Tarot-of-Glass

My sister asked me to do a spread on her daughter's temperment and how she's handling it. Kind of a like a parental report card. Her way of dealing with it is being as calm as possible and using her wits. Her husband deals with it in a more aggresive/active way. Often meeting the same high energy as hsi daughter. This imbalance in their response has created a lot of tension.

So, she asked me to do a spread on the whole temperment/parental "how am I doing" type of spread. For the question "What am I doing wrong?" she received the Magician and the Tower reversed. I'm really wondering about the Tower reversed. What could this mean? This card is a nasty one to get and I would really like some other's views on it. Maybe I should read the Magician and the Tower reversed together? (Maybe she is the catalyst which is causing the loss of a strong foundation? or maybe she thinks she is doing everything right and her husband is "wrong", but this type of thinking is crumbling her relationship with her husband?) Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Tarot-of-Glass

Grizabella

If the question is "what is she doing wrong" and the Tower reversed is the answer, then I'd say she's dealing with it in a way that's too benign and subdued. That her husband may have the better idea.

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KaiMoonshadow

For some reason, the Tower reversed to me represents burying your head in the sand... Like there is a major shift in events on the horizon and you see it coming and go "oh no, that's not going to happen to me! I'm going to hide until it goes away!"

VoodooGyal

For some reasons, I also see her being "extra protective" than is necessary .. it's a bit like putting so much cushion and not accepting that sometimes a little shakeup is necessary for growth.

Lady Orchard

The Tower RX could indicate that she is refusing to see something important somehow - the question was what is she doing wrong, so she needs to acknowledge whatever it is she is refusing to see.

But maybe the Tower (upright) is also representing the energy in her house - that of her daughter and her husband. I have had this card come up to represent massive rows with my partner.
As you say she is remaining calm, in an attempt to keep the Tower from falling - this could be why it is coming up reversed. Possibly this is what she is doing wrong. Maybe she too needs to react as her husband is for once, and allow a meltdown - maybe that would make her daughter sit up and listen, if they were acting in unison? Then everything could be rebuilt?

le fey

Coming in a spread about her relationship with a teen (I'm assuming) and having raised a few I think maybe you're on the the right track to look at the Magician together with the Tower Rx -

Might this mean that she is trying to hard too manipulate the relationship (I don't mean being negatively manipulative... more like trying to control everything to keep it calm and peaceful instead of letting things happen as it will) and tamp down on any cataclysmic Tower-like events in her daughter's life?

The thing with teens - adolescence really is all about breaking out of the Tower. It's harsh, and difficult and sometimes feels very painful and disorienting, but that's what they're supposed to be doing... breaking loose from the family Tower and exploring their independence. And if they can't do it when they're still under the protective influence of their parents (where the consequences for rebellious and possibly stupid decisions hopefully won't lead to being entirely abandoned or cast out, so it's relatively safe), they'll have to go through it later when they are older and the consequences are a lot higher.

As parents, we really want to protect them from all that pain - prevent the situations that lead to negative consequences so we try to prevent them from asserting independence in any way that isn't on our approved list (see the irony there? rebel from me but do it my way). But if the child's need to separate from parental influence is very high and there's no easy way to express it, what sometimes happens is that they have to do something really spectacular to make it happen.

The cards may be warning of that - that if she keeps trying to manipulate the situation to repress and delay that Tower situation, it's going to make things worse in the long term, for herself, her daughter, and the family as a whole. Sometimes what you need to do is stop controlling the events and focus instead on controlling how you'll handle the aftermath.

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mzliz

Everyone seems to have some great ideas about this. If I were reading this, I would put the Magician and the reversed Tower together to say that while she has the tools and the ability to handle this situation, there is something that she is doing that is making it fall apart. My read on the Tower is that in the upright position, it deals with those cataclysmic events which fate brings to us and for which we don't really have control. In the reversed position, there is something that we are bringing on ourselves. Having the Magician in the reading clearly speaks to havign the ability, the reversed Tower means, to me, that she isn't using those tools effectively and is causing some of this strife ... although I realize that isn't her intent.

Lizzie

Tarot-of-Glass

I should have mentioned the child's age! Sorry about that...the daughter is 7 years old.

There have been some great thoughts here and I really appreciate it.

I was thinking about the Magician last night and since he was in the position of "what is she doing wrong" I am leaning toward the more negative characteristics of him. I think my sister does use words and illusion to get her daughter to stop having fits...yelling, screaming, blaming others for her problems, thrashing about, throwing stuff, etc. (at seven she is STILL having them). I also have a seven year old and I personally think it's ridiculous. My sister says things to her daughter just to get her calm down. Pretty much, just uses words (true and maybe not so true...or bribes) to keep the peace. She feels that getting just as upset as her daughter, only makes things worse. She said this specifically to me yesterday. Maybe this is not the case though, because there is the tower. She is trying to prevent the fall and destruction of the tower. And if that is something she is doing wrong, then maybe she should just let it go. Tell her daughter the harsh truth about something (and this can be as simple as telling her "we have to go now", instead of saying "we have to go now, but on the way home we can get some ice-cream!") and let the sh!t hit the fan.

At first I thought I should read the Magician and the Tower reversed together, but after thinking about it, I really think they are separate, because she has 2 very distinct "problems" as I see it (but I don't want my opinion to influence what I see in the cards!).

Any more thoughts would be great!

Tarot-of-Glass