MandMaud
... but not black tourmaline. That's the (only) protection stone I'm familiar with, since someone suggested it and I wore it constantly in the months before my ex moved out. I couldn't manage being around him without it. Then for about a year my teenage son was doing puberty, ADHD and post-divorce anger all at once(!) and I discovered that while I didn't have the very same experience, and didn't need it every day, I did find it much easier to keep my temper - to refrain from taking the bait and getting into a row - when I had the black tourmaline in my pocket.
However this is different. My other son has been living here since February, so it's me and both sons (now aged 15 and 22). The situation isn't suiting any of us, though the 22yo seems to be mainly comfortable with it. But he needs to be independent, and I am seeing that he needs to be forced or he'll be passive for ever. When the subject comes up, he says he agrees but can't afford to live anywhere else (he's too young for housing benefit to cover rent, and he's self-employed and not yet making enough to pay tax on). When the subject comes up and we get into the *reasons* why his brother and I need him to move out (rather than just his own needs), he doesn't understand the problem and ends up with hurt feelings. He wants to give me more money (he pays his share of the groceries) and doesn't understand that that isn't the point.
In short, I am giving more than I have to give. Meaning of myself and my energy, not materially, although there's also an impact on my time and money - but it's the energy and the self that I need back. I feel that as I did when one of them was teething or had chicken pox: completely willing to be there for them, because they needed, but at the same time, taken beyond what I had to give into giving further.
I have no problem personally with kicking my son out, and no problem with telling him home truths when he needs to hear them (with love). But genuinely there's nowhere to kick him to. He's not welcome for more than a week at his dad's and there's no financial support from that direction either. What it really needs is a sort of supported, graduated move from living at home to living somewhere else - the sort of training you do for crossing the road, lots of time giving them practice at making the decisions but still holding their hand. I was ill through his growing-up years and he missed all that learning.
Anyway - I'm waffling on here because I'm not sure what kind of "protection" I'm in need of, or whether protection is it exactly. If I waffle and describe, maybe you'll work it out. I just know black tourmaline isn't right for this, because I've tried it. Also that stone has gone AWOL, which it regularly does and turns up days/weeks later... so I know that it knows this isn't its job.
I have read that protection stones tend to be the black ones. Something tells me black isn't the thing, in this case. Sorry but my intuition isn't saying what *is* the right colour!
Grateful for any advice.
However this is different. My other son has been living here since February, so it's me and both sons (now aged 15 and 22). The situation isn't suiting any of us, though the 22yo seems to be mainly comfortable with it. But he needs to be independent, and I am seeing that he needs to be forced or he'll be passive for ever. When the subject comes up, he says he agrees but can't afford to live anywhere else (he's too young for housing benefit to cover rent, and he's self-employed and not yet making enough to pay tax on). When the subject comes up and we get into the *reasons* why his brother and I need him to move out (rather than just his own needs), he doesn't understand the problem and ends up with hurt feelings. He wants to give me more money (he pays his share of the groceries) and doesn't understand that that isn't the point.
In short, I am giving more than I have to give. Meaning of myself and my energy, not materially, although there's also an impact on my time and money - but it's the energy and the self that I need back. I feel that as I did when one of them was teething or had chicken pox: completely willing to be there for them, because they needed, but at the same time, taken beyond what I had to give into giving further.
I have no problem personally with kicking my son out, and no problem with telling him home truths when he needs to hear them (with love). But genuinely there's nowhere to kick him to. He's not welcome for more than a week at his dad's and there's no financial support from that direction either. What it really needs is a sort of supported, graduated move from living at home to living somewhere else - the sort of training you do for crossing the road, lots of time giving them practice at making the decisions but still holding their hand. I was ill through his growing-up years and he missed all that learning.
Anyway - I'm waffling on here because I'm not sure what kind of "protection" I'm in need of, or whether protection is it exactly. If I waffle and describe, maybe you'll work it out. I just know black tourmaline isn't right for this, because I've tried it. Also that stone has gone AWOL, which it regularly does and turns up days/weeks later... so I know that it knows this isn't its job.
I have read that protection stones tend to be the black ones. Something tells me black isn't the thing, in this case. Sorry but my intuition isn't saying what *is* the right colour!
Grateful for any advice.