The burden of reader responsibility *emo tear*

[Babsalon]

This is from the "how do you handle a negative reading?" thread

This is why I think a reader can't just do a reading, and then drop the subject. The reader needs to be there, and help a long the way. I know there is a saying about this, but I can't remember it now; that you can't just tell people a new truth if you're not prepared to teach them how to handle the truth you're giving them.
Jenny

This is one of those facts I'm picking up on after haphazardly jumping into pro reading to make rent. Hubby refers to it as being an "emotional tampon" for clientelle. I don't take it with such a negative spin, but that doesn't mean it -sucks- any less so far. With school coming to a close and all my close friend freaking out at once (and i'm doing readings for half of -them- too) it's gone beyond strain. I'm avoiding doing readings at all, this last week.

So I'm here to ask for a better way of dealing with the problems of my clients.

How do you put readings aside without blowing off people who're putting so much faith in your advice?

Is there a happy medium between completely detaching and shouldering every burden??

Is there already a thread dedicated to this topic??? *facedesk*

<3Babs

 

[Grizabella]

We carry the message, we don't carry the mess.

Many people who get tarot readings have other problems. You're a reader, you're not a counsellor or crying towel. Even though you do read for people about problem situations, your job is to relay the message of the cards to the best of your ability and to offer your insight at the time of the reading, but you don't obligate yourself to being anything else. You have to learn to have boundaries that are healthy for you and your clients. You have the choice how often you'll read for this person or that person. You have the choice of what you'll read about for them. And you have the right to draw a line between what you're willing to do for them and what you're not.

I disagree that it's our obligation to teach people how to deal with new truths the cards have given them. You give them some insight at the time of the reading, but you don't have to hold them by the hand from then on. That's creating a dependency relationship that's not healthy for anyone concerned.

 

[Miren]

I think that helping people with their problems...whether as a reader or friend...is always an exercise in balancing boundaries. Because their problems are not yours and you have your own problems that you don't want them freaking out about.

If it's a friend, I try to offer a shoulder to cry on. If it's for a reading then I explain how I see the cards and what this might mean for them, but after that it's up to them whether or not they decide to act on it.

It's hard, though. I've had some close friends go through breakdowns when I wasn't mentally healthy enough to separate my problems from theirs. *hugs*

Miren

 

[shadowdancer]

I have to agree... we can only deliver the message. Getting involved beyond that is not healthy, and if I do not have counselling training etc, I think could also be dangerous.

Yes, we can be empathic when we deliver the message - that is why a lot of us do readings. We feel we can help but I do try to remember a saying

"we are here to offer a service not be of service"

That may sound a bit harsh, but we have to accept our limitations, and allow our 'clients' to take the messages and then work on them in any way they feel they need to in order to move forward. We can only open the door and invite them to step through. Their journey from that point is theirs to make, and learn from.

Davina

 

[Grizabella]

Since she said she was doing readings to make the rent payments, I figured she must be talking about professional readings, not readings for friends. I think reading for friends might take a little more finesse in keeping emotional boundaries in place, but it does need to be done. Otherwise it's not fair to yourself or to your friends. Again, it creates a dependency relationship and it also drains you emotionally and takes away from your family and your other clients.

 

[Milfoil]

Its a fine line we walk when offerning professional readings, between stranger and shrink.

As the messenger, we are there to help them interpret their own lives and to make the necessary connections to enable them to make the most appropriate decisions. HOWEVER. we are not their to make the decisions for them or to ensure that they live according to any particular purpose.

If you wish to become a councilor as well as a tarot reader then there are many good courses out there which will help you to help others.

Otherwise, be compassionate yet strong, know your boundaries and help your clients (friends or otherwise) stick to theirs.

 

[Psychebleu]

So I'm here to ask for a better way of dealing with the problems of my clients.

How do you put readings aside without blowing off people who're putting so much faith in your advice?

Is there a happy medium between completely detaching and shouldering every burden??


<3Babs

First, I agree 100% with what Lyric had to say.
Fact is that if you are not a trained and licensed therapist/counselor/psychologist/minister it is not only tough to "teach them how to handle the truth", but unethical, irresponsible, and in all cases I can think of on a paid basis, illegal, to do so.
A happy medium that allows you to stay within acceptable boundaries as to what service you offer, but still be able to feel you done what you can to offer further help, is to have a listing of contacts available of professional help. Numbers of local professionals in the helping field - not just medical (like therapist and the like), but any subject you may be faced with - women's shelters, lawyers, tax preparers, etc. You may want to look into compiling low-cost or reasonably priced professionals in these fields. ( I mean, it has occurred to me that the reason many people go to a tarot reader is because it's much cheaper that a psychologist, or consultant in various fields.)
That way you can responsibly point them in the direction to receive further help, without taking on the burden yourself.

 

[Umbrae]

This is one of those facts I'm picking up on after haphazardly jumping into pro reading to make rent. Hubby refers to it as being an "emotional tampon" for clientelle. I don't take it with such a negative spin, but that doesn't mean it -sucks- any less so far.
[...]
Is there a happy medium between completely detaching and shouldering every burden??

I always ask two questions:
"Why do you read Tarot (for others)?"

and - "Why do they come to us?"

...after haphazardly jumping into pro reading to make rent.

I don't think Babs has really thought about reading - instead, thought about the money - but not the reading aspect of reading. The thread is posted from a reader-centric POV.

Which is why it (the act of doing professional readings) sucks.

Reading - when done properly - has nothing to do with us (the reader) - it's about all about the sitter - AND - the interaction.

A reader-centric attitude assumes that the reader can assume the role of “dealing with the problems of my clients.” Further, when asking “Is there a happy medium between completely detaching and shouldering every burden?” makes the assumption that because one reads, one is able to, or should assume responsibility for the lives of others. This is NOT the function of a professional Tarot reader.

Please please please - "Why do you read Tarot (for others)?" and - "Why do they come to us?"

It has nothing to do with the reader – it’s all about the sitter.

 

[Alta]

This thread properly belongs in the Professional Tarot section, which is subscriber-only.

As the thread starter is not a subscriber, I shall leave the thread here until tomorrow and move it then.

Regards,
Marion

co-Moderator, Talking tarot