Starri Knytes
Well I will try to dream for you tonight! LOL
My husband is very sly, he always has been. He's made lots of decisions that I wasn't comfortable with -- many of them have cost me places to live, vehicles to drive, and getting my bills paid. I've gone along with it for many reasons... so he could feel the 'burn' of his decisions, because I don't trust my own judgment (stemming from what I say about my mother below), and because in general, I want the people around me to be happy.
When being introduced to people, my mother would always tell people my flaws first like, "She's backwards like her dad" was one I heard a lot that seems to fit with this upside down cross, or just anything she was worried about people judging her/me on, she'd try to beat them to it... like playing softball, "She runs like she's got lead in her feet." She was just always like that, like she was apologizing to people for not molding me into someone she thought others would think was perfect. I realize that this was her own issues with being a good mother... but she really highlighted unique qualities and made them out to be really ugly or just drove a huge wedge between me and "normal".
Yeah, I'm not a fancy person by any means. I've got Spartan tastes, I think. Minimalist and clean lines, bare essentials. I like things to function, and things looking great is just a bonus. I don't have any tattoos in real life, because they're just so permanent -- I'm not opposed to getting one, but a great desire is just not there to get one. I think for me to get a tattoo I'd have to spend a lot of time really thinking about what is really unique and special to me that I could live with for a long time. I'm not a person who could just pick a nice-looking cross, or star, or heart or anything and slap it anywhere on my body. The cross was nice, but I think I was more disappointed it was on the inside of my arm... then secondly, disappointed that I'd have to look at it upside down. I think I rationalized in my dream state that, "It could be worse."
I'll try to dream for you tonight. Thanks for taking a look anyway.
You're a wise woman Amanda, your mother, instead of thrusting your uniqueness forward she made excuses for it. Little did she know that had she done the opposite she would have propelled herself and you. Others would have been forced to look at there own inadequacies.
" It could be worse", is selling yourself short. Never settle when it comes to you, for in life there are few things you have control of.. What you put on and in you is one of them.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and dreams.