3rd Party Readings

[divinerofcards]

I've always taken the stance that I need permission to read someone. So if I do a reading that is for - by askance - of a wife about her husband - even that makes me uncomfortable. I see though people asking questions about the brother's wife's sister (or what have you)... isn't that just plain nosey?

How far of a separation makes you comfortable/uncomfortable when it comes to asking permission for a reading or feeling comfortable about giving that information to someone removed from the situation?

Personally, if another person comes into the reading requested, I do read it as it directly affects the querant but I feel uncomfortable about the readings further upstream of direct contact.

Please let me know if I'm totally off base with this, and help me through it if I am.

[Amanda_04]

Mods will move it to Talking Tarot.

But here is my opinion.
Reading the cards on a third party is really no different to me than if that sitter were simply discussing the issue with me as a friend. They're confiding in me (with or without cards) because it's of interest to them for some reason. So I just read on it... I'd rather they come to a balanced and objective *me*, than sit their driving themselves crazy with a pack of cards getting all screwed up and tied in knots about something. If I see they are way out of whack with wanting to know something about someone else, I will attempt to diffuse their emotions around the person/situation and provide calm. To just ignore them by refusing to read on third party stuff might be more detrimental, in my opinion, because essentially my focus is on the sitter and whatever part they may play anyway.

[divinerofcards]

Thank you, Amanda for your insight on the matter. I suppose it's better to have the discernment in this kind of situation than the judgement. I suppose further, that it is ALWAYS better to do so.

With Gratitude,
Toni

[Sinduction]

Really, it depends on where you want to go with tarot. If you want to read at home, for yourself, this kind of reading will be fine. If you want to read for others or go pro, this won't fly.

I'm often accused of being too liberal but I haven't yet been asked to read on anything that I've said no to. My main problem with these so called "3rd party readings" is that no one lives in a vacuum. We are social creatures. We interact with tons of people every day. The tarot itself contains court cards, which usually are used to represent certain people.

My two biggest requests come from people wanting to know about their significant other or their children. It's at least 95% of my readings, the other 5% being specific problems. There is no way for me to give anyone a complete reading that does not include anyone at all. Even without my sitter asking about anything; a boss, or a mother, or a lover, or someone shows up in the cards.

It's completely ridiculous to think a complete reading can be given that doesn't include someone other than your sitter. Unless your sitter is literally a hermit with no friends, no family, no job, and no human interaction. And, in that case, I'm sure there is an issue involving someone that made them that way.

When my sitter does ask me about a specific person, I try to get down to what they really are wanting to know. Most of the time, it is not what they first say it is. For instance, someone might come to me wanting to know if their spouse is cheating. I can't for the life of me answer that question, nor would I, since if I interpreted the cards incorrectly, I could really ruin someone's life. Instead, I would try to get to the core of what my sitter really wants to know. It could be any number of things. It could be, why is my husband working so late, or how does my husband feel about me, or whatever. It really rarely is what they first say and it usually is an insecurity in my sitter prompting the doubt in the first place.

As for mothers, I get this so often I can't even tell you. Am I going to refuse to read on her children? I've found issues that were able to be nipped in the bud, before becoming a bigger problem. And I've yet to read for a mother that didn't want the best for her children. I see no reason not to read for mothers. And I love reading for pregnant women to see what the baby will tell me.

It's all up to you, of course, we all have our own code.

[divinerofcards]

Originally Posted by Sinduction

My two biggest requests come from people wanting to know about their significant other or their children. It's at least 95% of my readings, the other 5% being specific problems. There is no way for me to give anyone a complete reading that does not include anyone at all. Even without my sitter asking about anything; a boss, or a mother, or a lover, or someone shows up in the cards.

I agree with this, it's why I had said the part about direct association, spouse etc. making me uncomfortable - but I do understand those kind of readings and will do them - as sometimes insight as to how people treat you can be gleaned from this information.

