Decision 1:
Technically you're in Decision 1 stage, so I'm reading a little bit of the situation in these cards.
The Moon is a scary situation, but I think the Temperance hints at the possibility of there being equilibrium here established if the job of dealing with the Moon is shared by both parties. So maybe currently you and him focus on his fears because he was the one that left. It should be both of you at once that are facing your fears and illusions together. The advantage here is that balance is possible (Temperance) and that you do have a working situation at home, you do manage the children together, you do have a marriage that is workable. So there's a palette there at which to draw the different energies you can use throughout the course of this term to address certain issues. It's just that it will take dealing with the Moon's lesson/journey head on in order to get back into the light. He may not be willing to face his own fears. This means all the fears, baggage, it all has to come out before this path truly becomes a successful one. That it will become both your efforts.
I think my fears/insecurities are that he was and/or is continuing to lie to himself. If he was or is lying to himself, that is going to set me up for another fall here.
I know there is probably stuff he is not telling me or sharing with me, still. Not long after he came back and I was asking questions, he got very angry about it. Instead of dropping it or letting it go (like I might have normally done in the past) I pressed on and said, "No- I have questions that you need to answer." He got in my face and very aggressively told me to let it all go. I put my hand to his chest and pushed him back a bit and told him (calmly) to get out of my face. He grabbed me by the arms and pushed/threw me backwards three feet into the wall.
I don't want this information to become an attack on my husband. This was the first and only time he ever did something like that; I immediately saw red and jumped right back at him to smack him in the face and say, "Oh.. are you going to start beating me now? Is that your solution?" and told him if it was, he could get the f*ck back out -- the look on his face was the first honest thing I'd seen in a long time... horror, at what had just transpired between us.
Whatever he is hiding -- he was willing to physically fight over keeping it from me.
Success Potential: Tower - Breakthrough. A realization for the better, whether it breaks you apart or not... going through the motions is not what this card is about. It will take an active effort on not only your part, but his to help you BREAK through the bullshit. You're not done yet here with the work with him because of the Moon. Likely there's some life lesson here you're supposed to learn for yourself that will yield high returns. Either way, it's issues of the mind. Likely both of you have these demons playing tricks with your mind. So may you both see things that make you really anxious and thus is the situation. When you confront your fears and your inner demons directly (The Moon), you're welcoming the Tower, so you're welcoming a breakthrough. However, this process MUST happen for it to clear. Imo. This means marriage bootcamp either literally or not, this may mean counseling. Either way, the demons, whatever they are, MUST be dealt with.
Breakthrough -- yes, good term. I think some others alluded to that, but this is the term that hits the mark I think. This is giving me some ideas on how to approach this. It takes me beyond the problems/walls and looking at what aligns with the truth/solution... trust is gonna be key, I think. Why do people not tell you something? They don't trust you with it... why doesn't he trust me? I have no idea. I need to figure that out a bit more and make an approach based on that, perhaps.
Failure Potential: 2 of Swords - If you cannot break this stalemate that you BOTH have created... one where you won't deal with your fears/demons directly, then this is the likely path if you keep with the family. You will grow tired of the situation because there's no satisfying resolution here, so that will make the decision to leave easier.
I agree.
Decision 2:
9 of Cups, I think this card is ill-dignified. It's not easy for you right now to tell whether this is satisfying or not. You don't necessarily know if the grass is greener on the other side. Ending a marriage is not as simple as he moves out and your life begins anew. It's a process. You have to break apart emotionally, decompartmentalize all the years you spent together and create a new routine, get lawyers, then you have to work out custody, etc etc... ultimately everyone will be looking out for themselves, so it's not quick and dirty. You will have to be sure this is what you want before you go through this. That you will actually be satisfied with the result.
Well, who is satisfied with ending a marriage, really?
We started to go through that process. I think he realized it wasn't going to be as easy as he might have thought or hoped. I was satisfied that someone/something aside from me was showing him that. I didn't put up a fight with him, I just wanted it to be over with and made that clear that I didn't want to fight. He was the one swinging around in the dark. I helped him with his decision even though I didn't agree with it.
Queen of Cups, still, with him gone, your inner voice comes back renewed. Your sense of being a woman who deserves respect will return. I think you would feel much more centered, more easily hear your voice and more in tune with your own needs. You're free of the Moon's influence, so it's no longer your problem. Except you now hear his voice from afar, so bare that in mind. You'd be gone, but there will still be that link. It won't be easy for the QoC to cut as she gets tethered deeply with those she cares the most about. That will include your children who will constantly be referring to "daddy" and of course your bond with them will confuse your emotional guidance systems for a bit, because when you used to instantiate "children" in your energy, it used to be "our children"... now it will be "my children". So you have to consider too that your empath/intuitive side may come back with a vengeance. It may make the separation much easier or it may make it much harder. It all depends on how ready you are to move forward with separation.
I still catch myself sometimes saying, "My bedroom" or things like that -- that is how convinced I was that he was really done; I had already started the process of getting on with changing/adjusting my life and it still lingers now. I'm telling you, I was standing right there in the shadow of death, completely convinced it was done and knowing I had to move on, because this was his choice, and there was nothing I could do about it. I started focusing my will towards what I knew had to be done, because I couldn't control his free will/choice. Aside from begging, I felt I had done all I could truly do in the situation to try to understand him, and make my point clear that ending the relationship is not what I wanted. He remained adamant to his choice, so I let go.
