Pet peeves

There is no need to ask gender/age - this is not a dating site

HallowedNight said:

Yeah! I never ask for gender, because I usually assume that the person will tell me if they think it matters, and otherwise I just assume it's a non-issue.

Click to expand...

In my view, readers that ask for gender/age are just being nosey. This is not a dating site people.

G6 said:

NOTE: It is important for everyone to remember there are BAD people in the spiritual community too! People can claim to be healers and they are actually abusers. Be aware of this fact, folks.

Click to expand...

Very true!
I did realize this when I first got into them, but I was being naive.

G6 said:

In my view, readers that ask for gender/age are just being nosey. This is not a dating site people.

Click to expand...

Its can also just disrupt the reading, a man/woman can have either masculine or feminine energies and I dont think that just because a court comes up it mean its a person.

AmethystEyes said:

Its can also just disrupt the reading, a man/woman can have either masculine or feminine energies and I dont think that just because a court comes up it mean its a person.

Click to expand...

Exactly, men come up as women in the cards and women come up as men. Again, you don't need to know.

I ask for gender when I do e-mail relationship readings for practicalities: when I write several pages, it is easier to use he or she instead of "querent" and" partner" constantly (or he/she). So it is only for literary quality

delinfrey said:

I ask for gender when I do e-mail relationship readings for practicalities: when I write several pages, it is easier to use he or she instead of "querent" and" partner" constantly (or he/she). So it is only for literary quality

Click to expand...

Exactly agree but I also find it helps the flow the reading.

No doubt that females can exhibit male qualities and vice versa. I don't think any intelligent person would question that but to think its as simple as that and its all a grey area and that gender doesn't matter, is simplistic rubbish to me.

And to be accused of being nosey for asking the fact or being accused of assuming something is a dating site because someone wants clarity around gender is one of the most hilarious and ridiculous (and insulting) things I've ever read here.

Kgirl said:

And to be accused of being nosey for asking the fact or being accused of assuming something is a dating site is one of the most hilarious and ridiculous things I've ever read.

Click to expand...

I am glad you're amused as it was meant to amuse, but also to provoke some thought about it. I'm happy folks that feel they have legit reasons for asking have stated their reasoning/intentions for asking. Perhaps it would be helpful to tell the sitter this when asking for the info. However, I still think many ask for gender or age just to know. I especially find it questionable when readers state they will not read without this information. Seriously?! By law I don't have to state this on a job application, but I have to tell you?! It might be worth it for some folks to examine their biases regarding age and gender when they read in regards to why they need to know.

G6 said:

I am glad you're amused as it was meant to amuse, but also to provoke some thought about it. I'm happy folks that feel they have legit reasons for asking have stated their reasoning/intentions for asking. Perhaps it would be helpful to tell the sitter this when asking for the info. However, I still think many ask for gender or age just to know. I especially find it questionable when readers state they will not read without this information. Seriously?! It might be worth it for some folks to examine their biases regarding age and gender when they read in regards to why they need to know.

Click to expand...

It's not particularly thought provoking, its accusatory and insulting. You are making wild assumptions about why people ask for these things. It helps me zone in on my reading and give a better reading, understand the dynamic better. I think its naive to think gender doesn't play some kind of part in differentiating us for a multitude of reasons. I don't even understand why that's threatening. It's real. Perhaps people get touchy about this because they fear prejudices or homophobic views but I know personally I am not that kind of person at all. I try to seek out and understand the individual. It helps me (at least) give a better reading. It's not because I'm being nosey. Heck, readers will ask questions about their sex life, their dating intentions, their romantic intentions, their professional dreams and goals, their real opinion about their colleagues, wanting to be with someone who's married, that's a hell of a lot more revealing than knowing their gender.

I don't think wanting to know genders has anything to do with nosiness, it helps a reader to not have to fumble around for appropriate words and we do sometimes see cards that are representative of a person according to their gender. What's the motivation behind hiding one's gender? Or the gender of someone you are asking a reader about? Maybe someone who is feeling secretive about their gender should inform the reader about this need before the reading starts, so that the reader understands this may be a sensitive subject and to act and speak accordingly (ie carefully).

Kgirl said:

It's not particularly thought provoking, its accusatory and insulting. You are making wild assumptions about why people ask for these things.

Click to expand...

You're being accusatory and presumptive as it was not intended to insult, but question the practice and the thought process behind it.

I've had so many readings where the person has said "oh you are soon to meet a lovely woman, to date" it was a shock to me and everyone! It's really awkward when that happens because the reader didn't mean to cause offence but they didn't know I was searching for a guy.

You might not need to know the gender of the sitter or their dob (but that can be useful if you use astrology with tarot) but it is worth asking what they are looking for, if it is a love / romantic question!

If a reader wants to tell me about themselves and give the gender or pronoun they use or any info they want to share that is fine by me! I notice my trans and non binary friends tend to give me a lot of gender info, what they want to be seen as in the reading and what they are searching for. I think they want to specify it all because others have got readings wrong a lot for them

It's worth knowing those basic things not for dating but avoiding embarrassment on both sides later on. Believe me it's awkward! "actually I'm looking for a guy"