In a lot of cases tho I don't see how doing such a reading benefits the querant other than whetting their appetite for gossip. I'm not saying I won't read these (IMO) nosey questions that don't immediately affect the querant, I am saying that (again IMO) it amounts to gossip UNLESS the situation has something to do with the querant's own life and choices. Family, for instance, and close friends would be included in that realm of direct impact, as well as co-workers.

There is a responsibility as a reader, and I think there's some responsibility as a querant. For me, some of these questions are akin to opening up someone's diary and sipping tea while thumbing thru the pages.

[Sinduction]

You are completely entitled to your opinion. It is a valid one. It's just one I don't happen to share.

I don't believe it's the same as reading someone's diary. I don't believe it's an invasion of privacy. In my experience, the people coming to me have real concerns, are involved in the situations they are concerned about and are not looking for gossip. It's entirely possible that you do, I'm not discounting that at all. You believe what you believe and feel what you feel. That is absolutely fine. I'm just wondering if you are getting down to what your sitter is actually looking for. People are inherently selfish and want to know about themselves, so even though they are asking about someone else, chances are they really want to know how that person, or their behavior or actions, is going to affect them.

It's simply a personal matter and if you don't feel comfortable doing a reading on any subject, you shouldn't feel that you have to read on it.

This is a long debated subject here on the AT and no one is wrong in their view. It's simply up to the individual reader to decide for themselves what they will and will not read on. Do what you feel comfortable with and you will be ok.

I suppose it really comes down to your intention as a reader, and that's really up to each reader to decide. There is a way to read for others without feeling intrusive while still helping your sitter and answering their questions to the best of your ability. Also, a lot of sitters may not have had a reading before and may be unclear about what the tarot can actually do.

I've never been asked to read on something I felt was gossip or anything like that so I can't say what I would do in that situation. I suppose it would depend on if I felt that information would help my sitter or not.

[divinerofcards]

Thank you, Sinduction

I am trying to find my way as a reader. Recently (last year) I "came out of the closet" and that was hard enough for me - to be seen publicly as a reader. I have a lot to figure out and learn. And always will, I hope!

As a pro, it will be something I have to cope with.

[PAMUYA]

I will do a reading if this 3rd person is effecting my sitter in some way. A question was asked just recently about a readers boyfriend who was talking to an ex about her and their (sitter and her boyfriends) relationship, what was ex's intentions about talking about the sitter(was the ex badmouthing the sitter). She wasn't asking about their personal conversations, only the one's concerning her. I would do that reading, the energy of the question was directed at the sitter of the reading. If there is no engery directed at the person sitting in front of me, such as if she was asking about the ex's relationship with her husband, then I would not do that reading. For me it is all about does the question directly effect the sitter or not. (hope this is making sense, so bad with language).

[Sinduction]

Yes, Payuma, that did make sense. I don't think I would do a reading like that either. If my sitter isn't directly involved, I don't see the point of doing that reading. Well, I suppose I could come up with reasons for the reading. I've also never had anyone ask me for such a reading. I think it would intend on the intention, if they were once friends and my sitter is worried that her friend is in trouble. Or something along those lines. I don't know. Guess I will have to wait to find out.

Sometimes what I say comes off as cross or mean so I hope none of mine did. I was trying to answer the question as completely as I could.

As you grow in your tarot journey, your ideas will change. Just keep following your instinct or ask people you trust to help you work out what the issue is. The fact that you were honest and even bothered to ask the question, tells me you will do just fine.

[divinerofcards]

Originally Posted by PAMUYA

I will do a reading if this 3rd person is effecting my sitter in some way. A question was asked just recently about a readers boyfriend who was talking to an ex about her and their (sitter and her boyfriends) relationship, what was ex's intentions about talking about the sitter(was the ex badmouthing the sitter). She wasn't asking about their personal conversations, only the one's concerning her. I would do that reading, the energy of the question was directed at the sitter of the reading. If there is no engery directed at the person sitting in front of me, such as if she was asking about the ex's relationship with her husband, then I would not do that reading. For me it is all about does the question directly effect the sitter or not. (hope this is making sense, so bad with language).

Thanks for your input, PAMUYA. This is exactly what I mean.

With Gratitude,
Toni