Pet peeves

And yeah, it is a bit guarded to hide your gender, and to be so sensitive to it being known that you avoid using certain words in order to hide it. That is the definition of guarded. We are not asking for your real name, address and birth date for goodness'sake. Ugh and I keep saying this over and over, it is not so much the gender of the sitter I am talking about, it is the genders of the people the sitter is asking about that gets me annoyed. People being utterly cryptic about those they are asking you to read about. How does this person feel about me, how does this person think about me...etc. and then they never say or reveal in any way whether it is a man a woman or something in between. They simply continue to use words like they or them.

prudence said:

And yeah, it is a bit guarded to hide your gender, and to be so sensitive to it being known that you avoid using certain words in order to hide it. That is the definition of guarded. We are not asking for your real name, address and birth date for goodness'sake.

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I think that I see a difference between hiding something and just not remembering to mention it every time I ask a question. I've mentioned my gender multiple times in the forums; it's not a secret. I just don't think about it when I'm asking about a job or how my semester is going to go so I usually do not include that in the question. To be frank I am very surprised this is considered such important information by so many readers. Maybe I should pre-emptively include it when I ask?

khatsar said:

Here's a pet peeve of mine about romance readings (of which I don't do many....people be crazy lol...): people in relationships asking about folks they'd like to cheat with. On the off chance I do a love reading, I do like to know romantic status, because I don't want to help anyone do anything underhanded. The thought of hurting someone makes me sad. There are several people here that I won't read for, because they are in relationships yet constantly asking about possible affairs with other people. NOPE.

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Dear god, yes.

Romance issues are at the top of my pet peeves list. I remember a time when I dealt with heartbreak and bad relationships without tarot. If I wanted to know what a guy thought or felt, I'd ask him. If I couldn't or if I doubted his response, well, it's because he's absent &/or not worth my time & that was a sign to move on & I did. It was (still is) normal to wait a few hours to a day for a text without getting my knickers in a twist over what the guy could be thinking.

I wouldn't trust readings from these people either - that's why I haven't participated in reading-for-reading exchanges. I trust neither the readings they give nor their feedback of mine.

khatsar said:

I think that I see a difference between hiding something and just not remembering to mention it every time I ask a question. I've mentioned my gender multiple times in the forums; it's not a secret. I just don't think about it when I'm asking about a job or how my semester is going to go so I usually do not include that in the question. To be frank I am very surprised this is considered such important information by so many readers. Maybe I should pre-emptively include it when I ask?

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No, you probably shouldn't because obviously so many people are bothered by it. I honestly think that some readers ask for this specific detail in order to try to connect to their sitter on a level that some of us may not understand or attempt to employ. I don't think it is for the more mundane reasons that I am ranting about. I sat for a Native American shaman a few times and she had me say my name several times before the reading as a way to connect with me on a level that I obviously don't quite undertstand, but her readings were literally mind blowing. I really think that is what is happening here when people insist on getting a gender and or other info before a reading.

I am not talking about readings like yours where gender wasn't really a necessary component to a good reading, I mean readings in which a sitter is so hung up on not letting you know the gender of the one they are asking about. This does happen, and it does make giving a good helpful reading much harder than it needs to be. I swear only tarot readers are ever given such vague questions in order to answer in what is expected to be a helpful way. Like we are literally omniscient. Like how does X feel about me, and then I see a bunch of cards, some of which are courts that have a clear gender, it really does help if I am clued in to whether X is a man or a woman, sometimes. Is it really so weird and intrusive to want to know this?

Shade said:

Card of the day readings on social media - are you pulling this card for the whole universe? We're all having a Page of Cups day?

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SERIOUSLY THOUGH, I also hate this - and more than just the act in general, I hate it when they tell you to "beware" of something or be sure to "look out for" or "do" something. It seems arrogant and is honestly really annoying to see on feeds and what not.

prudence said:

From what I have experienced, in face to face readings, people are very open with their information. It's the online arena where certain tendencies to withhold even basic information comes into play. I do consider gender to be basic info.

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I agree with you on that point. Face to face, none of this even matters because usually it's in a private setting with just the reader and sitter. I think people get antsy online because it's a public forum and they feel hesitant to post personally identifying information for everyone to see.

As for gendered cards coming up, I'm more likely to want to know specifics regarding let's say a certain female, does she seem like a queen of swords type or does he seem like a knight of wands type of guy, and then I'll explain a knight of wands in his typical behavior. Usually as soon as I start describing a certain card, the sitter exclaims right away that they know who is being shown by a particular card.

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Makes sense, it's to identify people. I have no qualms with that.

