how do you handle a negative reading?

debins

I would want the bad news...

...as difficult as it would be I would want the bad news. The truth is what I ask a reader for. I even appreciated it when a reader once let it slip that my problem would be with me for another three years, assuming the pace of things remained the same. What that did for me was encourage me to try some new things because three years is a long time to not see much improvement in one's life.
Namaste,
Debins.
 

starcrow

To Diana: I think that is such an excellent idea! I usally always look at the bottom card to verify after a reading, but that is really smart. Geeze, I'm learning alot around here. Kind Regards, Starcrow
 

Alex

Self-fulfilling prophecy

I think that, given the subjective character of a spread reading, we don't really "know" that much when we look at a spread, but we can invite the other person to reflect upon the cards and their meanings, and let him/her draw the conclusions. There is the danger, mostly concerning people who are easy to impress or who tend to believe things very easily, that the querent will unconsciously make something come true. Not to talk about people who are negative and unconsciously spin the wheel of their lives such as to fail every time, because they just can't do it otherwise. A trully negative reading may be a function of the person's negative state of mind and paradoxically, exactly the kind of a thing the querent wants to hear even though other interpretations are/would be possible.

I would advise everyone to be very careful with the messages you deliver.
 

Jenny-Li

Re: Self-fulfilling prophecy

Alex said:
Not to talk about people who are negative and unconsciously spin the wheel of their lives such as to fail every time, because they just can't do it otherwise. A trully negative reading may be a function of the person's negative state of mind and paradoxically, exactly the kind of a thing the querent wants to hear even though other interpretations are/would be possible.

I would advise everyone to be very careful with the messages you deliver.
[Quoting Alex, but responding to the whole discussion!]

Absolutely, being carefull is of essence each and every time anyone does anything that involves the trust of an other person. This is the obligation we take on when ever considering to read for an other person.

On the other hand: take a person like the one in your example, one who is destructive and negative, a walking talking downwards spiral, right. A "good" reading, no matter how negative it is, would serve as a kick in the butt, tell him or her: "Look, this is the story of your life. Does it look familliar? Well here's some news, there are things you can do about it."

You said they "just can't do it otherwise" - I think they can, they just need someone there to show them how.

This is why I think a reader can't just do a reading, and then drop the subject. The reader needs to be there, and help a long the way. I know there is a saying about this, but I can't remember it now; that you can't just tell people a new truth if you're not prepared to teach them how to handle the truth you're giving them.

I'm not sure if this makes sense to anyone - I feel it very strongly, but it's hard to put into words... Comments, anyone?

Light and love!
Jenny :)
 

MattDouglas

I always try to warn people when giving a reading that this is not a session of Matt kissing your ass, and that I'll tell them what I see. However, nonetheless people are hoping for the reassurance, and don't really think you can see anything negative in the cards. I find myself often giving such people a shock.

A few times the cards have shown me that a person was sexually abused. Anyone have any experience dealing with this?

All comments appreciated,
Matt
 

Jenny-Li

MattDouglas said:
I always try to warn people when giving a reading that this is not a session of Matt kissing your ass, and that I'll tell them what I see. However, nonetheless people are hoping for the reassurance, and don't really think you can see anything negative in the cards. I find myself often giving such people a shock.

A few times the cards have shown me that a person was sexually abused. Anyone have any experience dealing with this?

Well, shock isn't the method I'd suggest (see my previous posts on this thread for my general opinion), but I can see that happening anyway, sometimes people will listen only for what they want to hear, and not to what you have told them.

About your question about sexual abuse, I think this is an example of what I was talking about in my last post, how a reader should take the responsibility to bee there for the duration, you know, for as long as it takes to deal with what you unveil.

Also, definitely in this case, not just hand them this truth as you see it, but let them help you unveil it with you, so that it happens at the Querents pace, not yours. You have to take the responsibility that the Querent can handle what you give them. You can't shake that responsibility by telling them from the start that "this isn't a kissing-ass-session", although I can see that some people can do with getting a bit shaken-up by a rough wording! :)

Are you with me? I feel I'm fumbling a bit with words, hope I'm not saying it wrong...!

What do the rest of you think? I have never come across this this in a reading, probably being a newbie, there is a block against getting things in readings that I would have a hard time handling myself... I do feel strongly about the readers role in relation to the querent, having all that trust and responsibility...

Light and love!
Jenny :)
 

Sam

tarotlady_nl said:
If the cards are "brutally honest", I will be honest too, although I will try to be a little less "brutal" in delivering the message. I don't think I would help a friend by concealing the negative things the cards are saying.

i agree! if the cards have spoken, they've spoken.
 

joya250

Jenny-Li said:

\... I do feel strongly about the readers role in relation to the querent, having all that trust and responsibility...

Light and love!
Jenny :)

hey Jenny (and the rest of you all) -- I agree -- I feel strongly too. And the more I read, the more I realize the weight of the responsiblity. I enjoy tarot, it's fun -- and it's eye opening -- and I think I am strong enough to handle whatever the cards reveal.... BUT, there are many people out there who are susceptible to letting a reading influence them... perhaps too negatively. hmmm.... I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I have become a little nervous... I am a newbie too -- and who knows, I could mis-read the cards... and tell somebody something that really "isn't" -- or at least it's not the "whole story" ......

how do you guys handle this? have you ever given a reading and looked back later and realized that maybe you "messed up" ???

(btw, I got feedback from the woman who's reading inspired me to post this thread -- and she said the reading was right on... which helps allievate my fears a little....)
 

MattDouglas

Jenny,
Actually I did tell them that it would be helpful for them to find people to talk to about it. I told her that she may feel all alone but that if she started talking to trusted people she might find that there are many others who have been through her situation, sad to say. I let her know she could talk to me about it if she felt I could help.

She really hasn't said anything to me since, and I've run into her on a couple of occasions. maybe she seeking help elsewhere, maybe not. I sure hope she's trying to heal from it. the reading also told me she was suppressing it.

I'm sorry for posting only brief parts of what happened which could have been misleading. When I read for people I do it when I have the time to explain everything. I was just responding quickly earlier, and was on a break from work and only had limited time. I can see why people could again be shocked at my post. Hope this clarifies some things.

Understanding and compassion,
Matt