you, BrightEye! Many years ago, when I would be on the highway driving towards my job, almost every day I thought, "What if I just kept on going?" But I never did. (Although I did do the Tower thing to myself not long after that...)

But I'm settled and happy now. And I learned a lot.

tower as what attracts people to each other

BrightEye

Apollonia

WalesWoman

Adjustment

BrightEye

Apollonia