It's really hard to read for anyone who is highly guarded whether online or in real life. My aim in reading is to give my sitter the best most helpful reading I am capable of, and to do so we both need to be open to the whole experience. I read for free and I read for money, I treat both the same and I put my whole heart into it. It's a hard struggle when I try to read for someone who is holding back certain relevant information and their reason why isn't important, it's just on my end I sit there fighting against their walls of protection and or lies, and spend more time on that battle than on getting and giving the reading they want. So the reading lacks and suffers, in my opinion.

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I get where you are coming from, and it IS annoying when people hold things back and even flat out lie. But I think I'm more detached when I read & I understand that sometimes people won't feel comfortable sharing things with me, a complete stranger, that they wouldn't even tell their very best friend - like an affair or something unethical. If they lie about it in real life, why wouldn't they lie about it to me? If I notice walls, I let the reading be as it is. Can't win em all. Plus, sometimes the cards will tell me what's going on anyway, and if I feel like it, I will just talk around the subject.

Although I do appreciate people who are honest and open, even about difficult things, b/c like you said it does produce a better and more satisfying reading experience for the both of us.

yannie said:

Dear god, yes.

Romance issues are at the top of my pet peeves list. I remember a time when I dealt with heartbreak and bad relationships without tarot. If I wanted to know what a guy thought or felt, I'd ask him. If I couldn't or if I doubted his response, well, it's because he's absent &/or not worth my time & that was a sign to move on & I did. It was (still is) normal to wait a few hours to a day for a text without getting my knickers in a twist over what the guy could be thinking.

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Those types of readings head my pet peeve list - if you want to know how someone feels - ask them!!! Nowadays it's all about instant gratification & the debates the querent has with me to try to change my mind; rather than being patient & getting on with life in the meantime - if they like you they'll let you know at some stage...

Another peeve is when they can see issues ahead for them, yet still head merrily down that path...

I've had a client in the last couple of weeks shout at me because all of the signs of their new romance point toward abuse - the client themselves admit to it & know the new loves history; but in the meantime shout at me because they've got themselves into something they know is unhealthy. When I mentioned there was still time to say no & walk away, the client dug their heels in & said they "had" to go through with it & became angry when I responded that wasn't the case as the cards said so... <gritted teeth>

My guess is in a short period of time they will be asking me how to escape the relationship

Brilliance said:

Honestly, I don't understand why are some people so secretive about their gender. It just makes readings easier and less awkward when it comes to addressing to a person. As for the court cards, I think they do have a gender. Women in general tend to identify more with the Queens, and men with the Kings - there is nothing wrong with this.

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Maybe this is true in your experience. But me personally, I have shown up as Kings in readings frequently, even the Emperor at times. And I've seen men show up as Queens from time to time. I think court cards are more about personalities than sex, from what I've seen.

Actually, I'm more peeved about the unnecessary anxiety caused by the political correctness of gender-neutrality than I am about whether a particular question is or isn't gender-sensitive. This is an intriguing discussion for me since I never ask for a specific question at the beginning of a reading. Consequently, all of my readings start out "blind" to gender (except for the apparent gender of the sitter, of course) unless the cards choose to bring it into the equation. Then I will explore its relevance with the querent and try to zero in on its role in the matter at hand. If it's not pertinent to the cards, it won't come up in the reading unless the querent steers me that way.

prudence said:

We are not asking for your real name, address and birth date for goodness'sake. Ugh and I keep saying this over and over, it is not so much the gender of the sitter I am talking about, it is the genders of the people the sitter is asking about that gets me annoyed. People being utterly cryptic about those they are asking you to read about. How does this person feel about me, how does this person think about me...etc. and then they never say or reveal in any way whether it is a man a woman or something in between. They simply continue to use words like they or them.

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Except some literally people do ask for your real name, name of the other person, birth date and genders of all parties. That's a bit much for me to write out on a public forum. Face to face, sure. Usually online, I will volunteer the gender and nature of the relationship of someone I'm asking about anyway, to avoid confusion and people making assumptions.... which sometimes they annoyingly make anyway when I do volunteer info b/c they have some preconceived notions about male/female relationships.

As far as the topic of people asking about affairs, I'm not moralistic so i don't care what people ask me, but my cards are also very very blunt and will tell me when someone is engaging in a messed up situation. One time someone asked me about a married person they were involved with who had ended the affair (but they didn't tell me the person was married), and without context, my cards told me querent deserved exactly what had come to them and they needed to grow up and be an adult about it. Obviously I didn't relay that message exactly, but I was able to give a proper reading that got perfectly to the heart of the situation w/o knowing all the details until afterwards. People can ask me whatever they want, but what my cards have to say about it is usually another matter entirely.