If it were my choice, that would probably be harder. I might feel like I'm giving up; it's not about him needing to change, he seems to do that pretty hard and fast with powerful emotions that sway him. I would still wonder where he truly stood, probably.
Success Potential: 3 of Pentacles - I saw this as dealing with lawyers too in addition to what you mentioned. It's all the projects you will undertake from here on out. Probably if you went this route, your dealings with him would have to be through a third party (so lawyers). Maybe because of the intuitive link, but probably for the sake of getting through the legal process. I think this is picking on your instinctual desire to keep it "civil" post-separation. So if you go in with this decision in mind and are sure this is what you want to do, then this would be the route. This is if you're ready for all that. He left you before in a bad way, so it was easy to be defensive and to turn a blind eye to his feelings. If you leave him, you'd have to show a lot more resolve to get through this "project", which would much longer with the impending divorce. Maybe he will not want to file immediately or maybe he will want to fight over little details. Either way, it's a big undertaking because divorces are never simple with children and other assets involved. Everyone wants their say in the project and to take ownership of the outcome (3 of Pentacles makes me think of group projects). So you will be fighting for your voice to be heard with regards to the outcome of your family as well. This could be your immediate family coming to your aid as well because they "back" this project.
I have debated this; how I would go about it. I don't think I could approach him peacefully even though that is how I approached it last time. If this is the choice that /I/ make, I would not be able to give him space to try to talk me out of it. I would have to just go to a lawyer and do it. He would probably fight me now, without it being /his/ decision, and without having his own understanding on the matter.
Failure Potential: Death - I don't think you would be adversely affected in terms of relationship baggage. I think though there's a potential where your desire to divorce may "die" with the decision or your decision to go forward into another union with someone may "die". You regained a sense of independence prior and a sense of growth you had not felt before but you only had a taste of it. It may be a lot harder to be on your own than you may think and that may hit home for you and even make you reconsider divorce. Anyway, it will take time for your feelings to "die" which is what this card really says to me. Depending on how strongly you feel about divorce, your heart may not be able to wait that long and you may end up back where you started... which would be a new kind of Death (not a good one). So probably I think this is saying if you leave, you need to be sure you actually DO want to leave... or you risk just going back to the same situation and nothing changed. At least now, you have a clear agenda, you can talk to him and see if he's willing to take on more emotional responsibility. But the kicker is things that have to change... which is what hte Death says. I will come back, but ONLY, if some behaviors or mindsets have been eliminated and we're not going back the old way again. (Death)
I've told him before that if anything ever happened to him, I probably wouldn't marry anyone else. I'm not even sure I'd have a relationship with someone else.
We never cared to get married; I got pregnant, and still, neither of us were gung-ho about getting married, it truly didn't matter whether we did or not even with having a baby, marriage wasn't the first thing I thought of. Our grandparents insisted that a marriage happen. Sometimes I thank my female elders in this regard, for protecting me in this way by insisting he be a man and do this, because it was exactly the thing he was confronted with when trying to leave: his obligations to his wife and children- he wasn't confronted with this by me, but everyone else, which made it much more difficult for him to shirk responsibility and the consequences of his own choices. I was owning my choices and responsibilities, and doing it with love.
Outcome: Emperor -- You're done trying to be managed by someone else who can't manage themselves. Here you are fearing the shoddy quality of structure in your marriage. It hints too at foundation issues that may make rebuilding the relationship a big task. So basically, you would need to rebuild this relationship from the ground up in order to start over where you were. This too is you feeling rushed to make a decision, because you're not sure whether or not this new Emperor's influence will continue to have a positive effect (so could be you taking control). Either way, the old Emperor was dethroned. This new guy is in power, but we don't know how long it will last. Keep in mind your own demons (refer to the Moon) that may cloud you to the issues in this relationship that may be addressed. It may be once that is clear and you see there's not enough material to build a lasting relationship of good sound quality, you will likely move on. So this Emperor is your relationship. If you fire the old builder and rebuild, will it be a good house anyone could live in? Would it be the house you'd WANT to live in? Either way, high emotions here are involved, so be careful to avoid any confusion with this situation and be clear your objectives when you work on this new building together. Make it a building you'd both be happy with. If he's not willing to do that work, then likely it's time to move on. That's where the 3 of pentacles comes in. This is a big undertaking... if it's not realistic or there's just not possibility here of it being done in a timely/reasonable manner, then you will need lawyers/your family/etc to help you rebuild your life. (3 of Pentacles).
Hm... honestly, my dad would probably be the one to help me most. When my husband left I called upon him for help and he was very clear: "I will certainly help you and the kids with anything you need, but [your husband] is on his own!" I told my husband that, and he seemed genuinely disappointed that my dad no longer had his back, as my dad frequently has helped us both during times of need. Honestly though, since my husband left, things have only been getting better for me. I got a job immediately after he left, a job I truly enjoy doing that pays well for what feels like very little work to me, and I've been consistently getting raises in pay between my day job and tarot gigs. I've strengthened my credit, eliminated some debts, began renovating my home in preparation to rent it at some point, so that I may buy a house... it was like the floodgates of my willpower and 'get shit done' opened when he left. I don't think I'd need much help, if any, if I were to go this route, in rebuilding my life.
): don't go on as if it didn't happen, make the change(s) it demanded or be challenged again in future to make them. And the 2S could indicate that staying on the fence is what leads to failure - ie if you take this path, be whole-hearted about it, don't keep re-making the decision.
